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azombiewritesTitle: Innocence Lost
Rating: PG
Warnings: Strong Language.
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
AU: ATF
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the guys.
Summary: Ezra goes undercover within a prison and befriends a young man who is a victim of prison rape.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Spoilers: None
Status: Complete
Total Word Count: 25,918
Ezra jerked back at the touch, he even began to push himself towards the edge of the bed. Nathan quickly made his way around to the other side but made no attempt to stop Ezra, he was just going to be there in case he fell.
"Jesus Ezra, I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything, and I’m so sorry Ezra." JD looked at the others. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay JD, you didn't know." Buck put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it in support. "Ezra knows you mean nothing by it. He's scared JD, scared of everyone, we have to give him time, let him make the first move. Okay."
"I'm sorry Ezra, I'm really sorry." he couldn't say it enough.
Ezra tried to calm himself down, the touch brought back everything. The fear, the knowledge of what happened, the pain he felt at the intrusion. But most of all he felt the disgust that he had for his own body, the self-hatred and blame. It had to be his fault, he had to have done something that made them do this to him. The tears started and he couldn't stop them, his emotions were out of control, they went to deep, they cut into his very soul causing it to bleed. Ezra ignored the pain and curled into himself, his knees pressed against his chest. He lowered his head until his forehead sat on his knees. He wanted to hide his face from the others, he didn't want them to see him like this. They wouldn't leave him, he knew that, but what could they do to help him through this. Nothing, there was absolutely nothing anyone could do for him.
They waited, that's what they did, it was the only thing they could do. They waited.
___________________________________________________________
Chris Larabee closed the door then sank back against it. He closed his eyes and began to breath slowly so he could bring his emotions under control. The sight of his agent had scared the hell out of him, especially his eyes. The look in his own eyes when his family died didn't come close to the way Ezra's looked. The man was dead inside.
"I want to know everything, and I mean everything." Chris first looked at the warden.
Henly turned to his friend, the Judge nodded at him to go ahead.
"Agent Standish was working in the laundry, I don't know what happened to the guards or other prisoners. They haven't been questioned yet. There is one prisoner who claimed to see the whole thing . . . "
"And he didn't try and stop it?" Chris asked angrily.
"Kyle Lawden is a punk," the expression on the agent's face told him that he knew what it mean but something wanted him to explain it to him, to let him know why Lawden wouldn't, no couldn't help the agent that was being raped in front of him, "he's raped nearly every night, the prisoners use him. They know when and where to do it so they don't get caught. Most guards turn their heads. We can't stop it because there is no evidence of it, the prisoners won't admit to being raped, sometimes we find them in the condition that we found your agent in. But they won't say who did it, without that there is nothing we can do. Lawden said that he was the intended victim that Agent Standish tried to help him. There was only one man to start with but after Standish showed up, two more men arrived. He said they took him instead."
"Three of them?" Chris needed to know more. "What state was he in?"
"Unconscious, he was fully clothed but his trousers were undone."
Sammat took his cue. "Sometimes when it's over the victim covers themselves in an attempt to think that it didn't happen. In the case of prisoners, they would get dressed then carry on with they were doing, to some of them it's an everyday event. They don't like it but they accept it, if they didn't they would be beaten or killed."
"Do you think Ezra was the intended victim?"
"No," Henly told him, "Lawden assured me that he was the one that was going to be raped, they just changed their minds after Standish tried to help them."
"But why three?"
"As they would say, 'why not'."
Chris grimaced at Henly's statement, the man had been blunt and to the point.
"I want to talk to Lawden in the morning and the guards that were supposed to be on duty."
Henly nodded in agreement. An investigation would occur but he didn't think anything would come out of it, this way, at least they may find some answers. Chris then looked at the doctor, he didn't ask, the man knew what he wanted.
"He's sedated at the moment," Thorton didn't tell him why, he'll leave that to Sammat, "a concussion, not serious though. Three cracked ribs, two broken ones. There's a lot of bruising around his chest and stomach but no internal damage. The rectum and colon received some injuries, tearing mostly. There is also extensive bruising around the rectum and buttocks. Physically he'll heal without complications. But we're testing him for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases."
"When did this happen?" Chris asked the group. They had been able to do a lot in a short period of time.
"Four hours ago." Henly told him
"And you only just informed us! Why?" he had to force himself not to raise his voice but his tone betrayed his anger.
"I was informed immediately," Sammat explained, "therapy has to begin straight away. I didn't think you should be informed until Mr Standish had been taken care of and settled into a room. I needed to talk to him before anyone else did. And now you're here, stopping me from doing my job."
"Your job." Chris retorted. "You kept us away from Ezra, he needs us. We should have been told. You didn't even consider how he would feel waking up in a room full of strangers, especially after what he'd been through."
"Chris calm down, he's trying to do what's best for Ezra." The Judge used an authoritative tone that said he meant business.
"Not as far as I'm concerned." Chris growled back. "So what is it that you think you need to do for him?"
Chris listened as Sammat repeated what he had told the Judge. He was both shocked and afraid when the first sentence spoke about suicidal tendencies. He understood the emotions that his agent was going through and he wished that there was something that he and his men could do for Ezra. It only took five minutes for Sammat to explain what Ezra was going to go through. But it wasn't that simple for Ezra, it may take him weeks, months, even years to accept what happened and that it wasn't his fault.
"Oh." Chris muttered.
"Yes, 'oh'." Sammat mimicked. "Now if you don't mind, I would like to talk to my patient in private. I need to know if he's suicidal or not."
"You only talk to him in private if he wants it that way." Chris stepped closer, his stance and expression giving out the treats that he wanted to do personally with his fists.
"You can threaten me all you want. Mr Standish is the one who is going through hell. I would've thought that you would do anything to help him." Sammat smiled at him.
"I would do anything to help that man, including die for him, we all would." Chris liked the expression he received at the admission he'd just given. "Like I said in there, we know him. No one else can get through to him. He's surrounded by a wall that hides what he feels. It's taken us nearly a year just to begin breaking it down and you think you can do that in a matter of minutes. You have no hope in hell."
"And you think you can." Sammat nodded. "You think he'll talk to you about how he feels, what he went through." it was Sammat's turn to take a step closer to his rival. "You want to hear how three men violently forced him to the ground, tore his clothes from his body, leaving him naked from the waist down. You want him to tell you about the fear that tore through him at the realisation of what was about to happen. About the pain he felt when an erected penis that would have felt like the thick end of a base ball bat was shoved up his ass,"
"That's enough." The Judge grabbed the man's arm.
"How it felt when it began to thrust inside him, pushing in and out, how it felt when it ejaculated. Is that want you want to talk to him about. That when it was over he felt ashamed of himself, that his mind was full of disgust and self-loathing. And then to find out they hadn't finished with him. That he went through the same thing two more times. Is that what you want?!"
"Yes." Chris answered simply. "Ezra's my friend, my family. I want him to talk to me about anything and everything including being raped."
Sammat narrowed his eyes, "You would listen but how would you react to his description, his feelings."
"I wouldn't. I don't understand what he went through but I do understand his feelings. He knows I do and he knows how I would react. With understanding and concern. There will be no anger, disgust or hatred aimed at Ezra from me or the other team members."
"How would you know how he feels?"
"That's none of your damn business." Chris spoke harshly. He had taken an instant disliking to this man and he was the person that was supposed to be helping Ezra.
"Why don't you both go in and see what Ezra has to say on the matter." the Judge suggested to them.
Both men stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity. Sammat made the first move towards the door but before he could reach it, Chris had his hand around the doorknob. He had waited for Sammat to make the first move but he was going to be the first one to enter the room.
___________________________________________________________
"Ezra, I know you don't want to but you have to straighten up, your ribs." Nathan wanted to grab him and place him in a better position, a more comfortable one. He reached out with his hand but pulled it back when the door opened.
Chris and the others walked in to find Ezra curled up into a ball under his blanket and crying. The sight reminded Chris of the nights he'd spent with his son. Adam had a nightmare and Chris had found him in the same position. In a foetal position with tears falling out of control. He'd known what Adam had wanted and needed, now Ezra was requiring the same thing. Assurance that he wasn't alone in his nightmare, that there were people who cared for him and would help him recover from it. He needed human contact even though he didn't know it.
"What did you do to him?" Sammat demanded to know.
"I . . . " JD started.
"Don't worry about it JD." Chris smiled in understanding and moved towards Ezra.
The Southerner was covered by the blanket but he could see the emotional tremors and hear the sobs that racked his agent's body. He wanted to swap places with him, anything to stop him feeling this way. It was the first time that Ezra had ever cried in front of them and plenty of occasions had presented the opportunity but he always held the emotions back. Chris had no doubt that the tears were shed once Ezra was in private solitude. But Ezra had no control over these tears.
"I want you out of here. Now!" Sammat ordered again. "I told you this would happen."
Chris and the others ignored him. They had no intention of leaving.
"Ezra?" he leaned forward and lowered the blanket so he could see Ezra's face.
Ezra heard Chris' voice, felt the blanket being removed. He pushed his hands harder against his face to try to stop the tears. They wouldn't. God he hated this. He hated himself.
"Ezra, look at me." he waited. "Ezra, that was an order."
He wanted to refuse, to disobey but he respected Chris too much to ignore him and his orders. Well not always but now was the time that he needed Chris' authority, his dependability. He lowered his hands then began to wipe the tears from his face.
"Need some help?"
Ezra didn't understand the question.
"Here," Chris moved closer and sat on the edge of the bed. He saw the fear in the green eyes but knew the fear wasn't aimed directly at him. He reached out with his arms and actually saw the everyday expression of 'excuse me?'. The look gave Chris hope.
Ezra shook his head at Chris' suggestion, he had never looked for or allowed physical support to be given to him and he wasn't going to start now. The thought of his touch made him feel sick to the stomach.
"Don't give me that look Ezra, just do as you're told for once."
"No . . . Chris . . . can't."
"Can't or won't Ezra?"
"Can't."
"Don't give me that crap, you don't even know what the word means, you never have."
Sammat watched with interest from the sideline. He was backing the ATF agent, hoping that he could get Ezra to get closer to him, to even have some sort of physical contact. It would be a tremendous breakthrough after an event that only happened a matter of hours ago. But then these men were close, he may not have gotten the same results if he tried it himself. Chris would only succeed because his agent trusted him.
"Ezra, you know I won't hurt you. Trust me." Chris spoke softly.
Ezra inched a little closer. Chris was right, he knew his friend wouldn't hurt him, none of them would. So why was he afraid of them. Because they were men and it was men that had raped him. The thought brought more tears to his eyes. He saw Chris coming for him and before he could stop him he was wrapped tightly within Chris' arms, his head was held against the warm chest and beating heart. He tried to pull away, to scream in fear but his leader's soothing voice whispered re-assuring words to him. Ezra stopped struggling and openly cried in front of his friends.
"I think it's time you guys leave." Josiah motioned to the unwanted guests to leave, including Judge Travis.
"Let me know when he's ready to talk." Sammat requested of him.
"We're here for you Ezra," Chris told him, "we don't blame you, we don't hate you, and we don't think it was your fault. It wasn't. We feel no disgust towards you. You're family Ezra and we'll do anything for you, anything to get you through this." his hand stroked the back of the damp skull.
Chris took the opportunity to comfort him for all the emotional and physical injuries he had suffered since he'd known him. For the times he should have cried in front of the others but instead had allowed them to fall when he was alone. And for now, he thanked Josiah's god for at least allowing him to do this. The so-called God could have stopped the whole thing from happening in the first place but how could he expect that in a world like this.
"You'll be okay Ezra, we'll take care of you, and we’re not going to leave you."
The tears continued, Ezra couldn't stop them now that they had started. He listened to Chris' voice to remind himself that a friend that wouldn't hurt him was holding him. He had tried to keep his eyes open so he could see him but the tears only blurred his vision. He wanted to hold Chris in return, to try to take all the strength the man had, he was going to need it, and Chris wasn't. He felt the bed shift when someone sat down on it, he tried to draw his knees up even further. He hated himself for being so scared of his friends.
"It's okay Ezra, you have a right to be scared, even of us. You just need time, we've got plenty of that and so do you."
Chris seemed to know what to say to him. The words didn't really help him though. It wasn't as though he had tripped over and skinned his knee. This was something that had scared him emotionally and it was going to stay with him for the rest of his life. He would deal with it, maybe it will take him a week, maybe a few weeks but then life would get back to normal. But he knew that the memory will stay with him forever where it wasn't wanted; in his dreams.
The tears finally began to end, it was a draining experience for them all. They knew Ezra wouldn't feel any better because of the outpouring of emotions. But they did. Ezra wouldn't keep them at an arm’s length now, not after this. He may even talk to them or one of them about what happened. Ezra would also know that they won't leave him alone when he was emotional. He would know that he could cry at anytime in front of them. It wouldn't last though, once Ezra was on the road to recovery he would become more like his normal self. They would look forward to the day when he smiled and laughed again without the haunted look in his eyes, or the fear that he was now feeling.
"You want to stay here, or back into bed?" Chris asked him as he used his fingers to wipe away the tears. Chris enjoyed the moment, he felt like a father again. He wanted his wife and son back.
"Bed."
"Can Nathan give me a hand?"
Ezra looked up into Chris' green eyes then over his shoulder at Nathan. He nodded. They weren't going to hurt him. It took them a few minutes to get him into a comfortable position on his side. Chris pulled the blanket back up to his shoulders then sat down in the chair that Vin had vacated, the sharp shooter now sat on the edge of the bed.
"Ezra, we would have been here sooner but we only found out." Chris didn't say why, it wasn't the time for placing the blame on someone else.
"It's . . . okay." Ezra understood. Sammat had told him they didn't want to inform his friends before he had a chance to talk to him, but they had found out anyway and now they were here.
"You want anything Ezra?" Buck asked him. "Something to drink maybe?"
"No . . . tired."
"Why don't you get some rest Ezra, we'll be here when you wake up." Chris assured him.
"Night . . . mares." Ezra looked at Chris.
"I'm sorry Ezra but there's nothing we can do to stop them, neither can you. They're going to happen. But we'll be here when you wake up, you won't be alone to deal with them."
"Don't . . . want them . . . Chris."
"I wish we could stop them from happening Ezra. Would take your place if I could."
Ezra nodded in understanding. These men would give their lives for him, as he would for them. He knew they were all thinking the same thing. They would change places with him if they could. He didn't want them to do that, didn't want them to feel what he had, to feel what he did now.
"If I do . . ." Ezra hesitated. "Don't . . . touch . . . me."
"We won't Ezra. Get some sleep okay. We'll talk some more in the morning."
Chris watched as Ezra fought the sleep that was trying to take him. The eyelids would fall and cover the green eyes but they would soon jump back open again. He even shifted his body a number of times, the grimace that appeared on his face when he did told Chris why. The movement caused the pain to ignite, keeping him awake.
"Ezra, don't fight it." Chris couldn't watch him doing that to himself any longer. "Please, get some sleep, you need it."
"Chris . . . I . . ."
"I know Ezra, I know."
It was another ten minutes before the eyes closed, they didn't re-open. Chris watched the peaceful countenance before him. He noticed that some of the bruising was old, he didn't want to bring it up, and it was best left for another day.
"I'm sorry Chris." JD spoke from the corner of the room. "I touched him, I didn't know."
Chris turned to him. "It's okay JD, if you hadn't then I wouldn't have been able to do what I did. You got the ball rolling for him."
"I did?"
"Yeah you did." Buck grabbed him and gave him a bear hug. More to comfort himself than JD.
"It might be different tomorrow Chris." Nathan warned him. "Ezra might not want to repeat it."
"It's going to take him a while isn't it Nathan." Chris got off the bed and stretched his muscles.
"Yeah it could, I'm not an expert but something like this, it could take months to deal with and accept."
"Sammat told me what he would be feeling. Everything from suicidal, self-hatred, taking the blame to thinking that he did something to entice it. That he would even think that we would hate him for it. He would lose his manhood and that could destroy him."
"It's going to take a lot of support from us." Josiah said.
"And he's going to get it." Vin agreed.
"I'm going to the prison tomorrow. There was a witness who won't say who did it. I'm going to talk to the guards as well, they disappeared before it happened."
"Why Ezra?" Buck asked. He knew the Southerner was good looking, hot was what most women told him, with a body to match. He didn't see what the women saw and neither did Ezra.
"He tried to stop it from happening to someone else."
"That'll be right." Josiah nodded.
"JD, Buck, why don't you go and get us some coffee. We're going to be here a while." Chris smiled at his youngest agent.
"Sure Chris, anything else, food maybe."
"Later."
When JD left the room Chris stood up and began to pace. His anger was now beginning to show.
"I want whoever did this and I want the people that allowed it happen!"
"That may be difficult Chris," Vin told him, "people won't snitch in a prison."
"I know, but I don't care how long it takes. I want them."
Vin lowered his head, he understood Chris' need to avenge their friend, and he wanted the same thing. They all did. But it was going to be a difficult investigation. He had all intentions of accompanying Chris when he went to the prison. Chris was going to need someone to help him stay in control so he wouldn't do anything he'd regret. He didn't need an assault charge that would keep him away from Ezra. Their friend needed all of them in his own way and they all had different ways of helping Ezra get through his ordeal. They had to stay
together.
___________________________________________________________
Chris didn't sleep, he couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the fear in Ezra's eyes. His imagination tried to show him what Ezra had gone through, it kept making it out to be worse than it was, but then he didn't know how bad it had been. His mind was probably not anywhere close to what it had been really like. He kept thinking that it looked worse than it was but deep down he knew it was a lot worse than it looked.
Ezra slept fitfully on the bed but no serious nightmares had started; yet. He had moved onto his back, his head moving from side to side but in a slow performance of dreaming. There was some inhuman part of Chris that wanted to lift the bed covers and see the damage for himself, to see that it had really happened and they weren't just lying to him. He couldn't and he wouldn't.
Not everyone was asleep. Vin and Josiah sat in the chairs that Buck and JD had stolen from various places around the hospital. They were also watching Ezra as he slept. Neither man enjoyed the silence that filled the room but they didn't know what to say to each other. The others slept on the floor on and beneath a pile of blankets each. These had been supplied by the hospital staff. The female nurses had taken one look at Ezra and fell in love. But it was more like the love for a sick child than a grown man. They had been informed that if they wanted anything just to ask and they would get it.
Vin shifted in his seat, he was uncomfortable, both with the piece of furniture he sat in and the silence that surrounded him. He wanted to say something, to get the others to talk, but no words would form. What could he say?
"What's Sammat like?" Vin asked when he suddenly thought of something.
"He's an asshole." Chris grunted.
"Think he'll be able to help Ezra?"
"Yeah, he will, but only if he can get him to talk."
"He'll talk." Josiah told them. "He hasn't got a choice this time, he'll know that he won't be able to do it alone this time."
"Nooo . . ."
The child like voice that came from Ezra caused them all to move quickly to the bed. They realised their mistake and took a couple of steps back. If they were too close to the bed when Ezra woke up, then he was going to react, terror would fill his mind and body.
Ezra's head began to move more violently, each time his head turned, he pushed it further into the pillow. His shoulders lifted up as though he were struggling against something. His hands gripped the blanket, the knuckles turning white. His legs began to kick out at something. Sweat began to form on his forehead
causing the strand of hair to become damp.
"Please . . . nooo."
His movements became even more violent. Chris began to fear that Ezra was going to hurt himself more. They saw the tears begin to fall from Ezra's sleep-closed eyes. Chris couldn't take anymore, he had to and wanted to do something. He moved closer and bent over so his face was close to Ezra's. He began to talk, his warm breath flowing across Ezra's sweat covered flesh.
"Ezra, it's okay, it's just a dream. Try to concentrate on my voice. Ezra, listen to my voice. You're not in any danger, you're with your friends and you know we won't hurt you." the violent movements didn't ease. Ezra was caught within a violent world of nightmares. "Come on Ezra. Concentrate on my voice, I know you can hear me. Hey, what about a poker game. I've been practising, think I could beat you now. Been saving my money too. Maybe later when you're better we can play and I can take all of your money for a change."
"No," Ezra's voice sounded more confident, he was awake but still sleepy. "Can't . . . beat . . . me."
"Care to bet on that?" Chris spoke louder knowing that his friend had waken from the nightmare.
"I . . . do love . . . the sound of . . . that word . . . , Chris . . . I . . . can't do this."
"You're going to have to try Ezra, I mean, you saying you can't bet, now that's not right."
Ezra snorted and swiped his hand towards Chris and was rewarded with a 'ow'. "Know what . . . I mean . . ."
"Think you're going to lose don't you. The great Ezra Standish finally loses to the almighty Chris Larabee at poker and everyone will be there to see it. Pictures will be plastered all of the office . . . ow!" Chris rubbed his watering eye and glared at the two men who were smiling at him.
"You're doing great Chris. Two hits to Ezra, none to you." Vin shook his head in shame, he thought his friend and leader was better than that.
"I can't do anything in return," Chris growled at them, "but then again there are insults."
"You'd lose." Ezra stated simply and rolled onto his uninjured side facing Chris. He opened his eyes when he felt Chris' breath on his face. He smiled slightly then closed his eyes again and drifted off to sleep knowing that his friends were there to protect and help him.
"That went well." Josiah told him.
"Use to do it with Adam, distract him with one of his favourite subjects. Took his mind off the nightmare and before I knew it he was sleeping again."
"Good tactics." Vin agreed.
"Yeah," Chris began. He hung his head, leaning his forehead on the bed, "miss doing it, miss Adam and Sarah." his muted words weren't heard by the two men. He got up and went back to the chair and sat down heavily into it as though the weight of the world was pushing him down into it.
"He'll be okay Chris," Josiah assured him, "it's going to take a while but he'll be okay and he senses that."
"Yeah, I can see bits of the old Ezra at times. It seems strange though, I don't think I would be able to get over something like that. I mean . . . " he shook his head, the movement saying what his words couldn't.
"I wouldn't be able to live." Vin admitted. "Ezra will cope because he's always had to cope, he's been through more than one hell in his life, and he’ll know what he needs to do. Just hope that he doesn't do it on his own like he always does."
"Maybe this is one hell too many." Josiah added.
The statement caused the silence to fill the room again. No more words were spoken that night.
___________________________________________________________
Ezra lay still. The noise of movement told him that the others were awake. He didn't want to talk to any of them, not now, not when yesterday's events were going through his mind. It took all of his control to stop his body from shuddering at the images and the sobs that wanted to escape his tortured soul. He had to deal with what happened and get on with his life. Living in this emotional state would only get him killed. Why didn't they kill him afterwards. He wouldn't be going through all of this shit if they had. He felt someone lean close to him and he twitched slightly. His body had given him away but if the observer had noticed, he didn't say anything.
"He's thinking." Chris informed the others. He had checked on Ezra knowing that he was awake. The Southerner obviously didn't realise that his facial expressions were giving him away. His body was still but his face wasn't.
"Should he be doing that on his own." Buck asked him while he frowned at Ezra's still form.
"Going to have to at some point."
"But he's trying to do it on his own instead letting us help him." Buck argued with Chris.
"We know what we're doing Buck." Chris assured him.
John Sammat entered the room and Chris growled in response to the intrusion. Didn't the man know it was more polite to knock before you entered a room.
"Morning gentlemen." Sammat greeted them and continued to smile when they didn't respond in kind. "It's time Ezra and I talked."
"Guys." Chris nodded towards the door.
There was hesitation in their movements, neither man wanting to leave Ezra but they knew that Chris would protect him from anything this man would bring up. They each nodded to Ezra who was still pretending to be asleep, why they didn't know, then followed each other out of the room.
___________________________________________________________
Buck paced. Vin paced. The other three sat on the floor in various positions. JD held his knees to his chest and was leaning against the wall. Josiah sat in a meditating position; no doubt praying for Ezra. Nathan was sitting cross-legged watching the activity that moved up and down the hall.
They tried to wait patiently but it was extremely difficult. Josiah had lost count of the amount of times he coughed to get Buck or Vin's attention as they moved towards the door. He knew they wanted to go in, so did he but they had to give Ezra his privacy. He would accept one of them being there but not all of them, not when he was talking about what happened. Say it Josiah! Talk about being raped by men. It wasn't only Ezra that had to accept it, they had to as well. Their acceptance would help Ezra to accept and deal with the rape.
Buck stopped when he heard someone sniff. He knew it was JD. The boy wasn't dealing with what happened to his friend. JD respected all of them but mostly he respected Ezra. He seemed to be the only one that treated JD as an equal. The rest of them were too busy worrying about the twenty three year old to treat him the way he wanted to be treated. It wasn't that Ezra didn't care about JD, he did, and he just knew how to treat him. Like a man.
The lady's man moved closer to his friend and roommate and sat down next to him. "You okay JD?"
JD nodded, he didn't want to cry in front of these men, they already thought of him as a child. And it also made him felt bad that he was needing comfort when Ezra was in there trying to deal with being raped by three men.
"No you're not, it's okay to cry for him JD. We all want to, it's just easier for you, you're still young enough not to hold it in."
JD nodded again and leaned into Buck's shoulder. He began to cry for Ezra, for what he went through and was going through. No man or woman deserved to be raped. Why Ezra? He'd already been through enough in his life, he didn't need any more of this shit in his life. Ezra needed and deserved better. He had friends now, family but it wasn't enough to fill the void that had stayed with Ezra all his life. He felt Buck's arm surround his shoulders and accepted the comfort. He silently wished that Ezra had found it this easy.
"He'll be okay JD, he'll be okay." Buck was trying to convince himself as well as JD.
Now four men sat while one paced. The minutes had turned into hours. Two hours, twenty-eight minutes and forty-four seconds to be exact. Their eyes continued to look at either their watches or the clock down the hall.
Sammat came out of the room six minutes later. They didn't ask him anything, didn't even bother to acknowledge to him. They re-entered the room to find Chris sitting with his head in his hands and Ezra asleep in the bed. It didn't look good.
"Chris?" Vin stepped up to him and put his hand on his shoulder.
"He talked about it Vin, he actually talked about it. Josiah was right, he didn't have a choice this time. Knew he had to talk. Took two hours for him to start though. It was hell for him Vin, to go through it all again. Sammat said it was a good start but not enough, he needs to deal with his feelings now."
Vin couldn't help but notice how quickly Chris was talking, the man was losing control. "You want some coffee Chris?"
"Yeah, I need to get myself together before we go to the prison. He gave us the name of the man who instigated it all. He's going to pay for what he did to Ezra." Chris stood up. "When they finished, he was going to force Ezra to give him . . . head. That was when Ezra was able to react, he was on his back then and they were no longer holding him down. Why do that to a man? Why do it to a woman? Why do it to him?"
"Power trip Chris." Josiah sat opposite him on the other side of the bed.
"Sammat went through all that. He knew what he was doing, what to say, how to react."
"The man must be good at his job." Vin nodded.
"No, he'd been raped himself, told Ezra about his experience. I think that's why Ezra finally talked. He was speaking to a person who knew what he'd been through, knew what he was feeling and thinking. He's coming back tomorrow to talk to him."
"Oh, and here we were thinking he was an asshole." Buck joked.
"Come on Vin, we've got some rapists to deal with." Chris stood up and left the room.
None of them failed to notice the red-rimmed eyes that he had been hiding from them.
___________________________________________________________
The separate visiting room was small. A table was centred in the room, two chairs on either side of it. The walls were bare, no furnishings to make it look nice. Lawyers spoke to their clients. Prisoners lied in this room, some lawyers believed them and got the guilty to leave the jail as innocent victims. Some clients spoke the truth to lawyers who didn't believe and they spent time in a cell when they should rightfully be with their families.
Vin leaned against the back wall, his left heel pressing against it level with his right knee. He watched as Chris paced the room, much like he had done most of the morning. His friend had drunk too much coffee before and after they arrived at the prison. He had to force Chris to give up his gun. Of course, Chris had to ask the most obvious question. 'Why, they have guns.'
The door opened and Vin's respect for his boss grew. He was expecting Chris to kill the guy on the spot. Instead, he watched as the overweight Hauton walked to the table and sat down in the chair. The man crossed his arms. Like that was going to help him Vin thought to himself.
Chris sat down in the empty chair and simply watched until Hauton began to twitch and sweat. He knew the ape was trying to outdo him but no one could out stubborn Chris Larabee, except maybe for one Ezra Standish but that won't happen for a while.
"You want something?" Hauton asked him. He had no idea why he was here and he didn't want to ask.
"You raped one of my men." Chris told him.
"Excuse me?"
Chris stayed silent for a few minutes then repeated himself. "You raped one of my men."
"Says who? And what do you mean one of your men?" Hauton was getting scared.
Again, the silence, it was meant to unnerve the man and it was succeeding.
"I say." Chris told him then leaned forward in his chair. "Good looking guy, muscled body, soft skin, green eyes, dimples when he smiles, Southern accent."
Recognition wrote itself all over Hauton's face. "What are you? His pimp?"
"No," Chris said calmly, "I'm his boss."
Hauton wanted more information but he didn't ask, he knew he wouldn't get an answer, this man was taking his time.
Chris stood up and made his way around the table, he sat on the edge of it so he was closer to Hauton. "I'm ATF and so is he."
"Ah shit!" Hauton didn't see it coming. The fist struck and it hit him hard. The force knocked him and the
chair backwards. The next think he felt was the boot that kick his side.
"You raped my friend, beat him and left him lying on the floor." Chris kicked him again. He knew he had the freedom to. An arrangement had been made with Henly. The warden wasn't going to allow anyone to interrupt unless the asshole's life was in danger and even then, they were ordered to hesitate before going in.
"Did you enjoy it?"
"What?" Hauton gasped.
"You and your two friends, did you enjoy it?" Chris asked him again.
He refused to answer, even after he was kicked two more times. "Will someone help me here!" he yelled out to the guard who was supposed to be in the room with them. That's when it hit him. They were allowing the ATF agent to do this to him, they were giving him time for payback.
"I didn't know he was ATF." he stammered.
"So it's okay to rape prisoners is it?" Chris was disgusted.
"Yes." another kick. "No." he corrected himself.
"Then why do you do it?"
"I don't know." he screamed when the boot connected with his groin, then again a second time.
"I should damage this to the point where it won't work anymore?" Chris leaned down closer to him and spat in his face. "Huh, think I should cut your dick off!?"
"NO!"
"I want the names of the other two men and the guards who allowed it to happen."
"I can't give you the names of the guards, they'll kill me!" Hauton yelled at him.
Chris straightened up and allowed the cruel smile to crease his handsome features. He pulled a pen from his pocket and began to twist the silver clip. It only took a few seconds. He leaned back towards the scum that had raped his friend and placed the clip in front of his eyes, making sure he saw the ragged edge.
"Sharp enough to cut it off don't you think."
"You wouldn't."
"You raped a good friend of mine. Why would you think I wouldn't do this?"
Every instinct told Hauton that this man wouldn't hesitate. The only thing that would stop him would be the people who came running in when he started screaming. Would they be quick enough to save him? No, he didn't think they would.
"Josh Hendricks, Daryl Peters. The guards were Henry Sameson and Bill James."
"Maybe I'll just cut it off anyway." Chris began to make his move.
"GOD NO!"
"Doesn't feel good does it?"
"Jesus!"
Chris stood up and walked to the door. He banged on it with his fist. A few seconds later, the door opened and two guards entered to take the weeping prisoner away.
"Wish I could have joined in on the fun." Vin clapped his hands showing his enjoyment of the act.
"I would have done it." Chris admitted.
"I wouldn't have blamed you."
Chris sat down again. At least they had the men who did it. Charges would be laid against the prisoners. the guards though would probably just lose their jobs. They can take care of the two guards another time.
"You sure you still want to talk to Lawden?"
"Yeah, Ezra wanted me to let Lawden know that he was okay." Chris nodded.
Vin didn't change his position when the younger man entered the room. Both men were shocked. This guy must have been JD's age. Skinny, good looking with short blonde hair and brown eyes. His face held a mix of bruises, some new and some old. They couldn't help but stare as the man sat down in the chair. His body language spoke volumes. He was the walking dead. There was nothing inside, no emotion, nothing. He continued to live on the outer side but inside he was dead.
"Kyle?"
The brown eyes looked up at Chris.
"I'm a friend of Larry's."
"Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he will be, he wanted me to let you know that. Said you'd be worried about him."
"My fault it happened to him, he tried to help me, they took him instead. It should have been me, I'm use to it."
"It's not something you get use to Kyle."
"Still, it shouldn't have happened to Larry. He was the only friend I had in this place. Got me through the day."
Chris smiled. That was Ezra all right, never worried about himself, always helping others. It was about time he turned some of the help he gave others towards himself. He needed to think of Ezra Standish for a while.
"Will he be coming back?"
"No, I'm sorry, he's going somewhere else."
"Somewhere safer."
Chris looked down at his hands. He wanted the same for this young man. Lawden had only been in the room for a few minutes but he was easily liked. But you could also see that he was suffering. He would talk to the Judge, see what he could do for him.
"Is there anything you need or want."
"I would like to go now." Kyle stood up.
Chris noticed a change in his body language but couldn't understand what it meant.
They watched as he knocked on the door then leave when it was opened for him.
"Damn." Vin said what they were both thinking.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
Master Fan Fiction List
Rating: PG
Warnings: Strong Language.
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
AU: ATF
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the guys.
Summary: Ezra goes undercover within a prison and befriends a young man who is a victim of prison rape.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Spoilers: None
Status: Complete
Total Word Count: 25,918
Ezra jerked back at the touch, he even began to push himself towards the edge of the bed. Nathan quickly made his way around to the other side but made no attempt to stop Ezra, he was just going to be there in case he fell.
"Jesus Ezra, I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything, and I’m so sorry Ezra." JD looked at the others. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay JD, you didn't know." Buck put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it in support. "Ezra knows you mean nothing by it. He's scared JD, scared of everyone, we have to give him time, let him make the first move. Okay."
"I'm sorry Ezra, I'm really sorry." he couldn't say it enough.
Ezra tried to calm himself down, the touch brought back everything. The fear, the knowledge of what happened, the pain he felt at the intrusion. But most of all he felt the disgust that he had for his own body, the self-hatred and blame. It had to be his fault, he had to have done something that made them do this to him. The tears started and he couldn't stop them, his emotions were out of control, they went to deep, they cut into his very soul causing it to bleed. Ezra ignored the pain and curled into himself, his knees pressed against his chest. He lowered his head until his forehead sat on his knees. He wanted to hide his face from the others, he didn't want them to see him like this. They wouldn't leave him, he knew that, but what could they do to help him through this. Nothing, there was absolutely nothing anyone could do for him.
They waited, that's what they did, it was the only thing they could do. They waited.
___________________________________________________________
Chris Larabee closed the door then sank back against it. He closed his eyes and began to breath slowly so he could bring his emotions under control. The sight of his agent had scared the hell out of him, especially his eyes. The look in his own eyes when his family died didn't come close to the way Ezra's looked. The man was dead inside.
"I want to know everything, and I mean everything." Chris first looked at the warden.
Henly turned to his friend, the Judge nodded at him to go ahead.
"Agent Standish was working in the laundry, I don't know what happened to the guards or other prisoners. They haven't been questioned yet. There is one prisoner who claimed to see the whole thing . . . "
"And he didn't try and stop it?" Chris asked angrily.
"Kyle Lawden is a punk," the expression on the agent's face told him that he knew what it mean but something wanted him to explain it to him, to let him know why Lawden wouldn't, no couldn't help the agent that was being raped in front of him, "he's raped nearly every night, the prisoners use him. They know when and where to do it so they don't get caught. Most guards turn their heads. We can't stop it because there is no evidence of it, the prisoners won't admit to being raped, sometimes we find them in the condition that we found your agent in. But they won't say who did it, without that there is nothing we can do. Lawden said that he was the intended victim that Agent Standish tried to help him. There was only one man to start with but after Standish showed up, two more men arrived. He said they took him instead."
"Three of them?" Chris needed to know more. "What state was he in?"
"Unconscious, he was fully clothed but his trousers were undone."
Sammat took his cue. "Sometimes when it's over the victim covers themselves in an attempt to think that it didn't happen. In the case of prisoners, they would get dressed then carry on with they were doing, to some of them it's an everyday event. They don't like it but they accept it, if they didn't they would be beaten or killed."
"Do you think Ezra was the intended victim?"
"No," Henly told him, "Lawden assured me that he was the one that was going to be raped, they just changed their minds after Standish tried to help them."
"But why three?"
"As they would say, 'why not'."
Chris grimaced at Henly's statement, the man had been blunt and to the point.
"I want to talk to Lawden in the morning and the guards that were supposed to be on duty."
Henly nodded in agreement. An investigation would occur but he didn't think anything would come out of it, this way, at least they may find some answers. Chris then looked at the doctor, he didn't ask, the man knew what he wanted.
"He's sedated at the moment," Thorton didn't tell him why, he'll leave that to Sammat, "a concussion, not serious though. Three cracked ribs, two broken ones. There's a lot of bruising around his chest and stomach but no internal damage. The rectum and colon received some injuries, tearing mostly. There is also extensive bruising around the rectum and buttocks. Physically he'll heal without complications. But we're testing him for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases."
"When did this happen?" Chris asked the group. They had been able to do a lot in a short period of time.
"Four hours ago." Henly told him
"And you only just informed us! Why?" he had to force himself not to raise his voice but his tone betrayed his anger.
"I was informed immediately," Sammat explained, "therapy has to begin straight away. I didn't think you should be informed until Mr Standish had been taken care of and settled into a room. I needed to talk to him before anyone else did. And now you're here, stopping me from doing my job."
"Your job." Chris retorted. "You kept us away from Ezra, he needs us. We should have been told. You didn't even consider how he would feel waking up in a room full of strangers, especially after what he'd been through."
"Chris calm down, he's trying to do what's best for Ezra." The Judge used an authoritative tone that said he meant business.
"Not as far as I'm concerned." Chris growled back. "So what is it that you think you need to do for him?"
Chris listened as Sammat repeated what he had told the Judge. He was both shocked and afraid when the first sentence spoke about suicidal tendencies. He understood the emotions that his agent was going through and he wished that there was something that he and his men could do for Ezra. It only took five minutes for Sammat to explain what Ezra was going to go through. But it wasn't that simple for Ezra, it may take him weeks, months, even years to accept what happened and that it wasn't his fault.
"Oh." Chris muttered.
"Yes, 'oh'." Sammat mimicked. "Now if you don't mind, I would like to talk to my patient in private. I need to know if he's suicidal or not."
"You only talk to him in private if he wants it that way." Chris stepped closer, his stance and expression giving out the treats that he wanted to do personally with his fists.
"You can threaten me all you want. Mr Standish is the one who is going through hell. I would've thought that you would do anything to help him." Sammat smiled at him.
"I would do anything to help that man, including die for him, we all would." Chris liked the expression he received at the admission he'd just given. "Like I said in there, we know him. No one else can get through to him. He's surrounded by a wall that hides what he feels. It's taken us nearly a year just to begin breaking it down and you think you can do that in a matter of minutes. You have no hope in hell."
"And you think you can." Sammat nodded. "You think he'll talk to you about how he feels, what he went through." it was Sammat's turn to take a step closer to his rival. "You want to hear how three men violently forced him to the ground, tore his clothes from his body, leaving him naked from the waist down. You want him to tell you about the fear that tore through him at the realisation of what was about to happen. About the pain he felt when an erected penis that would have felt like the thick end of a base ball bat was shoved up his ass,"
"That's enough." The Judge grabbed the man's arm.
"How it felt when it began to thrust inside him, pushing in and out, how it felt when it ejaculated. Is that want you want to talk to him about. That when it was over he felt ashamed of himself, that his mind was full of disgust and self-loathing. And then to find out they hadn't finished with him. That he went through the same thing two more times. Is that what you want?!"
"Yes." Chris answered simply. "Ezra's my friend, my family. I want him to talk to me about anything and everything including being raped."
Sammat narrowed his eyes, "You would listen but how would you react to his description, his feelings."
"I wouldn't. I don't understand what he went through but I do understand his feelings. He knows I do and he knows how I would react. With understanding and concern. There will be no anger, disgust or hatred aimed at Ezra from me or the other team members."
"How would you know how he feels?"
"That's none of your damn business." Chris spoke harshly. He had taken an instant disliking to this man and he was the person that was supposed to be helping Ezra.
"Why don't you both go in and see what Ezra has to say on the matter." the Judge suggested to them.
Both men stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity. Sammat made the first move towards the door but before he could reach it, Chris had his hand around the doorknob. He had waited for Sammat to make the first move but he was going to be the first one to enter the room.
___________________________________________________________
"Ezra, I know you don't want to but you have to straighten up, your ribs." Nathan wanted to grab him and place him in a better position, a more comfortable one. He reached out with his hand but pulled it back when the door opened.
Chris and the others walked in to find Ezra curled up into a ball under his blanket and crying. The sight reminded Chris of the nights he'd spent with his son. Adam had a nightmare and Chris had found him in the same position. In a foetal position with tears falling out of control. He'd known what Adam had wanted and needed, now Ezra was requiring the same thing. Assurance that he wasn't alone in his nightmare, that there were people who cared for him and would help him recover from it. He needed human contact even though he didn't know it.
"What did you do to him?" Sammat demanded to know.
"I . . . " JD started.
"Don't worry about it JD." Chris smiled in understanding and moved towards Ezra.
The Southerner was covered by the blanket but he could see the emotional tremors and hear the sobs that racked his agent's body. He wanted to swap places with him, anything to stop him feeling this way. It was the first time that Ezra had ever cried in front of them and plenty of occasions had presented the opportunity but he always held the emotions back. Chris had no doubt that the tears were shed once Ezra was in private solitude. But Ezra had no control over these tears.
"I want you out of here. Now!" Sammat ordered again. "I told you this would happen."
Chris and the others ignored him. They had no intention of leaving.
"Ezra?" he leaned forward and lowered the blanket so he could see Ezra's face.
Ezra heard Chris' voice, felt the blanket being removed. He pushed his hands harder against his face to try to stop the tears. They wouldn't. God he hated this. He hated himself.
"Ezra, look at me." he waited. "Ezra, that was an order."
He wanted to refuse, to disobey but he respected Chris too much to ignore him and his orders. Well not always but now was the time that he needed Chris' authority, his dependability. He lowered his hands then began to wipe the tears from his face.
"Need some help?"
Ezra didn't understand the question.
"Here," Chris moved closer and sat on the edge of the bed. He saw the fear in the green eyes but knew the fear wasn't aimed directly at him. He reached out with his arms and actually saw the everyday expression of 'excuse me?'. The look gave Chris hope.
Ezra shook his head at Chris' suggestion, he had never looked for or allowed physical support to be given to him and he wasn't going to start now. The thought of his touch made him feel sick to the stomach.
"Don't give me that look Ezra, just do as you're told for once."
"No . . . Chris . . . can't."
"Can't or won't Ezra?"
"Can't."
"Don't give me that crap, you don't even know what the word means, you never have."
Sammat watched with interest from the sideline. He was backing the ATF agent, hoping that he could get Ezra to get closer to him, to even have some sort of physical contact. It would be a tremendous breakthrough after an event that only happened a matter of hours ago. But then these men were close, he may not have gotten the same results if he tried it himself. Chris would only succeed because his agent trusted him.
"Ezra, you know I won't hurt you. Trust me." Chris spoke softly.
Ezra inched a little closer. Chris was right, he knew his friend wouldn't hurt him, none of them would. So why was he afraid of them. Because they were men and it was men that had raped him. The thought brought more tears to his eyes. He saw Chris coming for him and before he could stop him he was wrapped tightly within Chris' arms, his head was held against the warm chest and beating heart. He tried to pull away, to scream in fear but his leader's soothing voice whispered re-assuring words to him. Ezra stopped struggling and openly cried in front of his friends.
"I think it's time you guys leave." Josiah motioned to the unwanted guests to leave, including Judge Travis.
"Let me know when he's ready to talk." Sammat requested of him.
"We're here for you Ezra," Chris told him, "we don't blame you, we don't hate you, and we don't think it was your fault. It wasn't. We feel no disgust towards you. You're family Ezra and we'll do anything for you, anything to get you through this." his hand stroked the back of the damp skull.
Chris took the opportunity to comfort him for all the emotional and physical injuries he had suffered since he'd known him. For the times he should have cried in front of the others but instead had allowed them to fall when he was alone. And for now, he thanked Josiah's god for at least allowing him to do this. The so-called God could have stopped the whole thing from happening in the first place but how could he expect that in a world like this.
"You'll be okay Ezra, we'll take care of you, and we’re not going to leave you."
The tears continued, Ezra couldn't stop them now that they had started. He listened to Chris' voice to remind himself that a friend that wouldn't hurt him was holding him. He had tried to keep his eyes open so he could see him but the tears only blurred his vision. He wanted to hold Chris in return, to try to take all the strength the man had, he was going to need it, and Chris wasn't. He felt the bed shift when someone sat down on it, he tried to draw his knees up even further. He hated himself for being so scared of his friends.
"It's okay Ezra, you have a right to be scared, even of us. You just need time, we've got plenty of that and so do you."
Chris seemed to know what to say to him. The words didn't really help him though. It wasn't as though he had tripped over and skinned his knee. This was something that had scared him emotionally and it was going to stay with him for the rest of his life. He would deal with it, maybe it will take him a week, maybe a few weeks but then life would get back to normal. But he knew that the memory will stay with him forever where it wasn't wanted; in his dreams.
The tears finally began to end, it was a draining experience for them all. They knew Ezra wouldn't feel any better because of the outpouring of emotions. But they did. Ezra wouldn't keep them at an arm’s length now, not after this. He may even talk to them or one of them about what happened. Ezra would also know that they won't leave him alone when he was emotional. He would know that he could cry at anytime in front of them. It wouldn't last though, once Ezra was on the road to recovery he would become more like his normal self. They would look forward to the day when he smiled and laughed again without the haunted look in his eyes, or the fear that he was now feeling.
"You want to stay here, or back into bed?" Chris asked him as he used his fingers to wipe away the tears. Chris enjoyed the moment, he felt like a father again. He wanted his wife and son back.
"Bed."
"Can Nathan give me a hand?"
Ezra looked up into Chris' green eyes then over his shoulder at Nathan. He nodded. They weren't going to hurt him. It took them a few minutes to get him into a comfortable position on his side. Chris pulled the blanket back up to his shoulders then sat down in the chair that Vin had vacated, the sharp shooter now sat on the edge of the bed.
"Ezra, we would have been here sooner but we only found out." Chris didn't say why, it wasn't the time for placing the blame on someone else.
"It's . . . okay." Ezra understood. Sammat had told him they didn't want to inform his friends before he had a chance to talk to him, but they had found out anyway and now they were here.
"You want anything Ezra?" Buck asked him. "Something to drink maybe?"
"No . . . tired."
"Why don't you get some rest Ezra, we'll be here when you wake up." Chris assured him.
"Night . . . mares." Ezra looked at Chris.
"I'm sorry Ezra but there's nothing we can do to stop them, neither can you. They're going to happen. But we'll be here when you wake up, you won't be alone to deal with them."
"Don't . . . want them . . . Chris."
"I wish we could stop them from happening Ezra. Would take your place if I could."
Ezra nodded in understanding. These men would give their lives for him, as he would for them. He knew they were all thinking the same thing. They would change places with him if they could. He didn't want them to do that, didn't want them to feel what he had, to feel what he did now.
"If I do . . ." Ezra hesitated. "Don't . . . touch . . . me."
"We won't Ezra. Get some sleep okay. We'll talk some more in the morning."
Chris watched as Ezra fought the sleep that was trying to take him. The eyelids would fall and cover the green eyes but they would soon jump back open again. He even shifted his body a number of times, the grimace that appeared on his face when he did told Chris why. The movement caused the pain to ignite, keeping him awake.
"Ezra, don't fight it." Chris couldn't watch him doing that to himself any longer. "Please, get some sleep, you need it."
"Chris . . . I . . ."
"I know Ezra, I know."
It was another ten minutes before the eyes closed, they didn't re-open. Chris watched the peaceful countenance before him. He noticed that some of the bruising was old, he didn't want to bring it up, and it was best left for another day.
"I'm sorry Chris." JD spoke from the corner of the room. "I touched him, I didn't know."
Chris turned to him. "It's okay JD, if you hadn't then I wouldn't have been able to do what I did. You got the ball rolling for him."
"I did?"
"Yeah you did." Buck grabbed him and gave him a bear hug. More to comfort himself than JD.
"It might be different tomorrow Chris." Nathan warned him. "Ezra might not want to repeat it."
"It's going to take him a while isn't it Nathan." Chris got off the bed and stretched his muscles.
"Yeah it could, I'm not an expert but something like this, it could take months to deal with and accept."
"Sammat told me what he would be feeling. Everything from suicidal, self-hatred, taking the blame to thinking that he did something to entice it. That he would even think that we would hate him for it. He would lose his manhood and that could destroy him."
"It's going to take a lot of support from us." Josiah said.
"And he's going to get it." Vin agreed.
"I'm going to the prison tomorrow. There was a witness who won't say who did it. I'm going to talk to the guards as well, they disappeared before it happened."
"Why Ezra?" Buck asked. He knew the Southerner was good looking, hot was what most women told him, with a body to match. He didn't see what the women saw and neither did Ezra.
"He tried to stop it from happening to someone else."
"That'll be right." Josiah nodded.
"JD, Buck, why don't you go and get us some coffee. We're going to be here a while." Chris smiled at his youngest agent.
"Sure Chris, anything else, food maybe."
"Later."
When JD left the room Chris stood up and began to pace. His anger was now beginning to show.
"I want whoever did this and I want the people that allowed it happen!"
"That may be difficult Chris," Vin told him, "people won't snitch in a prison."
"I know, but I don't care how long it takes. I want them."
Vin lowered his head, he understood Chris' need to avenge their friend, and he wanted the same thing. They all did. But it was going to be a difficult investigation. He had all intentions of accompanying Chris when he went to the prison. Chris was going to need someone to help him stay in control so he wouldn't do anything he'd regret. He didn't need an assault charge that would keep him away from Ezra. Their friend needed all of them in his own way and they all had different ways of helping Ezra get through his ordeal. They had to stay
together.
___________________________________________________________
Chris didn't sleep, he couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the fear in Ezra's eyes. His imagination tried to show him what Ezra had gone through, it kept making it out to be worse than it was, but then he didn't know how bad it had been. His mind was probably not anywhere close to what it had been really like. He kept thinking that it looked worse than it was but deep down he knew it was a lot worse than it looked.
Ezra slept fitfully on the bed but no serious nightmares had started; yet. He had moved onto his back, his head moving from side to side but in a slow performance of dreaming. There was some inhuman part of Chris that wanted to lift the bed covers and see the damage for himself, to see that it had really happened and they weren't just lying to him. He couldn't and he wouldn't.
Not everyone was asleep. Vin and Josiah sat in the chairs that Buck and JD had stolen from various places around the hospital. They were also watching Ezra as he slept. Neither man enjoyed the silence that filled the room but they didn't know what to say to each other. The others slept on the floor on and beneath a pile of blankets each. These had been supplied by the hospital staff. The female nurses had taken one look at Ezra and fell in love. But it was more like the love for a sick child than a grown man. They had been informed that if they wanted anything just to ask and they would get it.
Vin shifted in his seat, he was uncomfortable, both with the piece of furniture he sat in and the silence that surrounded him. He wanted to say something, to get the others to talk, but no words would form. What could he say?
"What's Sammat like?" Vin asked when he suddenly thought of something.
"He's an asshole." Chris grunted.
"Think he'll be able to help Ezra?"
"Yeah, he will, but only if he can get him to talk."
"He'll talk." Josiah told them. "He hasn't got a choice this time, he'll know that he won't be able to do it alone this time."
"Nooo . . ."
The child like voice that came from Ezra caused them all to move quickly to the bed. They realised their mistake and took a couple of steps back. If they were too close to the bed when Ezra woke up, then he was going to react, terror would fill his mind and body.
Ezra's head began to move more violently, each time his head turned, he pushed it further into the pillow. His shoulders lifted up as though he were struggling against something. His hands gripped the blanket, the knuckles turning white. His legs began to kick out at something. Sweat began to form on his forehead
causing the strand of hair to become damp.
"Please . . . nooo."
His movements became even more violent. Chris began to fear that Ezra was going to hurt himself more. They saw the tears begin to fall from Ezra's sleep-closed eyes. Chris couldn't take anymore, he had to and wanted to do something. He moved closer and bent over so his face was close to Ezra's. He began to talk, his warm breath flowing across Ezra's sweat covered flesh.
"Ezra, it's okay, it's just a dream. Try to concentrate on my voice. Ezra, listen to my voice. You're not in any danger, you're with your friends and you know we won't hurt you." the violent movements didn't ease. Ezra was caught within a violent world of nightmares. "Come on Ezra. Concentrate on my voice, I know you can hear me. Hey, what about a poker game. I've been practising, think I could beat you now. Been saving my money too. Maybe later when you're better we can play and I can take all of your money for a change."
"No," Ezra's voice sounded more confident, he was awake but still sleepy. "Can't . . . beat . . . me."
"Care to bet on that?" Chris spoke louder knowing that his friend had waken from the nightmare.
"I . . . do love . . . the sound of . . . that word . . . , Chris . . . I . . . can't do this."
"You're going to have to try Ezra, I mean, you saying you can't bet, now that's not right."
Ezra snorted and swiped his hand towards Chris and was rewarded with a 'ow'. "Know what . . . I mean . . ."
"Think you're going to lose don't you. The great Ezra Standish finally loses to the almighty Chris Larabee at poker and everyone will be there to see it. Pictures will be plastered all of the office . . . ow!" Chris rubbed his watering eye and glared at the two men who were smiling at him.
"You're doing great Chris. Two hits to Ezra, none to you." Vin shook his head in shame, he thought his friend and leader was better than that.
"I can't do anything in return," Chris growled at them, "but then again there are insults."
"You'd lose." Ezra stated simply and rolled onto his uninjured side facing Chris. He opened his eyes when he felt Chris' breath on his face. He smiled slightly then closed his eyes again and drifted off to sleep knowing that his friends were there to protect and help him.
"That went well." Josiah told him.
"Use to do it with Adam, distract him with one of his favourite subjects. Took his mind off the nightmare and before I knew it he was sleeping again."
"Good tactics." Vin agreed.
"Yeah," Chris began. He hung his head, leaning his forehead on the bed, "miss doing it, miss Adam and Sarah." his muted words weren't heard by the two men. He got up and went back to the chair and sat down heavily into it as though the weight of the world was pushing him down into it.
"He'll be okay Chris," Josiah assured him, "it's going to take a while but he'll be okay and he senses that."
"Yeah, I can see bits of the old Ezra at times. It seems strange though, I don't think I would be able to get over something like that. I mean . . . " he shook his head, the movement saying what his words couldn't.
"I wouldn't be able to live." Vin admitted. "Ezra will cope because he's always had to cope, he's been through more than one hell in his life, and he’ll know what he needs to do. Just hope that he doesn't do it on his own like he always does."
"Maybe this is one hell too many." Josiah added.
The statement caused the silence to fill the room again. No more words were spoken that night.
___________________________________________________________
Ezra lay still. The noise of movement told him that the others were awake. He didn't want to talk to any of them, not now, not when yesterday's events were going through his mind. It took all of his control to stop his body from shuddering at the images and the sobs that wanted to escape his tortured soul. He had to deal with what happened and get on with his life. Living in this emotional state would only get him killed. Why didn't they kill him afterwards. He wouldn't be going through all of this shit if they had. He felt someone lean close to him and he twitched slightly. His body had given him away but if the observer had noticed, he didn't say anything.
"He's thinking." Chris informed the others. He had checked on Ezra knowing that he was awake. The Southerner obviously didn't realise that his facial expressions were giving him away. His body was still but his face wasn't.
"Should he be doing that on his own." Buck asked him while he frowned at Ezra's still form.
"Going to have to at some point."
"But he's trying to do it on his own instead letting us help him." Buck argued with Chris.
"We know what we're doing Buck." Chris assured him.
John Sammat entered the room and Chris growled in response to the intrusion. Didn't the man know it was more polite to knock before you entered a room.
"Morning gentlemen." Sammat greeted them and continued to smile when they didn't respond in kind. "It's time Ezra and I talked."
"Guys." Chris nodded towards the door.
There was hesitation in their movements, neither man wanting to leave Ezra but they knew that Chris would protect him from anything this man would bring up. They each nodded to Ezra who was still pretending to be asleep, why they didn't know, then followed each other out of the room.
___________________________________________________________
Buck paced. Vin paced. The other three sat on the floor in various positions. JD held his knees to his chest and was leaning against the wall. Josiah sat in a meditating position; no doubt praying for Ezra. Nathan was sitting cross-legged watching the activity that moved up and down the hall.
They tried to wait patiently but it was extremely difficult. Josiah had lost count of the amount of times he coughed to get Buck or Vin's attention as they moved towards the door. He knew they wanted to go in, so did he but they had to give Ezra his privacy. He would accept one of them being there but not all of them, not when he was talking about what happened. Say it Josiah! Talk about being raped by men. It wasn't only Ezra that had to accept it, they had to as well. Their acceptance would help Ezra to accept and deal with the rape.
Buck stopped when he heard someone sniff. He knew it was JD. The boy wasn't dealing with what happened to his friend. JD respected all of them but mostly he respected Ezra. He seemed to be the only one that treated JD as an equal. The rest of them were too busy worrying about the twenty three year old to treat him the way he wanted to be treated. It wasn't that Ezra didn't care about JD, he did, and he just knew how to treat him. Like a man.
The lady's man moved closer to his friend and roommate and sat down next to him. "You okay JD?"
JD nodded, he didn't want to cry in front of these men, they already thought of him as a child. And it also made him felt bad that he was needing comfort when Ezra was in there trying to deal with being raped by three men.
"No you're not, it's okay to cry for him JD. We all want to, it's just easier for you, you're still young enough not to hold it in."
JD nodded again and leaned into Buck's shoulder. He began to cry for Ezra, for what he went through and was going through. No man or woman deserved to be raped. Why Ezra? He'd already been through enough in his life, he didn't need any more of this shit in his life. Ezra needed and deserved better. He had friends now, family but it wasn't enough to fill the void that had stayed with Ezra all his life. He felt Buck's arm surround his shoulders and accepted the comfort. He silently wished that Ezra had found it this easy.
"He'll be okay JD, he'll be okay." Buck was trying to convince himself as well as JD.
Now four men sat while one paced. The minutes had turned into hours. Two hours, twenty-eight minutes and forty-four seconds to be exact. Their eyes continued to look at either their watches or the clock down the hall.
Sammat came out of the room six minutes later. They didn't ask him anything, didn't even bother to acknowledge to him. They re-entered the room to find Chris sitting with his head in his hands and Ezra asleep in the bed. It didn't look good.
"Chris?" Vin stepped up to him and put his hand on his shoulder.
"He talked about it Vin, he actually talked about it. Josiah was right, he didn't have a choice this time. Knew he had to talk. Took two hours for him to start though. It was hell for him Vin, to go through it all again. Sammat said it was a good start but not enough, he needs to deal with his feelings now."
Vin couldn't help but notice how quickly Chris was talking, the man was losing control. "You want some coffee Chris?"
"Yeah, I need to get myself together before we go to the prison. He gave us the name of the man who instigated it all. He's going to pay for what he did to Ezra." Chris stood up. "When they finished, he was going to force Ezra to give him . . . head. That was when Ezra was able to react, he was on his back then and they were no longer holding him down. Why do that to a man? Why do it to a woman? Why do it to him?"
"Power trip Chris." Josiah sat opposite him on the other side of the bed.
"Sammat went through all that. He knew what he was doing, what to say, how to react."
"The man must be good at his job." Vin nodded.
"No, he'd been raped himself, told Ezra about his experience. I think that's why Ezra finally talked. He was speaking to a person who knew what he'd been through, knew what he was feeling and thinking. He's coming back tomorrow to talk to him."
"Oh, and here we were thinking he was an asshole." Buck joked.
"Come on Vin, we've got some rapists to deal with." Chris stood up and left the room.
None of them failed to notice the red-rimmed eyes that he had been hiding from them.
___________________________________________________________
The separate visiting room was small. A table was centred in the room, two chairs on either side of it. The walls were bare, no furnishings to make it look nice. Lawyers spoke to their clients. Prisoners lied in this room, some lawyers believed them and got the guilty to leave the jail as innocent victims. Some clients spoke the truth to lawyers who didn't believe and they spent time in a cell when they should rightfully be with their families.
Vin leaned against the back wall, his left heel pressing against it level with his right knee. He watched as Chris paced the room, much like he had done most of the morning. His friend had drunk too much coffee before and after they arrived at the prison. He had to force Chris to give up his gun. Of course, Chris had to ask the most obvious question. 'Why, they have guns.'
The door opened and Vin's respect for his boss grew. He was expecting Chris to kill the guy on the spot. Instead, he watched as the overweight Hauton walked to the table and sat down in the chair. The man crossed his arms. Like that was going to help him Vin thought to himself.
Chris sat down in the empty chair and simply watched until Hauton began to twitch and sweat. He knew the ape was trying to outdo him but no one could out stubborn Chris Larabee, except maybe for one Ezra Standish but that won't happen for a while.
"You want something?" Hauton asked him. He had no idea why he was here and he didn't want to ask.
"You raped one of my men." Chris told him.
"Excuse me?"
Chris stayed silent for a few minutes then repeated himself. "You raped one of my men."
"Says who? And what do you mean one of your men?" Hauton was getting scared.
Again, the silence, it was meant to unnerve the man and it was succeeding.
"I say." Chris told him then leaned forward in his chair. "Good looking guy, muscled body, soft skin, green eyes, dimples when he smiles, Southern accent."
Recognition wrote itself all over Hauton's face. "What are you? His pimp?"
"No," Chris said calmly, "I'm his boss."
Hauton wanted more information but he didn't ask, he knew he wouldn't get an answer, this man was taking his time.
Chris stood up and made his way around the table, he sat on the edge of it so he was closer to Hauton. "I'm ATF and so is he."
"Ah shit!" Hauton didn't see it coming. The fist struck and it hit him hard. The force knocked him and the
chair backwards. The next think he felt was the boot that kick his side.
"You raped my friend, beat him and left him lying on the floor." Chris kicked him again. He knew he had the freedom to. An arrangement had been made with Henly. The warden wasn't going to allow anyone to interrupt unless the asshole's life was in danger and even then, they were ordered to hesitate before going in.
"Did you enjoy it?"
"What?" Hauton gasped.
"You and your two friends, did you enjoy it?" Chris asked him again.
He refused to answer, even after he was kicked two more times. "Will someone help me here!" he yelled out to the guard who was supposed to be in the room with them. That's when it hit him. They were allowing the ATF agent to do this to him, they were giving him time for payback.
"I didn't know he was ATF." he stammered.
"So it's okay to rape prisoners is it?" Chris was disgusted.
"Yes." another kick. "No." he corrected himself.
"Then why do you do it?"
"I don't know." he screamed when the boot connected with his groin, then again a second time.
"I should damage this to the point where it won't work anymore?" Chris leaned down closer to him and spat in his face. "Huh, think I should cut your dick off!?"
"NO!"
"I want the names of the other two men and the guards who allowed it to happen."
"I can't give you the names of the guards, they'll kill me!" Hauton yelled at him.
Chris straightened up and allowed the cruel smile to crease his handsome features. He pulled a pen from his pocket and began to twist the silver clip. It only took a few seconds. He leaned back towards the scum that had raped his friend and placed the clip in front of his eyes, making sure he saw the ragged edge.
"Sharp enough to cut it off don't you think."
"You wouldn't."
"You raped a good friend of mine. Why would you think I wouldn't do this?"
Every instinct told Hauton that this man wouldn't hesitate. The only thing that would stop him would be the people who came running in when he started screaming. Would they be quick enough to save him? No, he didn't think they would.
"Josh Hendricks, Daryl Peters. The guards were Henry Sameson and Bill James."
"Maybe I'll just cut it off anyway." Chris began to make his move.
"GOD NO!"
"Doesn't feel good does it?"
"Jesus!"
Chris stood up and walked to the door. He banged on it with his fist. A few seconds later, the door opened and two guards entered to take the weeping prisoner away.
"Wish I could have joined in on the fun." Vin clapped his hands showing his enjoyment of the act.
"I would have done it." Chris admitted.
"I wouldn't have blamed you."
Chris sat down again. At least they had the men who did it. Charges would be laid against the prisoners. the guards though would probably just lose their jobs. They can take care of the two guards another time.
"You sure you still want to talk to Lawden?"
"Yeah, Ezra wanted me to let Lawden know that he was okay." Chris nodded.
Vin didn't change his position when the younger man entered the room. Both men were shocked. This guy must have been JD's age. Skinny, good looking with short blonde hair and brown eyes. His face held a mix of bruises, some new and some old. They couldn't help but stare as the man sat down in the chair. His body language spoke volumes. He was the walking dead. There was nothing inside, no emotion, nothing. He continued to live on the outer side but inside he was dead.
"Kyle?"
The brown eyes looked up at Chris.
"I'm a friend of Larry's."
"Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he will be, he wanted me to let you know that. Said you'd be worried about him."
"My fault it happened to him, he tried to help me, they took him instead. It should have been me, I'm use to it."
"It's not something you get use to Kyle."
"Still, it shouldn't have happened to Larry. He was the only friend I had in this place. Got me through the day."
Chris smiled. That was Ezra all right, never worried about himself, always helping others. It was about time he turned some of the help he gave others towards himself. He needed to think of Ezra Standish for a while.
"Will he be coming back?"
"No, I'm sorry, he's going somewhere else."
"Somewhere safer."
Chris looked down at his hands. He wanted the same for this young man. Lawden had only been in the room for a few minutes but he was easily liked. But you could also see that he was suffering. He would talk to the Judge, see what he could do for him.
"Is there anything you need or want."
"I would like to go now." Kyle stood up.
Chris noticed a change in his body language but couldn't understand what it meant.
They watched as he knocked on the door then leave when it was opened for him.
"Damn." Vin said what they were both thinking.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
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