azombiewrites (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azombiewrites) wrote2009-10-22 07:14 pm
azombiewrites) wrote2009-10-22 07:14 pm
The Magnificent Seven Fic - 'Nightmares' - 4/5
Title: Nightmares
Sixteenth story in 'The Continuing Ezra Standish Saga'
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bad writing ahead!
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Summary: When Ezra mistakenly drinks something meant for JD his normal world is turned into a violent nightmare for both him and the other hired gunmen.
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the seven + OC's.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Beta: Not betaed – written in the early days when I didn’t know what the words grammar and edit meant. *is ashamed but no longer care*
Notes: Sixteenth story in the ‘Continuing Ezra Standish Saga’.
Spoilers: None.
Total Word Count: 40,665
WARNING! Please note that this story contains disturbing images.
Part Four
Ezra could feel the hot pain as it began to spread through his lower back and with it came the memory of what he had done. His heart broke as he remembered the sound of Josiah's head hitting the wooden pole and he felt sickened by the smile that had crossed his own face as it had echoed through his mind. That simple sound kept repeating in his mind over and over again until he could stand it no more. He tried to think of something else but it was nearly as bad, he thought of Casey and how he had nearly ended her young life. He couldn't understand why he was doing these things, he had no excuse for his actions and he knew that he needed to be punished for them.
He tried to move and groaned as the pain in his back ignited. He heard a voice call his name but he ignored it, he felt someone's touch and wanted it to go away, he didn't deserve it, he had hurt his friends, he shouldn't even be allowed to live. Ezra knew that they wouldn't allow him to die, that they wouldn't punish him and if they weren't going to allow him to suffer for what he had done then he would have to do it himself, he would cause his own suffering.
He knew the pain was mostly on the left side of his back so he tried to roll onto that side so the pain would erupt giving
him what he hoped would be a punishment for his crimes, he deserved to suffer and what better way was there than physical pain. He felt hands pull him back down onto his stomach as someone's words tried to reassure him that everything was okay.
Nothing was okay, he had hurt his friends, nearly killed them and he had to receive retribution for what he had done. He turned his head so it was facing his right shoulder and then pushed himself away from the hands that tried to hold him and cried out as the pain tore through his back as he managed to roll onto his left side, the hands though ended his punishment as they pulled him back down.
He tried again but there was a weight pressing down on his back stopping him from moving onto his side, he needed that person to get off him so he could carry out his punishment, he was wasn't going to suffer if he stayed in the position that he was in. Ezra opened his eyes and saw the still form of Josiah lying on the bed across the room. His vision became blurry as his eyes filled with tears at the sight of his friend.
His line of sight was blocked though as Chris bent down on his heels in front of him, he felt Chris's hand wiping his face, he heard his words telling him that Josiah was alright, that he was just sleeping but Ezra knew that he was lying to him. He could see Josiah's pale face, the bandage that was wrapped around his head and the slow movement of his chest as he breathed. He blinked allowing the tears to fall from his eyes and then turned his head away from the sight. Ezra rolled onto his right side and was grateful when they didn't pull him back, he could feel the pain in his back but it wasn't enough.
He pulled his left arm down under the blanket and with his right, he began to scratch at the healing scabs that were on his arm. He could feel the sting as the scabs peeled from the small cuts revealing the raw skin that was beneath them, he felt the wetness of the blood that began to build under his finger nails. The pain wasn't enough so he dug deeper into his flesh pulling the skin that surrounded the small wounds making them wider and deeper, the blood began to flow more freely. The punishment that he inflicted upon himself still wasn't enough but it would have to do for now. When they moved away from him and gave him some room he would do more, he needed to be punished for hurting Josiah, for shooting Casey and for beating Nathan.
He could still hear the voices but he continued to ignore them, they wanted to help him but they didn't realise that they should be punishing him not helping him. A loud moan broke through the voices and he knew that it was Josiah. He heard Nathan as he went to help and spoke to him trying to get him to wake up. He heard the violent sounds as Josiah was sick and he began to dig even further into his flesh hoping that the pain would drive the sounds away. It was a few more minutes before the noise stopped and he didn't want the pain to stop but the blood had caused the skin to become soft and he couldn't grip it between his fingers anymore, the blood was making it hard for him to get any purchase on the torn flesh so he stopped. The voices came back to him.
"Ezra will you answer me please." Nathan called to him hoping to break through to him. "Ezra!"
They had heard a soft moan come from the cot as Ezra finally woke up from his seven-hour unconscious reprieve from what was happening to him. They had to stop him as he tried to move and Chris had to hold him down when he then tried to roll onto his injured back but after two attempts, he had succeeded. He didn't know what Ezra had tried to do. He had cried out in pain but had made no attempt to move back onto his stomach, they had to force him off his side, he had thought that he wanted to see Josiah but when he had he only turned his head away from him as the tears fell from his eyes. He had then lay on his other side and continued to shut them out. Chris had tried to reassure him that Josiah was okay but he didn't listen to him. Nathan knew that he was still with them because for the short period of time that he had opened his eyes they were clear and sharp, not distant and cloudy as they had been before.
Nathan had to leave him for a few minutes though when Josiah had woken up again and help him as he threw up into the bucket, it had been the third time already that night that he had done so. The first time that he had woken up, he had asked about Ezra but they told him that he was sleeping. They didn't tell him that he had been shot, they had decided to wait until he was more lucid because they knew he would only worry about him and then try to get out of his bed to get to Ezra. Once he had made sure that Josiah was comfortable, he had gone back to Ezra. Chris was leaning over him so he could see his face as he wiped the sweat from it.
"Ezra I'm going to check your back to make sure that you didn't injure yourself more and cause the wound to start bleeding." Nathan stopped trying to get him to answer, he just talked to him instead knowing that Ezra could hear him.
"It's fine." Ezra muttered, he didn't want Nathan to stop the dull ache that had begun in his back. He needed to be punished.
"It will only take me a minute Ezra." Nathan assured him as he thought that Ezra was worried that he was going to hurt him.
"No! It's fine, it doesn't hurt much." Ezra growled at him, he wanted the pain to get worse, he just had to wait for an opportunity to cause the pain to become unbearable, it was the only way to pay for what he had done to his friends. He opened his eyes and stared into Chris's face.
"It's okay Ezra, Nathan's not going to hurt you. Will you let him check your back?." Chris asked soothingly as he placed his hand on Ezra's warm cheek.
Ezra didn't answer, he knew that he wasn't going to be able to stop them, he drew his left arm closer to his bare chest and rubbed his forearm against the soft skin, the sting of the raw flesh rubbing against his chest caused him to smile. Chris nodded at Nathan to go ahead as he thought that Ezra's smile was an answer to his question indicating that it was okay for Nathan to check his back.
Nathan pulled the blanket down from Ezra's shoulders as he cringed away from him and revealed the bloody arm that was hidden beneath it.
"What the . . . " Nathan saw the blood that covered Ezra's arm and chest but wasn't sure where it had come from.
Ezra pulled his arm closer to his body, telling Nathan that it was the source of the blood loss. He grabbed Ezra's wrist and pulled it towards him and he heard Chris's quick intake of breath at the sight of Ezra's arm. The flesh was torn, there were pieces of skin hanging from the still bleeding wounds. Ezra tried to pull his arm away but Nathan held his wrist firmly in his grip.
"Let go of me Nathan!" Ezra growled at him, his voice holding a threatening tone.
"What happened to your arm Ezra?" Chris asked him as he stared at Ezra's forearm, his mind refusing to take in the reality of what did happen, that Ezra had done it himself.
"Not what Chris, who." Nathan looked into Ezra's eyes and didn't like what he saw. "You just did this didn't you Ezra?"
Ezra tried to pull his arm from Nathan's hand but he wouldn't let go of him. He had to stop them as he knew they would only ease his pain, he didn't want that. He sat up and brought up his right fist to hit him but Chris was faster, he grabbed the arm as it moved slower due to the weakness of its owner. Ezra couldn't pull his arms away, he had to tried harder, he had to punish himself.
"LET GO OF ME!" He screamed into their shocked faces.
He started to fight them, he pulled his arms towards himself as far as they would go, knowing that they would pull back in return and then pushed back towards them with all the strength that he could gather from his weakening body as he knew they would not expect it. Nathan lost his grip as he fell from the bed when Ezra pushed towards him but Chris still held onto his right arm. Ezra though didn't need that arm to do what he wanted, he reached behind his back and pulled the bandage up exposing his wound, he intended to inflict the punishment he thought he truly deserved.
"Chris! Stop him." Nathan yelled at him as he saw Ezra reach for the bullet wound in his back.
Ezra had heard the warning and before Chris could grab his free arm, he dug his fingers into the wound, tearing the stitches from the flesh. He wanted to do more as the pain tore through him punishing him for what he had done but knew that it was not enough as he still felt the guilt that filled his heart and soul. Ezra felt someone grab his arm and pull him onto his stomach causing the pain to ease.
"No! Let me go!" Ezra was furious, he continued to fight them but to no avail, he felt a knee dig into his back, pushing his face into the pillow and the weight that fell onto his legs. "Get off me! Get the hell away from me!" He spat at them as he turned his head to the side. "I have to do it! You won't!"
"Hold him down Chris." Nathan warned him.
"What do you think I'm trying to do Nathan." Chris retorted.
"GET OFF ME!" Ezra screamed again.
"Ezra calm down, try and relax." Nathan knew that he was wasting his time as he tried to calm the gambler down but he had to do something as he was only going to injure himself more. He could see the blood that was already soaking into the bandage that was wrapped around his waist.
"Let go of me!" Ezra continued to struggle and surprised the two men that were holding him down with the strength that he was using to fight them. "Chris!" Ezra tried to pull his arms down but Chris's grip held them in place above his head, he could also feel his knee on his upper back. "Bastard! Get off me!"
"Ezra." Josiah's voice was soft and gentle and it was enough to stop Ezra so suddenly that Nathan had to check to make sure that he hadn't lost consciousness. "Ezra look at me please."
Josiah had heard the screams as they broke through his clouded mind and he knew instantly that it was Ezra, he had to wake up and help his friend. It took him a few minutes but he was finally able to open his eyes and when he did, his heart went out to the gambler, he saw the blood on his arm as Chris struggled to hold it over his head, he winced at the injury on his back that was below Chris's knee.
"No." Was the whispered reply. Ezra had heard Josiah's voice and it had brought the guilt to the front of his mind, pushing the need to punish himself away for the moment. He stopped his struggles as he closed his eyes, he hoped that the voice was only in his mind.
"Ezra, look at me." Josiah used the same sort of tone that a father would use on a son, he needed to be firm with him yet also show the concern that he felt.
"No." Ezra tried to put his hands over his ears to block out the voice that he now knew was not in his head but he still couldn't pull them away from Chris's grip. "Let me go." They didn't. "Get the hell off me!"
"Ezra listen to me!" Josiah raised his voice. "Will you please listen to me."
"Get off me you Bastard!" Ezra no longer listened to Josiah but began to struggle again against the forces that held him down.
***
JD was returning to the clinic in the early hours of the morning, the streets were empty as the townsfolk were yet to rise from their beds. He needed to get out of the clinic as he could no longer stand to be in the room anymore. He wanted some fresh air to clear his head. JD found it hard to watch what Ezra was going through and was going to go through when he woke up, he knew he would feel guilty, he always took responsibility for someone being hurt even if it wasn't his fault as though he had hurt that person himself and this time he had.
He looked up main street and saw two riders coming in, he didn't recognise the horses but he knew the riders. He ran up to Buck and Vin to find out if they brought back any good news but their forlorn expressions told him otherwise. They dismounted from their horses empty handed.
"Anything at all?" He asked with a small glimmer of hope. Buck shook his head to indicate that they had nothing.
"What about Ezra?" Vin asked, he still felt a lot of remorse for what he had thought about him after he had shot Casey but he knew that it was nothing compared to what Buck was feeling or even Ezra for that matter. JD couldn't look at them, he lowered his eyes to the ground.
"What is it JD? Is he okay?" Buck stepped forward and lifted JD's head up with his hand and stepped back when he saw the tears. "He's dead isn't he?"
"No but he might be better off." JD bit his lip as the words escaped his mouth, he didn't want to say it, didn't even want to think it but he couldn't help it. "Maybe you should go and look for yourself Buck, go and see what you did."
"JD, he feels bad enough as it is." Vin informed him.
"That's not enough Vin. You don't know what he did while you were gone, what he went through." He stepped closer to Buck. "Go on, go and see him, go and see Josiah."
"Josiah?" Vin questioned him.
"Yes Josiah." JD turned his back on them and continued on to the clinic, he could hear their footsteps as they sounded behind him but he ignored them, he felt bad about what he had said but he needed to get it out of his system.
They had reached the bottom of the stairs when they heard the screaming coming from inside the clinic; it was Ezra's voice. They bounded up the stairs and through the door and didn't even have time to take in the sight that was before them.
***
Nathan and Chris were finding it hard to keep Ezra down, he shouldn't have been able to keep going like this but they knew that he was thriving on the pain that he was in, for some reason he wanted that pain and it seemed the worse the pain got, the stronger he became. Neither held no anger towards Ezra for the abuse that he was hurling at them, all they wanted was for him to stop, Chris had even hit him once trying to knock him out as he had done in the saloon but it hadn't worked, it just made him more angry. Chris had heard the door open and quickly glanced up to see the other three members of the group.
"Get over here and help us!" Chris yelled at them.
"Hurry up, we have to tie him down before he hurts himself even more." Nathan told them. "Vin you take his legs, Buck help Chris, JD grabbed me some bandages." Once Vin had taken his place Nathan gathered the ropes that were on the floor and when JD returned with the bandages he gave out more instructions. "JD get his left leg, I want to bandage his ankles so he doesn't pull on the ropes and rub his skin raw." He looked up to see JD watching Ezra. "JD! Now!."
"I’ll kill you if lay a hand on me JD!" Ezra yelled at him. "Get off me!" Ezra's voice was becoming hoarse with all the yelling that he had been doing for the last fifteen minutes but he felt as though he could continue to struggle against them, it was giving him the pain to help deal with the guilt that he was feeling and the more he struggled the worse the pain became. He continued to yell at them hoping that it would make them angry and cause them to push down harder. He wanted the pain, he needed it. "Bastards, get off me."
JD took Ezra's left leg and pulled the trouser leg up so Nathan could bandage it, he then helped tie the rope to his leg and then the cot. They then repeated the procedure with his right leg and arm. JD went to help with Ezra's left arm but Nathan's voice stopped him.
"Not that one JD, I'll need to clean it and then bandage the wounds, then we'll tie it." He stepped back from the cot and looked down at Ezra, he could see the hatred and pain that his eyes held. "Chris keep your weight on his back. Buck take his left wrist and hold his arm down with his palm facing upwards."
Buck did as he was told and saw the injury to Ezra's arm, he had seen the wound to his back as soon as he came into the room but Chris's voice tore his eyes away from it. He now took his time to take in Ezra's wounds, he then looked over at Josiah and saw the bandage that was wrapped around his head, he also took in the tears that were falling down his cheeks as he watched Ezra's struggles and listened to his words. Ezra's voice pulled him back to reality.
"Buck! You son of a bitch. Let go of my arm!" Ezra tried to pull it away but when he saw Nathan returning with the things that he needed to clean it, he stopped struggling. He knew that it was going to cause him a lot of pain and he was going to welcome it.
Chris felt Ezra's struggles stop and he saw that Buck was about to let go of his arm. "Don't let him go Buck! Vin help him hold his arm so Nathan can fix it up." Chris kept his own weight on Ezra's back.
Nathan quickly cleaned Ezra's arm, the blood had made it look worse than it was. He had looked into Ezra's eyes only once, he wasn't going to do it again as he could see that Ezra was enjoying the pain that he was causing him. When he was finished, he wrapped the wound loosely so the bandage wouldn't stick to the flesh. He then had Buck help him tie his arm with the injured side facing upwards, once again bandaging the wrist so Ezra wouldn't be able to use the rope to cause himself any more injuries.
"Chris you can get off him now but I'll need someone to sit on his legs so he can't move his back while I restitch the wound." He saw Buck and Vin's curious glances but he ignored them, his first priority was Ezra. He would answer their questions when he was ready, not before hand.
While Vin sat on Ezra's legs Nathan dealt with the wound. Vin watched what he was doing and knew immediately that it was a bullet wound. He wanted to know what had happened but was going to wait until Nathan was finished before he asked his questions.
"Get off him Vin." Nathan told him when he had finished. He wiped his tired eyes and then stepped back.
Chris went and sat down in front of Ezra and as he did so he saw a sudden change overcome his friend. "Ezra?"
"Why Chris?" Ezra couldn't stop the tears that fell from his face. "Why am I doing this? What's wrong with me?"
"Ezra." Buck came forward and put his hand on the back of Ezra's shoulder, he could feel the heat that his body was generating, he hadn't noticed it before. Chris moved out of the way for him. "I'm sorry. It's my fault, I did this." He saw the confused expression that overcame Ezra. "Remember when I went to see Hong Sing. I got something off him so I could play a joke on JD, I put it in that glass of milk that I bought him but you drank it and the alcohol that you had with it caused this to happen, it's making you act this way. It's my fault not yours." Buck had looked away from Ezra's eyes so he didn't see the anger return but he did feel the moisture as Ezra spat in his face.
"You bastard, you did this to me!" Ezra yelled at him as he pulled at the ropes. "You son of a bitch, do you have any idea what I'm going through! What I've done to people, my friends. DO YOU! Get the hell away from me!" The tears began to fall again as the anger left him once more. "Chris?"
"I'm here Ezra." Chris came forward again and sat down in front of him, he placed his hand against his face and began to wipe the tears away with his thumb.
"I'm . . . sorry, I didn't . . . mean what I . . . said, I'm sorry. I . . . didn't mean any of it . . . Nathan I'm sorry . . . I didn't want to hurt . . . Casey or Josiah . . . that man . . ."
"It's okay Ezra, it's not you doing it. I know you can't stop what you’re doing. It's okay." Once he had wiped the tears dry, he began to stroke the side of his face and head in a soothing motion and watched as Ezra finally drifted off to sleep.
Buck walked backwards until his back hit the wall. He allowed himself to slide down the wall until he was sitting on the cold floor, the spit still clinging to his face untouched. Buck hadn't bother to wipe it off as he was still in shock from Ezra had said to him. He had heard the anger in his voice but what had hurt him the most was the hatred that Ezra had obviously felt towards him in regards to what he had done, the sight of him tied to the cot and Ezra's injuries hadn't helped him either. He watched as Chris stayed by Ezra's side as he continued to brush his face with his hand, talking to him as though Ezra could still feel the touch and hear the words. He looked up when someone stood in front of him and handed him a cloth to wipe his face.
"What did Chow Chee say?" Nathan asked him as he took the material and began to wipe Ezra's spit from his face.
"There's nothing you can do for him, he said if you gave him anything it would kill him." Buck muttered more to himself than to Nathan. He would never forgive himself for what he had done and he didn't expect Ezra to either but that didn't worry him because he didn't deserve his forgiveness.
"Nothing?" Nathan confirmed his own doubts.
"Not a thing, we have to wait until it's out of his system and even after he's better, he still can't take anything or drink alcohol for a week." Vin spoke up as he saw that Buck wasn't going to say any more. He had become silent as he sat against the wall staring at Ezra's slack features as he slept.
"We!" Chris growled at him. "Don't you mean Ezra, he's the one going through this Vin not us. He's the one that has to suffer until it's out of his system."
"Take it easy Chris." Nathan came over and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"How long did he say it would take?" Chris wanted to know as he ignored Nathan.
"Five days." Vin continued with his explanation. "Said that it was going to get a lot worse for him too. Says that he's going to get real sick."
"Are you telling us that it's going to get worse than this! That he's going to suffer more than he already has!" Chris growled at him as he pointed out Ezra's injuries and Josiah's. "He can't go through any more of this Vin."
Vin nodded as he dropped his head, he was also beginning to feel that he was also responsible for what happened as he was the one that told JD to bet his glass of milk in the first place. "Can you tell us what this is Chris? What happened while we were gone?"
"JD you tell them." Chris had heard Ezra moan and move beneath his hand so turned his back on the others and began to comfort the gambler again in an attempt to calm him down.
JD spent ten minutes explaining what happened, he wanted Buck to hear every detail of what Ezra had done, the way he had felt when he watched Ezra fall to the ground after he was shot in the back, the sound of Josiah's head hitting the pole and the smile that Ezra wore. Nathan then took over as he told them the injuries that he had caused the man. Who hit young Ricky, what Ezra must have done to his own arm, how he had torn the stitches out of his back, then as an afterthought he told them how he spent fifteen minutes in agony as the pain tore through his stomach a second time leaving it swollen and sore. Buck and Vin both listened to what JD and Nathan told them as their eyes never left Ezra's sleeping form.
"And how's Josiah doing?" Vin asked Nathan.
"I'm fine." Josiah answered his question as he tried to get up off the bed, he stopped his efforts as a wave of nausea overtook him. He had been listening to the conversation also as he still didn't know what had happened after they left the clinic to take Ezra back to his room.
"Josiah stay where you are." Nathan ordered him as he came to the bed, he pushed him back down and felt his forehead for the fever that he had earlier. "Your fever has broken but you still need plenty of rest Josiah. I don't want you going anywhere, you hear me."
"I can rest better on the cot, Ezra would be more comfortable here, I want you to put him on this bed." Josiah tried to get up again but was pushed back down.
"You’re too big for the cot Josiah." Nathan told him.
"Put Ezra on the bed." Josiah growled at him. "If you don't I'll do it myself." Their argument was interrupted by Chris's voice, they could hear the fear and worry that it held.
"Nathan." Chris called him over to the cot and gave him room so he could confirm what he was feeling, Ezra's body was being tormented by the tremors that he'd had on two other occasions and in both of those situations, they were either proceeded by or followed by the pains in his stomach.
Nathan leant down over Ezra and put his hand on his back, feeling what Chris had felt. "Vin, JD untie his legs then get Josiah off the bed."
"What's wrong?" JD came forward as Nathan and Chris quickly untied Ezra's hands.
"Just do it JD!" Chris ordered him.
When JD gently took hold of Ezra's leg to untie it he could feel the slight shivers that were running through his body.
"Oh no." He knew what it meant.
When they had released Ezra from his bonds Chris carefully picked him up, he could feel the tremors as they began to take control of Ezra's body as he waited for JD and Vin to help Josiah off the bed. He laid Ezra down on his right side and then made his way around to the other side of the bed, he got onto the bed behind Ezra and lifted him into his arms, he held his trembling body against his chest making sure that Ezra's back was facing outwards so he wouldn't hurt his gunshot wound. He wrapped his arms around Ezra's upper body, pushing his head into his shoulder, he gently placed his own chin on top of Ezra's damp head and held him as tight as he could, hoping that the act itself would stop the tremors that were becoming more violent. He watched as Ezra tried to bring his knees up to his chest as the pain began but Chris's own body was in the way. Chris could feel his knees as they pressed into his side, he heard Ezra moan as the pain got worse and then his first scream filled the room when it became unbearable.
Nathan came forward and sat next to Ezra who was now curled up tightly in Chris's arms, he wanted to do something for his friend, anything as he hated to see him go through so much pain but there was nothing that he could do except watch and comfort him as best he could. He put his hand against Ezra's damp head as he struggled in Chris's grip against the pain.
JD ran out of the room because he couldn't watch Ezra. Josiah lay on his side as the tears fell from his face once more, he wanted to go to Ezra and help him but his own body wouldn't allow it, he took comfort in the fact that Chris was doing his best to help Ezra through it. Vin sat on the cot with Josiah and listened as Ezra let out another agonising scream, he flinch at the thought of how bad it must have been for Ezra to scream like that. Buck stayed on the floor forcing himself to watch Ezra and to listen to his screams, he blinked allowing his tears to fall.
Chris felt as though he was being torn apart as he realised that Ezra had finally lost consciousness five minutes after the pain had started, he was grateful but he could now feel Ezra's body twitching within his comforting embrace and it told him that the pain had still not left him. His own clothes were soaked with the sweat that poured from Ezra's body, he could feel the heat burning through to his skin, telling him that Ezra had a very high fever but he didn't know if it was from the gunshot wound or another symptom of the potion's effects on his body. He continued to speak to Ezra in a quiet voice not knowing whether he heard him or not.
Nathan used the opportunity to pull Ezra away from Chris so he could check his stomach, he found it to be swollen again and when he pressed against it, Ezra moved away from him back into Chris's arms. "Don't." Ezra whispered as the touch caused him to wake up.
"Ezra? Has the pain gone?" Nathan asked him as he leaned forward to look into his face.
"No." He groaned. "It's not as bad though." He pushed himself further into Chris's chest as he welcomed the comfort that he gave him, he knew that Chris didn't blame him for what he had done.
"Is it like before when it had gone, is it an aching feeling that you have?"
"No it's sharp." Ezra gasped and gripped Chris's arm against the pain. "Nathan why won't you give me something for the pain?"
"I'm sorry Ezra but Chow Chee said if I gave you anything it would only make you worse. I can't do that to you Ezra." He placed his hand against Ezra's cheek and felt the burning fever that was raging through him.
Ezra opened his eyes and looked up at Nathan. "You can't help me?"
"Ezra he said that it would kill you. I'm sorry but all we can do is be here for you." Nathan told him, he left his hand where it was and felt Ezra's body jerk as the pain shot through him again. His eyes were now squeezed tight.
"How long?" Ezra asked after the pain eased.
"At least five days Ezra." He stroked his face with his healing hands knowing that they could not help Ezra as they had done on the other occasions when he had been hurt.
"Five days." Ezra croaked. His eyes opened again to find Nathan nodding in acknowledgement. "Nathan is Buck still here?"
"Yes he is. Do you want to talk to him?"
"No. Make him leave, I don't want him here." He could feel the pain finally leaving him but wondered how long it would be before it came back. It had five days to come as often as it wanted to. "Please get him away from me."
"He feels really bad about what he did Ezra." Chris spoke gently into his ear.
"Does he feel as bad as I do Chris?" He didn't get an answer. "Buck get out of here."
Buck got up off the floor and walked past the bed looking down at Ezra. "I'm sorry Ezra."
"Sorry isn't enough Buck. Get out." Ezra didn't look at him but instead looked down at his own legs as he felt something moving on them.
Buck nodded and then left the room and closed the door behind him. He leaned back against it as the screams started again. The tears flowed freely from his eyes as he listened to Ezra screaming and couldn't move away from the door until Ezra was silent once more.
Ezra looked down when he felt something on his legs and saw the rats, the fear squeezed his heart as the memory of the cellar was brought violently back to the forefront of his mind. He couldn't count how many there were because they were running over each other but he did realise that he could no longer see his own limbs under the vermin that now covered them. He started to kick his legs trying to get them off his body but they just kept coming back.
"GET THEM OFF ME!" He screamed at Nathan as he tried to push himself further into Chris's embrace. "GET THEM OFF ME!"
Ezra kicked out trying to get the rats off his legs and accidently hit Nathan in the chest, he pulled his eyes up from the terrifying sight before him and watched as Nathan fell from the bed. He now knew that Nathan wasn't going to be able to help him so he tried to turn his terrified eyes towards Chris hoping that just the fear in his eyes would tell him what was wrong but he felt someone grab his legs, he looked back to find Vin leaning on him to stop him from kicking. Ezra realised that they must have thought that he was trying to hurt them again.
"NO!" Ezra tried to push himself away from them. "RATS! GET THEM OFF ME!"
"Vin get off him!" Chris yelled down at him as he turned Ezra's face towards his own and saw the terror that filled his eyes. "Ezra there aren't any rats."
"Yes there is, there all over my legs, I can feel them! " He tried to tear his face from Chris's hands so he could confirm that what he was seeing was real. "Chris I can feel them biting me! Get them off me please!"
"They’re not real Ezra." Chris turned Ezra's face away so he couldn't see his legs anymore and pulled him back into his arms. Because Ezra was now lying on his stomach against Chris's chest with his face buried in his left shoulder, he was still able to kick out at what he was feeling even though he could no longer see them. "There not real Ezra, there not real."
"But I can feel them!" Ezra still kicked out at the rats that he felt climbing up his legs. "CHRIS! Oh God there on my back. GET THEM OFF ME PLEASE!"
"Ezra there's nothing there, the rats aren't real." Chris's hold on Ezra became even tighter as the gambler tried to push away from him, he began to rock him back and forth. "There not real Ezra."
Nathan had finally managed to get himself up off the floor as everyone was watching Chris and Ezra, they were too scared to remember that Ezra had kicked him. He quickly moved around to the side of the bed and looked into Ezra's face, the eyes were closed tightly against what he was feeling but the tears still managed to escape.
"Ezra look at me." Nathan told him. "Ezra!"
"Get them off me Nathan, please." Ezra sobbed through the tears.
"Chris is right Ezra, there not real, there's nothing for you to be afraid of." Nathan assured him.
"But why can I feel them if there not real." Ezra finally managed to get a hand free and frantically tore through the empty air above his back. Chris gently took Ezra's hand and pulled it back towards him and then placed his own arm back around Ezra.
"Nathan." Josiah called to him and once he got his attention, he told him what to do. "Rub his temple, it usually helps calm him down."
Nathan frowned at him but did as he was told, he carefully began to massage Ezra's temple with his healing hand while reassuring him with his soft voice that what he was feeling wasn't real and after a few minutes, Ezra did begin to calm down.
"Ezra?" Nathan wasn't sure if Ezra was back in the real world or not.
"I'm okay now Nathan, they’re gone." Ezra's words were slurred.
"Are you tired Ezra?" Nathan asked him and felt him nod under his hand. "Get some sleep then." He continued to rub his temple as his breathing became more shallow.
"Five days, how am I supposed to get through it Nathan." Ezra whispered before he finally fell into a deep sleep.
"I don't know Ezra." Nathan looked up at Chris not hiding the despair that he felt. "Chris can you lie him down on his side first for me, I want to check his stomach." Chris did as he was told and when Nathan saw that the swelling was already beginning to subside he gently rolled Ezra onto his stomach. He pulled the blanket up to his waist and laid his own hand on his back. "Hopefully he'll sleep for a while."
Chris went and got a bowl of water and cloth and went back to Ezra, he then sat down beside him and started to wipe the sweat from his face and upper body while he waited for what was going to happen next.
***
JD sat on the stairs that led up to the clinic with his hands against his ears as he tried to block out the sound of Ezra's screams. Even after the silence settled once more, the sound of Ezra's torment stayed in his mind. He only pulled his hands away when he realised that someone was sitting next to him, he looked up at Buck.
"He doesn't want me in there." Buck answered JD's questioning look.
"He'll calm down when it's over." JD told him.
"I don't think so, he's really mad at me. He hates me, I could see it in his eyes." Buck wiped his face as he felt the new tears that were beginning to form in his eyes.
"He doesn't hate you Buck. He's saying a lot of mean things at the moment, you should have been here before, the things that came out of his mouth, I've never heard him talk like that, never knew he could." JD smiled slightly. "He put you to shame Buck."
"He hates me for what I did JD not because that stuff is making him angry."
"Angry isn't the word." JD looked over at Buck. "Why don't we go and get some food, I'm sure everyone could do with something to eat, some soup for Ezra, maybe Nathan can get him to eat something."
Buck nodded and together they went to the Hotel, both glad to have something to distract them from what was happening.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five
Master Fan Fiction List
Sixteenth story in 'The Continuing Ezra Standish Saga'
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bad writing ahead!
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Summary: When Ezra mistakenly drinks something meant for JD his normal world is turned into a violent nightmare for both him and the other hired gunmen.
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the seven + OC's.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Beta: Not betaed – written in the early days when I didn’t know what the words grammar and edit meant. *is ashamed but no longer care*
Notes: Sixteenth story in the ‘Continuing Ezra Standish Saga’.
Spoilers: None.
Total Word Count: 40,665
WARNING! Please note that this story contains disturbing images.
Part Four
Ezra could feel the hot pain as it began to spread through his lower back and with it came the memory of what he had done. His heart broke as he remembered the sound of Josiah's head hitting the wooden pole and he felt sickened by the smile that had crossed his own face as it had echoed through his mind. That simple sound kept repeating in his mind over and over again until he could stand it no more. He tried to think of something else but it was nearly as bad, he thought of Casey and how he had nearly ended her young life. He couldn't understand why he was doing these things, he had no excuse for his actions and he knew that he needed to be punished for them.
He tried to move and groaned as the pain in his back ignited. He heard a voice call his name but he ignored it, he felt someone's touch and wanted it to go away, he didn't deserve it, he had hurt his friends, he shouldn't even be allowed to live. Ezra knew that they wouldn't allow him to die, that they wouldn't punish him and if they weren't going to allow him to suffer for what he had done then he would have to do it himself, he would cause his own suffering.
He knew the pain was mostly on the left side of his back so he tried to roll onto that side so the pain would erupt giving
him what he hoped would be a punishment for his crimes, he deserved to suffer and what better way was there than physical pain. He felt hands pull him back down onto his stomach as someone's words tried to reassure him that everything was okay.
Nothing was okay, he had hurt his friends, nearly killed them and he had to receive retribution for what he had done. He turned his head so it was facing his right shoulder and then pushed himself away from the hands that tried to hold him and cried out as the pain tore through his back as he managed to roll onto his left side, the hands though ended his punishment as they pulled him back down.
He tried again but there was a weight pressing down on his back stopping him from moving onto his side, he needed that person to get off him so he could carry out his punishment, he was wasn't going to suffer if he stayed in the position that he was in. Ezra opened his eyes and saw the still form of Josiah lying on the bed across the room. His vision became blurry as his eyes filled with tears at the sight of his friend.
His line of sight was blocked though as Chris bent down on his heels in front of him, he felt Chris's hand wiping his face, he heard his words telling him that Josiah was alright, that he was just sleeping but Ezra knew that he was lying to him. He could see Josiah's pale face, the bandage that was wrapped around his head and the slow movement of his chest as he breathed. He blinked allowing the tears to fall from his eyes and then turned his head away from the sight. Ezra rolled onto his right side and was grateful when they didn't pull him back, he could feel the pain in his back but it wasn't enough.
He pulled his left arm down under the blanket and with his right, he began to scratch at the healing scabs that were on his arm. He could feel the sting as the scabs peeled from the small cuts revealing the raw skin that was beneath them, he felt the wetness of the blood that began to build under his finger nails. The pain wasn't enough so he dug deeper into his flesh pulling the skin that surrounded the small wounds making them wider and deeper, the blood began to flow more freely. The punishment that he inflicted upon himself still wasn't enough but it would have to do for now. When they moved away from him and gave him some room he would do more, he needed to be punished for hurting Josiah, for shooting Casey and for beating Nathan.
He could still hear the voices but he continued to ignore them, they wanted to help him but they didn't realise that they should be punishing him not helping him. A loud moan broke through the voices and he knew that it was Josiah. He heard Nathan as he went to help and spoke to him trying to get him to wake up. He heard the violent sounds as Josiah was sick and he began to dig even further into his flesh hoping that the pain would drive the sounds away. It was a few more minutes before the noise stopped and he didn't want the pain to stop but the blood had caused the skin to become soft and he couldn't grip it between his fingers anymore, the blood was making it hard for him to get any purchase on the torn flesh so he stopped. The voices came back to him.
"Ezra will you answer me please." Nathan called to him hoping to break through to him. "Ezra!"
They had heard a soft moan come from the cot as Ezra finally woke up from his seven-hour unconscious reprieve from what was happening to him. They had to stop him as he tried to move and Chris had to hold him down when he then tried to roll onto his injured back but after two attempts, he had succeeded. He didn't know what Ezra had tried to do. He had cried out in pain but had made no attempt to move back onto his stomach, they had to force him off his side, he had thought that he wanted to see Josiah but when he had he only turned his head away from him as the tears fell from his eyes. He had then lay on his other side and continued to shut them out. Chris had tried to reassure him that Josiah was okay but he didn't listen to him. Nathan knew that he was still with them because for the short period of time that he had opened his eyes they were clear and sharp, not distant and cloudy as they had been before.
Nathan had to leave him for a few minutes though when Josiah had woken up again and help him as he threw up into the bucket, it had been the third time already that night that he had done so. The first time that he had woken up, he had asked about Ezra but they told him that he was sleeping. They didn't tell him that he had been shot, they had decided to wait until he was more lucid because they knew he would only worry about him and then try to get out of his bed to get to Ezra. Once he had made sure that Josiah was comfortable, he had gone back to Ezra. Chris was leaning over him so he could see his face as he wiped the sweat from it.
"Ezra I'm going to check your back to make sure that you didn't injure yourself more and cause the wound to start bleeding." Nathan stopped trying to get him to answer, he just talked to him instead knowing that Ezra could hear him.
"It's fine." Ezra muttered, he didn't want Nathan to stop the dull ache that had begun in his back. He needed to be punished.
"It will only take me a minute Ezra." Nathan assured him as he thought that Ezra was worried that he was going to hurt him.
"No! It's fine, it doesn't hurt much." Ezra growled at him, he wanted the pain to get worse, he just had to wait for an opportunity to cause the pain to become unbearable, it was the only way to pay for what he had done to his friends. He opened his eyes and stared into Chris's face.
"It's okay Ezra, Nathan's not going to hurt you. Will you let him check your back?." Chris asked soothingly as he placed his hand on Ezra's warm cheek.
Ezra didn't answer, he knew that he wasn't going to be able to stop them, he drew his left arm closer to his bare chest and rubbed his forearm against the soft skin, the sting of the raw flesh rubbing against his chest caused him to smile. Chris nodded at Nathan to go ahead as he thought that Ezra's smile was an answer to his question indicating that it was okay for Nathan to check his back.
Nathan pulled the blanket down from Ezra's shoulders as he cringed away from him and revealed the bloody arm that was hidden beneath it.
"What the . . . " Nathan saw the blood that covered Ezra's arm and chest but wasn't sure where it had come from.
Ezra pulled his arm closer to his body, telling Nathan that it was the source of the blood loss. He grabbed Ezra's wrist and pulled it towards him and he heard Chris's quick intake of breath at the sight of Ezra's arm. The flesh was torn, there were pieces of skin hanging from the still bleeding wounds. Ezra tried to pull his arm away but Nathan held his wrist firmly in his grip.
"Let go of me Nathan!" Ezra growled at him, his voice holding a threatening tone.
"What happened to your arm Ezra?" Chris asked him as he stared at Ezra's forearm, his mind refusing to take in the reality of what did happen, that Ezra had done it himself.
"Not what Chris, who." Nathan looked into Ezra's eyes and didn't like what he saw. "You just did this didn't you Ezra?"
Ezra tried to pull his arm from Nathan's hand but he wouldn't let go of him. He had to stop them as he knew they would only ease his pain, he didn't want that. He sat up and brought up his right fist to hit him but Chris was faster, he grabbed the arm as it moved slower due to the weakness of its owner. Ezra couldn't pull his arms away, he had to tried harder, he had to punish himself.
"LET GO OF ME!" He screamed into their shocked faces.
He started to fight them, he pulled his arms towards himself as far as they would go, knowing that they would pull back in return and then pushed back towards them with all the strength that he could gather from his weakening body as he knew they would not expect it. Nathan lost his grip as he fell from the bed when Ezra pushed towards him but Chris still held onto his right arm. Ezra though didn't need that arm to do what he wanted, he reached behind his back and pulled the bandage up exposing his wound, he intended to inflict the punishment he thought he truly deserved.
"Chris! Stop him." Nathan yelled at him as he saw Ezra reach for the bullet wound in his back.
Ezra had heard the warning and before Chris could grab his free arm, he dug his fingers into the wound, tearing the stitches from the flesh. He wanted to do more as the pain tore through him punishing him for what he had done but knew that it was not enough as he still felt the guilt that filled his heart and soul. Ezra felt someone grab his arm and pull him onto his stomach causing the pain to ease.
"No! Let me go!" Ezra was furious, he continued to fight them but to no avail, he felt a knee dig into his back, pushing his face into the pillow and the weight that fell onto his legs. "Get off me! Get the hell away from me!" He spat at them as he turned his head to the side. "I have to do it! You won't!"
"Hold him down Chris." Nathan warned him.
"What do you think I'm trying to do Nathan." Chris retorted.
"GET OFF ME!" Ezra screamed again.
"Ezra calm down, try and relax." Nathan knew that he was wasting his time as he tried to calm the gambler down but he had to do something as he was only going to injure himself more. He could see the blood that was already soaking into the bandage that was wrapped around his waist.
"Let go of me!" Ezra continued to struggle and surprised the two men that were holding him down with the strength that he was using to fight them. "Chris!" Ezra tried to pull his arms down but Chris's grip held them in place above his head, he could also feel his knee on his upper back. "Bastard! Get off me!"
"Ezra." Josiah's voice was soft and gentle and it was enough to stop Ezra so suddenly that Nathan had to check to make sure that he hadn't lost consciousness. "Ezra look at me please."
Josiah had heard the screams as they broke through his clouded mind and he knew instantly that it was Ezra, he had to wake up and help his friend. It took him a few minutes but he was finally able to open his eyes and when he did, his heart went out to the gambler, he saw the blood on his arm as Chris struggled to hold it over his head, he winced at the injury on his back that was below Chris's knee.
"No." Was the whispered reply. Ezra had heard Josiah's voice and it had brought the guilt to the front of his mind, pushing the need to punish himself away for the moment. He stopped his struggles as he closed his eyes, he hoped that the voice was only in his mind.
"Ezra, look at me." Josiah used the same sort of tone that a father would use on a son, he needed to be firm with him yet also show the concern that he felt.
"No." Ezra tried to put his hands over his ears to block out the voice that he now knew was not in his head but he still couldn't pull them away from Chris's grip. "Let me go." They didn't. "Get the hell off me!"
"Ezra listen to me!" Josiah raised his voice. "Will you please listen to me."
"Get off me you Bastard!" Ezra no longer listened to Josiah but began to struggle again against the forces that held him down.
***
JD was returning to the clinic in the early hours of the morning, the streets were empty as the townsfolk were yet to rise from their beds. He needed to get out of the clinic as he could no longer stand to be in the room anymore. He wanted some fresh air to clear his head. JD found it hard to watch what Ezra was going through and was going to go through when he woke up, he knew he would feel guilty, he always took responsibility for someone being hurt even if it wasn't his fault as though he had hurt that person himself and this time he had.
He looked up main street and saw two riders coming in, he didn't recognise the horses but he knew the riders. He ran up to Buck and Vin to find out if they brought back any good news but their forlorn expressions told him otherwise. They dismounted from their horses empty handed.
"Anything at all?" He asked with a small glimmer of hope. Buck shook his head to indicate that they had nothing.
"What about Ezra?" Vin asked, he still felt a lot of remorse for what he had thought about him after he had shot Casey but he knew that it was nothing compared to what Buck was feeling or even Ezra for that matter. JD couldn't look at them, he lowered his eyes to the ground.
"What is it JD? Is he okay?" Buck stepped forward and lifted JD's head up with his hand and stepped back when he saw the tears. "He's dead isn't he?"
"No but he might be better off." JD bit his lip as the words escaped his mouth, he didn't want to say it, didn't even want to think it but he couldn't help it. "Maybe you should go and look for yourself Buck, go and see what you did."
"JD, he feels bad enough as it is." Vin informed him.
"That's not enough Vin. You don't know what he did while you were gone, what he went through." He stepped closer to Buck. "Go on, go and see him, go and see Josiah."
"Josiah?" Vin questioned him.
"Yes Josiah." JD turned his back on them and continued on to the clinic, he could hear their footsteps as they sounded behind him but he ignored them, he felt bad about what he had said but he needed to get it out of his system.
They had reached the bottom of the stairs when they heard the screaming coming from inside the clinic; it was Ezra's voice. They bounded up the stairs and through the door and didn't even have time to take in the sight that was before them.
***
Nathan and Chris were finding it hard to keep Ezra down, he shouldn't have been able to keep going like this but they knew that he was thriving on the pain that he was in, for some reason he wanted that pain and it seemed the worse the pain got, the stronger he became. Neither held no anger towards Ezra for the abuse that he was hurling at them, all they wanted was for him to stop, Chris had even hit him once trying to knock him out as he had done in the saloon but it hadn't worked, it just made him more angry. Chris had heard the door open and quickly glanced up to see the other three members of the group.
"Get over here and help us!" Chris yelled at them.
"Hurry up, we have to tie him down before he hurts himself even more." Nathan told them. "Vin you take his legs, Buck help Chris, JD grabbed me some bandages." Once Vin had taken his place Nathan gathered the ropes that were on the floor and when JD returned with the bandages he gave out more instructions. "JD get his left leg, I want to bandage his ankles so he doesn't pull on the ropes and rub his skin raw." He looked up to see JD watching Ezra. "JD! Now!."
"I’ll kill you if lay a hand on me JD!" Ezra yelled at him. "Get off me!" Ezra's voice was becoming hoarse with all the yelling that he had been doing for the last fifteen minutes but he felt as though he could continue to struggle against them, it was giving him the pain to help deal with the guilt that he was feeling and the more he struggled the worse the pain became. He continued to yell at them hoping that it would make them angry and cause them to push down harder. He wanted the pain, he needed it. "Bastards, get off me."
JD took Ezra's left leg and pulled the trouser leg up so Nathan could bandage it, he then helped tie the rope to his leg and then the cot. They then repeated the procedure with his right leg and arm. JD went to help with Ezra's left arm but Nathan's voice stopped him.
"Not that one JD, I'll need to clean it and then bandage the wounds, then we'll tie it." He stepped back from the cot and looked down at Ezra, he could see the hatred and pain that his eyes held. "Chris keep your weight on his back. Buck take his left wrist and hold his arm down with his palm facing upwards."
Buck did as he was told and saw the injury to Ezra's arm, he had seen the wound to his back as soon as he came into the room but Chris's voice tore his eyes away from it. He now took his time to take in Ezra's wounds, he then looked over at Josiah and saw the bandage that was wrapped around his head, he also took in the tears that were falling down his cheeks as he watched Ezra's struggles and listened to his words. Ezra's voice pulled him back to reality.
"Buck! You son of a bitch. Let go of my arm!" Ezra tried to pull it away but when he saw Nathan returning with the things that he needed to clean it, he stopped struggling. He knew that it was going to cause him a lot of pain and he was going to welcome it.
Chris felt Ezra's struggles stop and he saw that Buck was about to let go of his arm. "Don't let him go Buck! Vin help him hold his arm so Nathan can fix it up." Chris kept his own weight on Ezra's back.
Nathan quickly cleaned Ezra's arm, the blood had made it look worse than it was. He had looked into Ezra's eyes only once, he wasn't going to do it again as he could see that Ezra was enjoying the pain that he was causing him. When he was finished, he wrapped the wound loosely so the bandage wouldn't stick to the flesh. He then had Buck help him tie his arm with the injured side facing upwards, once again bandaging the wrist so Ezra wouldn't be able to use the rope to cause himself any more injuries.
"Chris you can get off him now but I'll need someone to sit on his legs so he can't move his back while I restitch the wound." He saw Buck and Vin's curious glances but he ignored them, his first priority was Ezra. He would answer their questions when he was ready, not before hand.
While Vin sat on Ezra's legs Nathan dealt with the wound. Vin watched what he was doing and knew immediately that it was a bullet wound. He wanted to know what had happened but was going to wait until Nathan was finished before he asked his questions.
"Get off him Vin." Nathan told him when he had finished. He wiped his tired eyes and then stepped back.
Chris went and sat down in front of Ezra and as he did so he saw a sudden change overcome his friend. "Ezra?"
"Why Chris?" Ezra couldn't stop the tears that fell from his face. "Why am I doing this? What's wrong with me?"
"Ezra." Buck came forward and put his hand on the back of Ezra's shoulder, he could feel the heat that his body was generating, he hadn't noticed it before. Chris moved out of the way for him. "I'm sorry. It's my fault, I did this." He saw the confused expression that overcame Ezra. "Remember when I went to see Hong Sing. I got something off him so I could play a joke on JD, I put it in that glass of milk that I bought him but you drank it and the alcohol that you had with it caused this to happen, it's making you act this way. It's my fault not yours." Buck had looked away from Ezra's eyes so he didn't see the anger return but he did feel the moisture as Ezra spat in his face.
"You bastard, you did this to me!" Ezra yelled at him as he pulled at the ropes. "You son of a bitch, do you have any idea what I'm going through! What I've done to people, my friends. DO YOU! Get the hell away from me!" The tears began to fall again as the anger left him once more. "Chris?"
"I'm here Ezra." Chris came forward again and sat down in front of him, he placed his hand against his face and began to wipe the tears away with his thumb.
"I'm . . . sorry, I didn't . . . mean what I . . . said, I'm sorry. I . . . didn't mean any of it . . . Nathan I'm sorry . . . I didn't want to hurt . . . Casey or Josiah . . . that man . . ."
"It's okay Ezra, it's not you doing it. I know you can't stop what you’re doing. It's okay." Once he had wiped the tears dry, he began to stroke the side of his face and head in a soothing motion and watched as Ezra finally drifted off to sleep.
Buck walked backwards until his back hit the wall. He allowed himself to slide down the wall until he was sitting on the cold floor, the spit still clinging to his face untouched. Buck hadn't bother to wipe it off as he was still in shock from Ezra had said to him. He had heard the anger in his voice but what had hurt him the most was the hatred that Ezra had obviously felt towards him in regards to what he had done, the sight of him tied to the cot and Ezra's injuries hadn't helped him either. He watched as Chris stayed by Ezra's side as he continued to brush his face with his hand, talking to him as though Ezra could still feel the touch and hear the words. He looked up when someone stood in front of him and handed him a cloth to wipe his face.
"What did Chow Chee say?" Nathan asked him as he took the material and began to wipe Ezra's spit from his face.
"There's nothing you can do for him, he said if you gave him anything it would kill him." Buck muttered more to himself than to Nathan. He would never forgive himself for what he had done and he didn't expect Ezra to either but that didn't worry him because he didn't deserve his forgiveness.
"Nothing?" Nathan confirmed his own doubts.
"Not a thing, we have to wait until it's out of his system and even after he's better, he still can't take anything or drink alcohol for a week." Vin spoke up as he saw that Buck wasn't going to say any more. He had become silent as he sat against the wall staring at Ezra's slack features as he slept.
"We!" Chris growled at him. "Don't you mean Ezra, he's the one going through this Vin not us. He's the one that has to suffer until it's out of his system."
"Take it easy Chris." Nathan came over and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"How long did he say it would take?" Chris wanted to know as he ignored Nathan.
"Five days." Vin continued with his explanation. "Said that it was going to get a lot worse for him too. Says that he's going to get real sick."
"Are you telling us that it's going to get worse than this! That he's going to suffer more than he already has!" Chris growled at him as he pointed out Ezra's injuries and Josiah's. "He can't go through any more of this Vin."
Vin nodded as he dropped his head, he was also beginning to feel that he was also responsible for what happened as he was the one that told JD to bet his glass of milk in the first place. "Can you tell us what this is Chris? What happened while we were gone?"
"JD you tell them." Chris had heard Ezra moan and move beneath his hand so turned his back on the others and began to comfort the gambler again in an attempt to calm him down.
JD spent ten minutes explaining what happened, he wanted Buck to hear every detail of what Ezra had done, the way he had felt when he watched Ezra fall to the ground after he was shot in the back, the sound of Josiah's head hitting the pole and the smile that Ezra wore. Nathan then took over as he told them the injuries that he had caused the man. Who hit young Ricky, what Ezra must have done to his own arm, how he had torn the stitches out of his back, then as an afterthought he told them how he spent fifteen minutes in agony as the pain tore through his stomach a second time leaving it swollen and sore. Buck and Vin both listened to what JD and Nathan told them as their eyes never left Ezra's sleeping form.
"And how's Josiah doing?" Vin asked Nathan.
"I'm fine." Josiah answered his question as he tried to get up off the bed, he stopped his efforts as a wave of nausea overtook him. He had been listening to the conversation also as he still didn't know what had happened after they left the clinic to take Ezra back to his room.
"Josiah stay where you are." Nathan ordered him as he came to the bed, he pushed him back down and felt his forehead for the fever that he had earlier. "Your fever has broken but you still need plenty of rest Josiah. I don't want you going anywhere, you hear me."
"I can rest better on the cot, Ezra would be more comfortable here, I want you to put him on this bed." Josiah tried to get up again but was pushed back down.
"You’re too big for the cot Josiah." Nathan told him.
"Put Ezra on the bed." Josiah growled at him. "If you don't I'll do it myself." Their argument was interrupted by Chris's voice, they could hear the fear and worry that it held.
"Nathan." Chris called him over to the cot and gave him room so he could confirm what he was feeling, Ezra's body was being tormented by the tremors that he'd had on two other occasions and in both of those situations, they were either proceeded by or followed by the pains in his stomach.
Nathan leant down over Ezra and put his hand on his back, feeling what Chris had felt. "Vin, JD untie his legs then get Josiah off the bed."
"What's wrong?" JD came forward as Nathan and Chris quickly untied Ezra's hands.
"Just do it JD!" Chris ordered him.
When JD gently took hold of Ezra's leg to untie it he could feel the slight shivers that were running through his body.
"Oh no." He knew what it meant.
When they had released Ezra from his bonds Chris carefully picked him up, he could feel the tremors as they began to take control of Ezra's body as he waited for JD and Vin to help Josiah off the bed. He laid Ezra down on his right side and then made his way around to the other side of the bed, he got onto the bed behind Ezra and lifted him into his arms, he held his trembling body against his chest making sure that Ezra's back was facing outwards so he wouldn't hurt his gunshot wound. He wrapped his arms around Ezra's upper body, pushing his head into his shoulder, he gently placed his own chin on top of Ezra's damp head and held him as tight as he could, hoping that the act itself would stop the tremors that were becoming more violent. He watched as Ezra tried to bring his knees up to his chest as the pain began but Chris's own body was in the way. Chris could feel his knees as they pressed into his side, he heard Ezra moan as the pain got worse and then his first scream filled the room when it became unbearable.
Nathan came forward and sat next to Ezra who was now curled up tightly in Chris's arms, he wanted to do something for his friend, anything as he hated to see him go through so much pain but there was nothing that he could do except watch and comfort him as best he could. He put his hand against Ezra's damp head as he struggled in Chris's grip against the pain.
JD ran out of the room because he couldn't watch Ezra. Josiah lay on his side as the tears fell from his face once more, he wanted to go to Ezra and help him but his own body wouldn't allow it, he took comfort in the fact that Chris was doing his best to help Ezra through it. Vin sat on the cot with Josiah and listened as Ezra let out another agonising scream, he flinch at the thought of how bad it must have been for Ezra to scream like that. Buck stayed on the floor forcing himself to watch Ezra and to listen to his screams, he blinked allowing his tears to fall.
Chris felt as though he was being torn apart as he realised that Ezra had finally lost consciousness five minutes after the pain had started, he was grateful but he could now feel Ezra's body twitching within his comforting embrace and it told him that the pain had still not left him. His own clothes were soaked with the sweat that poured from Ezra's body, he could feel the heat burning through to his skin, telling him that Ezra had a very high fever but he didn't know if it was from the gunshot wound or another symptom of the potion's effects on his body. He continued to speak to Ezra in a quiet voice not knowing whether he heard him or not.
Nathan used the opportunity to pull Ezra away from Chris so he could check his stomach, he found it to be swollen again and when he pressed against it, Ezra moved away from him back into Chris's arms. "Don't." Ezra whispered as the touch caused him to wake up.
"Ezra? Has the pain gone?" Nathan asked him as he leaned forward to look into his face.
"No." He groaned. "It's not as bad though." He pushed himself further into Chris's chest as he welcomed the comfort that he gave him, he knew that Chris didn't blame him for what he had done.
"Is it like before when it had gone, is it an aching feeling that you have?"
"No it's sharp." Ezra gasped and gripped Chris's arm against the pain. "Nathan why won't you give me something for the pain?"
"I'm sorry Ezra but Chow Chee said if I gave you anything it would only make you worse. I can't do that to you Ezra." He placed his hand against Ezra's cheek and felt the burning fever that was raging through him.
Ezra opened his eyes and looked up at Nathan. "You can't help me?"
"Ezra he said that it would kill you. I'm sorry but all we can do is be here for you." Nathan told him, he left his hand where it was and felt Ezra's body jerk as the pain shot through him again. His eyes were now squeezed tight.
"How long?" Ezra asked after the pain eased.
"At least five days Ezra." He stroked his face with his healing hands knowing that they could not help Ezra as they had done on the other occasions when he had been hurt.
"Five days." Ezra croaked. His eyes opened again to find Nathan nodding in acknowledgement. "Nathan is Buck still here?"
"Yes he is. Do you want to talk to him?"
"No. Make him leave, I don't want him here." He could feel the pain finally leaving him but wondered how long it would be before it came back. It had five days to come as often as it wanted to. "Please get him away from me."
"He feels really bad about what he did Ezra." Chris spoke gently into his ear.
"Does he feel as bad as I do Chris?" He didn't get an answer. "Buck get out of here."
Buck got up off the floor and walked past the bed looking down at Ezra. "I'm sorry Ezra."
"Sorry isn't enough Buck. Get out." Ezra didn't look at him but instead looked down at his own legs as he felt something moving on them.
Buck nodded and then left the room and closed the door behind him. He leaned back against it as the screams started again. The tears flowed freely from his eyes as he listened to Ezra screaming and couldn't move away from the door until Ezra was silent once more.
Ezra looked down when he felt something on his legs and saw the rats, the fear squeezed his heart as the memory of the cellar was brought violently back to the forefront of his mind. He couldn't count how many there were because they were running over each other but he did realise that he could no longer see his own limbs under the vermin that now covered them. He started to kick his legs trying to get them off his body but they just kept coming back.
"GET THEM OFF ME!" He screamed at Nathan as he tried to push himself further into Chris's embrace. "GET THEM OFF ME!"
Ezra kicked out trying to get the rats off his legs and accidently hit Nathan in the chest, he pulled his eyes up from the terrifying sight before him and watched as Nathan fell from the bed. He now knew that Nathan wasn't going to be able to help him so he tried to turn his terrified eyes towards Chris hoping that just the fear in his eyes would tell him what was wrong but he felt someone grab his legs, he looked back to find Vin leaning on him to stop him from kicking. Ezra realised that they must have thought that he was trying to hurt them again.
"NO!" Ezra tried to push himself away from them. "RATS! GET THEM OFF ME!"
"Vin get off him!" Chris yelled down at him as he turned Ezra's face towards his own and saw the terror that filled his eyes. "Ezra there aren't any rats."
"Yes there is, there all over my legs, I can feel them! " He tried to tear his face from Chris's hands so he could confirm that what he was seeing was real. "Chris I can feel them biting me! Get them off me please!"
"They’re not real Ezra." Chris turned Ezra's face away so he couldn't see his legs anymore and pulled him back into his arms. Because Ezra was now lying on his stomach against Chris's chest with his face buried in his left shoulder, he was still able to kick out at what he was feeling even though he could no longer see them. "There not real Ezra, there not real."
"But I can feel them!" Ezra still kicked out at the rats that he felt climbing up his legs. "CHRIS! Oh God there on my back. GET THEM OFF ME PLEASE!"
"Ezra there's nothing there, the rats aren't real." Chris's hold on Ezra became even tighter as the gambler tried to push away from him, he began to rock him back and forth. "There not real Ezra."
Nathan had finally managed to get himself up off the floor as everyone was watching Chris and Ezra, they were too scared to remember that Ezra had kicked him. He quickly moved around to the side of the bed and looked into Ezra's face, the eyes were closed tightly against what he was feeling but the tears still managed to escape.
"Ezra look at me." Nathan told him. "Ezra!"
"Get them off me Nathan, please." Ezra sobbed through the tears.
"Chris is right Ezra, there not real, there's nothing for you to be afraid of." Nathan assured him.
"But why can I feel them if there not real." Ezra finally managed to get a hand free and frantically tore through the empty air above his back. Chris gently took Ezra's hand and pulled it back towards him and then placed his own arm back around Ezra.
"Nathan." Josiah called to him and once he got his attention, he told him what to do. "Rub his temple, it usually helps calm him down."
Nathan frowned at him but did as he was told, he carefully began to massage Ezra's temple with his healing hand while reassuring him with his soft voice that what he was feeling wasn't real and after a few minutes, Ezra did begin to calm down.
"Ezra?" Nathan wasn't sure if Ezra was back in the real world or not.
"I'm okay now Nathan, they’re gone." Ezra's words were slurred.
"Are you tired Ezra?" Nathan asked him and felt him nod under his hand. "Get some sleep then." He continued to rub his temple as his breathing became more shallow.
"Five days, how am I supposed to get through it Nathan." Ezra whispered before he finally fell into a deep sleep.
"I don't know Ezra." Nathan looked up at Chris not hiding the despair that he felt. "Chris can you lie him down on his side first for me, I want to check his stomach." Chris did as he was told and when Nathan saw that the swelling was already beginning to subside he gently rolled Ezra onto his stomach. He pulled the blanket up to his waist and laid his own hand on his back. "Hopefully he'll sleep for a while."
Chris went and got a bowl of water and cloth and went back to Ezra, he then sat down beside him and started to wipe the sweat from his face and upper body while he waited for what was going to happen next.
***
JD sat on the stairs that led up to the clinic with his hands against his ears as he tried to block out the sound of Ezra's screams. Even after the silence settled once more, the sound of Ezra's torment stayed in his mind. He only pulled his hands away when he realised that someone was sitting next to him, he looked up at Buck.
"He doesn't want me in there." Buck answered JD's questioning look.
"He'll calm down when it's over." JD told him.
"I don't think so, he's really mad at me. He hates me, I could see it in his eyes." Buck wiped his face as he felt the new tears that were beginning to form in his eyes.
"He doesn't hate you Buck. He's saying a lot of mean things at the moment, you should have been here before, the things that came out of his mouth, I've never heard him talk like that, never knew he could." JD smiled slightly. "He put you to shame Buck."
"He hates me for what I did JD not because that stuff is making him angry."
"Angry isn't the word." JD looked over at Buck. "Why don't we go and get some food, I'm sure everyone could do with something to eat, some soup for Ezra, maybe Nathan can get him to eat something."
Buck nodded and together they went to the Hotel, both glad to have something to distract them from what was happening.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five
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