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azombiewritesTitle: The Hunted
Nineth story in 'The Continuing Ezra Standish Saga'
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bad writing ahead!
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Summary: The bank of Four Corners is robbed and when the seven hired gunmen go after them, the robbers set a trap and two of the lawmen are injured. The hunters then become the hunted.
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the seven, and some OC's
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Beta: Not betaed – written in the early days when I didn’t know what the words grammar and edit meant. *is ashamed*
Notes: Nineth story in the ‘Continuing Ezra Standish Saga’.
Spoilers: None.
Total Word Count: 24,041
Part Five
"No, Nathan, but I want to ask you something," smiled Buck.
Nathan was very confused as to what Buck wanted. He looked at Ezra then at the others and then brought his eyes back to Buck. He was about to say something when he realised what he had seen. Buck saw the understanding in Nathan's eyes.
"Buck, did you?" The question was left unfinished as Nathan looked at Ezra and back to Buck again.
"No. Did you?" Buck knew that Nathan knew what he was talking about but the others didn't.
"What are you two going on about?" demanded Chris.
Both Buck and Nathan smiled and turned to the others. But instead of saying anything, Nathan went straight to Ezra and felt his pulse while Buck told them what they both had seen.
"Ezra's on his side and we didn't put him there," explained Buck.
Understanding began to dawn on everyone's faces. Nathan looked up at them. "He's come out of the coma. He's sleeping now, he must have rolled over on his own. It's a deep sleep though but he's not in a coma anymore," he turned back to Ezra feeling his forehead. "He still has a fever but his pulse is stronger than what it was."
Everyone smiled and slapped each other on the back. Nathan couldn’t help but his smile with them. The infection was clearing and he had come out of the coma. Now they just had to wait until his fever broke and for him to wake up. Another four hours had passed and Ezra hadn’t moved again. Nathan knew that he hadn’t lapsed back into the coma but he still began to worry again. His fever had still not improved. All he wanted was for Ezra to wake up so he could give him some fluids. Nathan decided it was time to try to wake Ezra up.
"Buck, could you come over here," asked Nathan. The others looked up to find out what was going on.
"What's wrong, Nathan." Buck had suddenly become worried.
"I'm going to try and wake him up. I just want someone here just in case. He still has a fever so I don't know if he's still going to be the same as before." Nathan wanted someone there just in case Ezra tried to attack him. He hoped that he no longer thought they wanted to kill him but he wanted Buck there just in case.
"How are you going to try and wake him up?" asked Buck.
"I'll try smelling salts first and if they don't work I may have to try force." Nathan looked back at Buck and stepped back.
"Are you saying that you’re going to do something to hurt him," growled Buck.
"Take it easy, Buck." Vin had come forward and put a hand on his shoulder. He didn't like the way he looked at Nathan. "None of us want to see Ezra hurt anymore but Nathan would have to have a reason for it." He looked at Nathan for an explanation.
"Buck, I have to get some fluids into him. If I don't then he may end up dying of dehydration and not from the wound." He saw Buck relax and then he went and got some smelling salts. He returned with what he needed and when he began to try to wake Ezra, no one thought to make sure that their guns were not within his reach.
Nathan placed the smelling salts under Ezra's nose and waited for a few minutes. They didn't work, he didn’t respond at all. He looked at Buck and then gently slapped Ezra across the face. "Ezra can you hear me?" He tried again but this time hitting him harder. "Ezra I need you to wake up for me." He still didn't wake up. Nathan then hit him hard enough to cause everyone to flinch. "Ezra! wake up." He still didn't make any sign of waking up. Nathan sighed. "I'll try again later." He got up and walked away. He had no idea why Ezra didn't wake up. He was beginning to become very worried.
In the darkness, Ezra thought he heard someone calling him. A few seconds later, he felt something against his face and then the voice again. It was telling him to wake up. But he didn't want to. He felt safe where he was and he didn't want to leave. He began to relax when he felt a something hit him hard across the face again. He tried to tell whatever it was to go away but he couldn't even form the thought in his head let alone speak it.
"Ezra, can you hear me?" asked Buck as he shook Ezra's shoulder. He saw that Nathan had no luck in waking Ezra so he thought he would try it himself. He looked at Ezra's pale sweating face and saw the hand mark already begin to form on his cheek. He was shocked that Nathan had hit him so hard but more surprised that it hadn't woken Ezra. "Ezra, can you hear me?" he repeated. He continued to shake him. He was gentle at first as Nathan was but then the shaking became stronger. "Ezra, are you listening to me?" Buck continued to talk to him as he shook him.
In the darkness, Ezra began to hear another voice and then he began to shake. He wondered what was wrong but then realised the owner of the voice was shaking him. He ignored it hoping that it would go away like the other person did. He was comfortable where he was. After a few minutes, the voice was still there and he was still shaking. Ezra thought that he may leave the darkness long enough to tell the person to go away and leave him alone.
"He's not going to wake up, Buck, so why don't you leave him be," said Josiah.
"No!" Buck continued to shake Ezra and then stopped when he thought he heard him moan. "Ezra, if you don't wake up I’ll sit here and shake you until do. Do you hear me!" Buck had raised his voice, as he was sure that he heard something come from Ezra's mouth.
Ezra heard the threat and decided that he was going to tell that person to go to hell. He struggled up from the darkness knowing that once he completed his task he could go back. He tried to lift his arm to move the person away from him but his arm felt like a dead weight to him so he tried using his voice. But what came out was a low groan. He tried again and managed to say what he wanted but only just. "Go to hell," was all he said but it was enough to bring tears to Buck's eyes.
They had all heard him, his voice was a low whisper but they heard him. "Not until you wake up, Ezra." Buck started to shake him again.
Ezra realised that his statement didn't work. He would have to do more. He tried opening his eyes but they wouldn't open so he used his voice again. "Leave me alone," he croaked.
Nathan came back over to Ezra and knelt down on the floor next to the bed. He had a cup of water with some herbs mixed in it. "Ezra do you think that you could drink some water for me?" asked Nathan.
Ezra heard the voice, it was the one that first spoke to him, and it was the one that hit him. He didn't answer that voice. Nathan looked at Buck and frowned. "Ezra, I want you to drink some water and I'm not going to take no for an answer," Buck said.
"You'll let me go back?" said Ezra. He thought that if that were what it took then he would drink the water so they could leave him alone and let him go back to the darkness
Buck didn't know what he was talking about. "Sure, Ezra, as long as you drink some water."
Nathan smiled. "Ezra, we'll lay you on your back and then help you drink it okay?' Nathan took hold of Ezra's arm and rolled him onto his back and placed his hand under his neck and lifted his head. He placed the cup against his lips. Ezra opened his mouth and drank some of the water. Nathan then waited to see if he was able to keep it down. When he did, he gave him some more. Once he was satisfied, he had enough he laid his head back on the pillow. Ezra was asleep again before his head hit the pillow.
"Do you think that he’ll be okay now, Nathan?" asked JD.
"I feel more confident now that he has had some water but I’ll feel even better when his fever goes down," answered Nathan.
Ezra slept for another few hours and then he heard that voice again trying to wake him up. This time he managed to open his eyes and he looked straight at Buck. "Hey, Ezra." He had found it easier to wake him up and this time he had even opened his eyes. "Think you can drink some more water?"
Ezra just looked at him. Nathan came over with another cup of water. Ezra looked past Buck at Nathan and cringed away from him. Buck was beginning to see that frightened look in his eyes again.
"It's alright, Ezra, he's not going to hurt you." Buck took the cup from Nathan who then moved away from the bed. Everyone had seen Ezra's reaction to Nathan so they stayed out of the way. Buck was able to get him to drink some more water. He watched as he screwed his face up at the taste of it. "It’ll make you feel better."
"It tastes like it's going to kill me," said Ezra.
Buck laughed at this, as it was usually Ezra's response to something that Nathan made him drinks but what he didn't know was that Ezra was serious when he said it. When Ezra went back to sleep the darkness was not as welcoming as it had been. This time it had him dream. He dreamt of being in pain afraid of dying alone. There were men in the dream who laughed at him, who pulled their guns on him and pulled the trigger each time missing him, which made them laugh even harder. The fear had come back. The next time he woke up it was with a scream.
Ezra lay in the bed gasping for breath trying to swallow the fear that he was feeling when he felt arms grab him. He screamed again and instinctively tried to push the arms away. "Ezra, it's okay it's Buck." He had been sitting in the chair opposite Ezra when he heard him scream. He went to the bed but Ezra tried to push him away. Josiah joined him and tried to help him. "Ezra, you’re okay, it was a dream." He finally got him to calm down and go back to sleep.
Josiah stayed with Ezra wiping the hair away from his forehead. He continued to do this as he hoped that it calmed Ezra's dreams. He could still feel the fever that hadn’t yet left Ezra's body. After a few minutes, he began to toss and turn in his sleep. Nothing that Josiah could do helped him.
After the rest of the day was spent in a restless sleep, Ezra finally woke up again. He managed to keep the scream from escaping. Buck was at his side within seconds with more water. Nathan joined him. "Ezra, I want you to drink some water again before you fall asleep."
"No." Ezra looked around the room and saw the same people who plagued his dreams. The people who wanted him dead.
"Ezra, you need to drink it to get better," said Nathan.
"No."
Chris moved forward then hoping that he could convince Ezra to drink the water. But Ezra saw him out of the corner of his eye and he hid his fear. He looked down and saw Buck's gun still in its holster and before anyone could stop him, he grabbed it and again pointed it in Chris's direction.
The gun was to heavy though, Ezra’s arm began to shake, and he dropped the gun before he could pull the trigger. He collapsed back onto the bed staring at Chris with both fear and hatred in his eyes. Buck was stunned, he stood there staring down at Ezra. Nathan quickly took the gun and as he did so, Ezra tried to push himself away from him as he thought that Nathan was now going to shoot him. Buck was finally moved into action and he grabbed Ezra's arms and turned his body towards him but he still faced Nathan.
"Ezra, will you please look at me," said Buck trying not to show the emotion that he felt come out in his voice.
Nathan moved away from the bed and quietly spoke to the others, they then left Buck alone with Ezra, as Buck seemed to be the only one that he would listen to or even talk to. Once they had gone, he was able to get Ezra's full attention.
"They want to kill me, Buck."
"No they don't, Ezra. It's the fever that you have that is making you think like this." Buck tried to tell him as Ezra's eyes were beginning to close already.
"They left me to die, Buck, they didn't come for me." Ezra closed his eyes and drifted back to the darkness and the nightmares. Buck could hear the pain in his voice. He made him comfortable and went to let the others know that he was asleep again. When they went back in Ezra was already in a dream, he didn't seem to be able to sleep without them.
"How long is he going to be like that, Nathan?" asked Vin.
"Hopefully he’ll be fine once the fever is gone." Nathan hoped, he wasn't sure.
"Then how long is the fever going to last?" Vin asked again.
"His infection is cleared up so it shouldn't be too much longer before his fever breaks," said Nathan.
This he was sure of. The last time he cleaned Ezra's wound there was no mucus left in it and that was a couple of hours ago.
They watched Ezra, as he dreams continued not knowing how to stop them. They listened as he talked in his sleep and they didn’t like what they heard. He constantly asked not to be left alone, that he didn't want to die alone and they knew that it was their fault that he was thinking this way. They took turns to take a break, stretch their legs or get some sleep each coming back to find that there was no change in Ezra. Buck sat by him wanting to do something to help him but there was nothing he could do while he slept. It tore at his heart the things that Ezra was saying in his sleep. He didn't know how it affected the others but he knew what those words were doing to him. He could hear the fear in his voice each time he spoke. He looked around the room at the others, looking at their expressions and knew that they were thinking the same thing, even Chris.
Buck knew that Chris blamed himself, he always did while Ezra was hurt but that blame seemed to disappear when Ezra healed. He hoped that this time would be different, he didn't want Chris to blame himself, and he wanted him to talk to Ezra this time. He wanted them to get everything out into the open and deal with whatever it was that would make Ezra think that Chris wanted to kill him. Buck knew that it was the fever but he also knew that it had to be in there deep down to start with. A couple of hours later he thought about taking a break but he heard Ezra's voice calling him. He thought that he was talking in his sleep but when he looked at him, he could see him looking back. He was awake.
"Buck."
"Ezra. How are you feeling?" Buck couldn’t see any fear in his eyes now but he was going to tread carefully.
"Thirsty. Can I have some water please?"
"Sure. JD, you want to get Ezra some water and then go and get Nathan for me." Buck watched Ezra for a reaction to Nathan's name but he didn’t get one. Now it was only Buck, JD and Josiah with Ezra. The rest of the guys were taking a break. JD came back with the water, he smiled at Ezra and then left the room.
Josiah came over and helped Buck sit Ezra up so he could drink the water. Ezra looked at Josiah carefully but took the cup from Buck's hand his own shaking slightly but he managed to drink the water. Josiah took the cup from him and then placed his hand on Ezra's forehead. He felt cool to him, his fever had finally broken. Ezra leaned back, closed his eyes, and was asleep again in minutes. Buck and Josiah laid him back down as Nathan came into the room and made his way to the bed. He felt Ezra's forehead himself feeling that the fever was no longer there. "I actually thought that you were going to die, Ezra," he said to him knowing that only Buck and Josiah would hear him.
Ezra still had the occasional dream but his sleep was mostly calm, he slept through the night and didn't wake again until late morning. Buck had stayed with him, he wasn't going to leave until he knew that Ezra would not react with fear to the others and the best way to know that was to have Chris in the room when he next woke up. So Chris stayed also while the others checked in with them to see how Ezra was doing.
When Ezra woke a groan escaped from his mouth, he had been lying on his injured side and he quickly rolled off it. His sleep had been so deep that he hadn't felt the pain until now.
"It hurts doesn't it, Ezra," smiled Buck hoping to get a response but Ezra just grimaced at him.
Chris came up next to the bed, he also wanted to know how Ezra was going to react to him. "How you doing' Ezra?" He couldn't think of anything else to say.
"I see that I didn’t succeed in shooting you, Chris," responded Ezra.
Neither Buck or Chris knew how to take that response. They looked into his eyes and saw no fear but they did see confusion and anger.
"You can shoot me now if you want," said Chris.
"Not now but maybe later," growled Ezra.
They could see that Ezra was no longer paranoid in regards to thinking that they wanted to kill him but he was very angry. Chris didn’t say anything but nodded at him, turned, and left. Ezra watched him go and then looked at Buck. "Buck, did I really try to shoot him?"
"Yeah you did, you actually managed to pull the trigger the first time," smiled Buck but it wasn't a humorous smile.
"I can remember but it seems like a dream," said Ezra. He remembered what happened. How they had been too worried about Buck to realise that he wasn't there with them. That they hadn't looked for him.
"They didn't do it on purpose, Ezra." He couldn't really explain to Ezra why they hadn’t looked for him. He would have to get them to do that. "You want something to drink, maybe some food."
Ezra shook his head, he didn't want either. "How can you be sure, Buck?"
"I've known Chris a long time, Ezra. He would not leave you out there to die. He was too worried about me and wasn't thinking straight."
"And what about the others?"
"Ezra, I can't explain to you what happened. You’re going to have to ask them." Ezra looked away from him. "I don't want you holding all of this in, Ezra. I want you to talk to them about it. Will you do that for me?"
"I'll think about it," said Ezra.
"Okay you think about it." Buck wasn't going to push him about it now but when he was better, he was going to make sure that the others talked to him. He didn't want to leave it like this. He was worried that Ezra would no longer trust them and in the line of work that they did they needed his trust.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Over the next few days, Ezra mostly slept. Sometimes his sleep was peaceful but on other occasions, it was plagued by nightmares. There were times when he woke that he was able to stop the scream from escaping but other times the scream was out before he could stop it. On one such occasion, the nightmare was so bad that he woke with the scream escaping and his body, which was soaked with, sweat shaking so bad that he had to clench his teeth against the pain that the shaking was causing to his side. He sat up putting his head in his hands while he waited to for the shaking stop. After ten minutes had passed and the shaking eased, he looked around the room to find Chris seating in a chair watching him. He put his head back in his hands, as he didn't want to look at him.
"Do you want to talk about them, Ezra?" asked Chris. He could tell by Ezra's voice and his reactions to the nightmares that what out of him was in them scared. And what he said in them confirmed this.
"Talk about what?" Ezra kept his hands against his head hoping that Chris didn’t see how badly they were still shaking. The rest of his body had stopped but his hands had kept shaking.
"Your nightmares."
"I don't remember them," lied Ezra.
"If you like I can tell you what you dream about," said Chris. They all knew what he dreamed about as he talked in his sleep. He dreamt of being left alone against that tree with the branch still in his side and dying alone. He dreamt of his friends wanting to kill him and all of this scared him. He was terrified in his dreams. Ezra lifted his head and looked at him. "You talk in your sleep." Chris continued.
Ezra lay down, rolled onto his uninjured side, and closed his eyes hoping that sleep would take him so he didn’t have to talk to Chris. But it wouldn't.
"We didn't leave you out there on purpose, Ezra." Chris watched him hoping that he hadn't fallen asleep again.
"I don't want to talk about it, Chris," said Ezra.
"You have to talk about it Ezra, I'm not going to leave it like this. You actually thought that we wanted to kill you." Chris kept talking hoping to force Ezra into the conversation.
Ezra turned his head to face him. "Please, Chris, I really don't want to talk about it now. Later but not know. Please." Ezra still felt the fear of the dream and the last thing he wanted to do was talk about the thing that was causing the fear.
Chris saw the emotion on Ezra's face, as he didn’t hide it. He thought that Ezra would get angry at him but he hadn't. He could still see the fear in his eyes caused by the nightmare. Ezra was right it was not the right time to talk about it. "Later then, Ezra."
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
As the days continued to pass Ezra's nightmares lessened and as his fear left him has anger returned. Nathan finally gave in to Ezra's demands to allow him to return to his own room above the saloon. Ezra preferred to be in his own room as it meant that the others would be more likely to stay away and leave him alone but he thought wrong. They continued to check in on him to make sure that he was okay. He began to spend more time in the saloon than he did in his room and sometimes drank more than he should have and they had to help him back to his room. The others finally decided after one of these times that they were going to talk to Ezra. They waited in the saloon for him to come down from his room. It wasn't until the afternoon that Ezra did come down and he saw them all looking at him. He knew what they wanted. He had been dreading this time for the last week. He tried to ignore them and continued on to the bar to get a bottle of whisky. He was going to return to his room but when he turned around, he saw Chris standing in front of him.
"We’re going to talk about it now, Ezra, whether you want to or not." He took Ezra's arm and dragged him to the table where everyone was waiting for him.
As soon as he was made to sit down, Ezra tried to pour himself a drink but Chris took both the glass and bottle from him. He needed to do something with his hands so he took out his cards to shuffle them but they were taken from him as well.
"We want you to tell us what you’re feeling about what happened, Ezra," said Buck as he looked at Ezra. He could see that he was wearing his poker face but they were not going to let him go until he let it all out of his system.
"There's nothing to feel about it. It happened and there's nothing anyone can say to change it." Ezra stared back at Buck daring him to take it further. Buck did.
"You do feel something, Ezra, and I want to know what it is."
"We all do," added Chris.
"I told you, I don't feel anything."
"Yes you do, Ezra. We were too worried about Buck to realise that you hadn't come back. We forgot about you and you had to get yourself out of that situation." Josiah joined in the conversation. Ezra looked away from them and they knew that what Josiah said had brought back a memory that he would rather forget. "We're sorry for what happened, Ezra. It was not a conscious thought to do what we did," Josiah continued.
Ezra hung his head. He was angry, he wanted to tell them what he thought but it meant showing them his emotions and he didn’t want to do that.
"Ezra, talk to us," growled Buck.
Chris decided that Ezra wasn't going to deal with it so he thought he would try something else. "You’re right, Ezra, we did leave you out there. We knew that you hadn't come back but Buck was hurt and at the time he was more important to us," he lied.
Ezra was not the only one who looked at Chris but he was the only one who showed any anger. "Do you have any idea what it felt like thinking that all of you were dead or hurt. I thought that was why you didn't come for me. And then to find out that you were all okay . . ." Ezra didn't finish the sentence.
"We don't have any idea, Ezra, that's why we want you to tell us." Buck put his hand on Ezra's arm but he threw it off. He could feel his anger building and he knew that he couldn't keep it in even if he wanted to.
"Fine, you want to know how I felt. I was angry, I’m angry. What do you expect me to feel, you left me out there on my own to die. You didn't come looking for me. What am I supposed to think or feel." Ezra practically yelled at them.
"You have every right to be angry, Ezra. What we did was wrong. And we’re sorry for what we did." Chris told him.
"You just said that you . . ." Ezra started but Chris stopped him.
"I said it to make you tell us what you felt," Chris explained to him. "Now I also want to know why you thought that we . . . I wanted to kill you."
Ezra looked straight at Chris and didn’t even flinch when he spoke. "You have threatened to kill me on more than one occasion Chris." It was Chris's turn to hang his head. "You have told me that you don't trust me, that you don't even understand why I’m still here so it should not be too hard for you to understand why I would think that." Ezra looked around at everyone. "Does anyone have anything else they want to say while we’re at it.?" He asked them.
"Only that we’re sorry, Ezra, and we don't expect forgiveness for what we did," said Josiah.
"Well you’re not going to get it either, Josiah." Ezra got up to leave, as he was finished with the conversation.
"Ezra?" JD had finally spoken up. "Are you going to be okay?"
Ezra could see the concern on his young face. "As I told Buck once, I always land on my feet." He left them sitting at the table as he went back to his room with the bottle of whiskey.
"That wasn't really a good enough answer was it," said Chris.
"I don't think that He’s going to give us a better one, Chris," Buck looked at him. "We’re just going to have to keep an eye on him for a while. Make sure that He’s okay."
When Ezra returned to his room, he drank the whisky until he fell asleep and he dreamt the same dreams that he had for the past two weeks and these dreams continued to plague his sleep for quite a while.
The End
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five
Master Fan Fiction List
Nineth story in 'The Continuing Ezra Standish Saga'
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bad writing ahead!
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Summary: The bank of Four Corners is robbed and when the seven hired gunmen go after them, the robbers set a trap and two of the lawmen are injured. The hunters then become the hunted.
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the seven, and some OC's
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Beta: Not betaed – written in the early days when I didn’t know what the words grammar and edit meant. *is ashamed*
Notes: Nineth story in the ‘Continuing Ezra Standish Saga’.
Spoilers: None.
Total Word Count: 24,041
Part Five
"No, Nathan, but I want to ask you something," smiled Buck.
Nathan was very confused as to what Buck wanted. He looked at Ezra then at the others and then brought his eyes back to Buck. He was about to say something when he realised what he had seen. Buck saw the understanding in Nathan's eyes.
"Buck, did you?" The question was left unfinished as Nathan looked at Ezra and back to Buck again.
"No. Did you?" Buck knew that Nathan knew what he was talking about but the others didn't.
"What are you two going on about?" demanded Chris.
Both Buck and Nathan smiled and turned to the others. But instead of saying anything, Nathan went straight to Ezra and felt his pulse while Buck told them what they both had seen.
"Ezra's on his side and we didn't put him there," explained Buck.
Understanding began to dawn on everyone's faces. Nathan looked up at them. "He's come out of the coma. He's sleeping now, he must have rolled over on his own. It's a deep sleep though but he's not in a coma anymore," he turned back to Ezra feeling his forehead. "He still has a fever but his pulse is stronger than what it was."
Everyone smiled and slapped each other on the back. Nathan couldn’t help but his smile with them. The infection was clearing and he had come out of the coma. Now they just had to wait until his fever broke and for him to wake up. Another four hours had passed and Ezra hadn’t moved again. Nathan knew that he hadn’t lapsed back into the coma but he still began to worry again. His fever had still not improved. All he wanted was for Ezra to wake up so he could give him some fluids. Nathan decided it was time to try to wake Ezra up.
"Buck, could you come over here," asked Nathan. The others looked up to find out what was going on.
"What's wrong, Nathan." Buck had suddenly become worried.
"I'm going to try and wake him up. I just want someone here just in case. He still has a fever so I don't know if he's still going to be the same as before." Nathan wanted someone there just in case Ezra tried to attack him. He hoped that he no longer thought they wanted to kill him but he wanted Buck there just in case.
"How are you going to try and wake him up?" asked Buck.
"I'll try smelling salts first and if they don't work I may have to try force." Nathan looked back at Buck and stepped back.
"Are you saying that you’re going to do something to hurt him," growled Buck.
"Take it easy, Buck." Vin had come forward and put a hand on his shoulder. He didn't like the way he looked at Nathan. "None of us want to see Ezra hurt anymore but Nathan would have to have a reason for it." He looked at Nathan for an explanation.
"Buck, I have to get some fluids into him. If I don't then he may end up dying of dehydration and not from the wound." He saw Buck relax and then he went and got some smelling salts. He returned with what he needed and when he began to try to wake Ezra, no one thought to make sure that their guns were not within his reach.
Nathan placed the smelling salts under Ezra's nose and waited for a few minutes. They didn't work, he didn’t respond at all. He looked at Buck and then gently slapped Ezra across the face. "Ezra can you hear me?" He tried again but this time hitting him harder. "Ezra I need you to wake up for me." He still didn't wake up. Nathan then hit him hard enough to cause everyone to flinch. "Ezra! wake up." He still didn't make any sign of waking up. Nathan sighed. "I'll try again later." He got up and walked away. He had no idea why Ezra didn't wake up. He was beginning to become very worried.
In the darkness, Ezra thought he heard someone calling him. A few seconds later, he felt something against his face and then the voice again. It was telling him to wake up. But he didn't want to. He felt safe where he was and he didn't want to leave. He began to relax when he felt a something hit him hard across the face again. He tried to tell whatever it was to go away but he couldn't even form the thought in his head let alone speak it.
"Ezra, can you hear me?" asked Buck as he shook Ezra's shoulder. He saw that Nathan had no luck in waking Ezra so he thought he would try it himself. He looked at Ezra's pale sweating face and saw the hand mark already begin to form on his cheek. He was shocked that Nathan had hit him so hard but more surprised that it hadn't woken Ezra. "Ezra, can you hear me?" he repeated. He continued to shake him. He was gentle at first as Nathan was but then the shaking became stronger. "Ezra, are you listening to me?" Buck continued to talk to him as he shook him.
In the darkness, Ezra began to hear another voice and then he began to shake. He wondered what was wrong but then realised the owner of the voice was shaking him. He ignored it hoping that it would go away like the other person did. He was comfortable where he was. After a few minutes, the voice was still there and he was still shaking. Ezra thought that he may leave the darkness long enough to tell the person to go away and leave him alone.
"He's not going to wake up, Buck, so why don't you leave him be," said Josiah.
"No!" Buck continued to shake Ezra and then stopped when he thought he heard him moan. "Ezra, if you don't wake up I’ll sit here and shake you until do. Do you hear me!" Buck had raised his voice, as he was sure that he heard something come from Ezra's mouth.
Ezra heard the threat and decided that he was going to tell that person to go to hell. He struggled up from the darkness knowing that once he completed his task he could go back. He tried to lift his arm to move the person away from him but his arm felt like a dead weight to him so he tried using his voice. But what came out was a low groan. He tried again and managed to say what he wanted but only just. "Go to hell," was all he said but it was enough to bring tears to Buck's eyes.
They had all heard him, his voice was a low whisper but they heard him. "Not until you wake up, Ezra." Buck started to shake him again.
Ezra realised that his statement didn't work. He would have to do more. He tried opening his eyes but they wouldn't open so he used his voice again. "Leave me alone," he croaked.
Nathan came back over to Ezra and knelt down on the floor next to the bed. He had a cup of water with some herbs mixed in it. "Ezra do you think that you could drink some water for me?" asked Nathan.
Ezra heard the voice, it was the one that first spoke to him, and it was the one that hit him. He didn't answer that voice. Nathan looked at Buck and frowned. "Ezra, I want you to drink some water and I'm not going to take no for an answer," Buck said.
"You'll let me go back?" said Ezra. He thought that if that were what it took then he would drink the water so they could leave him alone and let him go back to the darkness
Buck didn't know what he was talking about. "Sure, Ezra, as long as you drink some water."
Nathan smiled. "Ezra, we'll lay you on your back and then help you drink it okay?' Nathan took hold of Ezra's arm and rolled him onto his back and placed his hand under his neck and lifted his head. He placed the cup against his lips. Ezra opened his mouth and drank some of the water. Nathan then waited to see if he was able to keep it down. When he did, he gave him some more. Once he was satisfied, he had enough he laid his head back on the pillow. Ezra was asleep again before his head hit the pillow.
"Do you think that he’ll be okay now, Nathan?" asked JD.
"I feel more confident now that he has had some water but I’ll feel even better when his fever goes down," answered Nathan.
Ezra slept for another few hours and then he heard that voice again trying to wake him up. This time he managed to open his eyes and he looked straight at Buck. "Hey, Ezra." He had found it easier to wake him up and this time he had even opened his eyes. "Think you can drink some more water?"
Ezra just looked at him. Nathan came over with another cup of water. Ezra looked past Buck at Nathan and cringed away from him. Buck was beginning to see that frightened look in his eyes again.
"It's alright, Ezra, he's not going to hurt you." Buck took the cup from Nathan who then moved away from the bed. Everyone had seen Ezra's reaction to Nathan so they stayed out of the way. Buck was able to get him to drink some more water. He watched as he screwed his face up at the taste of it. "It’ll make you feel better."
"It tastes like it's going to kill me," said Ezra.
Buck laughed at this, as it was usually Ezra's response to something that Nathan made him drinks but what he didn't know was that Ezra was serious when he said it. When Ezra went back to sleep the darkness was not as welcoming as it had been. This time it had him dream. He dreamt of being in pain afraid of dying alone. There were men in the dream who laughed at him, who pulled their guns on him and pulled the trigger each time missing him, which made them laugh even harder. The fear had come back. The next time he woke up it was with a scream.
Ezra lay in the bed gasping for breath trying to swallow the fear that he was feeling when he felt arms grab him. He screamed again and instinctively tried to push the arms away. "Ezra, it's okay it's Buck." He had been sitting in the chair opposite Ezra when he heard him scream. He went to the bed but Ezra tried to push him away. Josiah joined him and tried to help him. "Ezra, you’re okay, it was a dream." He finally got him to calm down and go back to sleep.
Josiah stayed with Ezra wiping the hair away from his forehead. He continued to do this as he hoped that it calmed Ezra's dreams. He could still feel the fever that hadn’t yet left Ezra's body. After a few minutes, he began to toss and turn in his sleep. Nothing that Josiah could do helped him.
After the rest of the day was spent in a restless sleep, Ezra finally woke up again. He managed to keep the scream from escaping. Buck was at his side within seconds with more water. Nathan joined him. "Ezra, I want you to drink some water again before you fall asleep."
"No." Ezra looked around the room and saw the same people who plagued his dreams. The people who wanted him dead.
"Ezra, you need to drink it to get better," said Nathan.
"No."
Chris moved forward then hoping that he could convince Ezra to drink the water. But Ezra saw him out of the corner of his eye and he hid his fear. He looked down and saw Buck's gun still in its holster and before anyone could stop him, he grabbed it and again pointed it in Chris's direction.
The gun was to heavy though, Ezra’s arm began to shake, and he dropped the gun before he could pull the trigger. He collapsed back onto the bed staring at Chris with both fear and hatred in his eyes. Buck was stunned, he stood there staring down at Ezra. Nathan quickly took the gun and as he did so, Ezra tried to push himself away from him as he thought that Nathan was now going to shoot him. Buck was finally moved into action and he grabbed Ezra's arms and turned his body towards him but he still faced Nathan.
"Ezra, will you please look at me," said Buck trying not to show the emotion that he felt come out in his voice.
Nathan moved away from the bed and quietly spoke to the others, they then left Buck alone with Ezra, as Buck seemed to be the only one that he would listen to or even talk to. Once they had gone, he was able to get Ezra's full attention.
"They want to kill me, Buck."
"No they don't, Ezra. It's the fever that you have that is making you think like this." Buck tried to tell him as Ezra's eyes were beginning to close already.
"They left me to die, Buck, they didn't come for me." Ezra closed his eyes and drifted back to the darkness and the nightmares. Buck could hear the pain in his voice. He made him comfortable and went to let the others know that he was asleep again. When they went back in Ezra was already in a dream, he didn't seem to be able to sleep without them.
"How long is he going to be like that, Nathan?" asked Vin.
"Hopefully he’ll be fine once the fever is gone." Nathan hoped, he wasn't sure.
"Then how long is the fever going to last?" Vin asked again.
"His infection is cleared up so it shouldn't be too much longer before his fever breaks," said Nathan.
This he was sure of. The last time he cleaned Ezra's wound there was no mucus left in it and that was a couple of hours ago.
They watched Ezra, as he dreams continued not knowing how to stop them. They listened as he talked in his sleep and they didn’t like what they heard. He constantly asked not to be left alone, that he didn't want to die alone and they knew that it was their fault that he was thinking this way. They took turns to take a break, stretch their legs or get some sleep each coming back to find that there was no change in Ezra. Buck sat by him wanting to do something to help him but there was nothing he could do while he slept. It tore at his heart the things that Ezra was saying in his sleep. He didn't know how it affected the others but he knew what those words were doing to him. He could hear the fear in his voice each time he spoke. He looked around the room at the others, looking at their expressions and knew that they were thinking the same thing, even Chris.
Buck knew that Chris blamed himself, he always did while Ezra was hurt but that blame seemed to disappear when Ezra healed. He hoped that this time would be different, he didn't want Chris to blame himself, and he wanted him to talk to Ezra this time. He wanted them to get everything out into the open and deal with whatever it was that would make Ezra think that Chris wanted to kill him. Buck knew that it was the fever but he also knew that it had to be in there deep down to start with. A couple of hours later he thought about taking a break but he heard Ezra's voice calling him. He thought that he was talking in his sleep but when he looked at him, he could see him looking back. He was awake.
"Buck."
"Ezra. How are you feeling?" Buck couldn’t see any fear in his eyes now but he was going to tread carefully.
"Thirsty. Can I have some water please?"
"Sure. JD, you want to get Ezra some water and then go and get Nathan for me." Buck watched Ezra for a reaction to Nathan's name but he didn’t get one. Now it was only Buck, JD and Josiah with Ezra. The rest of the guys were taking a break. JD came back with the water, he smiled at Ezra and then left the room.
Josiah came over and helped Buck sit Ezra up so he could drink the water. Ezra looked at Josiah carefully but took the cup from Buck's hand his own shaking slightly but he managed to drink the water. Josiah took the cup from him and then placed his hand on Ezra's forehead. He felt cool to him, his fever had finally broken. Ezra leaned back, closed his eyes, and was asleep again in minutes. Buck and Josiah laid him back down as Nathan came into the room and made his way to the bed. He felt Ezra's forehead himself feeling that the fever was no longer there. "I actually thought that you were going to die, Ezra," he said to him knowing that only Buck and Josiah would hear him.
Ezra still had the occasional dream but his sleep was mostly calm, he slept through the night and didn't wake again until late morning. Buck had stayed with him, he wasn't going to leave until he knew that Ezra would not react with fear to the others and the best way to know that was to have Chris in the room when he next woke up. So Chris stayed also while the others checked in with them to see how Ezra was doing.
When Ezra woke a groan escaped from his mouth, he had been lying on his injured side and he quickly rolled off it. His sleep had been so deep that he hadn't felt the pain until now.
"It hurts doesn't it, Ezra," smiled Buck hoping to get a response but Ezra just grimaced at him.
Chris came up next to the bed, he also wanted to know how Ezra was going to react to him. "How you doing' Ezra?" He couldn't think of anything else to say.
"I see that I didn’t succeed in shooting you, Chris," responded Ezra.
Neither Buck or Chris knew how to take that response. They looked into his eyes and saw no fear but they did see confusion and anger.
"You can shoot me now if you want," said Chris.
"Not now but maybe later," growled Ezra.
They could see that Ezra was no longer paranoid in regards to thinking that they wanted to kill him but he was very angry. Chris didn’t say anything but nodded at him, turned, and left. Ezra watched him go and then looked at Buck. "Buck, did I really try to shoot him?"
"Yeah you did, you actually managed to pull the trigger the first time," smiled Buck but it wasn't a humorous smile.
"I can remember but it seems like a dream," said Ezra. He remembered what happened. How they had been too worried about Buck to realise that he wasn't there with them. That they hadn't looked for him.
"They didn't do it on purpose, Ezra." He couldn't really explain to Ezra why they hadn’t looked for him. He would have to get them to do that. "You want something to drink, maybe some food."
Ezra shook his head, he didn't want either. "How can you be sure, Buck?"
"I've known Chris a long time, Ezra. He would not leave you out there to die. He was too worried about me and wasn't thinking straight."
"And what about the others?"
"Ezra, I can't explain to you what happened. You’re going to have to ask them." Ezra looked away from him. "I don't want you holding all of this in, Ezra. I want you to talk to them about it. Will you do that for me?"
"I'll think about it," said Ezra.
"Okay you think about it." Buck wasn't going to push him about it now but when he was better, he was going to make sure that the others talked to him. He didn't want to leave it like this. He was worried that Ezra would no longer trust them and in the line of work that they did they needed his trust.
Over the next few days, Ezra mostly slept. Sometimes his sleep was peaceful but on other occasions, it was plagued by nightmares. There were times when he woke that he was able to stop the scream from escaping but other times the scream was out before he could stop it. On one such occasion, the nightmare was so bad that he woke with the scream escaping and his body, which was soaked with, sweat shaking so bad that he had to clench his teeth against the pain that the shaking was causing to his side. He sat up putting his head in his hands while he waited to for the shaking stop. After ten minutes had passed and the shaking eased, he looked around the room to find Chris seating in a chair watching him. He put his head back in his hands, as he didn't want to look at him.
"Do you want to talk about them, Ezra?" asked Chris. He could tell by Ezra's voice and his reactions to the nightmares that what out of him was in them scared. And what he said in them confirmed this.
"Talk about what?" Ezra kept his hands against his head hoping that Chris didn’t see how badly they were still shaking. The rest of his body had stopped but his hands had kept shaking.
"Your nightmares."
"I don't remember them," lied Ezra.
"If you like I can tell you what you dream about," said Chris. They all knew what he dreamed about as he talked in his sleep. He dreamt of being left alone against that tree with the branch still in his side and dying alone. He dreamt of his friends wanting to kill him and all of this scared him. He was terrified in his dreams. Ezra lifted his head and looked at him. "You talk in your sleep." Chris continued.
Ezra lay down, rolled onto his uninjured side, and closed his eyes hoping that sleep would take him so he didn’t have to talk to Chris. But it wouldn't.
"We didn't leave you out there on purpose, Ezra." Chris watched him hoping that he hadn't fallen asleep again.
"I don't want to talk about it, Chris," said Ezra.
"You have to talk about it Ezra, I'm not going to leave it like this. You actually thought that we wanted to kill you." Chris kept talking hoping to force Ezra into the conversation.
Ezra turned his head to face him. "Please, Chris, I really don't want to talk about it now. Later but not know. Please." Ezra still felt the fear of the dream and the last thing he wanted to do was talk about the thing that was causing the fear.
Chris saw the emotion on Ezra's face, as he didn’t hide it. He thought that Ezra would get angry at him but he hadn't. He could still see the fear in his eyes caused by the nightmare. Ezra was right it was not the right time to talk about it. "Later then, Ezra."
As the days continued to pass Ezra's nightmares lessened and as his fear left him has anger returned. Nathan finally gave in to Ezra's demands to allow him to return to his own room above the saloon. Ezra preferred to be in his own room as it meant that the others would be more likely to stay away and leave him alone but he thought wrong. They continued to check in on him to make sure that he was okay. He began to spend more time in the saloon than he did in his room and sometimes drank more than he should have and they had to help him back to his room. The others finally decided after one of these times that they were going to talk to Ezra. They waited in the saloon for him to come down from his room. It wasn't until the afternoon that Ezra did come down and he saw them all looking at him. He knew what they wanted. He had been dreading this time for the last week. He tried to ignore them and continued on to the bar to get a bottle of whisky. He was going to return to his room but when he turned around, he saw Chris standing in front of him.
"We’re going to talk about it now, Ezra, whether you want to or not." He took Ezra's arm and dragged him to the table where everyone was waiting for him.
As soon as he was made to sit down, Ezra tried to pour himself a drink but Chris took both the glass and bottle from him. He needed to do something with his hands so he took out his cards to shuffle them but they were taken from him as well.
"We want you to tell us what you’re feeling about what happened, Ezra," said Buck as he looked at Ezra. He could see that he was wearing his poker face but they were not going to let him go until he let it all out of his system.
"There's nothing to feel about it. It happened and there's nothing anyone can say to change it." Ezra stared back at Buck daring him to take it further. Buck did.
"You do feel something, Ezra, and I want to know what it is."
"We all do," added Chris.
"I told you, I don't feel anything."
"Yes you do, Ezra. We were too worried about Buck to realise that you hadn't come back. We forgot about you and you had to get yourself out of that situation." Josiah joined in the conversation. Ezra looked away from them and they knew that what Josiah said had brought back a memory that he would rather forget. "We're sorry for what happened, Ezra. It was not a conscious thought to do what we did," Josiah continued.
Ezra hung his head. He was angry, he wanted to tell them what he thought but it meant showing them his emotions and he didn’t want to do that.
"Ezra, talk to us," growled Buck.
Chris decided that Ezra wasn't going to deal with it so he thought he would try something else. "You’re right, Ezra, we did leave you out there. We knew that you hadn't come back but Buck was hurt and at the time he was more important to us," he lied.
Ezra was not the only one who looked at Chris but he was the only one who showed any anger. "Do you have any idea what it felt like thinking that all of you were dead or hurt. I thought that was why you didn't come for me. And then to find out that you were all okay . . ." Ezra didn't finish the sentence.
"We don't have any idea, Ezra, that's why we want you to tell us." Buck put his hand on Ezra's arm but he threw it off. He could feel his anger building and he knew that he couldn't keep it in even if he wanted to.
"Fine, you want to know how I felt. I was angry, I’m angry. What do you expect me to feel, you left me out there on my own to die. You didn't come looking for me. What am I supposed to think or feel." Ezra practically yelled at them.
"You have every right to be angry, Ezra. What we did was wrong. And we’re sorry for what we did." Chris told him.
"You just said that you . . ." Ezra started but Chris stopped him.
"I said it to make you tell us what you felt," Chris explained to him. "Now I also want to know why you thought that we . . . I wanted to kill you."
Ezra looked straight at Chris and didn’t even flinch when he spoke. "You have threatened to kill me on more than one occasion Chris." It was Chris's turn to hang his head. "You have told me that you don't trust me, that you don't even understand why I’m still here so it should not be too hard for you to understand why I would think that." Ezra looked around at everyone. "Does anyone have anything else they want to say while we’re at it.?" He asked them.
"Only that we’re sorry, Ezra, and we don't expect forgiveness for what we did," said Josiah.
"Well you’re not going to get it either, Josiah." Ezra got up to leave, as he was finished with the conversation.
"Ezra?" JD had finally spoken up. "Are you going to be okay?"
Ezra could see the concern on his young face. "As I told Buck once, I always land on my feet." He left them sitting at the table as he went back to his room with the bottle of whiskey.
"That wasn't really a good enough answer was it," said Chris.
"I don't think that He’s going to give us a better one, Chris," Buck looked at him. "We’re just going to have to keep an eye on him for a while. Make sure that He’s okay."
When Ezra returned to his room, he drank the whisky until he fell asleep and he dreamt the same dreams that he had for the past two weeks and these dreams continued to plague his sleep for quite a while.
The End
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five
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