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azombiewritesTitle: Nightmares
Sixteenth story in 'The Continuing Ezra Standish Saga'
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bad writing ahead!
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Summary: When Ezra mistakenly drinks something meant for JD his normal world is turned into a violent nightmare for both him and the other hired gunmen.
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the seven + OC's.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Beta: Not betaed – written in the early days when I didn’t know what the words grammar and edit meant. *is ashamed but no longer care*
Notes: Sixteenth story in the ‘Continuing Ezra Standish Saga’.
Spoilers: None.
Total Word Count: 40,665
WARNING! Please note that this story contains disturbing images.
Part Two
"Your Uncle wasn't here Ezra." Josiah told him, he could see that Ezra's anger had turned to confusion as he searched the saloon for his Uncle.
"Yes he was, he was right there." He pointed a shaking finger over Josiah's left shoulder. "He would have killed me this time if I hadn't stopped him."
Josiah turned and followed the direction that Ezra was pointing in. All he saw was Nathan as he sat in a chair with a cloth held against his bleeding nose. He turned back to Ezra and noticed that the others had stepped back as they also realised that the anger had left Ezra. He saw that Chris's fists were clenched at his side and he hoped that the anger he was feeling wasn't aimed at Ezra.
"Ezra look at me." He waited patiently for Ezra turn his eyes back to him. "I'm not going to lie to you Ezra. Do you believe me when I tell you that?" Ezra frowned for a moment as he tried to remember something that had happened earlier but he couldn't so he just nodded. "That wasn't your Uncle, you attacked Nathan."
"No, it was my Uncle, I saw him, he was there." Ezra argued with him, his voice was calm though and Josiah was grateful for that.
"No he wasn't Ezra. If your Uncle was here he would be dead now because one of us would have shot him on sight." Josiah moved to his side and Ezra's eyes followed him. "We wouldn't have let him come anywhere near you Ezra, he wasn't here."
"But I saw him." Ezra whispered. "I saw him, I hit him just like he hit me, I kicked him like he kicked me but I didn't get to do as much damage as he did, someone pulled me off him. There was no one to pull him off me though, no one stopped him."
Josiah continued to rub Ezra's left temple as he tried to keep him calm, it was something that always seemed to work and he used the touch when it was necessary to calm him down. "Ezra can you see Nathan over there?"
"Yes." His confusion grew even more at the sight of Nathan. "What happened to him?" Ezra had turned his face to look at Nathan, he could see that his friend had been hurt, he was bleeding from his nose and a cut above his left eye, his knee also looked as though it was beginning to become swollen.
"You attacked him Ezra, you thought he was your Uncle." Josiah tried to explain to him but Ezra laughed at him, he removed his hand.
"How could I mistake Nathan for my Uncle." Ezra actually found the idea funny, there was no way he could have done that.
"Hallucination!" Nathan called across the now empty room, everyone had decided to leave when Ezra attacked Nathan, they didn't want to be next. He got up and with JD's help he limped towards Ezra, he watched him carefully for any sign of another attack. "The alcohol probably did more damage than I thought, if he's so sure about it then he did see his Uncle." Nathan explained as he slowly made his way closer to his attacker.
"Nathan what's a hallucination?" JD asked him.
"It's when you see something that's not there, it seems so real but it isn't." Nathan pulled up a chair and placed it next to Ezra and sat down in it. "Ezra saw his Uncle, it was real to him." He looked into Ezra's eyes. "I believe you Ezra, you saw your Uncle and I know you didn't drink any alcohol." Ezra hadn't taken his eyes from Nathan's face as he moved towards him and sat down next to him, he didn't even flinch when Nathan pressed his hand against his forehead to check for a fever. "At least your fever's coming down."
Ezra lifted his own hand and touched the cut above Nathan's eye, he saw the blood on his own knuckles, he stared at his hand and then back at Nathan's face. "I did that?" He whispered.
"No Ezra, you didn't." Nathan saw the questioning look that was sent to him from Josiah and he returned the look with his own glare, he understood and left him to finish what he was doing. "You didn't hit me Ezra."
"Then why do I have blood on my hand?" Ezra asked him.
"Ezra you attacked your Uncle, not me."
Ezra was confused and he allowed Nathan to see it, something caught his attention though and he looked away from Nathan. The blood drained from his face a second time as he saw Rochelle walking towards him, she still wore the pale blue dress that she had been buried in but she couldn't be dead, she was here now. "Nathan?"
They all turned their heads to the direction that Ezra was staring in, they had seen the small amount colour that was left in his face disappear and knew that something was wrong. "What is it Ezra?" Josiah asked him, he hadn't left his side.
"Do hallucinations include people that have died?" Ezra's voice was shaking with fear, he was trying to convince himself that it was only what Nathan had said but Rochelle did seem so real, the anger was still there in her beautiful eyes.
"They can Ezra. What do you see?" Nathan asked him, he knew that Ezra was looking at something or someone, if he had one hallucination he could have more. He placed his hand on his shoulder and could feel him shaking. "Josiah!" Nathan warned him.
"Ezra." Rochelle spoke to him and he knew she had to be real but her voice was full of anger and hatred. Ezra pressed back against the chair. "You could have saved me but you didn't. Why did you let him kill me?"
Chris took Josiah's position as he left Ezra's side and moved in front of him, he could tell that Ezra was looking at something that wasn't there, his eyes were following someone, he knew it wasn't his Uncle because his reaction was different. He took his arm just in case and he felt the tremors that were wracking his body. "Ezra." Chris said more to himself than anyone else.
Josiah looked into Ezra's eyes and saw the fear and sadness that filled them. Ezra's eyes moved to the side, he didn't see Josiah in front of him, he didn't even acknowledge him. All Ezra saw was the woman he loved, her eyes full of hatred that was directed at him.
"I tried . . . " The tears fell from his eyes as he realised she blamed him for what happened. "I tried . . . I didn't get there in time." He tried to explain to her but the anger only grew.
"You allowed him to kill me." She hissed at him.
"No." Ezra started to shake his head in denial, he only stopped when he felt someone's grip on his jaw. "No. No. No. . . "
"Ezra. Ezra listen to me, whatever it is that you see it's not real." Josiah tried to get through to him but he couldn't,
Ezra just kept repeating the word no over and over again. He removed his hand and watched as someone's fist connected with Ezra's jaw, snapping his head back, his rambling and fear finally ending. He quickly grabbed Ezra around the chest as he slumped forward, he allowed Ezra's head to fall onto his shoulders as he looked up at Chris.
"I'm sorry but I'm not going to let him go through that and I can't watch him either." Chris explained to him, Josiah nodded in understanding.
"Take him up to his bed Josiah." Nathan sighed, he gripped his knee and winced at the pain that tore through it.
"You okay Nathan?" Chris asked him.
"Ezra kicked me pretty hard, I don't think there is any real damage but I'll have to wait for the swelling to come down to make sure."
"You're lucky to be alive Nathan." Chris told him and then answered his confused expression. "He was to angry to think, he just reacted, if he thought about it first he would have pulled someone's gun and shot you, we were slow to react Nathan, if he used a gun you would be a dead man right now."
Nathan fell back into his chair as the realisation of what Chris had just told him sunk in. "Your right Chris, it was all so real to him."
Josiah had stood up, lifting Ezra into his arms with Vin's help but he didn't make his way to Ezra's room. "Why did you tell him that it was his Uncle he attacked and not you after I told him differently?" He wanted to know.
"Josiah, he's going through enough as it is, he doesn't need to feel guilty about hitting me as well." Nathan explained as he stood up and tested his knee, there was pain but he was able to walk on it. "Let's get him to his room and hope that he sleeps it off."
"And if he doesn't? What if he's the same when he wakes up or even worse?" Buck asked from behind Vin, they were watching their friend in Josiah's arms and were concerned for him. Everything seemed to change so quickly with Ezra, he was fine one minute and then something would go wrong, seriously wrong.
"I'm sure that he'll be fine." Nathan told them as he was unaware of the potion that Ezra had drunk. He limped up the stairs after Josiah and Chris, the others stayed downstairs.
***
While Chris and Josiah made Ezra comfortable in his bed Nathan used the water bowl to clean the blood from his own face, he checked the cut above his eye and found it not to be deep enough to require stitches. When he was finished he used the cloth to wash the blood from Ezra's hand, he didn't want him to wake up and find it there. He hoped in his heart that Ezra wouldn't remember any of it when he did wake up.
"Are you sure you’re alright Nathan? Ezra hit you hard here as well." Chris pressed against the bruise that was forming on his left cheek. He yelped when Nathan slapped his hand away.
"I'm fine, there just bruises." Nathan growled at him.
"I hate to say it Nathan but you sound just like Ezra does when you’re doing the same to him." Josiah smiled at him as he remembered all the times Ezra pushed Nathan's arm away when he was checking one of his various injuries.
"I protest at that statement Mr Sanchez." Nathan smiled back at him as he tried to do his best Ezra Standish impersonation, he looked at Ezra's sleeping form. "Did I get that right?"
"Not quite Nathan." Chris answered him, he too was looking at Ezra.
He had been sleeping for two hours now, there were no nightmares, his fever had finally left him alone and they were beginning to relax, they thought that he was going to be alright. They became quiet as Ezra rolled onto his side and groaned in protest, his arm lifted to block out the light that was blinding him. Chris had lit the lamps in Ezra's room as night had fallen outside and they didn't want Ezra to wake up in the dark and not know where he was.
"Oh no." Ezra groaned again, blinking his eyes until they adjusted to light that was causing his headache to become even more painful, he seemed to have the worst hangover.
"Ezra?" Nathan came over to the bed and sat down, he smiled at the glare that Ezra gave him, it was the same look that Ezra gave everyone when he woke up before he was ready.
"Oh no." Ezra repeated, the shock of what had happened hit him with a force that literally knocked the wind from his lungs. "I did that." His hand lifted towards Nathan's face but he quickly withdrew it so he wouldn't hurt him again.
"It's okay Ezra, you thought I was your Uncle, don't worry about it, I don't blame you for it." Nathan smiled at him to make sure that Ezra understood that he wasn't angry with him, he didn't want him to feel guilt about it, not yet anyway.
"Why? Did I have too much to drink?" Ezra sat up and moved away from Nathan. "I didn't say that, really I didn't drink that much, I only had a glass . . . I . . . " He gave up when he realised that Nathan wasn't going to take anything that he said as an excuse or an apology. "I'm sorry Nathan, I didn't listen to you."
"You never listen to me Ezra." He forced a disappointed look onto his face. "This was your own fault Ezra, you went through all of this because you drank when I told you not to." He watched as Ezra hung his head and he couldn't get angry at him. "Chris, you want to have a go, I can't do it." Nathan got up and enjoyed the expression that was on Ezra's face when his head lifted up to look for the man who was going to yell at him.
"Ezra." Chris smiled at him coldly.
"Chris." Ezra smiled back but his was full of doubt. "I'm feeling a lot better now, just got a hangover."
"Good." Chris knew that Ezra was trying to change the subject. "That you have a hangover that is. Serves you right." He leaned closer to Ezra as he pulled further away from him. "Do you realise what you went through, what you put us through."
"I can remember." Ezra winced.
"I should make Nathan keep you in the clinic just to teach you a lesson." Chris saw the fear flicker through Ezra's eyes. "You do as your told Ezra, you hear me." He didn't allow Ezra's fear to stop him. "I asked you if you heard me Ezra."
"I heard you." Ezra didn't know what to think, he knew that Chris would do it but he hoped that he still understood why he didn't want to go to Nathan's clinic but he seemed to have forgotten as he ignored the fear that must have been obvious in his eyes. "I'll do as I'm told."
"Good." Chris slapped him on the leg and got up from the bed. "Josiah, your turn."
Ezra looked at Chris's retreating back and then Josiah's face as he came towards him, they were ganging up on him and he didn't like it. He took his eyes off Josiah and continued to watch Chris as he stood by the door, he felt his bed shift as Josiah sat down next to him. He tore his eyes from Chris's form and looked at the man who sat next to him.
"You okay Ezra?"
"I have a headache." He rubbed his temples hoping that it would ease the pain that was becoming worse.
"Apart from the headache. Are you okay with what happened?" Ezra frowned at him. "You went through some nasty things Ezra, I want to make sure that your okay."
"Nathan makes me feel guilty, Chris tries to scare me into not doing it again by threatening me and then you make sure that I'm okay with it?" Ezra stared at him. "Is that right?"
"No that's not right. I'm sorry Ezra but we are angry about what you did." Josiah told him in a firm voice. "What if it was worse, what if you did more to Nathan than hit him."
Ezra looked up at Nathan and again saw the cut and bruises that he caused. "I'm sorry Nathan." It was all he could say and wanted to say at that moment.
"I told you that it was okay Ezra, it wasn't me you were hitting." Nathan told him.
Ezra lay back down on his pillow and closed his eyes, he wasn't tired but he wanted them to leave. He felt Josiah's hand on his forehead. "We'll leave you to rest Ezra, I'll come back up later and talk to you." Ezra nodded, anything to get them out.
They left Ezra thinking that he was falling back to sleep but once they were out of the room he sat up and watched the door for a few moments. When he was sure they weren't coming back in he got up and after subconsciously taking out an old pack of cards from the dresser, he went and sat in the chair that was next to the only window in the room. He only had his trousers on and didn't bother with a shirt, his body was covered in goose bumps within seconds but he hadn't noticed the chill that began to settle into his bones.
He took the cards out of the pack and began to shuffle the deck while watching the street below him. He didn't feel it when the sharp corner of one of the cards cut his finger, he had never used these cards for that reason, they had squared corners instead of the normal rounded ones, his mother had yelled at him for buying them but for some reason he had never gotten rid of them. He lifted one of the cards up in front of his eyes and ran his forefinger along the corner, he pressed down and didn't feel the pain of the sharp edge as it cut into his finger. Ezra then laid his left forearm down on the armrest of the chair, the palm facing up and with the card gripped tightly in his right he ran it's corner across his arm, drawing a thin line of blood that followed the card to the end of its path.
He then drew a parallel line next to it, the card had become blunt due to the blood that had soaked into it and would not cut a third time so he discarded it into his lap and took another card and began again. Ezra wasn't feeling any pain from what he was doing, his mind was empty of all thoughts and feelings. He only stopped what he was doing when he ran out of cards, his arm was now a bloody mess but he didn't see it or feel it.
Ezra turned his head towards the door and knew that they would eventually come back and check on him, he collected the bloody cards and placed them back in the drawer of the dresser. Without taking care of his arm he went back to his bed and laid down, he pulled the covers over his body, still unaware of how cold he was, he didn't even realise that he had covered his injured arm so it wouldn't be seen. He lay still, staring blankly at the ceiling waiting for someone to sneak into his room.
***
Josiah stepped into Ezra's room an hour later. He watched for a moment as Ezra lay on his back staring at the ceiling, he had become really worried about him but they had decided that they had to let him know that he did the wrong thing, that what happened was his own fault. He felt like a father punishing a son. He realised that he had come to think of Ezra more like a son over the last four weeks, the young man had never had a father to look after him or watch out for him, only a mother that never really wanted him and often left him with people that physically abused him.
He had been taking care of Ezra like a father would, he helped him deal with his problems, he would talk to him for hours at a time when things became too much for him and he cared for him when he was ill. Ezra had also taken more to Josiah, he went to him when he couldn't take the pain of the memories anymore. He spoke openly to him when he wouldn't talk to anyone else, they had become closer over those four weeks and now Josiah felt as though he could be more of a father figure to him, if Ezra would allow him to.
Josiah closed the door and went towards the bed, he sat down and watched as Ezra blinked his eyes in confusion and then look at him. He placed his hand on Ezra's forehead to make sure the fever had not returned and was happy to find that it hadn't. He didn't speak for a few minutes but instead to continue to watch him, Ezra though didn't seem to like the silence.
"What do you want Josiah?" Ezra asked him, he had heard him come into his room but he had stood to the side for some reason before coming closer. Ezra was grateful for that as it gave him a few extra moments to get himself together.
"Thought that maybe you would like to talk about what happened." Josiah told him as he made himself more comfortable on the bed.
"No, not really." Ezra answered him as calmly as he could. "It was my own fault, I didn't think a drink would do that much harm, I should have listened to Nathan, I was being my usual stubborn self, and I was stupid."
"You weren't stupid Ezra, you just made a mistake." Josiah assured him.
"Stupid and mistake mean the same thing." Ezra didn't know what the problem was, nothing serious happened, he didn't know why they were making such a big deal over it.
"I assume that is something that your mother told you." Ezra diverted his eyes and he knew that he was correct in his assumption.
"Is everyone still downstairs?" Ezra asked, again trying to change the subject, he wanted this man to leave his room but knew that if he asked him to that he would want to know why.
"No, they have gone to their own beds, the saloon is empty."
"Then why aren't you in your bed?" Ezra smiled at him.
"I didn't want to leave you alone." Josiah told him seriously. Even though they left him alone at night they still took turns to check in on him, they had disrupted their own sleep to make sure that Ezra's was okay, they'd had a roster going between them.
"I'm fine Josiah." Ezra yawned to make it more convincing. "I'm tired anyway, I think that I'm going to sleep until lunch time."
"That doesn't surprise me." Josiah laughed and Ezra laughed with him. He placed his hand on Ezra's shoulder and smiled at him. "You sure, I can sleep in the chair or stay downstairs."
"Josiah I'm fine, there is no need to tire yourself out." Ezra pushed him away. "Go to bed."
Josiah nodded and got up off the bed, he took one last look at Ezra and then left him alone. Ezra wasn't tired, he didn't want to sleep so he got up, dressed himself, making sure that his derringer was in place, he shaved and then walked down to the dark empty saloon. Without lighting any lamps, he made his way to the bar and after grabbing the first bottle of whiskey, he could find he went and sat down at one of the tables that faced the door and drank straight from the bottle.
Ezra watched the sunlight as it made its way into the saloon forcing the darkness to retreat, he was fascinated by the way it crept along the floor, he could see the dust as it danced in the bright light. He shook his head as he remembered that the others were early risers and would probably be making their way here shortly so he removed the half-empty bottle from the table, placed it back behind the bar and went to make some coffee, while preparing himself for their arrival.
***
Chris walked into the saloon with the intention of going straight upstairs to check on Ezra before he made himself comfortable in the main room of the building to wait for the others. He glanced to the side of the room and stopped in his tracks as he saw Ezra sitting in the corner drinking what he hoped was coffee. He walked over to the table and saw the expression that had been hidden in the shadows reveal itself as he got closer but it was quickly replaced with what he thought was a genuine smile.
"Ezra what are you doing up so early." Chris tried to hide the surprise that he felt at the gambler rising before sunrise. He knew this because of the coffee, it would have taken him time to make it, he had also cleaned himself up, taking time to shave.
"I woke early and couldn't get back to sleep, so I came down stairs." Ezra explained.
Chris sat down across from him and glanced down at the cup that was sitting in front of Ezra. Chris watched as Ezra pushed the cup towards him so he could see that it was full of coffee and not whiskey.
"Drink it if you still think that I spiked it." Ezra challenged him.
"No need Ezra." Chris pushed the cup back and took one of the empty ones, he poured coffee into it and then looked back up at Ezra. He thought for a moment that there was something in his eyes but it was gone as quickly as the expression that he had held earlier. "You told me you wouldn't drink and I trust you to keep your word."
They sat in silence then, Ezra not wanting to talk and Chris not wanting to push him into talking as he could tell that he wasn't in the mood for conversation. Chris watched Ezra when he was looking in a different direction and then glanced away when his eyes turned back to him.
"Is it because I am the only pretty face here?" Ezra asked Chris with a forced smile that he hoped looked genuine.
"Sorry?" Chris was confused.
"Remember, when we were all sitting here once before, all of you were staring at me and when I asked why you said it was because I was the only pretty face here."
"Oh that. I'm not staring Ezra." Chris told him.
"You're lying."
Chris looked up at him and saw the serious look that was aimed at him. "Okay, I'm worried about you that's all."
"Chris, I'm sure that you can worry without staring." Ezra's grin grew causing the dimples to form in his cheeks and he watched as Chris began to relax more. Ezra's eyes turned to the sound of the saloon doors swinging open as Vin made his way into the room and head towards the table.
"Ezra what are . . ." Vin began.
"I couldn't sleep." Ezra explained for a second time. "I hope I don't have to say that six times."
Sorry Ezra I was just . . ."
"I know, you were surprised to see me up at this ungodly hour." Ezra interrupted him again as he pushed a cup towards him.
Vin threw a nervous glance at Chris but calmed down when he saw the smile on his face, he took the cup from Ezra and poured himself some coffee. They then sat in silence again enjoying the warm liquid, it wasn't everyday that Ezra made the coffee.
They looked towards the door as they heard the laughter that had drifted into the room. "Sounds like JD and Casey are at it already." Vin told the two men that were also looking towards the door.
"Is it always this noisy in the morning?" Ezra asked as he heard Buck yelling at JD and Casey before he entered the saloon.
"Hey Ezra what . . ." Buck yelled into the room as he entered.
"He couldn't sleep." Chris and Vin yelled back at him much to Ezra's annoyance.
Ezra was listening to the laughter, he couldn't ignore it as it was aggravating his nerves, he rubbed his eyes with his hands and when he removed them, he saw JD standing in the doorway with Christy behind him, the woman who had threatened to kill Jean before she shot him twice, nearly killing him. Ezra began to shake as he saw the gun appear in her hand, she pressed it against JD's back and then his instincts took over.
"JD!" He yelled as he stood up, ejecting his derringer at the same, he aimed the gun at the woman that was threatening his friend and squeezed the trigger. He watched as Christy fell to the ground and then heard someone calling Casey's name as the gun was pulled from his hand.
Casey's name echoed in Ezra's mind as rough hands pushed him back down into the chair, he could hear someone yelling at him, wanting to know what he thought he was doing but the voice was distant. He began to rub his forearm causing the pain to ignite but his mind pushed the pain away, he continued to rub as the voices yelled around him and at him. His eyes took in nothing that surrounded him, all he saw were the figures as they rushed past his line of vision, he went to stand up so he could get a drink but was roughly forced back into the chair, a voice yelling at him to stay to where he was.
***
JD had come into the saloon and he heard Ezra's voice as he called his name, he looked up in surprise wondering why he was up so early but the gun drove the question from his mind, his own instincts taking control of his body. He pulled Casey towards him and in doing so saved her life as the bullet entered her upper left arm instead of her chest. She fell against him and they both fell to the floor.
"Casey!" JD yelled to her, he saw the wound in her arm and began to try to stop the blood flowing from it.
***
Chris, Buck and Vin watched as Ezra rose from his chair yelling JD's name but they couldn't stop him, Ezra was to quick with the derringer, they heard the gun being fired as they rose from their own chairs and watched in horror as Casey and JD fell to the floor. Chris quickly pulled the gun from Ezra's hand before he could fire again and with Vin's help, he pushed him back down into his chair.
"Ezra, what the hell do you think you’re doing?" Vin yelled at him. "You just shot Casey."
"Stay with him." Chris ordered Vin and as he ran after Buck towards JD and Casey. He could see the blood as it flowed through JD's fingers as he tried to stop the bleeding. Chris knelt down beside Buck blocking them from Ezra's view, he pulled JD's hands from Casey's arm and quickly examined it, the bullet had gone straight through, he placed JD's hand back over it.
"JD are you hurt?" Buck asked him as Chris examined Casey.
"I'm fine Buck." JD assured him as he watched Casey.
"Buck take her to Nathan and stay with her." Chris told him. "JD go with them."
"Why did he shoot Casey?" JD wanted to know, he hadn't taken his eyes from Casey's face, she had lost consciousness as soon as the bullet had entered her arm.
"Take her there now Buck!" Chris growled at him. He watched as Buck lifted Casey into his arms and ran out of the saloon with JD running after him, he turned back to see the blank expression on Ezra's face as he tried to stand up again but Vin shoved him back into the chair.
"Stay where you are Ezra, don't even think about moving!" Vin told him harshly.
Chris took his time walking back to Ezra so he could contain the anger that was building, he reached Ezra and placed a chair in front of him and sat down facing him. He didn't say anything as he watched Ezra, his face was blank, his eyes empty but he was rubbing his left forearm. Chris took his right arm and pulled it away. Ezra looked at him but he knew that he couldn't see him.
Chris didn't turn around when he heard the footsteps as someone ran into the saloon but he noticed that they had caught Ezra's attention as he looked towards the floor to find the source of the sound. He became distant again though as the sound stopped.
"What happened?" Josiah asked. "Did he really shoot Casey?"
"Yes he did." Vin leant down in front of Ezra and looked into the unseeing eyes. "He shot Casey!"
"Vin . . . " Josiah pulled him away. He sat in the chair that faced Ezra after Chris emptied it for him, he looked into Ezra's eyes and saw nothing. "He's not here."
"What do you mean he's not here?" Chris asked him.
"Just like I said Chris, he's not here, his mind is somewhere else." He wiped the hair from Ezra's forehead and then allowed his hand to fall to his cheek. "He's gone." Josiah stood up and lifted Ezra up to his feet. "Let's get him to Nathan."
"I don't think that's a good idea Josiah." Vin told him.
"Vin look at him. Do you actually think he's capable of doing anything?" Josiah asked him.
"He just did something Josiah, he shot Casey. I don't want him there when she wakes up." Vin growled at him.
"I don't care what you want Vin, it's Ezra that's in trouble here. How do you think he's going to feel when he comes out of it and realises what he's done." He began to lead Ezra away from him and was grateful when Chris took Ezra's other arm. They didn't wait to see if Vin was going to follow them.
"It's still not out of his system is it?" Chris asked Josiah as they left the saloon with a very passive gambler between them.
"Obviously not." Josiah answered him sarcastically but Chris ignored it as Ezra had gotten his attention by looking down at their feet. He watched Ezra out of the corner of his eye on the way to the clinic, noticing what he was doing.
They pulled Ezra into Nathan's room and placed him in the empty chair in the corner, they were ready to defend him against JD if they had to but they didn't, he understood the situation as they did and they were both proud of him for remembering what Ezra was going through.
"How's Casey?" Chris asked Nathan as he came towards Ezra, he stood protectively in front of Ezra because he knew that Nathan may react differently than the way JD did.
"She's going to be fine, the bullet went clean through, there's no damage to the muscle but she's going to be plenty sore for a while." He gently moved Chris aside and knelt down in front of Ezra. "You want to tell me what happened." He spoke to Chris because he could tell that he wasn't going to get an answer from Ezra.
"I don't know what happened, he was fine, normal even but he saw JD and Casey come in. Ezra stood up yelling out to JD and he pulled his derringer and fired. You know how quick he is with that thing, we couldn't react fast enough to stop him from killing Casey but JD did. If he hadn't pulled her away . . . " Chris left the thought hanging heavily in the air around them.
"You don't know why he shot her?" JD asked from the bed, he was wiping Casey's hair from her face but his eyes were watching the still form of his friend across the room in the chair. He knew that it wasn't Ezra's fault and he knew the guilt that he was going to feel when he did remember what happened and he wasn't going to make it worse for him.
"No." Chris answered him. "Thanks JD."
"Anyone of you would have pulled Casey out . . . " JD started.
"No, I mean thank you for not blaming Ezra." Chris explained in more detail.
"Can you help him Nathan?" Buck asked as he came forward from the bed stopping the thankyous that were being passed around.
"I don't know Buck. Why don't we put him on the cot over there and we'll try and think of something." Nathan told him.
They walked Ezra over to the cot and laid him down onto his back and left him with his eyes staring at the ceiling, Chris waited a moment while the others walked away and watched as Ezra rolled onto his side, his eyes following the retreating footsteps.
"Nathan?" Chris called him back and when he stood next to him, he moved an obedient Ezra onto his back again.
"Watch this. Josiah could you start walking around please and make sure your feet make a noise."
"What are you doing Chris?" But the only answer he got was Ezra's reaction to the sound of Josiah's footsteps, his own face turned into a frown as Ezra rolled over and his eyes began to follow Josiah's feet.
"That's what he was doing in the saloon yesterday after he made that outburst, he was quiet but then after that he attacked me." He looked sideways at Chris. "I'm going to have to tie him to the bed Chris just in case something like that happens again."
They didn't want to do it but they knew that Nathan was right, if Ezra did become violent, again they didn't know what he would end up doing. Josiah used a rope to tie Ezra down to the bed, he hated doing it but there was no longer any choice, he left his green jacket on so the ropes wouldn't cut into his wrists. He then sat in a chair next to the cot and started to rub Ezra's temple hoping that it would bring him back to them.
"There has to be something else, the alcohol couldn't have done this much damage." Nathan said aloud as he started to pace the room, he stopped when he saw Ezra trying to watch him. "Hong Sing wouldn't have given it to me if there was going to be this sort of reaction if Ezra did have a drink. There has to be something." He went and stood in front of JD. "You were with him yesterday morning, is there anything that seemed strange to you, anything different."
"No. He came over to the table, Vin had just won all my money and he offered to win it back for me but when he did he kept it." JD thought about the milk but he knew Ezra didn't want the others to know about it.
"What? There is something isn't there?" Chris could tell by the look on JD's face that he was keeping something from them.
"Vin and I promised Ezra we wouldn't tell you, besides it was nothing that would have done this." JD flinched back from Chris.
"What was it?"
"Buck bought me a glass of milk, I didn't have any money left to play so Vin told me to bet him my glass of milk, he won it, had to or we would of thought that he was cheating. He didn't like it, said he never liked the taste of milk, drank half of it and then filled it with whiskey so he could drink the rest." JD knew that Ezra was going to get angry at him over this. "Milk wouldn't have done this to him."
"Of course he would hate the taste of it JD, he got shut in a cellar and beaten because he spilt his milk." Chris reminded him.
They all turned when they heard Buck fall into the empty chair, his face now as white as Ezra's had been the night before. "Ezra drank the milk."
They moved as one towards Buck who looked passed them at Ezra. He could see his eyes following everyone's shoes as they crossed the floor. He inwardly died as he realised what he had done to his friend, his own eyes then moved to Casey, she was lying under a blanket, her bandaged arm above it, he knew how close she had come to being killed by Ezra.
"What is it Buck?" Chris asked him.
"I got something from Chow Chee to get back at JD for that love potion stunt, I put it in the milk, he said to make sure that he didn't drink any alcohol with it because if he did the results wouldn't be pleasant." He didn't look up at any of them as he knew what their faces would tell him, they would be saying the same as his own mind was. It was a stupid thing to do and the result of the prank nearly cost people their lives and it may cost Ezra his sanity. The guilt was overwhelming, it was a lot worse than the guilt he felt when he allowed Horrow to take Ezra. He looked up as someone bent down in front of him, it was Nathan.
"I want you to ride out to the rail camp and find Chow Chee, tell him what happened and find out what we can do to help Ezra." He stared at Buck and saw the guilt in his eyes but he was to angry to tell him anything different. "Now!"
"Take Vin with you." Chris told him as he got up to leave. Buck nodded in silence and left the room without looking at any of them.
"No wonder he's so out of it." Nathan said as he went back to the cot, he looked down into Ezra's unseeing eyes. "He stays here in the clinic until he's healthy again, even if it takes weeks!"
***
Ezra began to sense what was happening around him but everything was too far away for him to really understand it, he could hear voices and see figures but he couldn't make out the words or recognise the people who stood in front of him. He did hear footsteps and as before they captivated his mind, he searched for the source each time, he heard them. A nagging feeling began to interrupt his fascination with the sound that echoed in his mind, he had done something that made people angry at him but he couldn't remember what it was.
He also started to feel something rubbing against his head and it was then that he heard the words, they were going to make him stay, they were locking him up again, he couldn't let them shut him away. He fought his way out of the emptiness that had encircled his mind.
"No." He groaned as he continued to fight, he tried to lift his arms but someone held them down. "No."
"Ezra?" Josiah called to him, he moved his hand to Ezra's forehead, he felt the others standing near him as they all hovered over Ezra.
"No. Please." Ezra pleaded.
The four men watched as Ezra's eyes began to focus on his surroundings but they were worried about how he was going to react to what happened. He was still watching the ceiling and it was another few minutes before he began to actually look at them.
"Please, don't make me stay here." He cried. "I can't go through it again."
"Your okay Ezra, you’re in Nathan's clinic." Josiah tried to comfort him with his words and his touch. Ezra accepted the touch of concern but not Josiah's words.
"No." He began to pull at the ropes. "I'm scared Josiah, I can't stay here."
"You'll be okay Ezra, I'll stay with you." Josiah told him.
"No, Josiah please . . . don't let him keep me . . . here." Ezra began to shake as the fear took a strong hold of his mind. "Please Josiah . . . help me." Ezra was crying now, he couldn't stop himself, he was terrified. "Josiah . . . please."
"Ezra, I promise you, I won't let them keep you here, don't worry, I'll take care of you." Josiah wiped the tears from Ezra's face with his hand. "It will be okay."
"I can't stay here . . . don't keep me here . . . please."
"I won't, I promise." Josiah could feel Nathan tense up behind him but he ignored him for the moment, he had to get Ezra to calm down first, he would argue with Nathan later.
They heard a moan come from the other bed as Casey began to wake up, Ezra's eyes turned towards the figure in the bed and the memory of what happened drove the fear from his mind replacing it with guilt and despair. Nathan left Ezra in Josiah's capable hands and he went to check on Casey. Josiah watched Ezra as he became quiet, his eyes never moving from Casey's waking form.
"Is she . . . " Ezra started.
"No Ezra, she's fine, it's just a scratch." Chris sat down on the cot. "She'll be okay."
"Oh God, I shot her didn't I, I tried to kill Casey." New tears began to fall from Ezra's eyes as he tried to pull himself away from everyone, he wanted to turn away from them and curl up into a ball but neither his legs or arms would respond to his commands.
"It's the herbs you drank Ezra, there doing it not you, don't blame yourself, we don't." Josiah was getting nowhere with him, he couldn't calm him down.
"It was the alcohol wasn't it, what I drank this morning, it was me." Ezra's body shook with the tears that wracked his body.
Josiah put his hands on Ezra's shoulders. "You drank again?"
"I shot her, oh God, I shot her." Ezra felt the same pain he had before as it tore through his stomach, his face contorted with the pain. "Josiah!" He grimaced through clenched teeth. His hands gripped the sheet beneath him and he struggled to bring his knees up to his chest.
"Nathan!" Chris called him and then turned back to Ezra. "Is it the same pain you had before?"
Ezra cried out causing Casey to become fully awake, she opened her eyes and looked across the room. Ezra screamed at the agony that he was feeling as Josiah and Chris fought to untie the ropes that bound him to the bed. Once he found that, he could move Ezra drew his knees up to his chest and rolled over onto his side.
"Ezra, I'm going to need to examine your stomach, can you roll back over for me." Nathan asked him. Ezra violently shook his head and then screamed into the pillow as another bolt of pain ripped through his stomach.
"Were going to have to wait until the pain leaves him again." Nathan told Josiah.
"You can't do that Nathan, give him something for the pain." Chris told him, he was holding his own stomach in sympathy for Ezra.
"And what if it makes him worse, that potion that Buck gave him isn't out of his system yet, if I give him something I don't know what it would do to him, I can't take the chance Chris." He looked back at Ezra's pain filled face when he screamed again. "It's a lot worse than yesterday."
"JD, get me a damp cloth." Josiah called to him, he only had to wait a few seconds before he felt the cool material in his hand and he used it to wipe away the sweat that had begun to form on Ezra's face.
He listened as Ezra moaned and rolled further into the pillow so he could muffle his screams. JD went back to Casey and held onto her as they watched Ezra, they all knew that there was nothing that they could do to help him, they could only support him and wait until the pain left him like it did the last time. Chris got on the cot and sat behind Ezra's back and leaned over him, he took his hand in his and hissed when Ezra squeezed it as the pain caused him to scream again. He could feel Ezra shaking, he used his free hand to stroke the back of his head.
Five minutes had passed and the pain still hadn't left him, his body was trembling, his hair was now soaked with sweat. Chris felt as though his fingers had been broken in Ezra's grip. Josiah continued to wipe his face and they all listened as Ezra's screams turned into soft moans as he became semiconscious. Another ten minutes passed before Ezra started to feel the pain leave him but the tremors didn't.
"Josiah." He croaked, his throat was dry but he didn't dare drink any water in case it brought the pain back. "It's gone but I can't stop shaking."
Josiah lifted Ezra up into his arms and held him tight, feeling his body shaking within his grip. Nathan tried to take him from his arms but he wouldn't let him go.
"Josiah I need to make sure he's okay." Nathan told him.
"Not yet, just give him a minute." Josiah leant down and kissed Ezra's damp forehead and laid his hand against his warm face. "Just give him a minute, please Nathan."
Josiah continued to wipe Ezra's face with his hand as he held him tight against his own body, feeling his muscles relax as the tremors left him. He used his soothing voice to keep him calm as he gave the younger man everything that he had never received in his long and lonely life, he gave him a parent's love. He knew the other's were watching but he didn't care, it's what Ezra needed and wanted, it was just something that the gambler had never admitted to anyone, not even himself.
"You’re okay now Ezra. Don't worry, I'll take care of you, I'm not going to leave you alone. I'll be here for you, we all will." Josiah kept saying these words over and over, even after Ezra had fallen into an exhausted sleep.
"Josiah, let me take him now." Nathan had to literally pull Ezra from Josiah's arms, he knew the older man had come to care for Ezra but he didn't realise just how much until now.
"You have to help him Nathan." Josiah told him as he continued to show his concern towards Ezra, he wiped the damp hair from his forehead with one hand and held his limp hand with the other.
"I'm sorry Josiah, I won't do anything until Buck comes back, I'm not going to risk it." Nathan made Ezra comfortable by placing him on his back and began to unbutton his clothing, he pulled the shirt aside, exposing the pale damp skin that was hidden beneath it, he let out a ragged moan when he saw the swelling around Ezra's abdomen. "My God".
"What is it Nathan?" Chris was still sitting on the cot next Ezra and after finding that there were no broken bones in his own hand he had picked Ezra's back up, squeezing it gently so the gambler would know that they were still there with him, hoping that the simple act of a gentle touch would help reassure him. He was looking down at Ezra's pale and sweat soaked face but shifted his eyes to what Nathan was looking at, suddenly he felt the need to lash out at Buck. Chris knew that he couldn't blame him, he hadn't known what the consequences of he had done were going to be but he still thought that it was a stupid thing to have done, he was angry at him, he also knew that Buck was going to be angry at himself.
Nathan ignored him and gently pressed against the swelling, Ezra groaned as he tried to move away from him. "He's still feeling some sort of pain." Nathan sighed, he hated not doing anything for his friend but he also knew that if he did try something Ezra would only get worse. "I don't know what's caused the swelling, maybe it caused the pain he suffered or the pain caused his stomach to swell. I just don't know." He pulled the shirt closed, hiding the swelling and then looked at Chris. "Could you tie his arms again for me, I'll do his feet."
"Nathan you can't do that." Josiah protested. He didn't want to see Ezra tied to the bed, it was bad enough what he was going through. He knew that if he was to wake up more coherent and find himself tied up then Ezra would think that he broke his promise. Josiah sighed quietly as he realised he wouldn't be able to keep his promise to him, Nathan wasn't going to allow him to leave the clinic.
"He still might become violent Josiah, he could hurt someone or even himself. I don't want that to happen." He stared at Josiah knowing that what was happening to Ezra was beginning to tear him apart but they couldn't take the chance, he had to think of the other people in the room as well. "Do you?"
Josiah hung his head in defeat and then watched as they tied Ezra, bounding his arms and legs to the bed once more. He felt someone's hand on his shoulder and looked up into Chris's eyes, seeing the understanding that they held.
"It's for his own good Josiah, he'll understand."
"I don't think he will Chris and I wouldn't blame him if he didn't." He looked away from him and turned his eyes back to Ezra. "I promised him that I wouldn't let Nathan keep him here and I can't keep that promise."
"Yes you can." Nathan smiled at his shocked expression. "If the swelling comes down and he's comfortable then we’ll move him back to his own room but I want two of us staying with him, we can't leave him alone, not now."
"Thank you Nathan." Josiah was grateful for what Nathan was willing to do for Ezra, he had wanted to keep him in the clinic but he understood that Ezra wouldn't be able to cope with being kept here, he had taken Ezra's fear into consideration and wasn't going to force him to stay.
"That's okay Josiah, I know exactly how he feels about being here." Nathan remembered the fear that Ezra's eyes held every time he thought that he was going to have to spend time in the clinic. "He relates it to his Uncle, he wasn't allowed out of the cellar and I won't allow him to leave here unless I think he's ready. He thinks that I want to lock him up and not let him out like Jack did." He bent down and wiped a strand of hair away from Ezra's forehead. "He just needs more time to deal the fear that he feels when he has to stay here."
"Why did he do it?" They heard Casey ask from across the room. All eyes turned to her, their expressions trying to hide what they felt.
"Buck did something stupid Casey, he isn't going to be able to apologise enough for this." Chris growled at her as he thought of the pain that Ezra had gone through, the condition that his stomach was now in and what that stuff had caused him to do to her, he saw her flinch back at the sound of his voice and realised that he had scared her. "I'm sorry Casey, I just can't believe what he did."
Nathan went over and sat on Casey's bed and explained to her what had happened, her eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat and then a tear fell from her eye.
"He's been through all that just because Buck put something in JD's milk." She looked around Nathan so she could see Ezra.
"It's not over Casey, he's still going through it, the potion hasn't left his system yet." He pulled Casey's face back so their eyes met. "I want you to stay in a bed for a couple of days. I'll get JD to take you home so you don't have to stay here." The relief flooded her young features.
"I couldn't watch him go through that much pain again." Casey mumbled as she looked back at Ezra. "How did something like that do so much to him." Her tear filled eyes stared back at Nathan. "He's going to be alright isn't he?"
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
Master Fan Fiction List
Sixteenth story in 'The Continuing Ezra Standish Saga'
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bad writing ahead!
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Summary: When Ezra mistakenly drinks something meant for JD his normal world is turned into a violent nightmare for both him and the other hired gunmen.
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the seven + OC's.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Beta: Not betaed – written in the early days when I didn’t know what the words grammar and edit meant. *is ashamed but no longer care*
Notes: Sixteenth story in the ‘Continuing Ezra Standish Saga’.
Spoilers: None.
Total Word Count: 40,665
WARNING! Please note that this story contains disturbing images.
Part Two
"Your Uncle wasn't here Ezra." Josiah told him, he could see that Ezra's anger had turned to confusion as he searched the saloon for his Uncle.
"Yes he was, he was right there." He pointed a shaking finger over Josiah's left shoulder. "He would have killed me this time if I hadn't stopped him."
Josiah turned and followed the direction that Ezra was pointing in. All he saw was Nathan as he sat in a chair with a cloth held against his bleeding nose. He turned back to Ezra and noticed that the others had stepped back as they also realised that the anger had left Ezra. He saw that Chris's fists were clenched at his side and he hoped that the anger he was feeling wasn't aimed at Ezra.
"Ezra look at me." He waited patiently for Ezra turn his eyes back to him. "I'm not going to lie to you Ezra. Do you believe me when I tell you that?" Ezra frowned for a moment as he tried to remember something that had happened earlier but he couldn't so he just nodded. "That wasn't your Uncle, you attacked Nathan."
"No, it was my Uncle, I saw him, he was there." Ezra argued with him, his voice was calm though and Josiah was grateful for that.
"No he wasn't Ezra. If your Uncle was here he would be dead now because one of us would have shot him on sight." Josiah moved to his side and Ezra's eyes followed him. "We wouldn't have let him come anywhere near you Ezra, he wasn't here."
"But I saw him." Ezra whispered. "I saw him, I hit him just like he hit me, I kicked him like he kicked me but I didn't get to do as much damage as he did, someone pulled me off him. There was no one to pull him off me though, no one stopped him."
Josiah continued to rub Ezra's left temple as he tried to keep him calm, it was something that always seemed to work and he used the touch when it was necessary to calm him down. "Ezra can you see Nathan over there?"
"Yes." His confusion grew even more at the sight of Nathan. "What happened to him?" Ezra had turned his face to look at Nathan, he could see that his friend had been hurt, he was bleeding from his nose and a cut above his left eye, his knee also looked as though it was beginning to become swollen.
"You attacked him Ezra, you thought he was your Uncle." Josiah tried to explain to him but Ezra laughed at him, he removed his hand.
"How could I mistake Nathan for my Uncle." Ezra actually found the idea funny, there was no way he could have done that.
"Hallucination!" Nathan called across the now empty room, everyone had decided to leave when Ezra attacked Nathan, they didn't want to be next. He got up and with JD's help he limped towards Ezra, he watched him carefully for any sign of another attack. "The alcohol probably did more damage than I thought, if he's so sure about it then he did see his Uncle." Nathan explained as he slowly made his way closer to his attacker.
"Nathan what's a hallucination?" JD asked him.
"It's when you see something that's not there, it seems so real but it isn't." Nathan pulled up a chair and placed it next to Ezra and sat down in it. "Ezra saw his Uncle, it was real to him." He looked into Ezra's eyes. "I believe you Ezra, you saw your Uncle and I know you didn't drink any alcohol." Ezra hadn't taken his eyes from Nathan's face as he moved towards him and sat down next to him, he didn't even flinch when Nathan pressed his hand against his forehead to check for a fever. "At least your fever's coming down."
Ezra lifted his own hand and touched the cut above Nathan's eye, he saw the blood on his own knuckles, he stared at his hand and then back at Nathan's face. "I did that?" He whispered.
"No Ezra, you didn't." Nathan saw the questioning look that was sent to him from Josiah and he returned the look with his own glare, he understood and left him to finish what he was doing. "You didn't hit me Ezra."
"Then why do I have blood on my hand?" Ezra asked him.
"Ezra you attacked your Uncle, not me."
Ezra was confused and he allowed Nathan to see it, something caught his attention though and he looked away from Nathan. The blood drained from his face a second time as he saw Rochelle walking towards him, she still wore the pale blue dress that she had been buried in but she couldn't be dead, she was here now. "Nathan?"
They all turned their heads to the direction that Ezra was staring in, they had seen the small amount colour that was left in his face disappear and knew that something was wrong. "What is it Ezra?" Josiah asked him, he hadn't left his side.
"Do hallucinations include people that have died?" Ezra's voice was shaking with fear, he was trying to convince himself that it was only what Nathan had said but Rochelle did seem so real, the anger was still there in her beautiful eyes.
"They can Ezra. What do you see?" Nathan asked him, he knew that Ezra was looking at something or someone, if he had one hallucination he could have more. He placed his hand on his shoulder and could feel him shaking. "Josiah!" Nathan warned him.
"Ezra." Rochelle spoke to him and he knew she had to be real but her voice was full of anger and hatred. Ezra pressed back against the chair. "You could have saved me but you didn't. Why did you let him kill me?"
Chris took Josiah's position as he left Ezra's side and moved in front of him, he could tell that Ezra was looking at something that wasn't there, his eyes were following someone, he knew it wasn't his Uncle because his reaction was different. He took his arm just in case and he felt the tremors that were wracking his body. "Ezra." Chris said more to himself than anyone else.
Josiah looked into Ezra's eyes and saw the fear and sadness that filled them. Ezra's eyes moved to the side, he didn't see Josiah in front of him, he didn't even acknowledge him. All Ezra saw was the woman he loved, her eyes full of hatred that was directed at him.
"I tried . . . " The tears fell from his eyes as he realised she blamed him for what happened. "I tried . . . I didn't get there in time." He tried to explain to her but the anger only grew.
"You allowed him to kill me." She hissed at him.
"No." Ezra started to shake his head in denial, he only stopped when he felt someone's grip on his jaw. "No. No. No. . . "
"Ezra. Ezra listen to me, whatever it is that you see it's not real." Josiah tried to get through to him but he couldn't,
Ezra just kept repeating the word no over and over again. He removed his hand and watched as someone's fist connected with Ezra's jaw, snapping his head back, his rambling and fear finally ending. He quickly grabbed Ezra around the chest as he slumped forward, he allowed Ezra's head to fall onto his shoulders as he looked up at Chris.
"I'm sorry but I'm not going to let him go through that and I can't watch him either." Chris explained to him, Josiah nodded in understanding.
"Take him up to his bed Josiah." Nathan sighed, he gripped his knee and winced at the pain that tore through it.
"You okay Nathan?" Chris asked him.
"Ezra kicked me pretty hard, I don't think there is any real damage but I'll have to wait for the swelling to come down to make sure."
"You're lucky to be alive Nathan." Chris told him and then answered his confused expression. "He was to angry to think, he just reacted, if he thought about it first he would have pulled someone's gun and shot you, we were slow to react Nathan, if he used a gun you would be a dead man right now."
Nathan fell back into his chair as the realisation of what Chris had just told him sunk in. "Your right Chris, it was all so real to him."
Josiah had stood up, lifting Ezra into his arms with Vin's help but he didn't make his way to Ezra's room. "Why did you tell him that it was his Uncle he attacked and not you after I told him differently?" He wanted to know.
"Josiah, he's going through enough as it is, he doesn't need to feel guilty about hitting me as well." Nathan explained as he stood up and tested his knee, there was pain but he was able to walk on it. "Let's get him to his room and hope that he sleeps it off."
"And if he doesn't? What if he's the same when he wakes up or even worse?" Buck asked from behind Vin, they were watching their friend in Josiah's arms and were concerned for him. Everything seemed to change so quickly with Ezra, he was fine one minute and then something would go wrong, seriously wrong.
"I'm sure that he'll be fine." Nathan told them as he was unaware of the potion that Ezra had drunk. He limped up the stairs after Josiah and Chris, the others stayed downstairs.
***
While Chris and Josiah made Ezra comfortable in his bed Nathan used the water bowl to clean the blood from his own face, he checked the cut above his eye and found it not to be deep enough to require stitches. When he was finished he used the cloth to wash the blood from Ezra's hand, he didn't want him to wake up and find it there. He hoped in his heart that Ezra wouldn't remember any of it when he did wake up.
"Are you sure you’re alright Nathan? Ezra hit you hard here as well." Chris pressed against the bruise that was forming on his left cheek. He yelped when Nathan slapped his hand away.
"I'm fine, there just bruises." Nathan growled at him.
"I hate to say it Nathan but you sound just like Ezra does when you’re doing the same to him." Josiah smiled at him as he remembered all the times Ezra pushed Nathan's arm away when he was checking one of his various injuries.
"I protest at that statement Mr Sanchez." Nathan smiled back at him as he tried to do his best Ezra Standish impersonation, he looked at Ezra's sleeping form. "Did I get that right?"
"Not quite Nathan." Chris answered him, he too was looking at Ezra.
He had been sleeping for two hours now, there were no nightmares, his fever had finally left him alone and they were beginning to relax, they thought that he was going to be alright. They became quiet as Ezra rolled onto his side and groaned in protest, his arm lifted to block out the light that was blinding him. Chris had lit the lamps in Ezra's room as night had fallen outside and they didn't want Ezra to wake up in the dark and not know where he was.
"Oh no." Ezra groaned again, blinking his eyes until they adjusted to light that was causing his headache to become even more painful, he seemed to have the worst hangover.
"Ezra?" Nathan came over to the bed and sat down, he smiled at the glare that Ezra gave him, it was the same look that Ezra gave everyone when he woke up before he was ready.
"Oh no." Ezra repeated, the shock of what had happened hit him with a force that literally knocked the wind from his lungs. "I did that." His hand lifted towards Nathan's face but he quickly withdrew it so he wouldn't hurt him again.
"It's okay Ezra, you thought I was your Uncle, don't worry about it, I don't blame you for it." Nathan smiled at him to make sure that Ezra understood that he wasn't angry with him, he didn't want him to feel guilt about it, not yet anyway.
"Why? Did I have too much to drink?" Ezra sat up and moved away from Nathan. "I didn't say that, really I didn't drink that much, I only had a glass . . . I . . . " He gave up when he realised that Nathan wasn't going to take anything that he said as an excuse or an apology. "I'm sorry Nathan, I didn't listen to you."
"You never listen to me Ezra." He forced a disappointed look onto his face. "This was your own fault Ezra, you went through all of this because you drank when I told you not to." He watched as Ezra hung his head and he couldn't get angry at him. "Chris, you want to have a go, I can't do it." Nathan got up and enjoyed the expression that was on Ezra's face when his head lifted up to look for the man who was going to yell at him.
"Ezra." Chris smiled at him coldly.
"Chris." Ezra smiled back but his was full of doubt. "I'm feeling a lot better now, just got a hangover."
"Good." Chris knew that Ezra was trying to change the subject. "That you have a hangover that is. Serves you right." He leaned closer to Ezra as he pulled further away from him. "Do you realise what you went through, what you put us through."
"I can remember." Ezra winced.
"I should make Nathan keep you in the clinic just to teach you a lesson." Chris saw the fear flicker through Ezra's eyes. "You do as your told Ezra, you hear me." He didn't allow Ezra's fear to stop him. "I asked you if you heard me Ezra."
"I heard you." Ezra didn't know what to think, he knew that Chris would do it but he hoped that he still understood why he didn't want to go to Nathan's clinic but he seemed to have forgotten as he ignored the fear that must have been obvious in his eyes. "I'll do as I'm told."
"Good." Chris slapped him on the leg and got up from the bed. "Josiah, your turn."
Ezra looked at Chris's retreating back and then Josiah's face as he came towards him, they were ganging up on him and he didn't like it. He took his eyes off Josiah and continued to watch Chris as he stood by the door, he felt his bed shift as Josiah sat down next to him. He tore his eyes from Chris's form and looked at the man who sat next to him.
"You okay Ezra?"
"I have a headache." He rubbed his temples hoping that it would ease the pain that was becoming worse.
"Apart from the headache. Are you okay with what happened?" Ezra frowned at him. "You went through some nasty things Ezra, I want to make sure that your okay."
"Nathan makes me feel guilty, Chris tries to scare me into not doing it again by threatening me and then you make sure that I'm okay with it?" Ezra stared at him. "Is that right?"
"No that's not right. I'm sorry Ezra but we are angry about what you did." Josiah told him in a firm voice. "What if it was worse, what if you did more to Nathan than hit him."
Ezra looked up at Nathan and again saw the cut and bruises that he caused. "I'm sorry Nathan." It was all he could say and wanted to say at that moment.
"I told you that it was okay Ezra, it wasn't me you were hitting." Nathan told him.
Ezra lay back down on his pillow and closed his eyes, he wasn't tired but he wanted them to leave. He felt Josiah's hand on his forehead. "We'll leave you to rest Ezra, I'll come back up later and talk to you." Ezra nodded, anything to get them out.
They left Ezra thinking that he was falling back to sleep but once they were out of the room he sat up and watched the door for a few moments. When he was sure they weren't coming back in he got up and after subconsciously taking out an old pack of cards from the dresser, he went and sat in the chair that was next to the only window in the room. He only had his trousers on and didn't bother with a shirt, his body was covered in goose bumps within seconds but he hadn't noticed the chill that began to settle into his bones.
He took the cards out of the pack and began to shuffle the deck while watching the street below him. He didn't feel it when the sharp corner of one of the cards cut his finger, he had never used these cards for that reason, they had squared corners instead of the normal rounded ones, his mother had yelled at him for buying them but for some reason he had never gotten rid of them. He lifted one of the cards up in front of his eyes and ran his forefinger along the corner, he pressed down and didn't feel the pain of the sharp edge as it cut into his finger. Ezra then laid his left forearm down on the armrest of the chair, the palm facing up and with the card gripped tightly in his right he ran it's corner across his arm, drawing a thin line of blood that followed the card to the end of its path.
He then drew a parallel line next to it, the card had become blunt due to the blood that had soaked into it and would not cut a third time so he discarded it into his lap and took another card and began again. Ezra wasn't feeling any pain from what he was doing, his mind was empty of all thoughts and feelings. He only stopped what he was doing when he ran out of cards, his arm was now a bloody mess but he didn't see it or feel it.
Ezra turned his head towards the door and knew that they would eventually come back and check on him, he collected the bloody cards and placed them back in the drawer of the dresser. Without taking care of his arm he went back to his bed and laid down, he pulled the covers over his body, still unaware of how cold he was, he didn't even realise that he had covered his injured arm so it wouldn't be seen. He lay still, staring blankly at the ceiling waiting for someone to sneak into his room.
***
Josiah stepped into Ezra's room an hour later. He watched for a moment as Ezra lay on his back staring at the ceiling, he had become really worried about him but they had decided that they had to let him know that he did the wrong thing, that what happened was his own fault. He felt like a father punishing a son. He realised that he had come to think of Ezra more like a son over the last four weeks, the young man had never had a father to look after him or watch out for him, only a mother that never really wanted him and often left him with people that physically abused him.
He had been taking care of Ezra like a father would, he helped him deal with his problems, he would talk to him for hours at a time when things became too much for him and he cared for him when he was ill. Ezra had also taken more to Josiah, he went to him when he couldn't take the pain of the memories anymore. He spoke openly to him when he wouldn't talk to anyone else, they had become closer over those four weeks and now Josiah felt as though he could be more of a father figure to him, if Ezra would allow him to.
Josiah closed the door and went towards the bed, he sat down and watched as Ezra blinked his eyes in confusion and then look at him. He placed his hand on Ezra's forehead to make sure the fever had not returned and was happy to find that it hadn't. He didn't speak for a few minutes but instead to continue to watch him, Ezra though didn't seem to like the silence.
"What do you want Josiah?" Ezra asked him, he had heard him come into his room but he had stood to the side for some reason before coming closer. Ezra was grateful for that as it gave him a few extra moments to get himself together.
"Thought that maybe you would like to talk about what happened." Josiah told him as he made himself more comfortable on the bed.
"No, not really." Ezra answered him as calmly as he could. "It was my own fault, I didn't think a drink would do that much harm, I should have listened to Nathan, I was being my usual stubborn self, and I was stupid."
"You weren't stupid Ezra, you just made a mistake." Josiah assured him.
"Stupid and mistake mean the same thing." Ezra didn't know what the problem was, nothing serious happened, he didn't know why they were making such a big deal over it.
"I assume that is something that your mother told you." Ezra diverted his eyes and he knew that he was correct in his assumption.
"Is everyone still downstairs?" Ezra asked, again trying to change the subject, he wanted this man to leave his room but knew that if he asked him to that he would want to know why.
"No, they have gone to their own beds, the saloon is empty."
"Then why aren't you in your bed?" Ezra smiled at him.
"I didn't want to leave you alone." Josiah told him seriously. Even though they left him alone at night they still took turns to check in on him, they had disrupted their own sleep to make sure that Ezra's was okay, they'd had a roster going between them.
"I'm fine Josiah." Ezra yawned to make it more convincing. "I'm tired anyway, I think that I'm going to sleep until lunch time."
"That doesn't surprise me." Josiah laughed and Ezra laughed with him. He placed his hand on Ezra's shoulder and smiled at him. "You sure, I can sleep in the chair or stay downstairs."
"Josiah I'm fine, there is no need to tire yourself out." Ezra pushed him away. "Go to bed."
Josiah nodded and got up off the bed, he took one last look at Ezra and then left him alone. Ezra wasn't tired, he didn't want to sleep so he got up, dressed himself, making sure that his derringer was in place, he shaved and then walked down to the dark empty saloon. Without lighting any lamps, he made his way to the bar and after grabbing the first bottle of whiskey, he could find he went and sat down at one of the tables that faced the door and drank straight from the bottle.
Ezra watched the sunlight as it made its way into the saloon forcing the darkness to retreat, he was fascinated by the way it crept along the floor, he could see the dust as it danced in the bright light. He shook his head as he remembered that the others were early risers and would probably be making their way here shortly so he removed the half-empty bottle from the table, placed it back behind the bar and went to make some coffee, while preparing himself for their arrival.
***
Chris walked into the saloon with the intention of going straight upstairs to check on Ezra before he made himself comfortable in the main room of the building to wait for the others. He glanced to the side of the room and stopped in his tracks as he saw Ezra sitting in the corner drinking what he hoped was coffee. He walked over to the table and saw the expression that had been hidden in the shadows reveal itself as he got closer but it was quickly replaced with what he thought was a genuine smile.
"Ezra what are you doing up so early." Chris tried to hide the surprise that he felt at the gambler rising before sunrise. He knew this because of the coffee, it would have taken him time to make it, he had also cleaned himself up, taking time to shave.
"I woke early and couldn't get back to sleep, so I came down stairs." Ezra explained.
Chris sat down across from him and glanced down at the cup that was sitting in front of Ezra. Chris watched as Ezra pushed the cup towards him so he could see that it was full of coffee and not whiskey.
"Drink it if you still think that I spiked it." Ezra challenged him.
"No need Ezra." Chris pushed the cup back and took one of the empty ones, he poured coffee into it and then looked back up at Ezra. He thought for a moment that there was something in his eyes but it was gone as quickly as the expression that he had held earlier. "You told me you wouldn't drink and I trust you to keep your word."
They sat in silence then, Ezra not wanting to talk and Chris not wanting to push him into talking as he could tell that he wasn't in the mood for conversation. Chris watched Ezra when he was looking in a different direction and then glanced away when his eyes turned back to him.
"Is it because I am the only pretty face here?" Ezra asked Chris with a forced smile that he hoped looked genuine.
"Sorry?" Chris was confused.
"Remember, when we were all sitting here once before, all of you were staring at me and when I asked why you said it was because I was the only pretty face here."
"Oh that. I'm not staring Ezra." Chris told him.
"You're lying."
Chris looked up at him and saw the serious look that was aimed at him. "Okay, I'm worried about you that's all."
"Chris, I'm sure that you can worry without staring." Ezra's grin grew causing the dimples to form in his cheeks and he watched as Chris began to relax more. Ezra's eyes turned to the sound of the saloon doors swinging open as Vin made his way into the room and head towards the table.
"Ezra what are . . ." Vin began.
"I couldn't sleep." Ezra explained for a second time. "I hope I don't have to say that six times."
Sorry Ezra I was just . . ."
"I know, you were surprised to see me up at this ungodly hour." Ezra interrupted him again as he pushed a cup towards him.
Vin threw a nervous glance at Chris but calmed down when he saw the smile on his face, he took the cup from Ezra and poured himself some coffee. They then sat in silence again enjoying the warm liquid, it wasn't everyday that Ezra made the coffee.
They looked towards the door as they heard the laughter that had drifted into the room. "Sounds like JD and Casey are at it already." Vin told the two men that were also looking towards the door.
"Is it always this noisy in the morning?" Ezra asked as he heard Buck yelling at JD and Casey before he entered the saloon.
"Hey Ezra what . . ." Buck yelled into the room as he entered.
"He couldn't sleep." Chris and Vin yelled back at him much to Ezra's annoyance.
Ezra was listening to the laughter, he couldn't ignore it as it was aggravating his nerves, he rubbed his eyes with his hands and when he removed them, he saw JD standing in the doorway with Christy behind him, the woman who had threatened to kill Jean before she shot him twice, nearly killing him. Ezra began to shake as he saw the gun appear in her hand, she pressed it against JD's back and then his instincts took over.
"JD!" He yelled as he stood up, ejecting his derringer at the same, he aimed the gun at the woman that was threatening his friend and squeezed the trigger. He watched as Christy fell to the ground and then heard someone calling Casey's name as the gun was pulled from his hand.
Casey's name echoed in Ezra's mind as rough hands pushed him back down into the chair, he could hear someone yelling at him, wanting to know what he thought he was doing but the voice was distant. He began to rub his forearm causing the pain to ignite but his mind pushed the pain away, he continued to rub as the voices yelled around him and at him. His eyes took in nothing that surrounded him, all he saw were the figures as they rushed past his line of vision, he went to stand up so he could get a drink but was roughly forced back into the chair, a voice yelling at him to stay to where he was.
***
JD had come into the saloon and he heard Ezra's voice as he called his name, he looked up in surprise wondering why he was up so early but the gun drove the question from his mind, his own instincts taking control of his body. He pulled Casey towards him and in doing so saved her life as the bullet entered her upper left arm instead of her chest. She fell against him and they both fell to the floor.
"Casey!" JD yelled to her, he saw the wound in her arm and began to try to stop the blood flowing from it.
***
Chris, Buck and Vin watched as Ezra rose from his chair yelling JD's name but they couldn't stop him, Ezra was to quick with the derringer, they heard the gun being fired as they rose from their own chairs and watched in horror as Casey and JD fell to the floor. Chris quickly pulled the gun from Ezra's hand before he could fire again and with Vin's help, he pushed him back down into his chair.
"Ezra, what the hell do you think you’re doing?" Vin yelled at him. "You just shot Casey."
"Stay with him." Chris ordered Vin and as he ran after Buck towards JD and Casey. He could see the blood as it flowed through JD's fingers as he tried to stop the bleeding. Chris knelt down beside Buck blocking them from Ezra's view, he pulled JD's hands from Casey's arm and quickly examined it, the bullet had gone straight through, he placed JD's hand back over it.
"JD are you hurt?" Buck asked him as Chris examined Casey.
"I'm fine Buck." JD assured him as he watched Casey.
"Buck take her to Nathan and stay with her." Chris told him. "JD go with them."
"Why did he shoot Casey?" JD wanted to know, he hadn't taken his eyes from Casey's face, she had lost consciousness as soon as the bullet had entered her arm.
"Take her there now Buck!" Chris growled at him. He watched as Buck lifted Casey into his arms and ran out of the saloon with JD running after him, he turned back to see the blank expression on Ezra's face as he tried to stand up again but Vin shoved him back into the chair.
"Stay where you are Ezra, don't even think about moving!" Vin told him harshly.
Chris took his time walking back to Ezra so he could contain the anger that was building, he reached Ezra and placed a chair in front of him and sat down facing him. He didn't say anything as he watched Ezra, his face was blank, his eyes empty but he was rubbing his left forearm. Chris took his right arm and pulled it away. Ezra looked at him but he knew that he couldn't see him.
Chris didn't turn around when he heard the footsteps as someone ran into the saloon but he noticed that they had caught Ezra's attention as he looked towards the floor to find the source of the sound. He became distant again though as the sound stopped.
"What happened?" Josiah asked. "Did he really shoot Casey?"
"Yes he did." Vin leant down in front of Ezra and looked into the unseeing eyes. "He shot Casey!"
"Vin . . . " Josiah pulled him away. He sat in the chair that faced Ezra after Chris emptied it for him, he looked into Ezra's eyes and saw nothing. "He's not here."
"What do you mean he's not here?" Chris asked him.
"Just like I said Chris, he's not here, his mind is somewhere else." He wiped the hair from Ezra's forehead and then allowed his hand to fall to his cheek. "He's gone." Josiah stood up and lifted Ezra up to his feet. "Let's get him to Nathan."
"I don't think that's a good idea Josiah." Vin told him.
"Vin look at him. Do you actually think he's capable of doing anything?" Josiah asked him.
"He just did something Josiah, he shot Casey. I don't want him there when she wakes up." Vin growled at him.
"I don't care what you want Vin, it's Ezra that's in trouble here. How do you think he's going to feel when he comes out of it and realises what he's done." He began to lead Ezra away from him and was grateful when Chris took Ezra's other arm. They didn't wait to see if Vin was going to follow them.
"It's still not out of his system is it?" Chris asked Josiah as they left the saloon with a very passive gambler between them.
"Obviously not." Josiah answered him sarcastically but Chris ignored it as Ezra had gotten his attention by looking down at their feet. He watched Ezra out of the corner of his eye on the way to the clinic, noticing what he was doing.
They pulled Ezra into Nathan's room and placed him in the empty chair in the corner, they were ready to defend him against JD if they had to but they didn't, he understood the situation as they did and they were both proud of him for remembering what Ezra was going through.
"How's Casey?" Chris asked Nathan as he came towards Ezra, he stood protectively in front of Ezra because he knew that Nathan may react differently than the way JD did.
"She's going to be fine, the bullet went clean through, there's no damage to the muscle but she's going to be plenty sore for a while." He gently moved Chris aside and knelt down in front of Ezra. "You want to tell me what happened." He spoke to Chris because he could tell that he wasn't going to get an answer from Ezra.
"I don't know what happened, he was fine, normal even but he saw JD and Casey come in. Ezra stood up yelling out to JD and he pulled his derringer and fired. You know how quick he is with that thing, we couldn't react fast enough to stop him from killing Casey but JD did. If he hadn't pulled her away . . . " Chris left the thought hanging heavily in the air around them.
"You don't know why he shot her?" JD asked from the bed, he was wiping Casey's hair from her face but his eyes were watching the still form of his friend across the room in the chair. He knew that it wasn't Ezra's fault and he knew the guilt that he was going to feel when he did remember what happened and he wasn't going to make it worse for him.
"No." Chris answered him. "Thanks JD."
"Anyone of you would have pulled Casey out . . . " JD started.
"No, I mean thank you for not blaming Ezra." Chris explained in more detail.
"Can you help him Nathan?" Buck asked as he came forward from the bed stopping the thankyous that were being passed around.
"I don't know Buck. Why don't we put him on the cot over there and we'll try and think of something." Nathan told him.
They walked Ezra over to the cot and laid him down onto his back and left him with his eyes staring at the ceiling, Chris waited a moment while the others walked away and watched as Ezra rolled onto his side, his eyes following the retreating footsteps.
"Nathan?" Chris called him back and when he stood next to him, he moved an obedient Ezra onto his back again.
"Watch this. Josiah could you start walking around please and make sure your feet make a noise."
"What are you doing Chris?" But the only answer he got was Ezra's reaction to the sound of Josiah's footsteps, his own face turned into a frown as Ezra rolled over and his eyes began to follow Josiah's feet.
"That's what he was doing in the saloon yesterday after he made that outburst, he was quiet but then after that he attacked me." He looked sideways at Chris. "I'm going to have to tie him to the bed Chris just in case something like that happens again."
They didn't want to do it but they knew that Nathan was right, if Ezra did become violent, again they didn't know what he would end up doing. Josiah used a rope to tie Ezra down to the bed, he hated doing it but there was no longer any choice, he left his green jacket on so the ropes wouldn't cut into his wrists. He then sat in a chair next to the cot and started to rub Ezra's temple hoping that it would bring him back to them.
"There has to be something else, the alcohol couldn't have done this much damage." Nathan said aloud as he started to pace the room, he stopped when he saw Ezra trying to watch him. "Hong Sing wouldn't have given it to me if there was going to be this sort of reaction if Ezra did have a drink. There has to be something." He went and stood in front of JD. "You were with him yesterday morning, is there anything that seemed strange to you, anything different."
"No. He came over to the table, Vin had just won all my money and he offered to win it back for me but when he did he kept it." JD thought about the milk but he knew Ezra didn't want the others to know about it.
"What? There is something isn't there?" Chris could tell by the look on JD's face that he was keeping something from them.
"Vin and I promised Ezra we wouldn't tell you, besides it was nothing that would have done this." JD flinched back from Chris.
"What was it?"
"Buck bought me a glass of milk, I didn't have any money left to play so Vin told me to bet him my glass of milk, he won it, had to or we would of thought that he was cheating. He didn't like it, said he never liked the taste of milk, drank half of it and then filled it with whiskey so he could drink the rest." JD knew that Ezra was going to get angry at him over this. "Milk wouldn't have done this to him."
"Of course he would hate the taste of it JD, he got shut in a cellar and beaten because he spilt his milk." Chris reminded him.
They all turned when they heard Buck fall into the empty chair, his face now as white as Ezra's had been the night before. "Ezra drank the milk."
They moved as one towards Buck who looked passed them at Ezra. He could see his eyes following everyone's shoes as they crossed the floor. He inwardly died as he realised what he had done to his friend, his own eyes then moved to Casey, she was lying under a blanket, her bandaged arm above it, he knew how close she had come to being killed by Ezra.
"What is it Buck?" Chris asked him.
"I got something from Chow Chee to get back at JD for that love potion stunt, I put it in the milk, he said to make sure that he didn't drink any alcohol with it because if he did the results wouldn't be pleasant." He didn't look up at any of them as he knew what their faces would tell him, they would be saying the same as his own mind was. It was a stupid thing to do and the result of the prank nearly cost people their lives and it may cost Ezra his sanity. The guilt was overwhelming, it was a lot worse than the guilt he felt when he allowed Horrow to take Ezra. He looked up as someone bent down in front of him, it was Nathan.
"I want you to ride out to the rail camp and find Chow Chee, tell him what happened and find out what we can do to help Ezra." He stared at Buck and saw the guilt in his eyes but he was to angry to tell him anything different. "Now!"
"Take Vin with you." Chris told him as he got up to leave. Buck nodded in silence and left the room without looking at any of them.
"No wonder he's so out of it." Nathan said as he went back to the cot, he looked down into Ezra's unseeing eyes. "He stays here in the clinic until he's healthy again, even if it takes weeks!"
***
Ezra began to sense what was happening around him but everything was too far away for him to really understand it, he could hear voices and see figures but he couldn't make out the words or recognise the people who stood in front of him. He did hear footsteps and as before they captivated his mind, he searched for the source each time, he heard them. A nagging feeling began to interrupt his fascination with the sound that echoed in his mind, he had done something that made people angry at him but he couldn't remember what it was.
He also started to feel something rubbing against his head and it was then that he heard the words, they were going to make him stay, they were locking him up again, he couldn't let them shut him away. He fought his way out of the emptiness that had encircled his mind.
"No." He groaned as he continued to fight, he tried to lift his arms but someone held them down. "No."
"Ezra?" Josiah called to him, he moved his hand to Ezra's forehead, he felt the others standing near him as they all hovered over Ezra.
"No. Please." Ezra pleaded.
The four men watched as Ezra's eyes began to focus on his surroundings but they were worried about how he was going to react to what happened. He was still watching the ceiling and it was another few minutes before he began to actually look at them.
"Please, don't make me stay here." He cried. "I can't go through it again."
"Your okay Ezra, you’re in Nathan's clinic." Josiah tried to comfort him with his words and his touch. Ezra accepted the touch of concern but not Josiah's words.
"No." He began to pull at the ropes. "I'm scared Josiah, I can't stay here."
"You'll be okay Ezra, I'll stay with you." Josiah told him.
"No, Josiah please . . . don't let him keep me . . . here." Ezra began to shake as the fear took a strong hold of his mind. "Please Josiah . . . help me." Ezra was crying now, he couldn't stop himself, he was terrified. "Josiah . . . please."
"Ezra, I promise you, I won't let them keep you here, don't worry, I'll take care of you." Josiah wiped the tears from Ezra's face with his hand. "It will be okay."
"I can't stay here . . . don't keep me here . . . please."
"I won't, I promise." Josiah could feel Nathan tense up behind him but he ignored him for the moment, he had to get Ezra to calm down first, he would argue with Nathan later.
They heard a moan come from the other bed as Casey began to wake up, Ezra's eyes turned towards the figure in the bed and the memory of what happened drove the fear from his mind replacing it with guilt and despair. Nathan left Ezra in Josiah's capable hands and he went to check on Casey. Josiah watched Ezra as he became quiet, his eyes never moving from Casey's waking form.
"Is she . . . " Ezra started.
"No Ezra, she's fine, it's just a scratch." Chris sat down on the cot. "She'll be okay."
"Oh God, I shot her didn't I, I tried to kill Casey." New tears began to fall from Ezra's eyes as he tried to pull himself away from everyone, he wanted to turn away from them and curl up into a ball but neither his legs or arms would respond to his commands.
"It's the herbs you drank Ezra, there doing it not you, don't blame yourself, we don't." Josiah was getting nowhere with him, he couldn't calm him down.
"It was the alcohol wasn't it, what I drank this morning, it was me." Ezra's body shook with the tears that wracked his body.
Josiah put his hands on Ezra's shoulders. "You drank again?"
"I shot her, oh God, I shot her." Ezra felt the same pain he had before as it tore through his stomach, his face contorted with the pain. "Josiah!" He grimaced through clenched teeth. His hands gripped the sheet beneath him and he struggled to bring his knees up to his chest.
"Nathan!" Chris called him and then turned back to Ezra. "Is it the same pain you had before?"
Ezra cried out causing Casey to become fully awake, she opened her eyes and looked across the room. Ezra screamed at the agony that he was feeling as Josiah and Chris fought to untie the ropes that bound him to the bed. Once he found that, he could move Ezra drew his knees up to his chest and rolled over onto his side.
"Ezra, I'm going to need to examine your stomach, can you roll back over for me." Nathan asked him. Ezra violently shook his head and then screamed into the pillow as another bolt of pain ripped through his stomach.
"Were going to have to wait until the pain leaves him again." Nathan told Josiah.
"You can't do that Nathan, give him something for the pain." Chris told him, he was holding his own stomach in sympathy for Ezra.
"And what if it makes him worse, that potion that Buck gave him isn't out of his system yet, if I give him something I don't know what it would do to him, I can't take the chance Chris." He looked back at Ezra's pain filled face when he screamed again. "It's a lot worse than yesterday."
"JD, get me a damp cloth." Josiah called to him, he only had to wait a few seconds before he felt the cool material in his hand and he used it to wipe away the sweat that had begun to form on Ezra's face.
He listened as Ezra moaned and rolled further into the pillow so he could muffle his screams. JD went back to Casey and held onto her as they watched Ezra, they all knew that there was nothing that they could do to help him, they could only support him and wait until the pain left him like it did the last time. Chris got on the cot and sat behind Ezra's back and leaned over him, he took his hand in his and hissed when Ezra squeezed it as the pain caused him to scream again. He could feel Ezra shaking, he used his free hand to stroke the back of his head.
Five minutes had passed and the pain still hadn't left him, his body was trembling, his hair was now soaked with sweat. Chris felt as though his fingers had been broken in Ezra's grip. Josiah continued to wipe his face and they all listened as Ezra's screams turned into soft moans as he became semiconscious. Another ten minutes passed before Ezra started to feel the pain leave him but the tremors didn't.
"Josiah." He croaked, his throat was dry but he didn't dare drink any water in case it brought the pain back. "It's gone but I can't stop shaking."
Josiah lifted Ezra up into his arms and held him tight, feeling his body shaking within his grip. Nathan tried to take him from his arms but he wouldn't let him go.
"Josiah I need to make sure he's okay." Nathan told him.
"Not yet, just give him a minute." Josiah leant down and kissed Ezra's damp forehead and laid his hand against his warm face. "Just give him a minute, please Nathan."
Josiah continued to wipe Ezra's face with his hand as he held him tight against his own body, feeling his muscles relax as the tremors left him. He used his soothing voice to keep him calm as he gave the younger man everything that he had never received in his long and lonely life, he gave him a parent's love. He knew the other's were watching but he didn't care, it's what Ezra needed and wanted, it was just something that the gambler had never admitted to anyone, not even himself.
"You’re okay now Ezra. Don't worry, I'll take care of you, I'm not going to leave you alone. I'll be here for you, we all will." Josiah kept saying these words over and over, even after Ezra had fallen into an exhausted sleep.
"Josiah, let me take him now." Nathan had to literally pull Ezra from Josiah's arms, he knew the older man had come to care for Ezra but he didn't realise just how much until now.
"You have to help him Nathan." Josiah told him as he continued to show his concern towards Ezra, he wiped the damp hair from his forehead with one hand and held his limp hand with the other.
"I'm sorry Josiah, I won't do anything until Buck comes back, I'm not going to risk it." Nathan made Ezra comfortable by placing him on his back and began to unbutton his clothing, he pulled the shirt aside, exposing the pale damp skin that was hidden beneath it, he let out a ragged moan when he saw the swelling around Ezra's abdomen. "My God".
"What is it Nathan?" Chris was still sitting on the cot next Ezra and after finding that there were no broken bones in his own hand he had picked Ezra's back up, squeezing it gently so the gambler would know that they were still there with him, hoping that the simple act of a gentle touch would help reassure him. He was looking down at Ezra's pale and sweat soaked face but shifted his eyes to what Nathan was looking at, suddenly he felt the need to lash out at Buck. Chris knew that he couldn't blame him, he hadn't known what the consequences of he had done were going to be but he still thought that it was a stupid thing to have done, he was angry at him, he also knew that Buck was going to be angry at himself.
Nathan ignored him and gently pressed against the swelling, Ezra groaned as he tried to move away from him. "He's still feeling some sort of pain." Nathan sighed, he hated not doing anything for his friend but he also knew that if he did try something Ezra would only get worse. "I don't know what's caused the swelling, maybe it caused the pain he suffered or the pain caused his stomach to swell. I just don't know." He pulled the shirt closed, hiding the swelling and then looked at Chris. "Could you tie his arms again for me, I'll do his feet."
"Nathan you can't do that." Josiah protested. He didn't want to see Ezra tied to the bed, it was bad enough what he was going through. He knew that if he was to wake up more coherent and find himself tied up then Ezra would think that he broke his promise. Josiah sighed quietly as he realised he wouldn't be able to keep his promise to him, Nathan wasn't going to allow him to leave the clinic.
"He still might become violent Josiah, he could hurt someone or even himself. I don't want that to happen." He stared at Josiah knowing that what was happening to Ezra was beginning to tear him apart but they couldn't take the chance, he had to think of the other people in the room as well. "Do you?"
Josiah hung his head in defeat and then watched as they tied Ezra, bounding his arms and legs to the bed once more. He felt someone's hand on his shoulder and looked up into Chris's eyes, seeing the understanding that they held.
"It's for his own good Josiah, he'll understand."
"I don't think he will Chris and I wouldn't blame him if he didn't." He looked away from him and turned his eyes back to Ezra. "I promised him that I wouldn't let Nathan keep him here and I can't keep that promise."
"Yes you can." Nathan smiled at his shocked expression. "If the swelling comes down and he's comfortable then we’ll move him back to his own room but I want two of us staying with him, we can't leave him alone, not now."
"Thank you Nathan." Josiah was grateful for what Nathan was willing to do for Ezra, he had wanted to keep him in the clinic but he understood that Ezra wouldn't be able to cope with being kept here, he had taken Ezra's fear into consideration and wasn't going to force him to stay.
"That's okay Josiah, I know exactly how he feels about being here." Nathan remembered the fear that Ezra's eyes held every time he thought that he was going to have to spend time in the clinic. "He relates it to his Uncle, he wasn't allowed out of the cellar and I won't allow him to leave here unless I think he's ready. He thinks that I want to lock him up and not let him out like Jack did." He bent down and wiped a strand of hair away from Ezra's forehead. "He just needs more time to deal the fear that he feels when he has to stay here."
"Why did he do it?" They heard Casey ask from across the room. All eyes turned to her, their expressions trying to hide what they felt.
"Buck did something stupid Casey, he isn't going to be able to apologise enough for this." Chris growled at her as he thought of the pain that Ezra had gone through, the condition that his stomach was now in and what that stuff had caused him to do to her, he saw her flinch back at the sound of his voice and realised that he had scared her. "I'm sorry Casey, I just can't believe what he did."
Nathan went over and sat on Casey's bed and explained to her what had happened, her eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat and then a tear fell from her eye.
"He's been through all that just because Buck put something in JD's milk." She looked around Nathan so she could see Ezra.
"It's not over Casey, he's still going through it, the potion hasn't left his system yet." He pulled Casey's face back so their eyes met. "I want you to stay in a bed for a couple of days. I'll get JD to take you home so you don't have to stay here." The relief flooded her young features.
"I couldn't watch him go through that much pain again." Casey mumbled as she looked back at Ezra. "How did something like that do so much to him." Her tear filled eyes stared back at Nathan. "He's going to be alright isn't he?"
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
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