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azombiewritesTitle: Stakeout
Rating: PG
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
AU: ATF/ AU
Main Characters: Ezra and Chris and the rest of the seven
Summary: Ezra Standish has been recruited to investigate an agent but finds that the agent is also investigating him.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Notes: This story is set in an alternative ATF universe. I've written a different reason for Ezra Standish joining Team Seven and I've given him a sort of different history. Ever thing else is still more or less the same.
Spoilers: None
Status: Complete
Total Word Count: 30,319
Was that Buck’s voice he could hear. Why would Buck be here. There was no reason for him to be here. The man didn’t even like him. He could also hear Chris’ voice. At least Chris hadn’t left him alone with Wilmington. He didn’t like being left alone when he was in a hospital bed. He’d been terrified of hospitals as a child and now at the age of thirty-two, he was still terrified. But what made him think that Chris Larabee would stop any of the medical staff from hurting him.
"You think he’s going to stay?" Buck turned to look at his friend.
"No." Chris admitted. "At the moment he doesn’t have a reason to."
"He’s got a permanent job." Buck reminded him.
"That’s not going to make him stay. Not after everything, he’s been through. It’s not just a job he needs Buck. It’s a home, and friends."
"And you’re going to give that to him?"
"Yes I am Buck. You got a problem with that!" Chris growled at him.
"Chris, is there something you should be telling me?" Buck frowned at him.
"What do you mean?" Chris narrowed his eyes.
"You haven’t turned gay on me have you?"
"What!"
"I mean, you are spending a lot of time with him, and you told the Judge that you liked him. You want him to stay with the team . . . are you gay?"
Both men looked towards the bed when Ezra started to laugh.
"What the hell are you laughing at!" Chris practically yelled at him.
Ezra tried to place his hand on his stomach in an attempt to stop it from moving. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to stop laughing - gay - but his stomach was starting to hurt even more and the only way he was going to stop the pain was to stop his stomach from moving.
"Gay . . . " Ezra said through the laughter and pain.
"I’m not gay!"
"Gay." the Southerner repeated.
"Buck!" Chris warned him. "You started this, you can stop it . . . NOW!"
"You have no sense of humour Chris." Buck smiled at Ezra, it was the first time he’d heard him laugh. "He’s laughing Chris."
"I know Buck," Chris also smiled but then the expression dropped from his face, "it’s what he’s laughing at that I don’t like."
"Wilmington’s gay." Ezra continued to laugh. Tears were beginning to roll down his face but he wasn’t sure if it was from laughing too hard or the pain the laughter was causing.
"Well, that makes me feel better." Chris slouched down in his chair.
"Ow! that hurts." Ezra complained as he attempted to roll over.
"Then stop laughing." Chris continued to smile.
"Can’t." Ezra held his stomach with both arms. "Aw hell, it hurts."
"Ezra." Chris stood up and quickly moved to the bed. "Stop laughing."
Ezra started to cough violently.
"Buck."
"Already pressing it." Buck held his finger against the buzzer until a nurse ran into the room.
"What’s wrong?" She ran to the patient and began a quick examination.
"He’s choking." Chris informed her.
The young nurse gripped Ezra’s shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position. She began to slap his back. "Pass me that bowl please."
Chris handed it to her then moved to the other side of the bed so he could help if he was needed.
The nurse placed the bowl in Ezra’s lap. She stopped hitting the patient and began to rub the heaving back instead. She reached over and grabbed the oxygen mask off the wall and expertly placed it over the patient’s breathing passages. "Take a couple of deep breaths Ezra."
Ezra did as he was told, he had no choice. Everything hurt and there was nothing he could do to stop it himself. He began to feel better when the coughing fit began to ease.
"Now just breath normally. It’s going to take a few minutes for the coughing to stop."
Ezra nodded that he understood, he’d been through this before. He grimaced as the pain continued to burn in his abdomen and his chest. This wasn’t good, and he still didn’t know what had happened to him.
"Do you feel like you’re going to be sick? Any mucus?"
Ezra shook his head and watched as the bowl disappeared.
"I’m going to lie you back down now okay."
Ezra nodded. He was grateful when his head hit the pillow. A soft hand began to stroke his forehead. Ezra opened his eyes and looked up into the blue eyes of the nurse. "Try and relax Ezra." she smiled at him.
Ezra blinked then allowed his eyes to close. He was tired, too tired as far as he was concerned.
"Feel better." A slight nod was the only response she received. "Good. Why don’t you try and get some sleep."
Chris watched as Ezra began to relax. His eyes followed the nurse’s movements when she adjusted the oxygen mask.
"I’ll come back in about twenty minutes and take that off." she stepped to the end of the bed and pulled the patient’s chart out. She began to write on it. "The doctor will probably want to do a chest x-ray tomorrow to make sure there isn’t any fluid building up in his chest."
"Is that bad?" Chris glanced at Ezra then back at the nurse.
"It could be. He didn’t really have any difficulty breathing, and he didn’t cough up any mucus. The x-ray will just be a precaution." she smiled at the two men then left the room.
Chris sat back down to wait. He shifted in his chair when Buck sat next to him.
"So," Buck nudged him, "you still haven’t told me if you’re gay or not."
***
‘What is it that you had taken out of your file that you don't want people to know.’ The words echoed in his skull. Ezra lifted his arm to rub his head, he felt his fingers tangle in his hair. Aw hell, what sort of mess was he in this time. The thoughts that were tumbling through his mind began to slow down and make sense. He was in a hospital. his eyes flew open in fear.
"Ezra, you okay?" Chris stood up and looked into the green eyes that stared back at him.
Ezra refused to answer, he had to think. He closed his eyes and sorted through the memories that were returning. Chris Larabee had forced him to come here. His anger grew and he enjoyed the feeling that it gave him. He had to get out of here. But they would stop him, sedate him again. That’s what they had done to him.
"How long have I been here for?"
"Three days." Chris answered him. "You haven’t been alone at any time Ezra."
Three days. Damn him. He had told Larabee that he didn’t want to go to the hospital but he had forced him, not given him a choice. Now he was here in this terrifying environment with no way out. No, there was a way out.
Ezra sat up and grabbed his abdomen with his left hand, his right was immobile, and a drip had been securely set in the back of the hand.
"Ezra what are you doing?" Chris demanded to know.
"I’m going to my hotel to pack, then I will see Judge Travis, then leave this damn town."
"You can’t leave Ezra, you just had an operation."
"I want to see the doctor."
"Ezra, he won’t be around to see you until tomorrow." Chris tried to push Ezra back down onto the bed.
"Get your fucking hands off me!"
"Ezra," Chris pleaded with him.
"I either leave now, or I see my doctor now, then leave. It’s up to you Larabee."
"I’m only trying to help you Ezra."
"Help me!" Ezra retorted. "You made them bring me here, I wasn’t given a choice."
"You would have died if I didn’t force you to come."
"That was my choice to make, not yours." Ezra smiled at him. "It’s illegal to force someone to receive medical treatment when they don’t want it."
"You were unconscious, they weren’t able to ask your permission to save your life."
"I wasn’t unconscious when I told the medics that I didn’t want to come. They weren’t going to bring me until you told them to. I can sue."
"You don’t have a leg to stand on." Chris crossed his arms. "You would have died Ezra, don’t you understand that? Or don’t you care?"
"Get my doctor! Now!"
Chris reached over and buzzed for the nurse.
***
Well, that had been easier than he thought it would be. The doctor had no choice but to discharge him once he had quoted the law to him. Ezra grimaced at what the doctor had told him. A ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm. What was that when it was at home. The doctor had then gone on to explain that it was probably caused by an injury he may have received as a child. Had he any idea what that injury could have been. Ezra had almost laughed in the doctor’s face. Of course, he knew. His chest had been crushed when he was eleven, then there was the fractured skull, various broken bones and internal bleeding. He had died, but the doctor’s were able to bring him back. He had been one lucky son-of-a-bitch the doctors told him.
Ezra bit his bottom lip when the cab braked suddenly in front of the ATF building and he tasted blood when his mouth began to fill with it. He handed over enough cash to pay the bill, there was no tip, and the driver didn’t deserve it. The cab sped off before he even had a chance to fully exit from the vehicle. Ezra stumbled and nearly fell. His right arm held his stomach when the movement pulled at his stitches. Damn cab drivers.
A quick glance over his shoulder informed him that Chris Larabee was getting out of his car and walking towards him. The man never gave up. Ezra respected him even more for trying so hard but the man was wasting his efforts on someone who wasn’t worth the trouble.
"Ezra." Chris nodded at him.
"Would it be easier if I told you where I was going?" Ezra raised an eyebrow at the man who was now leaning against the wall of the ATF building
"I assume you’re going to empty your desk."
"After I speak to Travis." Ezra began to move towards the exit.
"To give him your resignation." Chris nodded as though he knew what Ezra was thinking. "He won’t accept it."
"He’s not going to have a choice."
Ezra just smiled at him then continued on his errand. He couldn’t resign until after he completed his assignment and that was to inform Travis of the man who could get Larabee out of his nasty predicament. Chris wouldn’t like it but Ezra didn’t care at the moment. The man deserved to keep his job.
The former undercover agent stepped through the doors and made his way to the elevator. His attempt to close the elevator doors failed when Larabee used his foot to keep them open.
"I don’t need you to hold my hand Larabee!" Ezra growled at him.
"No, but you need someone close in case you fall down, you feel the need to be ill, or if you just need a ride back to the hospital."
"Then perhaps you could push the button for me."
"Sure Ezra, not a problem."
Chris held Ezra’s arm firmly when the elevator jerked to a stop. To his surprise, Ezra took the help that was offered. They stepped out of the elevator and walked slowly to the doors that led to Travis’ inner office.
"You want me to come in with you?"
"No, I don’t think you want to hear what I have to say to him." Ezra lowered his head then lifted his eyes to look at Chris. "Thank you for the opportunity Chris, but I can’t take it. This won’t work."
"How do you know unless you try Ezra."
"I’ve tried before Chris, it’s never worked, why should it change now."
"Because we’re different, we’d help you try, you won’t be working alone to make this work out for you."
"If only . . . " Ezra smiled. "Good bye Mr Larabee."
"I’ll wait for you."
"No need."
“I’ll wait,” Chris repeated then moved to one of the waiting chairs.
Ezra shook his head, the man was as stubborn as a mule. Ezra turned and walked into the office of doom, he was expecting to have his head chopped off. The Judge sat behind his desk, he was leaning back in his chair, his right hand held a piece of paper.
“What are you doing? You should be in hospital.” Travis stood up and walked around the table.
“There was an informer involved in the case, Larabee’s snitch. He saw everything and can give you the information you need. It will be enough to get him off the hook. Buck or Vin should know who he is. You might want to put him in protective custody then the witness protection program. Chris was going to take the responsibility because he thought his snitch would get killed.”
Ezra took a group of small breaths, the short speech had tired him.
“Good work Standish.”
“I haven’t had time to write my resignation so I will give it to you verbally.” Ezra stepped back when the Judge moved closer to him. “I quit.”
“All I need is your signature here.” Travis handed Ezra the form and reached for a pen.
“Somebody already wrote my resignation?” the Southerner frowned at him.
“It’s the paperwork for your permanent transfer.” the Judge nodded while he continued to look for a pen.
“But I don’t want a transfer . . . “ Ezra fell down into the chair that he had been leaning against since he stepped away from the man who stood before him.
“You don’t want to accept the best opportunity you’ve had in a long time?” it was Travis’ turn to frown in confusion.
“This isn’t an opportunity, it’s a chance of another mistake.”
“You’ve never made a mistake in your life Ezra, other people have, but for some reason you keep blaming yourself.”
“I blame myself because I have reason too.”
“That’s not true.”
“Why isn’t it?”
“You really want to know Ezra?”
“ . . . no.” Ezra hesitated with his answer.
“It’s not your fault that your FBI partner died, it was your Uncle who killed him.”
“He killed him because I hesitated, and he . . . “ Ezra’s eyes narrowed and glared at the Judge. “What do you know about my Uncle!”
“I know you can’t be blaming yourself for when he beat the shit out of you when you were eleven.” Travis sat on the edge of the desk and waited for Ezra’s reaction.
“I thought I knew you, I just couldn’t remember where.” Ezra rested his arms across his stomach.
“You don’t, do you?”
“What?” Ezra’s eyes searched the carpet for anything that would occupy his mind.
“Blame yourself for what your Uncle did to you.”
“I deserved it, I did something stupid, made a mistake that made him angry.” Ezra shrugged.
Travis couldn’t believe it, the young man actually thought what happened was an everyday occurrence.
“To put you in your room for the rest of the week, to not feed you that night, to even use a hand against your back side a few times but not kill you, and he did do that, you were lucky that the doctor’s were able to bring you back.”
Ezra had no idea how to respond to that.
“You staying or not, and I have to warn you that I won’t accept not.”
“There’s nothing here for me.” Ezra whispered.
“You have a permanent job but I want you to see a therapist first though and when he recommends that you’re ready for it, you can go back to being an undercover agent.”
“That’s not enough.”
“What more do you want?”
“It’s not that I want more, it’s just . . . they don’t trust me. I can handle them not liking me, I’ve had to put up with that all my life, but I don’t think I can work in a team again where the men don’t trust me.”
“You have to earn that trust Ezra.”
“I’m not on the take Judge, I never was.”
“I know that Ezra, so does Chris and the others. Did you ever hear them say anything about that particular subject.”
Ezra’s brow creased in thought. “No . . . I didn’t.”
“Doesn’t that mean something to you?”
“I don’t know, everything’s just a fucking mess.” he rubbed his eyes with his right hand. His stomach hurt and he was beginning to feel ill.
“That’s why you need a permanent place to stay, a permanent job, and someone to talk to about everything that’s happened in the last six months. Most of all you need a group of men that you can invite to your home so you can watch some sort of sport and get drunk on beer and scotch.”
Ezra smiled at that thought, it was something he’d thought about on lonely Saturday afternoons.
“Sounds good doesn’t it?”
“I just told you about Chris’ informer, he’s not going to want to be near me when he finds out.”
“I told Team Seven about your Uncle and partner and why you’re really here.”
Ezra looked up in surprise. “Then they’ll definitely not want me here.”
“You’re not angry that I told them?”
“Not really, nice to have it out in the open. At least it gives them another reason to not want me here. It’ll make it so much easier to leave.” a hint of sarcasm filled Ezra’s tone.
“Why don’t we just ask Chris what he thinks.”
“I don’t know where he is.” Ezra lied.
“He’s outside waiting for you.” Travis smiled down at Ezra. “I’ll go and get him.”
Ezra’s stomached churned in fear. Chris wasn’t going to like this, he’d probably kill him just like he’d thought he would after a week into the case.
“Take a seat Chris.”
The sound of the door closing caused Ezra’s heart to skip a beat. He refused to look at Chris when the man sat in the chair next to him.
“He staying or what?” Chris slapped Ezra’s shoulder lightly.
“That depends on you Chris.” Travis sat in his own chair and rested his hands on the desk.
“I already said I wanted him to stay.”
“Ezra has given me the information I need to stop you from going to jail. Your informer will give me the rest.”
“Did he now?” Chris looked sideways at Ezra, who was refusing to look at him.
“Yes he did. Wanted to complete his job before he left.”
“Well, I was going to tell you anyway.”
Ezra blinked, then blinked again. He was going to tell him anyway.
“Can’t say I’m not angry about the entire situation though, but I accept it. Did some thinking after Ezra told me a few things, decided that he was right.”
Right. Did he just say I was right.
“So it’s settled then, Ezra’s staying.” Travis slammed his fist against the desk and produced the piece of paper he’d
been holding earlier.
“I didn’t say I was staying.” Ezra reminded them.
“It’s not up to you.” Chris didn’t speak directly to Ezra. “We’re going to have to help him find a place to stay.”
“That may take time,” Travis smiled, “I get the impression he’s picky.”
“A house or unit?”
“Unit, a house will be too big.”
“He’s not ready to be on his own yet.” Chris glared at Ezra. “He should still be in the hospital.”
“Maybe someone can put up with him for a while?” Travis turned his eyes from Ezra to Chris.
“Nathan maybe, or Buck.”
“I don’t know about Buck, I mean he’s got young JD staying with him.”
“That’s okay because apparently Ezra and JD are having a sexual relationship.”
“I think I’ll leave it to you gentlemen to make the arrangements.” Ezra slowly stood up. “I’ll be downstairs.”
“Would you like to sign this before you go Ezra.”
“Chris, would you bring that with you. I just want to hang around with the others before I make my decision.”
“Sure, but you’re staying.”
“Whatever.” Ezra smiled then left the room.
***
Buck glanced up when he heard the elevator doors open, he was expecting Chris to be dragging Ezra in by the back of his shirt. He was surprised to find Ezra walking in on his own initiative. Something wasn’t right. He looked at the others and saw the same confusion and surprise written on their faces. Who was going to make the first move. Nathan, that’s the way, get in his face so he will run a mile in fear.
“Ezra, you know you should be in hospital.” Nathan cautioned him as he moved towards him.
“So people keep telling me Mr Jackson.” Ezra didn’t stop when the ex-medic stood in front of him, instead he stepped around him.
“Are you going back?”
“No, I don’t like hospitals.”
Nathan followed him, he wasn’t going to give. This man was now a part of the team and that meant that he fell under the medical guidance of the team’s mother hen.
“No one likes hospitals Ezra, it’s a well known fact.”
“I don’t like hospitals!” Ezra explained more firmly.
“Then you should be resting.”
Ezra reached his office and stood with his hand gripping the door handle. The knuckles were turning white. He glanced over his shoulder to find the rest of the team watching him.
“Is there any particular reason you are all standing there, hovering over me?”
“Waiting for you to fall down.” Vin smiled at him.
“That, I’m not going to do, so you may as well go away.”
“What are you going to do Ezra?” Buck moved to a closer position.
“I’m going to go into this office, collect my things and leave.”
“Leave as in?” Buck was now leaning against the door.
“Leave as in go away, depart, exit the building . . . “
“I thought you were staying.” JD piped up from behind the group.
“You thought wrong. Now if you will excuse me Mr Wilmington, I would like to gain access to this office.”
“What are you going to do if I don’t” the ladies man smiled at him.
Ezra knew there wasn’t a lot he could physically, not in the condition he was now in. “I would like to beat the shit out of you Wilmington, but I can’t right now. So, you are going to move out of my way because it’s the right thing to do.” Buck didn’t move. “Would you like me to explain what holding a person against their will is.”
“No one’s holding you Ezra.” Josiah spoke gently.
“Then tell him to move out of my way.”
Josiah nodded to Buck, who hesitated but did as he was told. “If he doesn’t want to be here Buck we can’t force him to stay.”
“I don’t want to be here.”
“We want you to be here.” Josiah smiled at the shocked expression.
“Um . . . if you . . . um . . . if you will excuse me, I have . . . a . . . a desk to clean out.”
“Have you got somewhere to go, a place to stay?” Josiah moved into the position that Buck had vacated.
“I have my hotel room that will give me time to think about what I’m going to do.”
“Your stuff’s at Chris’ place.” Vin stared at him.
“What?” Ezra finally turned around to face the group of men.
“Chris had me collect your stuff and fix up your bill for you. He was going to take you to his place when you were discharged from the hospital.”
“I want my stuff here in half an hour Mr Tanner, or I will report it as a theft.”
“Ezra, there’s no need to be like that.” Nathan scolded him.
“Why the hell not!” Ezra was angry now. How dare they treat him this way. “I didn’t ask him to do that, he didn’t have my permission. You people are acting like you own me. That I’m yours to do with what you want!”
“Just want to be your friends.” Vin told him.
“I don’t want friends. I don’t need friends. I don’t have any friends!”
“Then you’re going to have a very sad and lonely life Ezra Standish.”
“Will you just leave me the fuck alone!” Ezra snapped at them. “Get out of my way!”
Ezra opened the door and pushed his way past Josiah and stormed into his office and slammed the door behind him. He leant his back against the door and took a breath. He could feel the pain radiating out from his midsection. Ezra took the painkillers that the doctor had given from his pocket and two one dry. He wasn’t going to go back out there for water. Slow, short steps were taken until he reached the chair behind the desk. Ezra carefully sat down and lifted his legs onto the table with the help of his arms. He shifted forward until his head was resting on the back of the seat and closed his eyes. He would rest for a few minutes then pack his things and leave. They could send his things to him via a post office box address.
A soft knock at the door caused him to jump in surprise. A small grunt of pain escaped him.
“You okay in there Ezra?” Josiah’s strong voice came through the door easily.
“Piss off, I’m fine.”
“Let me know then if you need anything.”
“I need you to go away!” Ezra yelled.
“I’ll just be out here if you need anything.”
Ezra slammed the back of his head against the door. Won’t these people give up. He pushed himself up off the floor, if he didn’t hurry, Chris would arrive and then he’d never be allowed to leave. God forbid.
Luckily, there wasn’t many personal things in his desk. An address book that he didn’t want to leave behind. His peashooter, that’s what he called the small gun that was usually strapped to his right ankle. A thought occurred to him; maybe he could use this gun if he became desperate. Ezra then removed a folder from the file cabinet. Only he knew of the files existence. He’d begun to gather every piece of information he could find about his Uncle after his FBI partner’s death.
Another knock on the door - this one was a lot louder and more forceful - forced him to turn around. It was Chris, he knew it, and the feeling in the pit of his stomach told him it was. He hadn’t been quick enough to escape Larabee’s clutches.
“Ezra . . . “ it was Chris, “open the door.”
“No.” he sounded childish when he wanted to sound confident. “I need a couple of minutes before I come out.”
“Two minutes, then I’m coming in.”
Ezra could see him standing out there, his eyes trying to glare at him through the door, his arms crossed and his foot tapping softly against the carpeted floor.
What was he going to do now. He’d lost, like he always lost. There was nothing left to do but to go out there and take his punishment like a man. Ezra walked slowly to the door and opened it. Chris was standing, facing the door, with his arms across his chest.
“Mr Larabee.” Ezra glanced at him then looked at the floor. He felt like his was a ten-year-old child again.
“I thought you were staying?”
“Excuse me, but I don’t remember saying that I was going to stay.”
“You signed the paperwork Ezra!” Chris growled at him then noticed when Ezra flinched away from him.
“If you look at the signature and compare it to mine, you’ll find that it’s a forgery. It won’t stand up in a court.”
“You want to leave?”
“Yes.”
“There’s nothing I can say that will make you stay?”
“No.”
“Good bye Ezra, have a nice life.” Chris walked away without another word.
Ezra stared at his retreating form in confusion. What just happened here? The man was letting him go. A man who had for some reason decided to tie him to his apron strings was allowing him to leave. Ezra didn’t think twice, he left.
***
“What are you going to do?” Vin asked Chris when his boss sat down in his chair.
“Nothing.” Chris leaned back and looked at his friend. “I can’t make him stay Vin.”
“You don’t want to keep talking to him, maybe convince him to stay?”
“I’ve talked myself out, I can’t think of anything else to say to him.”
“Maybe if we all talked to him.” Vin suggested.
“And how are we going to do that, he’s gone Vin, we won’t be able to find him and there’s no way I’m going to ask a favour and have the police put an APB out on him.”
“I know where he’s going.” Vin smiled smugly.
“Where?” Chris stood up.
“Your place.”
“My place.”
“His things are there remember.”
“He can’t get in.”
“Somehow I get the impression that he can.”
“I don’t know Vin, he hasn’t listened so far, what makes you think he’ll listen now.”
“I don’t but don’t you think he’s worth one more try?”
“Yeah, but I think you guys should do all the talking.”
“I’ll get the guys together.”
***
Instinct caused him to look over his shoulder to make sure that no one was watching him. He smiled at his stupidity. Larabee’s house - log cabin more like it - was situated in the middle of a dense rain forest. To Ezra it was a dense rain forest, he wasn’t an outdoor’s man. He would consider four trees to be a forest, ten trees to be a jungle, any more than that was a dense rain forest.
The long stretch of dirt track curved and disappeared behind the trees, he wouldn’t see a car coming until it was practically on top of him. It didn’t matter, he wasn’t expecting anyone. Larabee allowed him to leave, he wouldn’t be coming after him, not now, not ever.
Ezra felt a tinge of regret and brushed it off as a side effect of his medication. There was no real regret, he didn’t want to stay. These men didn’t trust him. If he stayed, it would just be like all the other times when he thought he would be able to stay in one place for more than six months.
His feet carried him to the front door and he pulled out his wallet; he’d always kept a spare pick locking set in there. It only took a matter of seconds before he was able to push the thick wooden door open. He stepped into the interior and searched the large entryway. He had no idea where they would have put his bag. A search of the bedrooms was his first choice, after that he would have to make a more thorough search.
The main bedroom was a failure but young Adam’s room was a success. His bag was sitting in the corner of the room that was close to the set of drawers. He quickly retrieved it and began to make his way to the front door.
He closed it behind him and ran down the steps, he regretted it immediately. The bouncing movement caused the pain to erupt in his abdomen. His body bent over which made the pain even worse. Ezra turned around and moved to the large railing that surrounded the veranda that made its way around the house. He straightened and leaned against it. The change of position helped but the original pain was still there. He gripped the railing tightly and tried to wait it out.
Ezra was so involved with the pain that he didn’t hear the cars pull to a stop behind him, he didn’t hear the car doors open then close. His name was called but he didn’t hear the voice. The pain was becoming too much.
“Ezra . . . you okay?” Nathan stepped up beside him and reached out to him.
The ex-medic could see the grimace of pain that included eyes that were tightly closed, teeth that were clenched and the sweat that was forming on the forehead and upper lip.
“Ezra, let’s get you inside so I can check you over.” Nathan tried to pry Ezra’s fingers from the railing but it was difficult.
“No . . . I’ll be fine in a minute.
Nathan frowned, the Southerner wasn’t even surprised that they were here with him.
“You’re better off inside, it’s getting cold out here.” Nathan gripped Ezra’s shoulder with his left hand and placed his right arm around his shoulders.
“Are you doing this because you’ve been given orders.”
Nathan flinched at the remark. “No, I care . . .”
“You only care because you know what happened to me, and it’s not caring, it’s fucking pity!” Ezra bent and placed an arm around his stomach. “Aw shit it hurts!”
“Josiah, can you help me get him inside.”
“Do you want to walk Ezra, or do you want to be carried in?” Josiah looked into the pain-filled features of the undercover agent.
“I’ll walk . . . “
Ezra only took two steps then his legs began to buckle under the pain. Josiah easily picked him up and began to carry him into the cabin.
“Put me down!” Ezra growled through gritted teeth.
“Not until you’re inside and on a bed Ezra.”
“I’m not a child, I am capable of walking on my . . . OW, and watch were you’re going damnit! I hurt enough as it is.”
“What was that you said about not being a child.” Josiah stood in front of the door and waited for Chris to open it.
Once he had access, he went straight to Adam’s room and placed Ezra on the bed. He immediately put out a restraining hand when Ezra tried to sit up.
Josiah then began to undo Ezra’s shirt. He found it difficult to do because of the shaking hands that were insisting that he stop.
“Ezra!” Josiah growled down at him. “I’m just trying to help you, you stubborn bastard!”
“The last person who called me a stubborn bastard proceeded to beat the living daylights out of me. Are you going to do that as well.”
“I’m not your Uncle Ezra, and I don’t care what you say to me, I’m going to give you my help whether you want it or not.”
“I don’t want your help,” Ezra choked on his emotions, “why can’t you understand that.”
“How’s he doing?” Nathan walked into the room, his bag in his hand.
“I’m doing fine!” Ezra snapped.
“Has the pain eased at all?” Nathan sat on the side of the bed and began to examine Ezra’s abdomen.
“I feel fine.”
Nathan pressed against the surgical wound and was rewarded with a cry of pain.
“This is why you should have stayed at the hospital Ezra, you need to rest for at least a week, if you keep going like this you’re going to end up back there and you won’t have a choice in the matter.”
“I’ll rest when I get where I’m going.”
“You’ll rest here, or you rest in the hospital.” Nathan waited for an answer but he didn’t get one. “I’m not the enemy here Ezra, I’m giving you a choice. You can rest here, if you don’t then you’re going to end up in the hospital and I know you don’t want to go there. “ he paused for a moment. “Do you?”
“No.” Ezra whispered.
“Then you’ll stay here?”
“What will happen if I don’t?”
“I told you Ezra . . . “
“I know what you told me Mr Jackson, I want to know what will happen to put me in hospital.
“I’m not going to give you a medical list Ezra, you’ve got enough sense to know what will happen. All I’m going to tell you is that you need to rest. I want you to stay in bed for at least another three days, then light physical activity for a couple of days, then you can go.”
“Five days.”
“That’s all Ezra, five days, you should feel a lot better by then.” Nathan explained.
“Five days.”
“Yes.”
“Five days.”
“I’ll take that as a yes you’ll stay.”
“I don’t want to go back to the hospital.”
“Okay, that’s good.” Nathan smiled. “When did you last take your pain medication?”
“Back at the office, I took one.”
“Where’s the medication.”
Ezra lifted a hand and pointed to Chris’ coat jacket.
“Have you been taking them when you’re supposed to?”
“Mr Jackson, it’s only been a couple of hours since I left the hospital, there hasn’t been time to take one every four
hours.”
“You take one if you need it Ezra!”
“I did,” Ezra retorted, “I just told you that’d I’d taken one.”
“Well, you need to take another one.” Nathan smiled down at him.
Ezra glanced at Josiah. “Is this what it’s going to be like for the next five days?”
“If you do exactly as you’re told, you don’t answer back, and you don’t do anything you’re not supposed to do, then,” Josiah shrugged, “it won’t be that bad.”
“You could go back to the hospital if you want.” Nathan warned him.
Ezra growled, showing his white teeth at Nathan.
“That doesn’t scare me Ezra, I’ve taken care of worse patients than you.”
“Somehow, I don’t think so.” Josiah muttered under his breath.
The two men changed the direction of their stubborn glares.
***
“How is he?” Chris asked when Nathan and Josiah left his son’s room.
“He’s in pain.” Nathan explained.
“Nathan!”
“He’s been doing too much, stretching his stomach, pulling the stitches and incision, that sort of thing, he’ll be fine after a few days rest.” Nathan slumped into the large chair in front of the fire. It was going to be a long five days for both patient and ex-medic.
“When can we talk to him?” Vin asked as he walked into the living area with a tray of mugs full of steaming coffee.
“I’d give him a couple of days, his mood is also as bad as the pain he’s feeling.”
“I don’t know how you’re going to talk him into staying.” Buck shook his head and took one of the offered mugs.
“That’s Vin’s area. I can’t think of anything else to say to him.” Chris told the group.
“Do we want him to stay?” JD asked. He saw the expressions that were sent his way. “I mean before this happened, only Chris and Vin liked him, the rest of us thought he was an asshole that didn’t belong.”
“Never judge a book by its cover.” Josiah quoted. “We didn’t try and open the book to see what’s inside.”
“He’s not going to open up anyway, not for a while at least.” Chris took a sip of the coffee and grimaced. For some reason, Vin liked it strong, too strong as far as Chris was concerned. “When are you going to learn to make a decent pot of coffee?”
“I make a great pot of coffee.” Vin protested. “When are you going to learn how to appreciate a fine cup of coffee.”
“When I drink one that tastes good.”
“Last time I make coffee for you.”
“Uh Chris.” Buck gave him a worried look, “you still haven’t answered my question about being gay.”
“First Ezra and now you!” JD’s mouth dropped open.
“I’m not gay JD and neither is Ezra!” Chris growled at him.
“But Buck just said . . . and at the meeting . . . Ezra said he’d told the Judge that . . . “ JD stumbled through the words.
“He was being an asshole JD,” Chris tried to remind him.
“Oh, so he isn’t,”
Chris shook his head.
“And you’re not.”
“No!”
“Oh.”
“I really don’t know where you get your ideas from JD.” Buck nudged him with an elbow.
“You just said.”
“No I didn’t, I asked if he was, there’s a difference you know.”
“So, are you?” Vin leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
“I’m going for a walk before I shoot someone.” Chris muttered then stormed out of the room.
***
Ezra woke feeling better than he had in days; well physically anyway, emotionally he had no idea. He stretched his legs under the thick blankets and sighed when he realised he wouldn’t be able to do the same with his upper body. He opened his eyes and squinted at the sun that shone through the window. Judging by its position, he decided that it was at least mid-day. Lunchtime and he was actually feeling hungry. He didn’t want to leave the warm, comfortable bed, not yet anyway. He’d wait a bit longer then get up. Ezra rolled back onto his side and snuggled down into the pillow. Just when he was about to fall back to sleep, a soft knock at the door caused him to open his eyes.
The door opened and Nathan stepped into the room. He was carrying a tray of food. Ezra couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the sight of a huge salad chicken sandwich.
“I take it you’re hungry.” Nathan returned the smile.
“Starving Mr Jackson.” Ezra pushed himself up into a sitting position and allowed Nathan to place the tray over his legs.
“Enjoy,” Nathan told him, “I’ll come back later to get the leftovers. There’s also another pain killer there if you need it, if not just leave on it the night stand until later.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” That was all Nathan was going to say, if he said anything more, he’d probably ruin it for both of them. Ezra was in a good mood and he wasn’t going to spoil it.
***
The next two days were spent in much the same way. Ezra slept when he was able to, someone brought him food, which he ate it. In between, when he had the strength, he would shower and shave. No one tried to talk to him during that time in regards to staying with the team. They didn’t want him to get up leave, not when he still wasn’t one hundred percent, although that would still take a few weeks.
On the fourth day, he was able to leave the bed and walk out into the chill of the fresh air. Nathan had fussed over him, making sure that he wore a thick coat and didn’t stay out to long. The evening was spent in front of a roaring fire, a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows in his hand - that had been JD’s idea - listening to the group of men talk about the last fishing trip they had taken. Ezra didn’t know if he would like fishing on not. It seemed to be a calming sport but also boring at the same time.
The antics the men had gotten up to on that particular trip made his smile. But he wouldn’t fit into that group, he didn’t know how to have fun. Yes, he had a sarcastic wit and could easily hold his own against anyone when it came to throwing one-liners, but to actually mix with a group of men and take part in an enjoyable activity without resorting to one-liners, he couldn’t do that.
The fifth day was different. It started out the same as the fourth but Ezra could feel the tension that began to fill the house. This was his last day, he would be leaving in the morning and he was sure they were going to try to talk him into staying. He didn’t want to take part in any sort of discussion that involved that particular topic.
Ezra was sitting on the front steps, searching for the easiest car to jump-start so he could make a quick getaway if he needed to. He didn’t know if they were going to physically restrain him or allow him to leave. These men seemed to be full of surprises, he never knew what they were going to do from one minute to the next.
His shoulders tightened when he heard the front door open, and the steps that told him two people were about to sit next to him. He knew who it was without looking at them. Vin Tanner sat down at his left and Josiah Sanchez sat on his right.
“I’m not staying and I don’t want to discuss it.” Ezra told them before they could even start.
“Not even a little bit?” Vin questioned him.
“Not even a little bit Mr Tanner.” Ezra glared sideways at him. “One word and I walk.”
Ezra was prepared to leave when he was ready. His bag was close by, there was enough money in there for a bus ticket to anywhere. All he needed was the transport to get back to town. If he wasn’t able to steal a car, he’d walk, simple as that.
“You enjoying the weather Ezra?” Josiah asked him.
“Beautiful Mr Sanchez.”
“It’s always like this before winter, a chill in the air, but not enough to stop a person from sitting out here and enjoying it.”
“I’m sure.”
“Summer get pretty warm though, but the lake is enough to cool you down, follow that with a couple of cold beers and the fish of the day. Perfect way to spend a summer evening. You should try it sometime Ezra, you’d like it.”
“I don’t believe I would.”
“How would you know unless you tried it.”
“I’ve tried it, I didn’t like it.”
“You haven’t tried it with us Ezra.”
“Excuse me Mr Sanchez, but I think it’s time I leave.”
“Ezra!”
“Vin, would you like to give me a lift into town, or would you prefer that I walk.” Ezra stood up and looked down at the sharp shooter.
“Ezra, I . . . “
“Fine, I’ll walk, it’s a nice day for a long walk anyway. No doubt I would be able to hitch a ride once I reach the main road.”
“Ezra . . . why can’t you see sense.” Vin stood up and followed the Southerner into the house.
“I’m not blind Mr Tanner.” Ezra reached down and picked up the bag that sat near the front door, he turned to find Vin standing in front of him. “We’re not going to go through this again are we.”
“No Ezra we’re not, but just let me say this. You are a fucking idiot. If you’re not blind, you should be able to see what you could have here. A job, a place to call home, but most important, friends. Friends that are willing to care about you. We’re trying to help you Ezra and all you can do is throw it back in our faces. Now I understand why you don’t have any friends, it has nothing to do with anyone else, it’s all you. You’re the problem and I’ve just decided that if this is what you’re really like then I don’t want any part of you.” Vin stood to the side. “Go on then, piss off, we’ll probably be better off without you anyway. You’re selfish Ezra and you’re going to rot in hell and die alone.”
Ezra smiled on the outside but on the inside he’d felt like he had been punched in the stomach.
“Good bye Mr Tanner.”
Ezra walked out the door. He didn’t glance at Josiah or say a word to him. His movements were slow as he walked down the steps but they quickened once he reached the dirt track that would take him away from these men.
***
Ezra had only walked four miles and he could already feel the sweat that had soaked into his shirt. His wound ached, much like it had four days ago. This wasn’t the light physical activity that Nathan was talking about. Blisters on the soles of his feet burned themselves into his brain - the shoes he was wearing were not made for walking, they didn’t exactly fit very well. He wasn’t going to make it, it was something he had realised two miles back. Either he turned around or he kept going until he collapsed. He decided on the latter, he wasn’t going to swallow his pride and go back there, especially after what Vin had said to him.
His body froze when he heard a car engine, they were coming after him, to drag him back. He wasn’t going, he’d fight them to the death if he had to. He turned his head to look over his shoulder and cursed at the sight that was coming towards him. Chris Larabee in his black dodge. Ezra began walking again. He was in the middle of the road and had no intention of moving over. Chris wasn’t going to pass him, he was going to pull up beside him and demand that he get in the car so he could take him back to the cabin.
Ezra stayed calm, even when he could feel the engines warm breath against his legs. It didn’t even occur to him that Chris might accidentally hit him from behind. The man wasn’t that desperate anyway.
“Ezra!”
He wasn’t going to answer, if he answered, it meant that he was going to have to look at him.
“I’m not going to ask you to come back!” Chris yelled over the engine. “Just thought it would be easier for you if you got a ride to where ever it is you’re going.”
The Southerner stopped again and waited for the touch of the bumper as it softly hit the back of his legs. It didn’t happen. He walked around the front of the car and got into the passenger side.
“Where do you want to go?”
“The airport.”
Chris nodded and drove on.
Silence filled the vehicle when each man refused to start up a conversation. Chris knew it was useless to even try. Ezra was a stubborn bastard that refused to give into what he really wanted out of life. Chris wasn’t sure if Ezra couldn’t or wouldn’t trust them, he supposed it could have been a bit of both. Ezra didn’t want to talk for fear of the conversation turning towards the idea of him staying.
Ezra watched the scenery pass by. The city of Denver was more or less like any other city he’d been to. Every city had something different, but the streets, the buildings, the people and the attitudes were the same. He glanced at Chris when he pretended to look at something on the other side of the highway. The man looked . . . well . . . he looked as though he no longer cared. Ezra quickly turned away. Isn’t that what he wanted. Yes, it was he told himself. It would make the departure from this vehicle easier. There would be no goodbyes, just continued silence.
The time it took to get to the airport was longer than Ezra had thought it would be. When Chris parked the vehicle in the no parking zone, Ezra hesitated for a moment. There was still only silence like he thought there would be, but now it was an uncomfortable silence. He felt he should say goodbye, thank Chris for what he had done for him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do. Ezra waited for Chris to say something but Larabee was staring out the window.
Ezra looked down at his hands then grabbed his bag and got of the car. Without a backward glance, he walked away and stepped through the automatic doors into the airport. He wanted to find a hiding place and watch Chris drive away but there wasn’t anything big enough to hide him. If Chris saw him looking, he might think that he wanted to stay. Ezra kept moving until he reached the line for domestic flights. He wasn’t sure where he was going yet, he’d make up his mind when he reached the counter.
***
Washington. Where in the hell did he get the idea to go to Washington. What sort of place was Washington. Like he was going to be able to get work there. But then again he could become a politician, he certainly knew how to lie, how to be cold and not care about what people wanted. Or he could just go back to what his mother had taught him all through his childhood. Con, cheat and gamble. ‘Look after number one Ezra, no one else, not even your mother.’ That’s what she always told him. It took a few years for him to realise that she consider herself number one, and that meant that if she had to choose between herself and her son, her son would lose. But then again his mother had always thought of herself first.
Ezra sat in the coffee lounge drinking a warm cup of coffee. His flight wasn’t due to depart for another hour. He looked at the clock on the wall. Another fifty-eight minutes and fourteen . . . fifteen seconds. A painkiller, that’s what he needed, something to make him feel numb.
The words that Vin had said to him with so much anger become to nag him. Tanner had actually told him. ‘You’re selfish Ezra and you’re going to rot in hell and die alone.’ He didn’t want to die alone. He had lived alone all his life so far. Did he want to continue to live alone. Did he really want to die alone. If there was life after death, he’d probably exist alone there as well. He rubbed his tired face with his hand. He was so sick of his life. Nothing had ever gone right.
Larabee offered him everything he had ever wanted. Why was it so hard for him to take it, even if he took only a small part of the new life offered to him a bit at a time. He didn’t have to rush into and he was sure they wouldn’t push him into taking it all at once. The fact that Chris was no longer pushing him proved that. Vin had also given up on him.
‘Now I understand why you don’t have any friends, it’s got nothing to do with anyone else, it’s all you.’ That wasn’t all true. There were times when he wanted and accepted friendship but his mother always tore him from it, leaving him crying in pit of loneliness that he had been thrown back into. It wasn’t until later in life that he no longer wanted friends.
‘You’re the problem and I’ve just decided that if this is what you’re really like then I don’t any part of you.’ He was this way for a reason. He no longer wanted to be hurt, he’d suffered to much already. But wasn’t he suffering now. Wasn’t loneliness worse that being around a group of men that wanted to be his friends. Did he want to accept that friendship and offer them his own.
‘We’ll probably be better off without you anyway.’ Vin was right there. They would be better off without him, but would he be better off without them. He was talking about six men, not one or two but six. Was he willing to throw himself into the deep end.
There was also the job. A job that had become his life. He could have it all back. A list, he could write up a list of conditions and if they attempt something that they’re not supposed to, he could leave again. It would be easy enough. Ezra smiled, it all sounded easy, actually doing it was the hard part. The clock told him he still had thirty-two minutes and ten seconds until his flight was going to be called. He grabbed a napkin and took a pen from his bag and began to write.
When he had finished the list of conditions, he checked the time. Five minutes, he had to make a decision that could change his life in five minutes. That was the point though wasn’t it. He wanted to change his life. Damn it! He grabbed his bag and stormed away from the counter. What did he have to lose anyway, it couldn’t be any worse than any other time he had stayed.
He needed a taxi, he also didn’t have the cash to pay for one that would take him back to Chris’ ranch. He didn’t really have to go that far, a hotel would be fine and he could show up at the office tomorrow for his first day of his new permanent position. That sounded good. Then he remembered the shrink. Ezra supposed he could wait a couple of weeks, settle in and if knew that he was going to stay longer then he would agree to talking to someone.
Ezra felt the doors close behind him. He was about to search for a taxi but saw something that made him smile in admiration. This was it, now or never. Ezra stepped forward, tore the parking ticket off the dodge’s windscreen and hopped into the passenger seat.
“Not one word Mr Larabee, we will discuss this over a good meal and a cold beer.”
“Whatever you say Ezra.” Chris smiled widely. Something had told him that Ezra wasn’t going to leave. He decided he would wait a few hours and see what happens. A parking ticket is what happened. Even his badge didn’t get him out of it, but the Judge would.
“That was four words Mr Larabee.” Ezra put his sunglasses on and leaned back in the seat. He closed his eyes and relaxed. Wait until they saw the list of conditions.
***
“What do you mean no social activities for at three months?” Buck asked through a mouthful of pizza.
“It means that I don’t plan on being sociable for a while.” Ezra explained.
“Why not?”
“Well so far, I know that you fish, that’s all. I’m not going to commit myself until I know what you like to do.”
“You can’t fish Ezra, or you don’t know how to.” Vin smiled and nudged Buck who choked on his pizza.
“You put a worm on a hook, throw it in the water, a fish comes along and bites it, the hook goes through its mouth and then you pull it in. Now, how easy can that be.”
“Who guts it and cooks it?” Buck leaned forward.
“Uh, don’t they come that way when you catch them.” Ezra’s face wore an expression of pure innocence.
“What about video games Ez, I like . . . “ JD started.
“Mr Larabee, can you read condition number three please.” Ezra asked him.
“No nicknames or shortening of the first or last name.” Chris read then glanced up at Ezra. The man had obviously thought about this.
“Mr Dunne, you had to have studied enough English at school to know how to pronounce two syllables.”
“Of course I did.” JD protested.
“You also want to stay in a hotel until you find your own place.” Chris read the next condition.
“That’s correct.”
“Here’s one for Buck and Vin.” Chris couldn’t help but chuckle. Ezra was going to fit in better than he would have expected. “No practical jokes until the sixth month of employment.”
“You like practical jokes Ezra?” Buck’s mouth dropped open.
“I’m one of the best Mr Wilmington.”
“Second best,” Vin corrected him, “I’m the best.”
“No you’re not,” Buck growled, “I am.”
“I am.” Vin continued to argue.
“Who was the one that replaced the sugar with salt . . . oh shit.” Buck crouched further down into his chair.
“That was you!” Chris glared at his long time friend.
“Number five is the most important of the conditions, if you do not agree to it then, well, I’m going to have to leave.”
“Again.” Nathan snorted.
Ezra glared at him, it was an expression that they would become very familiar with.
“You won’t start work until nine in the morning.” Chris thought it was laughable.
“Yes, I need my beauty sleep.”
“We usually start at seven, earlier if we’re on a case.”
“WHAT!” it was Ezra’s turn to choke on his beer. “You can’t be serious.”
“Very serious Ezra.”
“Thank God I put that condition in.”
Chris narrowed his eyes then continued to read the conditions. “Own office, works alone, ATF pays for any damage to clothes, no discussion about your past, won’t take part in menial labour, you have a right to call everyone Mr.”
“You’re not going a bit far here are you Ezra?”
“It’s my life I’m playing with Mr Larabee, I want to do it my way or no way. I can’t rush into it.”
Chris nodded.
“Buck can’t be allowed to make the coffee . . . “
“There is nothing wrong with my fucking coffee!” Buck growled.
“They all seem reasonable.” Chris shrugged. “Except the nine am start.”
“I will not give in on that one Mr Larabee.”
“Eight.”
“Eight thirty.”
“Eight fifteen.
“Nine fifteen.
“That’s not the way you do it son.” Josiah smiled at him.
Ezra grabbed the napkin and scribbled on it. He shoved it into Chris’ face.
Chris raised his eyebrows and looked at Ezra then Josiah. “If anyone calls me son, they will be knocked flat on their back and will continue to stay there for at least a week.”
“Back to the comprise.” Ezra turned back to Chris.
“Uh, eight thirty.” Chris stumbled.
“Nine thirty.”
“Ezra!” Buck warned him.
“Listen and learn Mr Wilmington.”
“Seven.” Chris growled and leaned forward in his chair.
“Nine.”
“Done.”
Ezra toasted to the agreement.
“I want to start at nine as well.” JD told Chris.
“Excuse me.”
“Seven’s fine.” JD hunched over his beer.
“Do I have to sign this Ezra?” Chris eyed him with caution.
“All of you do.”
“And what do you sign?” Vin asked him.
“My transfer papers.”
“Done.” Chris agreed again then handed the napkin around for everyone to sign.
“Welcome aboard Ezra, you start on Monday.”
“Thank you.”
“We realise you’ve made a big decision here Ezra,” Josiah explained what they were all thinking, “and we’re not going to let you down.”
“I’m taking one more chance with my life Mr Sanchez so you better not. None of you will.”
“None of us will Ezra.” Chris assured him. “None of us will let you down.”
The End
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
Master Fan Fiction List
Rating: PG
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
AU: ATF/ AU
Main Characters: Ezra and Chris and the rest of the seven
Summary: Ezra Standish has been recruited to investigate an agent but finds that the agent is also investigating him.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Notes: This story is set in an alternative ATF universe. I've written a different reason for Ezra Standish joining Team Seven and I've given him a sort of different history. Ever thing else is still more or less the same.
Spoilers: None
Status: Complete
Total Word Count: 30,319
Was that Buck’s voice he could hear. Why would Buck be here. There was no reason for him to be here. The man didn’t even like him. He could also hear Chris’ voice. At least Chris hadn’t left him alone with Wilmington. He didn’t like being left alone when he was in a hospital bed. He’d been terrified of hospitals as a child and now at the age of thirty-two, he was still terrified. But what made him think that Chris Larabee would stop any of the medical staff from hurting him.
"You think he’s going to stay?" Buck turned to look at his friend.
"No." Chris admitted. "At the moment he doesn’t have a reason to."
"He’s got a permanent job." Buck reminded him.
"That’s not going to make him stay. Not after everything, he’s been through. It’s not just a job he needs Buck. It’s a home, and friends."
"And you’re going to give that to him?"
"Yes I am Buck. You got a problem with that!" Chris growled at him.
"Chris, is there something you should be telling me?" Buck frowned at him.
"What do you mean?" Chris narrowed his eyes.
"You haven’t turned gay on me have you?"
"What!"
"I mean, you are spending a lot of time with him, and you told the Judge that you liked him. You want him to stay with the team . . . are you gay?"
Both men looked towards the bed when Ezra started to laugh.
"What the hell are you laughing at!" Chris practically yelled at him.
Ezra tried to place his hand on his stomach in an attempt to stop it from moving. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to stop laughing - gay - but his stomach was starting to hurt even more and the only way he was going to stop the pain was to stop his stomach from moving.
"Gay . . . " Ezra said through the laughter and pain.
"I’m not gay!"
"Gay." the Southerner repeated.
"Buck!" Chris warned him. "You started this, you can stop it . . . NOW!"
"You have no sense of humour Chris." Buck smiled at Ezra, it was the first time he’d heard him laugh. "He’s laughing Chris."
"I know Buck," Chris also smiled but then the expression dropped from his face, "it’s what he’s laughing at that I don’t like."
"Wilmington’s gay." Ezra continued to laugh. Tears were beginning to roll down his face but he wasn’t sure if it was from laughing too hard or the pain the laughter was causing.
"Well, that makes me feel better." Chris slouched down in his chair.
"Ow! that hurts." Ezra complained as he attempted to roll over.
"Then stop laughing." Chris continued to smile.
"Can’t." Ezra held his stomach with both arms. "Aw hell, it hurts."
"Ezra." Chris stood up and quickly moved to the bed. "Stop laughing."
Ezra started to cough violently.
"Buck."
"Already pressing it." Buck held his finger against the buzzer until a nurse ran into the room.
"What’s wrong?" She ran to the patient and began a quick examination.
"He’s choking." Chris informed her.
The young nurse gripped Ezra’s shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position. She began to slap his back. "Pass me that bowl please."
Chris handed it to her then moved to the other side of the bed so he could help if he was needed.
The nurse placed the bowl in Ezra’s lap. She stopped hitting the patient and began to rub the heaving back instead. She reached over and grabbed the oxygen mask off the wall and expertly placed it over the patient’s breathing passages. "Take a couple of deep breaths Ezra."
Ezra did as he was told, he had no choice. Everything hurt and there was nothing he could do to stop it himself. He began to feel better when the coughing fit began to ease.
"Now just breath normally. It’s going to take a few minutes for the coughing to stop."
Ezra nodded that he understood, he’d been through this before. He grimaced as the pain continued to burn in his abdomen and his chest. This wasn’t good, and he still didn’t know what had happened to him.
"Do you feel like you’re going to be sick? Any mucus?"
Ezra shook his head and watched as the bowl disappeared.
"I’m going to lie you back down now okay."
Ezra nodded. He was grateful when his head hit the pillow. A soft hand began to stroke his forehead. Ezra opened his eyes and looked up into the blue eyes of the nurse. "Try and relax Ezra." she smiled at him.
Ezra blinked then allowed his eyes to close. He was tired, too tired as far as he was concerned.
"Feel better." A slight nod was the only response she received. "Good. Why don’t you try and get some sleep."
Chris watched as Ezra began to relax. His eyes followed the nurse’s movements when she adjusted the oxygen mask.
"I’ll come back in about twenty minutes and take that off." she stepped to the end of the bed and pulled the patient’s chart out. She began to write on it. "The doctor will probably want to do a chest x-ray tomorrow to make sure there isn’t any fluid building up in his chest."
"Is that bad?" Chris glanced at Ezra then back at the nurse.
"It could be. He didn’t really have any difficulty breathing, and he didn’t cough up any mucus. The x-ray will just be a precaution." she smiled at the two men then left the room.
Chris sat back down to wait. He shifted in his chair when Buck sat next to him.
"So," Buck nudged him, "you still haven’t told me if you’re gay or not."
***
‘What is it that you had taken out of your file that you don't want people to know.’ The words echoed in his skull. Ezra lifted his arm to rub his head, he felt his fingers tangle in his hair. Aw hell, what sort of mess was he in this time. The thoughts that were tumbling through his mind began to slow down and make sense. He was in a hospital. his eyes flew open in fear.
"Ezra, you okay?" Chris stood up and looked into the green eyes that stared back at him.
Ezra refused to answer, he had to think. He closed his eyes and sorted through the memories that were returning. Chris Larabee had forced him to come here. His anger grew and he enjoyed the feeling that it gave him. He had to get out of here. But they would stop him, sedate him again. That’s what they had done to him.
"How long have I been here for?"
"Three days." Chris answered him. "You haven’t been alone at any time Ezra."
Three days. Damn him. He had told Larabee that he didn’t want to go to the hospital but he had forced him, not given him a choice. Now he was here in this terrifying environment with no way out. No, there was a way out.
Ezra sat up and grabbed his abdomen with his left hand, his right was immobile, and a drip had been securely set in the back of the hand.
"Ezra what are you doing?" Chris demanded to know.
"I’m going to my hotel to pack, then I will see Judge Travis, then leave this damn town."
"You can’t leave Ezra, you just had an operation."
"I want to see the doctor."
"Ezra, he won’t be around to see you until tomorrow." Chris tried to push Ezra back down onto the bed.
"Get your fucking hands off me!"
"Ezra," Chris pleaded with him.
"I either leave now, or I see my doctor now, then leave. It’s up to you Larabee."
"I’m only trying to help you Ezra."
"Help me!" Ezra retorted. "You made them bring me here, I wasn’t given a choice."
"You would have died if I didn’t force you to come."
"That was my choice to make, not yours." Ezra smiled at him. "It’s illegal to force someone to receive medical treatment when they don’t want it."
"You were unconscious, they weren’t able to ask your permission to save your life."
"I wasn’t unconscious when I told the medics that I didn’t want to come. They weren’t going to bring me until you told them to. I can sue."
"You don’t have a leg to stand on." Chris crossed his arms. "You would have died Ezra, don’t you understand that? Or don’t you care?"
"Get my doctor! Now!"
Chris reached over and buzzed for the nurse.
***
Well, that had been easier than he thought it would be. The doctor had no choice but to discharge him once he had quoted the law to him. Ezra grimaced at what the doctor had told him. A ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm. What was that when it was at home. The doctor had then gone on to explain that it was probably caused by an injury he may have received as a child. Had he any idea what that injury could have been. Ezra had almost laughed in the doctor’s face. Of course, he knew. His chest had been crushed when he was eleven, then there was the fractured skull, various broken bones and internal bleeding. He had died, but the doctor’s were able to bring him back. He had been one lucky son-of-a-bitch the doctors told him.
Ezra bit his bottom lip when the cab braked suddenly in front of the ATF building and he tasted blood when his mouth began to fill with it. He handed over enough cash to pay the bill, there was no tip, and the driver didn’t deserve it. The cab sped off before he even had a chance to fully exit from the vehicle. Ezra stumbled and nearly fell. His right arm held his stomach when the movement pulled at his stitches. Damn cab drivers.
A quick glance over his shoulder informed him that Chris Larabee was getting out of his car and walking towards him. The man never gave up. Ezra respected him even more for trying so hard but the man was wasting his efforts on someone who wasn’t worth the trouble.
"Ezra." Chris nodded at him.
"Would it be easier if I told you where I was going?" Ezra raised an eyebrow at the man who was now leaning against the wall of the ATF building
"I assume you’re going to empty your desk."
"After I speak to Travis." Ezra began to move towards the exit.
"To give him your resignation." Chris nodded as though he knew what Ezra was thinking. "He won’t accept it."
"He’s not going to have a choice."
Ezra just smiled at him then continued on his errand. He couldn’t resign until after he completed his assignment and that was to inform Travis of the man who could get Larabee out of his nasty predicament. Chris wouldn’t like it but Ezra didn’t care at the moment. The man deserved to keep his job.
The former undercover agent stepped through the doors and made his way to the elevator. His attempt to close the elevator doors failed when Larabee used his foot to keep them open.
"I don’t need you to hold my hand Larabee!" Ezra growled at him.
"No, but you need someone close in case you fall down, you feel the need to be ill, or if you just need a ride back to the hospital."
"Then perhaps you could push the button for me."
"Sure Ezra, not a problem."
Chris held Ezra’s arm firmly when the elevator jerked to a stop. To his surprise, Ezra took the help that was offered. They stepped out of the elevator and walked slowly to the doors that led to Travis’ inner office.
"You want me to come in with you?"
"No, I don’t think you want to hear what I have to say to him." Ezra lowered his head then lifted his eyes to look at Chris. "Thank you for the opportunity Chris, but I can’t take it. This won’t work."
"How do you know unless you try Ezra."
"I’ve tried before Chris, it’s never worked, why should it change now."
"Because we’re different, we’d help you try, you won’t be working alone to make this work out for you."
"If only . . . " Ezra smiled. "Good bye Mr Larabee."
"I’ll wait for you."
"No need."
“I’ll wait,” Chris repeated then moved to one of the waiting chairs.
Ezra shook his head, the man was as stubborn as a mule. Ezra turned and walked into the office of doom, he was expecting to have his head chopped off. The Judge sat behind his desk, he was leaning back in his chair, his right hand held a piece of paper.
“What are you doing? You should be in hospital.” Travis stood up and walked around the table.
“There was an informer involved in the case, Larabee’s snitch. He saw everything and can give you the information you need. It will be enough to get him off the hook. Buck or Vin should know who he is. You might want to put him in protective custody then the witness protection program. Chris was going to take the responsibility because he thought his snitch would get killed.”
Ezra took a group of small breaths, the short speech had tired him.
“Good work Standish.”
“I haven’t had time to write my resignation so I will give it to you verbally.” Ezra stepped back when the Judge moved closer to him. “I quit.”
“All I need is your signature here.” Travis handed Ezra the form and reached for a pen.
“Somebody already wrote my resignation?” the Southerner frowned at him.
“It’s the paperwork for your permanent transfer.” the Judge nodded while he continued to look for a pen.
“But I don’t want a transfer . . . “ Ezra fell down into the chair that he had been leaning against since he stepped away from the man who stood before him.
“You don’t want to accept the best opportunity you’ve had in a long time?” it was Travis’ turn to frown in confusion.
“This isn’t an opportunity, it’s a chance of another mistake.”
“You’ve never made a mistake in your life Ezra, other people have, but for some reason you keep blaming yourself.”
“I blame myself because I have reason too.”
“That’s not true.”
“Why isn’t it?”
“You really want to know Ezra?”
“ . . . no.” Ezra hesitated with his answer.
“It’s not your fault that your FBI partner died, it was your Uncle who killed him.”
“He killed him because I hesitated, and he . . . “ Ezra’s eyes narrowed and glared at the Judge. “What do you know about my Uncle!”
“I know you can’t be blaming yourself for when he beat the shit out of you when you were eleven.” Travis sat on the edge of the desk and waited for Ezra’s reaction.
“I thought I knew you, I just couldn’t remember where.” Ezra rested his arms across his stomach.
“You don’t, do you?”
“What?” Ezra’s eyes searched the carpet for anything that would occupy his mind.
“Blame yourself for what your Uncle did to you.”
“I deserved it, I did something stupid, made a mistake that made him angry.” Ezra shrugged.
Travis couldn’t believe it, the young man actually thought what happened was an everyday occurrence.
“To put you in your room for the rest of the week, to not feed you that night, to even use a hand against your back side a few times but not kill you, and he did do that, you were lucky that the doctor’s were able to bring you back.”
Ezra had no idea how to respond to that.
“You staying or not, and I have to warn you that I won’t accept not.”
“There’s nothing here for me.” Ezra whispered.
“You have a permanent job but I want you to see a therapist first though and when he recommends that you’re ready for it, you can go back to being an undercover agent.”
“That’s not enough.”
“What more do you want?”
“It’s not that I want more, it’s just . . . they don’t trust me. I can handle them not liking me, I’ve had to put up with that all my life, but I don’t think I can work in a team again where the men don’t trust me.”
“You have to earn that trust Ezra.”
“I’m not on the take Judge, I never was.”
“I know that Ezra, so does Chris and the others. Did you ever hear them say anything about that particular subject.”
Ezra’s brow creased in thought. “No . . . I didn’t.”
“Doesn’t that mean something to you?”
“I don’t know, everything’s just a fucking mess.” he rubbed his eyes with his right hand. His stomach hurt and he was beginning to feel ill.
“That’s why you need a permanent place to stay, a permanent job, and someone to talk to about everything that’s happened in the last six months. Most of all you need a group of men that you can invite to your home so you can watch some sort of sport and get drunk on beer and scotch.”
Ezra smiled at that thought, it was something he’d thought about on lonely Saturday afternoons.
“Sounds good doesn’t it?”
“I just told you about Chris’ informer, he’s not going to want to be near me when he finds out.”
“I told Team Seven about your Uncle and partner and why you’re really here.”
Ezra looked up in surprise. “Then they’ll definitely not want me here.”
“You’re not angry that I told them?”
“Not really, nice to have it out in the open. At least it gives them another reason to not want me here. It’ll make it so much easier to leave.” a hint of sarcasm filled Ezra’s tone.
“Why don’t we just ask Chris what he thinks.”
“I don’t know where he is.” Ezra lied.
“He’s outside waiting for you.” Travis smiled down at Ezra. “I’ll go and get him.”
Ezra’s stomached churned in fear. Chris wasn’t going to like this, he’d probably kill him just like he’d thought he would after a week into the case.
“Take a seat Chris.”
The sound of the door closing caused Ezra’s heart to skip a beat. He refused to look at Chris when the man sat in the chair next to him.
“He staying or what?” Chris slapped Ezra’s shoulder lightly.
“That depends on you Chris.” Travis sat in his own chair and rested his hands on the desk.
“I already said I wanted him to stay.”
“Ezra has given me the information I need to stop you from going to jail. Your informer will give me the rest.”
“Did he now?” Chris looked sideways at Ezra, who was refusing to look at him.
“Yes he did. Wanted to complete his job before he left.”
“Well, I was going to tell you anyway.”
Ezra blinked, then blinked again. He was going to tell him anyway.
“Can’t say I’m not angry about the entire situation though, but I accept it. Did some thinking after Ezra told me a few things, decided that he was right.”
Right. Did he just say I was right.
“So it’s settled then, Ezra’s staying.” Travis slammed his fist against the desk and produced the piece of paper he’d
been holding earlier.
“I didn’t say I was staying.” Ezra reminded them.
“It’s not up to you.” Chris didn’t speak directly to Ezra. “We’re going to have to help him find a place to stay.”
“That may take time,” Travis smiled, “I get the impression he’s picky.”
“A house or unit?”
“Unit, a house will be too big.”
“He’s not ready to be on his own yet.” Chris glared at Ezra. “He should still be in the hospital.”
“Maybe someone can put up with him for a while?” Travis turned his eyes from Ezra to Chris.
“Nathan maybe, or Buck.”
“I don’t know about Buck, I mean he’s got young JD staying with him.”
“That’s okay because apparently Ezra and JD are having a sexual relationship.”
“I think I’ll leave it to you gentlemen to make the arrangements.” Ezra slowly stood up. “I’ll be downstairs.”
“Would you like to sign this before you go Ezra.”
“Chris, would you bring that with you. I just want to hang around with the others before I make my decision.”
“Sure, but you’re staying.”
“Whatever.” Ezra smiled then left the room.
***
Buck glanced up when he heard the elevator doors open, he was expecting Chris to be dragging Ezra in by the back of his shirt. He was surprised to find Ezra walking in on his own initiative. Something wasn’t right. He looked at the others and saw the same confusion and surprise written on their faces. Who was going to make the first move. Nathan, that’s the way, get in his face so he will run a mile in fear.
“Ezra, you know you should be in hospital.” Nathan cautioned him as he moved towards him.
“So people keep telling me Mr Jackson.” Ezra didn’t stop when the ex-medic stood in front of him, instead he stepped around him.
“Are you going back?”
“No, I don’t like hospitals.”
Nathan followed him, he wasn’t going to give. This man was now a part of the team and that meant that he fell under the medical guidance of the team’s mother hen.
“No one likes hospitals Ezra, it’s a well known fact.”
“I don’t like hospitals!” Ezra explained more firmly.
“Then you should be resting.”
Ezra reached his office and stood with his hand gripping the door handle. The knuckles were turning white. He glanced over his shoulder to find the rest of the team watching him.
“Is there any particular reason you are all standing there, hovering over me?”
“Waiting for you to fall down.” Vin smiled at him.
“That, I’m not going to do, so you may as well go away.”
“What are you going to do Ezra?” Buck moved to a closer position.
“I’m going to go into this office, collect my things and leave.”
“Leave as in?” Buck was now leaning against the door.
“Leave as in go away, depart, exit the building . . . “
“I thought you were staying.” JD piped up from behind the group.
“You thought wrong. Now if you will excuse me Mr Wilmington, I would like to gain access to this office.”
“What are you going to do if I don’t” the ladies man smiled at him.
Ezra knew there wasn’t a lot he could physically, not in the condition he was now in. “I would like to beat the shit out of you Wilmington, but I can’t right now. So, you are going to move out of my way because it’s the right thing to do.” Buck didn’t move. “Would you like me to explain what holding a person against their will is.”
“No one’s holding you Ezra.” Josiah spoke gently.
“Then tell him to move out of my way.”
Josiah nodded to Buck, who hesitated but did as he was told. “If he doesn’t want to be here Buck we can’t force him to stay.”
“I don’t want to be here.”
“We want you to be here.” Josiah smiled at the shocked expression.
“Um . . . if you . . . um . . . if you will excuse me, I have . . . a . . . a desk to clean out.”
“Have you got somewhere to go, a place to stay?” Josiah moved into the position that Buck had vacated.
“I have my hotel room that will give me time to think about what I’m going to do.”
“Your stuff’s at Chris’ place.” Vin stared at him.
“What?” Ezra finally turned around to face the group of men.
“Chris had me collect your stuff and fix up your bill for you. He was going to take you to his place when you were discharged from the hospital.”
“I want my stuff here in half an hour Mr Tanner, or I will report it as a theft.”
“Ezra, there’s no need to be like that.” Nathan scolded him.
“Why the hell not!” Ezra was angry now. How dare they treat him this way. “I didn’t ask him to do that, he didn’t have my permission. You people are acting like you own me. That I’m yours to do with what you want!”
“Just want to be your friends.” Vin told him.
“I don’t want friends. I don’t need friends. I don’t have any friends!”
“Then you’re going to have a very sad and lonely life Ezra Standish.”
“Will you just leave me the fuck alone!” Ezra snapped at them. “Get out of my way!”
Ezra opened the door and pushed his way past Josiah and stormed into his office and slammed the door behind him. He leant his back against the door and took a breath. He could feel the pain radiating out from his midsection. Ezra took the painkillers that the doctor had given from his pocket and two one dry. He wasn’t going to go back out there for water. Slow, short steps were taken until he reached the chair behind the desk. Ezra carefully sat down and lifted his legs onto the table with the help of his arms. He shifted forward until his head was resting on the back of the seat and closed his eyes. He would rest for a few minutes then pack his things and leave. They could send his things to him via a post office box address.
A soft knock at the door caused him to jump in surprise. A small grunt of pain escaped him.
“You okay in there Ezra?” Josiah’s strong voice came through the door easily.
“Piss off, I’m fine.”
“Let me know then if you need anything.”
“I need you to go away!” Ezra yelled.
“I’ll just be out here if you need anything.”
Ezra slammed the back of his head against the door. Won’t these people give up. He pushed himself up off the floor, if he didn’t hurry, Chris would arrive and then he’d never be allowed to leave. God forbid.
Luckily, there wasn’t many personal things in his desk. An address book that he didn’t want to leave behind. His peashooter, that’s what he called the small gun that was usually strapped to his right ankle. A thought occurred to him; maybe he could use this gun if he became desperate. Ezra then removed a folder from the file cabinet. Only he knew of the files existence. He’d begun to gather every piece of information he could find about his Uncle after his FBI partner’s death.
Another knock on the door - this one was a lot louder and more forceful - forced him to turn around. It was Chris, he knew it, and the feeling in the pit of his stomach told him it was. He hadn’t been quick enough to escape Larabee’s clutches.
“Ezra . . . “ it was Chris, “open the door.”
“No.” he sounded childish when he wanted to sound confident. “I need a couple of minutes before I come out.”
“Two minutes, then I’m coming in.”
Ezra could see him standing out there, his eyes trying to glare at him through the door, his arms crossed and his foot tapping softly against the carpeted floor.
What was he going to do now. He’d lost, like he always lost. There was nothing left to do but to go out there and take his punishment like a man. Ezra walked slowly to the door and opened it. Chris was standing, facing the door, with his arms across his chest.
“Mr Larabee.” Ezra glanced at him then looked at the floor. He felt like his was a ten-year-old child again.
“I thought you were staying?”
“Excuse me, but I don’t remember saying that I was going to stay.”
“You signed the paperwork Ezra!” Chris growled at him then noticed when Ezra flinched away from him.
“If you look at the signature and compare it to mine, you’ll find that it’s a forgery. It won’t stand up in a court.”
“You want to leave?”
“Yes.”
“There’s nothing I can say that will make you stay?”
“No.”
“Good bye Ezra, have a nice life.” Chris walked away without another word.
Ezra stared at his retreating form in confusion. What just happened here? The man was letting him go. A man who had for some reason decided to tie him to his apron strings was allowing him to leave. Ezra didn’t think twice, he left.
***
“What are you going to do?” Vin asked Chris when his boss sat down in his chair.
“Nothing.” Chris leaned back and looked at his friend. “I can’t make him stay Vin.”
“You don’t want to keep talking to him, maybe convince him to stay?”
“I’ve talked myself out, I can’t think of anything else to say to him.”
“Maybe if we all talked to him.” Vin suggested.
“And how are we going to do that, he’s gone Vin, we won’t be able to find him and there’s no way I’m going to ask a favour and have the police put an APB out on him.”
“I know where he’s going.” Vin smiled smugly.
“Where?” Chris stood up.
“Your place.”
“My place.”
“His things are there remember.”
“He can’t get in.”
“Somehow I get the impression that he can.”
“I don’t know Vin, he hasn’t listened so far, what makes you think he’ll listen now.”
“I don’t but don’t you think he’s worth one more try?”
“Yeah, but I think you guys should do all the talking.”
“I’ll get the guys together.”
***
Instinct caused him to look over his shoulder to make sure that no one was watching him. He smiled at his stupidity. Larabee’s house - log cabin more like it - was situated in the middle of a dense rain forest. To Ezra it was a dense rain forest, he wasn’t an outdoor’s man. He would consider four trees to be a forest, ten trees to be a jungle, any more than that was a dense rain forest.
The long stretch of dirt track curved and disappeared behind the trees, he wouldn’t see a car coming until it was practically on top of him. It didn’t matter, he wasn’t expecting anyone. Larabee allowed him to leave, he wouldn’t be coming after him, not now, not ever.
Ezra felt a tinge of regret and brushed it off as a side effect of his medication. There was no real regret, he didn’t want to stay. These men didn’t trust him. If he stayed, it would just be like all the other times when he thought he would be able to stay in one place for more than six months.
His feet carried him to the front door and he pulled out his wallet; he’d always kept a spare pick locking set in there. It only took a matter of seconds before he was able to push the thick wooden door open. He stepped into the interior and searched the large entryway. He had no idea where they would have put his bag. A search of the bedrooms was his first choice, after that he would have to make a more thorough search.
The main bedroom was a failure but young Adam’s room was a success. His bag was sitting in the corner of the room that was close to the set of drawers. He quickly retrieved it and began to make his way to the front door.
He closed it behind him and ran down the steps, he regretted it immediately. The bouncing movement caused the pain to erupt in his abdomen. His body bent over which made the pain even worse. Ezra turned around and moved to the large railing that surrounded the veranda that made its way around the house. He straightened and leaned against it. The change of position helped but the original pain was still there. He gripped the railing tightly and tried to wait it out.
Ezra was so involved with the pain that he didn’t hear the cars pull to a stop behind him, he didn’t hear the car doors open then close. His name was called but he didn’t hear the voice. The pain was becoming too much.
“Ezra . . . you okay?” Nathan stepped up beside him and reached out to him.
The ex-medic could see the grimace of pain that included eyes that were tightly closed, teeth that were clenched and the sweat that was forming on the forehead and upper lip.
“Ezra, let’s get you inside so I can check you over.” Nathan tried to pry Ezra’s fingers from the railing but it was difficult.
“No . . . I’ll be fine in a minute.
Nathan frowned, the Southerner wasn’t even surprised that they were here with him.
“You’re better off inside, it’s getting cold out here.” Nathan gripped Ezra’s shoulder with his left hand and placed his right arm around his shoulders.
“Are you doing this because you’ve been given orders.”
Nathan flinched at the remark. “No, I care . . .”
“You only care because you know what happened to me, and it’s not caring, it’s fucking pity!” Ezra bent and placed an arm around his stomach. “Aw shit it hurts!”
“Josiah, can you help me get him inside.”
“Do you want to walk Ezra, or do you want to be carried in?” Josiah looked into the pain-filled features of the undercover agent.
“I’ll walk . . . “
Ezra only took two steps then his legs began to buckle under the pain. Josiah easily picked him up and began to carry him into the cabin.
“Put me down!” Ezra growled through gritted teeth.
“Not until you’re inside and on a bed Ezra.”
“I’m not a child, I am capable of walking on my . . . OW, and watch were you’re going damnit! I hurt enough as it is.”
“What was that you said about not being a child.” Josiah stood in front of the door and waited for Chris to open it.
Once he had access, he went straight to Adam’s room and placed Ezra on the bed. He immediately put out a restraining hand when Ezra tried to sit up.
Josiah then began to undo Ezra’s shirt. He found it difficult to do because of the shaking hands that were insisting that he stop.
“Ezra!” Josiah growled down at him. “I’m just trying to help you, you stubborn bastard!”
“The last person who called me a stubborn bastard proceeded to beat the living daylights out of me. Are you going to do that as well.”
“I’m not your Uncle Ezra, and I don’t care what you say to me, I’m going to give you my help whether you want it or not.”
“I don’t want your help,” Ezra choked on his emotions, “why can’t you understand that.”
“How’s he doing?” Nathan walked into the room, his bag in his hand.
“I’m doing fine!” Ezra snapped.
“Has the pain eased at all?” Nathan sat on the side of the bed and began to examine Ezra’s abdomen.
“I feel fine.”
Nathan pressed against the surgical wound and was rewarded with a cry of pain.
“This is why you should have stayed at the hospital Ezra, you need to rest for at least a week, if you keep going like this you’re going to end up back there and you won’t have a choice in the matter.”
“I’ll rest when I get where I’m going.”
“You’ll rest here, or you rest in the hospital.” Nathan waited for an answer but he didn’t get one. “I’m not the enemy here Ezra, I’m giving you a choice. You can rest here, if you don’t then you’re going to end up in the hospital and I know you don’t want to go there. “ he paused for a moment. “Do you?”
“No.” Ezra whispered.
“Then you’ll stay here?”
“What will happen if I don’t?”
“I told you Ezra . . . “
“I know what you told me Mr Jackson, I want to know what will happen to put me in hospital.
“I’m not going to give you a medical list Ezra, you’ve got enough sense to know what will happen. All I’m going to tell you is that you need to rest. I want you to stay in bed for at least another three days, then light physical activity for a couple of days, then you can go.”
“Five days.”
“That’s all Ezra, five days, you should feel a lot better by then.” Nathan explained.
“Five days.”
“Yes.”
“Five days.”
“I’ll take that as a yes you’ll stay.”
“I don’t want to go back to the hospital.”
“Okay, that’s good.” Nathan smiled. “When did you last take your pain medication?”
“Back at the office, I took one.”
“Where’s the medication.”
Ezra lifted a hand and pointed to Chris’ coat jacket.
“Have you been taking them when you’re supposed to?”
“Mr Jackson, it’s only been a couple of hours since I left the hospital, there hasn’t been time to take one every four
hours.”
“You take one if you need it Ezra!”
“I did,” Ezra retorted, “I just told you that’d I’d taken one.”
“Well, you need to take another one.” Nathan smiled down at him.
Ezra glanced at Josiah. “Is this what it’s going to be like for the next five days?”
“If you do exactly as you’re told, you don’t answer back, and you don’t do anything you’re not supposed to do, then,” Josiah shrugged, “it won’t be that bad.”
“You could go back to the hospital if you want.” Nathan warned him.
Ezra growled, showing his white teeth at Nathan.
“That doesn’t scare me Ezra, I’ve taken care of worse patients than you.”
“Somehow, I don’t think so.” Josiah muttered under his breath.
The two men changed the direction of their stubborn glares.
***
“How is he?” Chris asked when Nathan and Josiah left his son’s room.
“He’s in pain.” Nathan explained.
“Nathan!”
“He’s been doing too much, stretching his stomach, pulling the stitches and incision, that sort of thing, he’ll be fine after a few days rest.” Nathan slumped into the large chair in front of the fire. It was going to be a long five days for both patient and ex-medic.
“When can we talk to him?” Vin asked as he walked into the living area with a tray of mugs full of steaming coffee.
“I’d give him a couple of days, his mood is also as bad as the pain he’s feeling.”
“I don’t know how you’re going to talk him into staying.” Buck shook his head and took one of the offered mugs.
“That’s Vin’s area. I can’t think of anything else to say to him.” Chris told the group.
“Do we want him to stay?” JD asked. He saw the expressions that were sent his way. “I mean before this happened, only Chris and Vin liked him, the rest of us thought he was an asshole that didn’t belong.”
“Never judge a book by its cover.” Josiah quoted. “We didn’t try and open the book to see what’s inside.”
“He’s not going to open up anyway, not for a while at least.” Chris took a sip of the coffee and grimaced. For some reason, Vin liked it strong, too strong as far as Chris was concerned. “When are you going to learn to make a decent pot of coffee?”
“I make a great pot of coffee.” Vin protested. “When are you going to learn how to appreciate a fine cup of coffee.”
“When I drink one that tastes good.”
“Last time I make coffee for you.”
“Uh Chris.” Buck gave him a worried look, “you still haven’t answered my question about being gay.”
“First Ezra and now you!” JD’s mouth dropped open.
“I’m not gay JD and neither is Ezra!” Chris growled at him.
“But Buck just said . . . and at the meeting . . . Ezra said he’d told the Judge that . . . “ JD stumbled through the words.
“He was being an asshole JD,” Chris tried to remind him.
“Oh, so he isn’t,”
Chris shook his head.
“And you’re not.”
“No!”
“Oh.”
“I really don’t know where you get your ideas from JD.” Buck nudged him with an elbow.
“You just said.”
“No I didn’t, I asked if he was, there’s a difference you know.”
“So, are you?” Vin leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
“I’m going for a walk before I shoot someone.” Chris muttered then stormed out of the room.
***
Ezra woke feeling better than he had in days; well physically anyway, emotionally he had no idea. He stretched his legs under the thick blankets and sighed when he realised he wouldn’t be able to do the same with his upper body. He opened his eyes and squinted at the sun that shone through the window. Judging by its position, he decided that it was at least mid-day. Lunchtime and he was actually feeling hungry. He didn’t want to leave the warm, comfortable bed, not yet anyway. He’d wait a bit longer then get up. Ezra rolled back onto his side and snuggled down into the pillow. Just when he was about to fall back to sleep, a soft knock at the door caused him to open his eyes.
The door opened and Nathan stepped into the room. He was carrying a tray of food. Ezra couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the sight of a huge salad chicken sandwich.
“I take it you’re hungry.” Nathan returned the smile.
“Starving Mr Jackson.” Ezra pushed himself up into a sitting position and allowed Nathan to place the tray over his legs.
“Enjoy,” Nathan told him, “I’ll come back later to get the leftovers. There’s also another pain killer there if you need it, if not just leave on it the night stand until later.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” That was all Nathan was going to say, if he said anything more, he’d probably ruin it for both of them. Ezra was in a good mood and he wasn’t going to spoil it.
***
The next two days were spent in much the same way. Ezra slept when he was able to, someone brought him food, which he ate it. In between, when he had the strength, he would shower and shave. No one tried to talk to him during that time in regards to staying with the team. They didn’t want him to get up leave, not when he still wasn’t one hundred percent, although that would still take a few weeks.
On the fourth day, he was able to leave the bed and walk out into the chill of the fresh air. Nathan had fussed over him, making sure that he wore a thick coat and didn’t stay out to long. The evening was spent in front of a roaring fire, a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows in his hand - that had been JD’s idea - listening to the group of men talk about the last fishing trip they had taken. Ezra didn’t know if he would like fishing on not. It seemed to be a calming sport but also boring at the same time.
The antics the men had gotten up to on that particular trip made his smile. But he wouldn’t fit into that group, he didn’t know how to have fun. Yes, he had a sarcastic wit and could easily hold his own against anyone when it came to throwing one-liners, but to actually mix with a group of men and take part in an enjoyable activity without resorting to one-liners, he couldn’t do that.
The fifth day was different. It started out the same as the fourth but Ezra could feel the tension that began to fill the house. This was his last day, he would be leaving in the morning and he was sure they were going to try to talk him into staying. He didn’t want to take part in any sort of discussion that involved that particular topic.
Ezra was sitting on the front steps, searching for the easiest car to jump-start so he could make a quick getaway if he needed to. He didn’t know if they were going to physically restrain him or allow him to leave. These men seemed to be full of surprises, he never knew what they were going to do from one minute to the next.
His shoulders tightened when he heard the front door open, and the steps that told him two people were about to sit next to him. He knew who it was without looking at them. Vin Tanner sat down at his left and Josiah Sanchez sat on his right.
“I’m not staying and I don’t want to discuss it.” Ezra told them before they could even start.
“Not even a little bit?” Vin questioned him.
“Not even a little bit Mr Tanner.” Ezra glared sideways at him. “One word and I walk.”
Ezra was prepared to leave when he was ready. His bag was close by, there was enough money in there for a bus ticket to anywhere. All he needed was the transport to get back to town. If he wasn’t able to steal a car, he’d walk, simple as that.
“You enjoying the weather Ezra?” Josiah asked him.
“Beautiful Mr Sanchez.”
“It’s always like this before winter, a chill in the air, but not enough to stop a person from sitting out here and enjoying it.”
“I’m sure.”
“Summer get pretty warm though, but the lake is enough to cool you down, follow that with a couple of cold beers and the fish of the day. Perfect way to spend a summer evening. You should try it sometime Ezra, you’d like it.”
“I don’t believe I would.”
“How would you know unless you tried it.”
“I’ve tried it, I didn’t like it.”
“You haven’t tried it with us Ezra.”
“Excuse me Mr Sanchez, but I think it’s time I leave.”
“Ezra!”
“Vin, would you like to give me a lift into town, or would you prefer that I walk.” Ezra stood up and looked down at the sharp shooter.
“Ezra, I . . . “
“Fine, I’ll walk, it’s a nice day for a long walk anyway. No doubt I would be able to hitch a ride once I reach the main road.”
“Ezra . . . why can’t you see sense.” Vin stood up and followed the Southerner into the house.
“I’m not blind Mr Tanner.” Ezra reached down and picked up the bag that sat near the front door, he turned to find Vin standing in front of him. “We’re not going to go through this again are we.”
“No Ezra we’re not, but just let me say this. You are a fucking idiot. If you’re not blind, you should be able to see what you could have here. A job, a place to call home, but most important, friends. Friends that are willing to care about you. We’re trying to help you Ezra and all you can do is throw it back in our faces. Now I understand why you don’t have any friends, it has nothing to do with anyone else, it’s all you. You’re the problem and I’ve just decided that if this is what you’re really like then I don’t want any part of you.” Vin stood to the side. “Go on then, piss off, we’ll probably be better off without you anyway. You’re selfish Ezra and you’re going to rot in hell and die alone.”
Ezra smiled on the outside but on the inside he’d felt like he had been punched in the stomach.
“Good bye Mr Tanner.”
Ezra walked out the door. He didn’t glance at Josiah or say a word to him. His movements were slow as he walked down the steps but they quickened once he reached the dirt track that would take him away from these men.
***
Ezra had only walked four miles and he could already feel the sweat that had soaked into his shirt. His wound ached, much like it had four days ago. This wasn’t the light physical activity that Nathan was talking about. Blisters on the soles of his feet burned themselves into his brain - the shoes he was wearing were not made for walking, they didn’t exactly fit very well. He wasn’t going to make it, it was something he had realised two miles back. Either he turned around or he kept going until he collapsed. He decided on the latter, he wasn’t going to swallow his pride and go back there, especially after what Vin had said to him.
His body froze when he heard a car engine, they were coming after him, to drag him back. He wasn’t going, he’d fight them to the death if he had to. He turned his head to look over his shoulder and cursed at the sight that was coming towards him. Chris Larabee in his black dodge. Ezra began walking again. He was in the middle of the road and had no intention of moving over. Chris wasn’t going to pass him, he was going to pull up beside him and demand that he get in the car so he could take him back to the cabin.
Ezra stayed calm, even when he could feel the engines warm breath against his legs. It didn’t even occur to him that Chris might accidentally hit him from behind. The man wasn’t that desperate anyway.
“Ezra!”
He wasn’t going to answer, if he answered, it meant that he was going to have to look at him.
“I’m not going to ask you to come back!” Chris yelled over the engine. “Just thought it would be easier for you if you got a ride to where ever it is you’re going.”
The Southerner stopped again and waited for the touch of the bumper as it softly hit the back of his legs. It didn’t happen. He walked around the front of the car and got into the passenger side.
“Where do you want to go?”
“The airport.”
Chris nodded and drove on.
Silence filled the vehicle when each man refused to start up a conversation. Chris knew it was useless to even try. Ezra was a stubborn bastard that refused to give into what he really wanted out of life. Chris wasn’t sure if Ezra couldn’t or wouldn’t trust them, he supposed it could have been a bit of both. Ezra didn’t want to talk for fear of the conversation turning towards the idea of him staying.
Ezra watched the scenery pass by. The city of Denver was more or less like any other city he’d been to. Every city had something different, but the streets, the buildings, the people and the attitudes were the same. He glanced at Chris when he pretended to look at something on the other side of the highway. The man looked . . . well . . . he looked as though he no longer cared. Ezra quickly turned away. Isn’t that what he wanted. Yes, it was he told himself. It would make the departure from this vehicle easier. There would be no goodbyes, just continued silence.
The time it took to get to the airport was longer than Ezra had thought it would be. When Chris parked the vehicle in the no parking zone, Ezra hesitated for a moment. There was still only silence like he thought there would be, but now it was an uncomfortable silence. He felt he should say goodbye, thank Chris for what he had done for him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do. Ezra waited for Chris to say something but Larabee was staring out the window.
Ezra looked down at his hands then grabbed his bag and got of the car. Without a backward glance, he walked away and stepped through the automatic doors into the airport. He wanted to find a hiding place and watch Chris drive away but there wasn’t anything big enough to hide him. If Chris saw him looking, he might think that he wanted to stay. Ezra kept moving until he reached the line for domestic flights. He wasn’t sure where he was going yet, he’d make up his mind when he reached the counter.
***
Washington. Where in the hell did he get the idea to go to Washington. What sort of place was Washington. Like he was going to be able to get work there. But then again he could become a politician, he certainly knew how to lie, how to be cold and not care about what people wanted. Or he could just go back to what his mother had taught him all through his childhood. Con, cheat and gamble. ‘Look after number one Ezra, no one else, not even your mother.’ That’s what she always told him. It took a few years for him to realise that she consider herself number one, and that meant that if she had to choose between herself and her son, her son would lose. But then again his mother had always thought of herself first.
Ezra sat in the coffee lounge drinking a warm cup of coffee. His flight wasn’t due to depart for another hour. He looked at the clock on the wall. Another fifty-eight minutes and fourteen . . . fifteen seconds. A painkiller, that’s what he needed, something to make him feel numb.
The words that Vin had said to him with so much anger become to nag him. Tanner had actually told him. ‘You’re selfish Ezra and you’re going to rot in hell and die alone.’ He didn’t want to die alone. He had lived alone all his life so far. Did he want to continue to live alone. Did he really want to die alone. If there was life after death, he’d probably exist alone there as well. He rubbed his tired face with his hand. He was so sick of his life. Nothing had ever gone right.
Larabee offered him everything he had ever wanted. Why was it so hard for him to take it, even if he took only a small part of the new life offered to him a bit at a time. He didn’t have to rush into and he was sure they wouldn’t push him into taking it all at once. The fact that Chris was no longer pushing him proved that. Vin had also given up on him.
‘Now I understand why you don’t have any friends, it’s got nothing to do with anyone else, it’s all you.’ That wasn’t all true. There were times when he wanted and accepted friendship but his mother always tore him from it, leaving him crying in pit of loneliness that he had been thrown back into. It wasn’t until later in life that he no longer wanted friends.
‘You’re the problem and I’ve just decided that if this is what you’re really like then I don’t any part of you.’ He was this way for a reason. He no longer wanted to be hurt, he’d suffered to much already. But wasn’t he suffering now. Wasn’t loneliness worse that being around a group of men that wanted to be his friends. Did he want to accept that friendship and offer them his own.
‘We’ll probably be better off without you anyway.’ Vin was right there. They would be better off without him, but would he be better off without them. He was talking about six men, not one or two but six. Was he willing to throw himself into the deep end.
There was also the job. A job that had become his life. He could have it all back. A list, he could write up a list of conditions and if they attempt something that they’re not supposed to, he could leave again. It would be easy enough. Ezra smiled, it all sounded easy, actually doing it was the hard part. The clock told him he still had thirty-two minutes and ten seconds until his flight was going to be called. He grabbed a napkin and took a pen from his bag and began to write.
When he had finished the list of conditions, he checked the time. Five minutes, he had to make a decision that could change his life in five minutes. That was the point though wasn’t it. He wanted to change his life. Damn it! He grabbed his bag and stormed away from the counter. What did he have to lose anyway, it couldn’t be any worse than any other time he had stayed.
He needed a taxi, he also didn’t have the cash to pay for one that would take him back to Chris’ ranch. He didn’t really have to go that far, a hotel would be fine and he could show up at the office tomorrow for his first day of his new permanent position. That sounded good. Then he remembered the shrink. Ezra supposed he could wait a couple of weeks, settle in and if knew that he was going to stay longer then he would agree to talking to someone.
Ezra felt the doors close behind him. He was about to search for a taxi but saw something that made him smile in admiration. This was it, now or never. Ezra stepped forward, tore the parking ticket off the dodge’s windscreen and hopped into the passenger seat.
“Not one word Mr Larabee, we will discuss this over a good meal and a cold beer.”
“Whatever you say Ezra.” Chris smiled widely. Something had told him that Ezra wasn’t going to leave. He decided he would wait a few hours and see what happens. A parking ticket is what happened. Even his badge didn’t get him out of it, but the Judge would.
“That was four words Mr Larabee.” Ezra put his sunglasses on and leaned back in the seat. He closed his eyes and relaxed. Wait until they saw the list of conditions.
***
“What do you mean no social activities for at three months?” Buck asked through a mouthful of pizza.
“It means that I don’t plan on being sociable for a while.” Ezra explained.
“Why not?”
“Well so far, I know that you fish, that’s all. I’m not going to commit myself until I know what you like to do.”
“You can’t fish Ezra, or you don’t know how to.” Vin smiled and nudged Buck who choked on his pizza.
“You put a worm on a hook, throw it in the water, a fish comes along and bites it, the hook goes through its mouth and then you pull it in. Now, how easy can that be.”
“Who guts it and cooks it?” Buck leaned forward.
“Uh, don’t they come that way when you catch them.” Ezra’s face wore an expression of pure innocence.
“What about video games Ez, I like . . . “ JD started.
“Mr Larabee, can you read condition number three please.” Ezra asked him.
“No nicknames or shortening of the first or last name.” Chris read then glanced up at Ezra. The man had obviously thought about this.
“Mr Dunne, you had to have studied enough English at school to know how to pronounce two syllables.”
“Of course I did.” JD protested.
“You also want to stay in a hotel until you find your own place.” Chris read the next condition.
“That’s correct.”
“Here’s one for Buck and Vin.” Chris couldn’t help but chuckle. Ezra was going to fit in better than he would have expected. “No practical jokes until the sixth month of employment.”
“You like practical jokes Ezra?” Buck’s mouth dropped open.
“I’m one of the best Mr Wilmington.”
“Second best,” Vin corrected him, “I’m the best.”
“No you’re not,” Buck growled, “I am.”
“I am.” Vin continued to argue.
“Who was the one that replaced the sugar with salt . . . oh shit.” Buck crouched further down into his chair.
“That was you!” Chris glared at his long time friend.
“Number five is the most important of the conditions, if you do not agree to it then, well, I’m going to have to leave.”
“Again.” Nathan snorted.
Ezra glared at him, it was an expression that they would become very familiar with.
“You won’t start work until nine in the morning.” Chris thought it was laughable.
“Yes, I need my beauty sleep.”
“We usually start at seven, earlier if we’re on a case.”
“WHAT!” it was Ezra’s turn to choke on his beer. “You can’t be serious.”
“Very serious Ezra.”
“Thank God I put that condition in.”
Chris narrowed his eyes then continued to read the conditions. “Own office, works alone, ATF pays for any damage to clothes, no discussion about your past, won’t take part in menial labour, you have a right to call everyone Mr.”
“You’re not going a bit far here are you Ezra?”
“It’s my life I’m playing with Mr Larabee, I want to do it my way or no way. I can’t rush into it.”
Chris nodded.
“Buck can’t be allowed to make the coffee . . . “
“There is nothing wrong with my fucking coffee!” Buck growled.
“They all seem reasonable.” Chris shrugged. “Except the nine am start.”
“I will not give in on that one Mr Larabee.”
“Eight.”
“Eight thirty.”
“Eight fifteen.
“Nine fifteen.
“That’s not the way you do it son.” Josiah smiled at him.
Ezra grabbed the napkin and scribbled on it. He shoved it into Chris’ face.
Chris raised his eyebrows and looked at Ezra then Josiah. “If anyone calls me son, they will be knocked flat on their back and will continue to stay there for at least a week.”
“Back to the comprise.” Ezra turned back to Chris.
“Uh, eight thirty.” Chris stumbled.
“Nine thirty.”
“Ezra!” Buck warned him.
“Listen and learn Mr Wilmington.”
“Seven.” Chris growled and leaned forward in his chair.
“Nine.”
“Done.”
Ezra toasted to the agreement.
“I want to start at nine as well.” JD told Chris.
“Excuse me.”
“Seven’s fine.” JD hunched over his beer.
“Do I have to sign this Ezra?” Chris eyed him with caution.
“All of you do.”
“And what do you sign?” Vin asked him.
“My transfer papers.”
“Done.” Chris agreed again then handed the napkin around for everyone to sign.
“Welcome aboard Ezra, you start on Monday.”
“Thank you.”
“We realise you’ve made a big decision here Ezra,” Josiah explained what they were all thinking, “and we’re not going to let you down.”
“I’m taking one more chance with my life Mr Sanchez so you better not. None of you will.”
“None of us will Ezra.” Chris assured him. “None of us will let you down.”
The End
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
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