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azombiewritesTitle: Delayed Reactions
Seventeenth story in 'The Continuing Ezra Standish Saga'
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bad writing ahead!
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Summary: Ezra receives a head injury but does not suffer from the symptoms until hours later causing him to be placed in a dangerous situation that nearly costs him his life.
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the seven.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Beta: Not betaed – written in the early days when I didn’t know what the words grammar and edit meant. *is ashamed but no longer care*
Notes: Seventeenth story in the ‘Continuing Ezra Standish Saga’.
Spoilers: None.
Total Word Count: 24,715
Ezra slammed the door closed behind him and began to pace the small room, his shaking hands running through his hair in a nervous attempt to control his anger and the memory, he then pulled at his shirt as he continued to walk back and forth. He didn't hear the door open or Vin calling his name, he jumped when he felt the hand on his shoulder.
"You okay Ezra?" Vin asked him, the worry sounding in his voice.
"I'm fine." Ezra pushed him away and went to his bed, he sat down and then allowed himself to fall onto his back, he lifted his left arm to cover his eyes, his headache was getting worse. "Why are you here?"
"I brought some food, you still need to eat something Ezra." Vin moved forward and sat down on the bed next to him, he slapped his shoulder with his free hand. "Sit up Ezra and eat something please."
Ezra removed his arm and looked up at Vin, he hesitated for a moment as he thought about it, he pushed himself up and took one of the biscuits from him. It took him a while but he finally managed to eat four of the biscuits, his stomach continued to protest as he ate, he had to stop a couple of times when he thought that he was going to throw up but the food had stayed down. Vin was satisfied with that so he didn't try to force him to eat anymore.
"You want some coffee or water to wash them down?" Vin asked him.
Ezra nodded his head and lay back down on the bed. He closed his eyes against the headache that was threatening to become even worse and he grimaced when he felt the bed shift underneath him as Vin stood up. He changed his position on the bed and made his head more comfortable on the pillow, he was asleep within minutes, allowing the new nightmares to begin.
***
Chris sat in his own little world, the concern and fear for his friend taking control of both his mind and heart, every time he thought that Ezra was getting somewhere he would put his wall back up and throw their offer of help back in their faces. He had to do something, Ezra needed to deal with it, or else he will forever be in the torrent of emotions that he hated, he had to accept them or something terrible was going to happen. He was seriously thinking that Ezra might do something as stupid as harming himself just to stop the feelings that he wanted to control.
He didn't notice as the noise in the saloon became louder with the new patrons, didn't see the bright sunlight that was now beginning to fill the room. It had crept along the floor to the table that he and the others were sitting at as though it was looking for one person in particular, it stayed unmoving for a few moments and then continued on its search. His eyes turned to the balcony above them, it was still covered by shadows that seemed to be protecting the person that preferred it to the bright light that was looking for him.
Chris jumped out of his chair and ran to the stairs when he saw Vin slowly walking down them, his heart was beating fast as the fear gripped it. He stopped Vin at the bottom of the stairs and stared at him, the words not wanting to form the question that he dreaded but he forced himself to ask it. He knew that it would not be serious, if it were Vin would be reacting differently but something had to have happened, Vin wouldn't have left Ezra alone otherwise.
"What's wrong?" Chris demanded, he was unable to hide the growing fear and anger from his voice.
"Nothing Chris, Ezra's fine, I'm just getting him some coffee." Vin had never seen the gunslinger show so much anger towards him before this moment, it shocked him to the core and he couldn't voice his protest at the unrelenting outburst.
"You left him alone! I told you not to! Hell Vin, I never thought you were this stupid, what if Ezra tries to . . . ." Chris threw his hands up in the air and pushed Vin to the side. "Am I the only one who's worried that Ezra might do something to hurt himself!" He yelled back at him as he ran up the stairs two at a time.
Chris burst into the gambler's bedroom, slamming the door, causing it to hit the wall once more, it bounced back hitting him on the arm as it protested against the way people used it to show the anger that they felt when they entered the room. He scowled at it then looked at Ezra who had been jerked awake by the loud noise.
"What the hell are you doing?" Ezra muttered as he tried to focus his vision, his head now felt like it was going to explode and he knew the sudden noisy entry into his room didn't help the pain that he was feeling. He allowed himself to fall back on to the pillow, wincing as it caused even more pain to shoot through his skull.
"I'm sorry Ezra, I didn't know you were asleep." Chris moved closer to the bed. "Ezra?" He sat down on the bed and watched as Ezra's face contorted in pain. He could see the even rise of his chest and realised he had fallen back to sleep but the expression that he had just held told him that he was in some sort of pain, he must of hurt himself when he fell, he would have to get Nathan to check him again.
"He was fine Chris," Vin explained to him as he entered the room, he closed the door, it didn't make a noise, it was glad that someone had used it for its actual purpose, "he wasn't going to do anything, I wouldn't have left him alone if I thought he was going to do something like that."
"I know Vin, I'm sorry." Chris bowed his head sideways, his eyes never leaving Ezra's pale features. "I'm worried about him."
"Scared too." He nodded as his eyes connected with Chris's, he had looked up when he heard Vin's words. "We all are Chris."
"I'm starting to think that he's never going to get over this, he just keeps going backwards." Chris allowed the emotion that he felt to sound in his voice and show on his face.
"He'll get there with our help Chris." Vin assured him.
"I don't know, yesterday I would have agreed with you but today, he's different today, it's not just from getting up early. I don't think he can take it anymore Vin, that's what's got me scared." He leaned over and brushed the loose hair from Ezra's forehead, another grimace crossed the handsome features as Chris's fingers brushed across his face.
"He looks like he's in pain." Vin observed.
"That's what I thought." Chris agreed with him. "You want to go and get Nathan, so he can take a better look at him while he's asleep."
"Sure." Vin walked away, leaving Chris sitting with Ezra, his hand continuing to move the now non-existent loose hair from his face, a grimace appeared each time that he did this, causing him to stop so he wouldn't wake him. He looked down at Ezra's limp hand, it was lying on the bed in front of him, the fingers curled towards the ceiling, it twitched,
Chris looked up to see Ezra's face express the pain that he was obviously feeling. Chris laid his own hand over Ezra's, squeezing it gently, the hand continued to twitch. Chris stood up when he heard the door open, he moved away from the bed so Nathan would have more room to work. Vin stood by his side and they watched as Nathan used his hands to first feel Ezra's limbs, his ribs and his skull, he lifted the eyelids again to check his pupils. He looked up at Chris and Vin, shaking his head to indicate that he had found nothing wrong, he gently rolled Ezra onto his back and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. His hands stopped in mid air as he heard the slight groan come from the gambler, after a few moments he continued what he was doing. Nathan pulled the shirt open and checked for any bruising that might have occurred during the fall but he found none. He felt the gambler's forehead for a fever and then checked his pulse.
"He seems okay physically, his pulse is weaker than it should be but that would be because he's hardly eaten in the last few days and he's still not back to his full strength yet. There's no swelling or bruising anywhere, so he hasn't twisted any limbs or bruised his ribs and I can't find anything that would tell me he hit his head when he fell." Nathan told them as he watched the grimace of pain show on Ezra's face. "I'll have to ask him what's wrong when he wakes up."
Ezra rolled away from Nathan, turning his back on him as though he had heard what he said and was already refusing his help. Nathan leant over him and began doing some of the buttons of his shirt back up, he watched the features that were no longer peaceful, a permanent grimace was now on Ezra's face.
"Why don't you guys go and get some rest." Nathan didn't look up at them as he spoke. "I'll watch him for a while, see if I can figure out why he's in pain."
"I'll stay with you." Chris told him as he watched Ezra's back, seeing the shoulder blades pushing against the shirt, he didn't realise how much weight his friend had lost.
"Did you get any sleep last night Chris?" Nathan finally turned his eyes away from Ezra and looked into the worried blue eyes of their leader. Nathan knew by the expression that came over his face. "You go and get some rest, I don't want to have to look after you as well, I've already got my hands full with Ezra."
"You'll let me know when he wakes up." Chris asked, he didn't want to leave him, not now.
Nathan nodded his head in agreement as he looked back down at Ezra, he had rolled back over onto his back. Nathan got up and moved to the chair that still faced the gambler's bed, he sat down and made himself comfortable, he thought that he was going to be there for a while. "Go away Chris and let someone else worry about him for a change." Nathan said a little harshly.
"He's right Chris, let's leave him be for a while." Vin gently took his arm and led him out of the room.
"What did he mean by that comment?" Chris asked Vin as he was dragged out of the room.
"He doesn't mean anything by it Chris." Vin told him as he shut the door cutting off the rest of the conversation.
***
Nathan had been watching Ezra for a few hours when the nightmare began. The tossing was slight at first but became more violent as the nightmare grew in intensity, his whimpering became shouts of despair, the tears fell from behind the closed eyelids, wetting the gambler's face just as the sweat soaked his shirt and caused his hair to cling to his scalp. Nathan wanted to wake him but he hesitated, the nightmare wasn't the same as before it was different, he listened to Ezra's mutterings and shouts but was unable to understand what he was saying. He assumed that the nightmare held no fear for Ezra. He seemed to be only suffering from some emotional turmoil from his past. Nathan knew that it wasn't his Uncle, it was something else, he just couldn't work out what it was and he knew that Ezra wasn't going to tell him so he waited, hoping that Ezra would give him some sort of clue so he could work out what was now plaguing his dreams.
He was about to move to the bed to wake him when Ezra sat up with a jerk, the scream escaping from his throat, it was cut short when Ezra put his face in his hands. Nathan could see his shoulders shaking, his body was wracked by the tears that were trying to escape through his hands. Nathan moved a little more quickly to the bed and placed his hand on Ezra's shoulder causing another scream to escape from him as he jerked away from the touch.
"It's okay Ezra, it's Nathan." He could see the confusion that the green eyes held. "Ezra?"
"Get away from me Nathan!" Ezra spat at him as he pushed himself even further away from the healer, his eyes darting around the room, looking for someone he knew was no longer there, someone who would never be there again. He ran his hands through his hair and jumped up off the bed.
"You want me to get someone else for you, Chris maybe?" Nathan calmly asked him as he watched him begin to pace the length of his bed, his arms crossing and uncrossing in front of his chest.
"What the hell for, I don't need him, I don't need any of you." Ezra turned his back on him and left his room, the door was slammed against the wall again, it stayed there, it had had enough for one day.
Ezra didn't know where he was going, he just needed to get away from everything, the dream he had scared him, he didn't want to go through all of that again and he wasn't going to, no one was going to force this out of him. He stopped at the top of the stairs and closed his eyes, took a deep breath and pushed the memory, emotion to the back of his mind, the wall was rebuilt to hide the memory, and that was where it was going to stay.
He walked down the steps and through the saloon, ignoring the men who gave him questioning glances as he passed their table. He pushed his way through the swinging doors out into the sunlight, the air causing goose bumps to form on his flesh as it connected with the sweat that covered him. He didn't stop there, he walked down the boardwalk and then into the alley. Ezra stopped and looked around the alley, he was confused, he had no idea what he was doing here. He turned around to go back when he saw three of his friends standing in front of the alley, their faces held the confusion that he felt. He knew what they were going to do, he turned to go in the other direction and saw another two of his friends blocking his escape.
Ezra looked for Josiah, he knew that he would help him but he wasn't with them, he frowned as the anger began to grow, they weren't going to let Josiah protect him. "Where's Josiah?" Ezra asked them innocently, he held his anger back until he needed it.
"What?" Chris nearly fell where he stood, he couldn't believe what Ezra had just said, it was as though he had no memory of what had happened earlier. "Aw hell." he muttered at the realisation that Ezra had put up his wall again.
***
Chris was sitting at the table trying to understand what Vin had explained to him, he had been keeping the others away from Ezra, Buck and Josiah had been the only ones he had allowed to really talk to him, the rest of his friends hadn't had the chance. It was also brought to his attention that like Ezra, he hadn't been eating or sleeping and that he had to take care of himself or he was going to end up sick and then what help would he be to Ezra, he wouldn't be there when he did needed him.
He was trying to eat his lunch when he looked up to see Ezra standing at the top of the stairs, his eyes were closed and his face held a look of concentration. For a heart wrenching moment he actually thought that he was going to throw himself down the stairs but the eyes opened again and he walked down the stairs and then straight out of the saloon without even looking at them. Chris knew that he had just woken from one of his nightmares, Ezra's face was damp with a moisture that he knew were tears, he always reacted the same way when he woke up, he wondered if Nathan helped him through the aftermath of the dream. His hair was soaked with sweat, his white shirt clung to his body, he could see the muscle tone through the damp fabric that Ezra had built up in his chest and stomach but knew it wouldn't last if the gambler didn't start eating again, it would soon turn to skin and bone.
Chris turned his eyes back to the stairs to find Nathan already following Ezra, he saw the nod that wanted them to do the same, he pushed his chair away and walked out after them. He saw Nathan's expression and knew that Ezra was in trouble, he turned to see him go into the alley that ran along the saloon. He indicated to Buck and JD to go around the other way to block his way out, he nodded to Vin and Nathan to follow him. They stepped into the alley and watched as Ezra turned to them, they saw the anger as it quickly flashed across his face but it was soon replaced by confusion when he saw Buck and JD at the other end of the alley. Chris's heart then dropped into his stomach when Ezra asked where Josiah was.
"He's at the church." Buck explained to him as he stepped forward, he stopped when Ezra stepped back from him.
"Why isn't he here?" Ezra asked suspiciously, his eyes flicking from the men in front of him to those who were trying to sneak up behind him.
"You told him to stay away remember." Chris explained.
Ezra bowed his head, his forehead creasing as he tried to break through the confusion that clouded his mind. He finally remembered what he had done and why, his head nodding in understanding as he looked back up at Chris.
"Didn't I tell you to go away too."
"You said you didn't want my help." Chris admitted, he looked sideways at Nathan who shrugged in return, he didn't know what was going on either.
"Then go away."
"No." Chris took a couple of tentative steps forward only to see Ezra step away from him.
Buck moved forward while Chris had Ezra distracted and the backward movement from Ezra brought him even closer, he knew that something was wrong and he wanted to get close to him just in case, he didn't realise that what he was planning on doing may cost Ezra his life.
"Go away Mr Larabee." Ezra said calmly but his voice held a cold threatening tone that stopped Chris in his tracks.
"Ezra." Nathan moved slowly passed Chris, he wanted a closer look at the confused gambler, something was wrong and he wanted to find out what it was. "Do you mind if I come closer, I would like to talk to you."
Buck took the opportunity to take a few more steps, Nathan wanted to use his eyes to tell him to wait but he knew that if he looked at him then Ezra would notice and then possibly react in a way he didn't want him to. He waited for an answer from Ezra when he didn't get one, he took another step and then stopped as Ezra began to pace the width of the alley as he had done in his room before he left to come out here. He noticed that he was behaving in an agitated manner, he was running his hands through his hair and then crossing them in front of him, then pulling at his shirt. Nathan frowned, he moved closer but wasn't in time to stop Buck from getting to him first.
"Ezra." Buck whispered in his ear, he was able to get that close to him.
Ezra jumped at the quiet noise and then felt a hand on his arm. He pushed it away and then pushed at the person who was now standing directly in front of him, his eyes glanced down at the gun that was slung to Buck's hip. H
e pulled his gaze back up again and waited for his opportunity to finish what he had wanted to do in the saloon a month ago, he was going to stop the emotions that he couldn't control.
"Ezra?" Buck spoke quietly again, as he held onto his friend and looked into his eyes, he frowned at what he saw.
"Nathan, one of his pupils is larger than the other."
It clicked in Nathan's mind then, the way in which Ezra was acting, it explained it. "He's got a concussion, he must have hit his head when he fell." He held a hand up towards Buck. "Be very careful Buck, the concussion will make him confused and angry and that may cause him to do something he normally wouldn't do." Nathan stepped forward. "I want you to move away from him Buck, slowly and carefully."
Ezra had his head tipped to the side, he was listening to what Nathan was saying, his eyes slowly moved back to the man in front of him, he saw that Buck's eyes were turned towards the healer.
"BUCK!" Chris yelled to him as he saw Ezra's hand go for his gun, he pulled it out of the holster with lightening speed and then aimed it towards Buck. Everyone and everything else froze.
"Go away Buck." Ezra growled at him.
"Ezra, just take it easy, we only want to talk to you that's all." Buck put his hands up in a calming manner, he heard the gun being cocked.
"I said go away." Ezra repeated as he became more agitated.
"Ezra you know we only want to help you, why won't . . . "
"Back off Buck!" Chris yelled at him.
Buck didn't want to go, he had to stay close enough to grab him in case he tried to do something with the gun, his heart leap as he remembered what Ezra had said that morning. 'I'm sick of it and at the moment I would do anything to stop it.' No, he wasn't going to go anywhere.
He stood where he was and didn't flinch when the sound of the gun going off exploded in his ear, he felt the breath of the bullet as it passed his face, the gun was then aimed at his forehead.
"Go away Buck." Ezra repeated for the third time, his voice was now full of the anger that he felt towards them and himself but he wouldn't go away.
"I'm not going anywhere Ezra, I'm going to stay right here with you." Buck stated firmly, he knew Ezra wasn't going to shoot him.
Ezra stepped backwards until his back hit the wall of the saloon. He turned his eyes quickly to the left and then right to make sure that no one else was coming closer. He looked back at Buck and blinked his eyes a couple of times to clear his blurred vision.
"Did you see that Chris, his vision is becoming blurred." Nathan explained to Chris when he was able to get his voice back, he was stunned and he knew everyone else would be as well, they were shocked when Ezra actually pulled the trigger. "He's going to get sick shortly and then we should be able to get the gun from him."
Chris had moved to stand next to Nathan, he was watching Buck and Ezra carefully. "Let's just hope he doesn't doing anything before then."
"Will you stop pushing me!" Ezra yelled at Buck.
"I'm not pushing Ezra, I'm just going to stay here with you, we don't have to talk." Buck slowly hunched down on his heels, he stayed that way ready to pounce on the gambler when he had the chance.
Ezra did the same, except his sat on his legs, he was beginning to feel dizzy and sick, he didn't know why. His eyes kept moving from Buck to the other men who were standing a few feet away from him, he continued to blink as his vision became less focused. Without realising it, he moved the barrel of the gun to the side of his face and used it to rub his cheek.
"Ezra?" Nathan called to him.
"Yes Nathan." Ezra still wasn't aware of what he was doing, he was becoming confused again.
"Have you got a headache." He watched as Ezra nodded. "Do you feel sick?" Another nod to indicate that he did. Nathan looked sideways at Chris. "Why don't you give Buck his gun back and then I can get you something that will make you feel better." Nathan carefully took another step towards Ezra and then stopped when he looked up at him.
"No!" Ezra's anger returned, he stared at Buck but saw two of him, he blinked again and tapped the side of his head with the gun hoping that it would clear his vision.
"You've got a concussion Ezra. Will you let me help you, please." Nathan tried.
"And how did I get a concussion?" Ezra asked him.
"You must have hit your head when you fell." He saw the look of confusion. "Remember, this morning you fell, you told me that you didn't hit your head but you must have." He took another step closer. "You don't have to get knocked out to get one Ezra." Another step. "After a matter of hours you suffer the same symptoms, blurred vision, vomiting and then unconsciousness." Another step, he could sense Chris following him. "There's also mood swings, you become confused and angry." He stopped when Ezra's eyes moved to the gun before him, the confused green eyes then turned back to him.
"Get him the hell away from me!" Ezra yelled at him. "I don't want him here!"
"Who Ezra?" Chris asked him, he noticed that Ezra wasn't looking directly at them, he turned and saw Josiah standing behind them.
"I heard the gunshot." Josiah explained to them.
Buck took the chance that he was waiting for and leant forward but Ezra was ready for him, he placed the gun to his temple and cocked the gun so quickly that Buck was shocked, he was beginning to think that he wasn't going to be quick enough to stop him. He sat back down, his hands in front of him. "Take it easy Ezra, it's okay." He felt the tension leave his body when Ezra uncocked the gun and lowered it from his head, this told him that the gun was only a threat, that he wasn't going to shoot himself but he still had to be quicker just in case.
Josiah came forward and looked sideways at Chris and Nathan, he needed an explanation but knew there wasn't time. He stepped passed them and moved closer to Ezra. He was now close enough to see his eyes, he saw the confusion and anger that they held. "Ezra." Josiah spoke firmly.
"Get away from me you son of a bitch!" Ezra yelled again. "I don't want . . . " He stopped what he was saying as he felt his stomach roll, he bowed his head for a moment to wait it out and then saw Buck move towards him again. He quickly moved the gun towards his head, they weren't going to stop him this time, he had to make them understand that he was serious, he pulled the trigger before Buck could stop him.
Buck continued to move forward to catch Ezra's falling body into his arms, allowing his own tears at the gambler's death to flow from his eyes but there wasn't a body to catch, instead he came face to face with the trembling barrel of his own gun. Buck's wet eyes moved to the face that was behind it, the green eyes were now full of pain as well as anger and confusion, his paling face held a look of determination that scared Buck but he was also relieved that Ezra was still alive, he frowned when he saw the blood flowing from the side of Ezra's head.
"Go away Buck." Ezra spoke quietly through a pain-filled haze, his vision was even more blurred now. He hadn't intended to put the gun so close, he just wanted to make sure they knew he was serious, he thought that he was going to miss but he misjudged his aim. He could feel the blood as it flowed from the head wound that he had caused.
"SHIT EZRA!" Chris yelled at him. "What in the hell did you do that for, you didn't need to do that!" He was angry and scared, angry at himself for letting it go this far, scared that Ezra had actually pulled the trigger even if he had missed on purpose. 'Damn him, why does he have to be such a stubborn bastard.' he thought to himself and was glad that he hadn't spoken that thought aloud.
"Yes I did." Ezra replied more calmly as he pushed the pain to the back of his mind, he had to concentrate or they would stop him, then he would have to continue to deal with the emotions he just wanted to stop. "Maybe now Buck will go away."
"Buck get the hell away from him!" Chris growled at him, he was scared and he didn't care who knew it. He watched as Buck stood up slowly then step back towards him.
Vin and JD moved in closer from the other side, they could see the blood that flowed from the side of Ezra's head, they knew how close he had come to killing himself.
"Thank god he missed." Nathan muttered.
"He didn't." Buck informed them, he didn't have to look at them to know they were confused. "Why don't you show them Ezra."
Ezra used his left hand to wipe the right side of his forehead, he then held the blood covered fingers up to them so they could see just how serious he was. The sight of his own blood caused the nausea to overcome him once more, he leaned his head back against the wall behind him and lifted the gun towards his head again, making sure that they didn't use the opportunity to try and take it off him but the gun wavered in his hand as it shook. Ezra fought to keep the bile from rising in his throat.
"Oh no." Chris groaned at the sight, he knew that if they gave Ezra the chance to pull the trigger again that he would succeed in what he wanted to do and that was to die. He wasn't going to let that happen, even if he had to take the bullet for him. Nathan's quiet voice brought him out of his thoughts.
"Feel like you’re going to be sick Ezra?" Nathan asked him as he stepped closer to take a closer look at his friend
"No." Ezra muttered as he swallowed the bile.
"Ezra bring your head forward, you'll choke if you throw up with your head back." Nathan was grateful when Ezra actually listened to him and did what he was told, he could see that he was struggling to keep his head up and knew it wouldn't be much longer before he did throw up and that's when they were going to take the gun from him. He looked across at Chris and nodded.
Chris was watching Ezra carefully, he saw Nathan nod out of the corner of his eye and he moved towards the slumped gambler, he nudged Buck on his way past and together they took a step closer to him. Ezra could see them coming closer and he tried to gather the strength he needed to hold the gun up but it fell to his side as he felt the bile rise in his throat, he fell to his left as his stomach violently deposited the breakfast that he had that morning into the dirt by his side.
Everyone moved as one towards Ezra, Vin took the gun allowing his hand to fall limply to his side, he quickly picked Ezra's hand up and held it in his own. Buck grabbed his shoulders and supported him as he continued to throw up, it was only gut wrenching dry heaves now, he didn't have enough food in his stomach to keep going. Chris put his right hand against Ezra's damp head and used his left to wipe the damp hair from his forehead, he made sure he didn't go near the gunshot wound. Nathan put his hand on Ezra's leg and waited for him to finish. Josiah and JD stood back and watched, they wanted to do something but there wasn't enough room for all them.
When his stomach finally finished Ezra tried to push them away but his lack of strength prevented him from doing this, he couldn't help but slump back against Chris's chest, his head falling back onto the gunslinger's shoulder. Ezra couldn't stop someone from placing his hands against his chest and wrapping their arms around him, he felt someone else's hand on his forehead, then as they lifted his eyelids, he turned his head away from them but another hand held his head still.
"He's got a fever and his pupils are still uneven." Nathan told them after he quickly examined Ezra. "Take him up the back stairs to his room."
"Just leave me alone." Ezra whispered hoarsely, he tried to get up but the arms that held him pulled him back against their chest, he could feel the heartbeat of the person holding him, at that moment he found no solace in the comfort that the person was trying to give him. Ezra groaned when he felt the darkness surround his mind and take him into its waiting arms.
"Vin give me hand." Chris was about to pick Ezra up when he heard him groan and then slump further into his arms, his head falling forward onto his chest. "Nathan?"
Nathan used his hand to lift Ezra's head back up. "He's unconscious Chris, take him up to his room. I'll go and get a few things to fix him up." Nathan stood up again. "JD, you can come and give me a hand." He waited a moment and watched Vin and Buck help Chris to pick Ezra up, he walked away with JD following him while Chris and the others took Ezra back to his room.
***
Chris leaned forward in the chair, his hands clasped together above his knees, his eyes watching the floor in front of him, they lifted up to look at the still unconscious figure in the bed but there was still no movement to show that he was waking up again. Ezra had woken a few times but wasn't lucid enough to focus on his surroundings and fell back into unconsciousness in a matter of seconds. It had continued on like this since they had brought him up to his room five hours ago.
Nathan had cleaned and stitched the head wound that Ezra had inflicted upon himself, and then cleaned the blood from his face and hair. He explained to them that Ezra's emotions were made worse by the concussion, it had caused him to become more angry and confused than he was, that he didn't think Ezra would have done what he did if he hadn't hit his head that morning and received a concussion. He also told them that Ezra probably wouldn't remember what happened and if he didn't then it would be best not to tell him.
Chris lifted his eyes again and watched as JD wiped Ezra's face with a damp cloth, it made him remember the conversation that he had had with Vin that morning, he hadn't even realised that he had kept the others away from Ezra. He knew that JD hadn't spent much time with Ezra over the last two weeks but it hadn't been his fault, JD hadn't even complained when he refused his offers to sit with Ezra so he could get some rest. He wasn't going to do that again, JD had spent most of the afternoon taking care of Ezra and he could tell that JD was grateful for the opportunity, they all were.
"Nathan!" JD called him once more as he took Ezra's protesting arm and gently pulled it back down.
Nathan came forward and sat on the bed, he placed a hand against Ezra's face, feeling the coolness of his skin. "His fever has broken." He watched as Ezra's eyelids fluttered and opened, they closed again. "Ezra." The eyes opened again but they were unfocused. "Ezra, it's Nathan, you with me Ezra." The green eyes turned to the sound but it was another few minutes before they focused on the voice's owner.
"Nathan?" Ezra croaked and licked at the dryness of his lips.
"Yeah. How you feeling Ezra?" Nathan wiped the hair away from his forehead while he waited for an answer. Ezra seemed to concentrate for a moment before answering.
"My head hurts like hell and I feel sick." He frowned and then his eyes widened. "I did it, didn't I Nathan. I actually tried to shoot myself."
"Not on purpose Ezra, you got a concussion when you fell down this morning and that had a lot to do with what you did." Nathan tried to explain to him.
"No Nathan, the idea was there, it's been there for a while now." Ezra closed his eyes, turned his head back towards JD, and allowed himself to fall into the darkness of sleep.
Chris dropped his eyes to the floor again, hiding the fear and anger that he felt at that last statement, he was going to talk to Ezra when he woke up again and force some sense into him, he wasn't going to leave him alone until he had his word that he wasn't going to do something so stupid again
***
When Ezra woke again two hours later, the lamps in his room had been lit to stop the oncoming darkness, it had tried to enter the room as it did every evening but it had not been allowed to this time, it waited outside the window for it's turn. Buck was holding Ezra's hand when he felt him try to pull it away from him, he quickly grabbed it again and squeezed it, he saw the grimace on Ezra's face and smiled.
"I'm not letting go Ezra so stop trying." Buck told him.
Ezra tried again but Buck was true to his word, he wasn't going to let go, he turned his head away, he didn't want to look at him or any of the others, he was embarrassed by what he had done, what he tried to do. He tried to roll over but hands pulled him back.
"Ezra I want you to drink some water, you haven't had any for a while." Nathan told him as he pulled him back towards him. He lifted Ezra's head and helped him to drink the water, he didn't fail to notice that he wouldn't open his eyes.
"Are you still feeling sick Ezra?"
"No."
"What about your head. Has the pain eased at all?"
"Yes."
"Can you open your eyes for me Ezra. I want to check your vision."
When Ezra finally opened his eyes Nathan could see the shame that they held, his own heart sunk but he didn't let his feelings show. He held up one finger. "How many do you see?"
"One." Ezra muttered as he quickly closed his eyes again.
"Is your vision blurry at all?" Nathan continued to ask the questions, more to get him talking than anything else.
"No."
"How do you feel otherwise Ezra?" He began to stroke Ezra's face in a comforting way and Ezra opened his eyes and looked straight back at him.
"I feel terrible Nathan and if none of you want anything to do with me anymore I'll understand." Ezra's eyes didn't waver, he was looking for confirmation of what he thought in Nathan's eyes but he didn't see any.
"Where not going anywhere Ezra." Buck told him as he squeezed his hand again.
"Nathan, Buck. Could you give me a minute with him please." Chris asked them as he tried to hold the anger and fear that he had been feeling since Ezra pointed Buck's gun to his head and pulled the trigger but he knew he wouldn't be able to hold it in for long. Nathan and Buck stood at the back of the room with the others.
"Ezra look at me!" Chris growled at him. Ezra had closed his eyes and turned his head away when Chris sat down on the bed. "Ezra! I'm not going to ask you again!"
Ezra reluctantly opened his eyes and turned his head back to Chris, he was shocked by what he saw. Chris's eyes were full of fear and anger.
"I want you to promise me that you won't do anything thing like that again Ezra." Chris spoke as calmly as he could but he didn't receive an answer. "Ezra!" The tone became threatening.
"I promise." Ezra muttered as he turned his head away again.
Chris leant forward, grabbed Ezra’s jaw, and pulled his face back towards him, he didn't realise how hard he was squeezing his fingers into Ezra's flesh, he didn't see the pain that filled his eyes. "That's not good enough. I want you promise Ezra. I want your word." Chris leaned even closer to him. "You scared the hell out of every one of us Ezra, do you hear me. I nearly died when you pulled that trigger and I don't want to go through that again. Your family, do you realise what your death would do to us! DO YOU!" Chris was beginning to yell now and he squeezed Ezra's jaw harder trying to get his thoughts into the stubborn mind that lay before him. "I want you to swear on Sarah's and Adam's grave that you won't put me through that again . . ."
"CHRIS!" Buck shouted at him as he tried to release Ezra's jaw from his grip. "Chris let him go!"
The other men stood back, they knew exactly how Chris felt and they wanted to hear Ezra promise that he wouldn't do it again, Buck was the only one who stepped forward to stop Chris.
Chris blinked his eyes and looked down into Ezra's face, he could see the fear and pain that he had caused him and he took his hand away, his eyes watered at the sight of the finger marks that he caused, he knew would turn into bruises.
"I'm sorry Ezra." He rubbed his eyes and got up off the bed.
"Chris." Ezra winced at the pain in his jaw and waited for Chris to turn around. "I won't do it again. I promise. I'm sorry."
"Just make sure you keep your promise Ezra, I'll never forgive you if you break it." Chris didn't say anymore as he walked out of the room.
Nathan moved forward and sat down on the bed, he carefully checked Ezra's jaw to make sure it was alright. "You're gonna have some nice bruises there Ezra." He smiled down at him. "Chris spoke for all of us Ezra. We don't want you doing that again." He patted his leg. "Why don't you get some sleep, we'll come back later and I'll bring you something to eat." Nathan got up and left the room as well.
Ezra's eyes moved to Buck and waited for his speech. "Never again Ezra." Buck placed his hand against Ezra's face and saw him wince at the touch but he knew it was because his jaw was sore from Chris's grip. "Never again Ezra." He got up and grabbed the guns that his friends had left behind and followed Nathan and Chris out of the room.
Ezra didn't fail to notice that they weren't wearing their guns, his gaze turned to Vin who sat down on the bed. "You want to be alone or would you like one of us to stay a while."
"Alone Vin. I need to think about some things and sort out my thoughts."
"Sure Ezra, I'll come back later. Want me to sneak a drink past Nathan." He smiled at Ezra's response, he was also grateful that his mind was now going to be pre-occupied with thoughts of how to get a whisky bottle pass Nathan.
Ezra looked at JD, he was the last person he wanted to speak to, he looked passed him and saw Josiah standing in the corner. No Josiah was the last person.
"Ezra. What did you go and do that for? Is it all really that bad?" JD asked him quietly.
"Yes it is JD. Maybe I'll tell you about it one day but not now." Ezra muttered as he looked away from him.
"Maybe we can have a game of cards later, I've got plenty of money to lose." JD offered.
"I'd like that JD. Thanks." Ezra looked back at him and watched the smile cross JD's face before he left the room. He didn't want to play cards but if it made JD feel better then he would.
Ezra was now left alone with Josiah, he didn't know where to look, he knew he was still angry at him so he decided to wait to hear what he was going to say but Josiah didn't say anything, he sadly looked at Ezra and then quietly left the room shutting the door behind him.
Ezra closed his eyes and sighed angrily. "You’re just like my father Josiah, you’re exactly like that Bastard."
***
Chris quietly stepped into the falsely lit room and made his way to the bed, Ezra was lying on his stomach with his head facing the chair that had been placed closely to the bed so they could watch him sleep. He sat down and was surprised to hear Ezra's voice.
"Chris?" Ezra muttered as he forced his eyes open.
"Did I wake you?" Chris asked him.
"No, I woke up a few minutes ago." The nightmare was still clear in his mind but his father's face had been a blur, the years had taken his image from his memory.
Chris took note of the damp hair and the blanket that was gathered around him. "Another nightmare?"
"Yes but I don't want to talk about it."
"That's okay Ezra, I wanted to do the talking anyway. I'm sorry about before Ezra, I was angry and scared about what you did. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that, I should have been more understanding." Chris leaned forward and gently touched the small bruises on Ezra's face.
"I didn't really give you a choice Chris." Ezra closed his eyes again. "I was being my usual stubborn self."
"No, there's no excuse Ezra." Chris removed his hand from Ezra's face.
"Yes there is, it's called concern." Ezra smiled slightly.
"Are you going to let us help you through this Ezra?" Chris asked him.
"I'm going to have to Chris, you took my only other option away from me." Ezra spoke quietly as he drifted off to sleep but the words spoke volumes to Chris. Ezra still thought about taking his life but wouldn't do it because he had given his word.
The End
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
Master Fan Fiction List
Seventeenth story in 'The Continuing Ezra Standish Saga'
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bad writing ahead!
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Summary: Ezra receives a head injury but does not suffer from the symptoms until hours later causing him to be placed in a dangerous situation that nearly costs him his life.
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the seven.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Beta: Not betaed – written in the early days when I didn’t know what the words grammar and edit meant. *is ashamed but no longer care*
Notes: Seventeenth story in the ‘Continuing Ezra Standish Saga’.
Spoilers: None.
Total Word Count: 24,715
Ezra slammed the door closed behind him and began to pace the small room, his shaking hands running through his hair in a nervous attempt to control his anger and the memory, he then pulled at his shirt as he continued to walk back and forth. He didn't hear the door open or Vin calling his name, he jumped when he felt the hand on his shoulder.
"You okay Ezra?" Vin asked him, the worry sounding in his voice.
"I'm fine." Ezra pushed him away and went to his bed, he sat down and then allowed himself to fall onto his back, he lifted his left arm to cover his eyes, his headache was getting worse. "Why are you here?"
"I brought some food, you still need to eat something Ezra." Vin moved forward and sat down on the bed next to him, he slapped his shoulder with his free hand. "Sit up Ezra and eat something please."
Ezra removed his arm and looked up at Vin, he hesitated for a moment as he thought about it, he pushed himself up and took one of the biscuits from him. It took him a while but he finally managed to eat four of the biscuits, his stomach continued to protest as he ate, he had to stop a couple of times when he thought that he was going to throw up but the food had stayed down. Vin was satisfied with that so he didn't try to force him to eat anymore.
"You want some coffee or water to wash them down?" Vin asked him.
Ezra nodded his head and lay back down on the bed. He closed his eyes against the headache that was threatening to become even worse and he grimaced when he felt the bed shift underneath him as Vin stood up. He changed his position on the bed and made his head more comfortable on the pillow, he was asleep within minutes, allowing the new nightmares to begin.
***
Chris sat in his own little world, the concern and fear for his friend taking control of both his mind and heart, every time he thought that Ezra was getting somewhere he would put his wall back up and throw their offer of help back in their faces. He had to do something, Ezra needed to deal with it, or else he will forever be in the torrent of emotions that he hated, he had to accept them or something terrible was going to happen. He was seriously thinking that Ezra might do something as stupid as harming himself just to stop the feelings that he wanted to control.
He didn't notice as the noise in the saloon became louder with the new patrons, didn't see the bright sunlight that was now beginning to fill the room. It had crept along the floor to the table that he and the others were sitting at as though it was looking for one person in particular, it stayed unmoving for a few moments and then continued on its search. His eyes turned to the balcony above them, it was still covered by shadows that seemed to be protecting the person that preferred it to the bright light that was looking for him.
Chris jumped out of his chair and ran to the stairs when he saw Vin slowly walking down them, his heart was beating fast as the fear gripped it. He stopped Vin at the bottom of the stairs and stared at him, the words not wanting to form the question that he dreaded but he forced himself to ask it. He knew that it would not be serious, if it were Vin would be reacting differently but something had to have happened, Vin wouldn't have left Ezra alone otherwise.
"What's wrong?" Chris demanded, he was unable to hide the growing fear and anger from his voice.
"Nothing Chris, Ezra's fine, I'm just getting him some coffee." Vin had never seen the gunslinger show so much anger towards him before this moment, it shocked him to the core and he couldn't voice his protest at the unrelenting outburst.
"You left him alone! I told you not to! Hell Vin, I never thought you were this stupid, what if Ezra tries to . . . ." Chris threw his hands up in the air and pushed Vin to the side. "Am I the only one who's worried that Ezra might do something to hurt himself!" He yelled back at him as he ran up the stairs two at a time.
Chris burst into the gambler's bedroom, slamming the door, causing it to hit the wall once more, it bounced back hitting him on the arm as it protested against the way people used it to show the anger that they felt when they entered the room. He scowled at it then looked at Ezra who had been jerked awake by the loud noise.
"What the hell are you doing?" Ezra muttered as he tried to focus his vision, his head now felt like it was going to explode and he knew the sudden noisy entry into his room didn't help the pain that he was feeling. He allowed himself to fall back on to the pillow, wincing as it caused even more pain to shoot through his skull.
"I'm sorry Ezra, I didn't know you were asleep." Chris moved closer to the bed. "Ezra?" He sat down on the bed and watched as Ezra's face contorted in pain. He could see the even rise of his chest and realised he had fallen back to sleep but the expression that he had just held told him that he was in some sort of pain, he must of hurt himself when he fell, he would have to get Nathan to check him again.
"He was fine Chris," Vin explained to him as he entered the room, he closed the door, it didn't make a noise, it was glad that someone had used it for its actual purpose, "he wasn't going to do anything, I wouldn't have left him alone if I thought he was going to do something like that."
"I know Vin, I'm sorry." Chris bowed his head sideways, his eyes never leaving Ezra's pale features. "I'm worried about him."
"Scared too." He nodded as his eyes connected with Chris's, he had looked up when he heard Vin's words. "We all are Chris."
"I'm starting to think that he's never going to get over this, he just keeps going backwards." Chris allowed the emotion that he felt to sound in his voice and show on his face.
"He'll get there with our help Chris." Vin assured him.
"I don't know, yesterday I would have agreed with you but today, he's different today, it's not just from getting up early. I don't think he can take it anymore Vin, that's what's got me scared." He leaned over and brushed the loose hair from Ezra's forehead, another grimace crossed the handsome features as Chris's fingers brushed across his face.
"He looks like he's in pain." Vin observed.
"That's what I thought." Chris agreed with him. "You want to go and get Nathan, so he can take a better look at him while he's asleep."
"Sure." Vin walked away, leaving Chris sitting with Ezra, his hand continuing to move the now non-existent loose hair from his face, a grimace appeared each time that he did this, causing him to stop so he wouldn't wake him. He looked down at Ezra's limp hand, it was lying on the bed in front of him, the fingers curled towards the ceiling, it twitched,
Chris looked up to see Ezra's face express the pain that he was obviously feeling. Chris laid his own hand over Ezra's, squeezing it gently, the hand continued to twitch. Chris stood up when he heard the door open, he moved away from the bed so Nathan would have more room to work. Vin stood by his side and they watched as Nathan used his hands to first feel Ezra's limbs, his ribs and his skull, he lifted the eyelids again to check his pupils. He looked up at Chris and Vin, shaking his head to indicate that he had found nothing wrong, he gently rolled Ezra onto his back and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. His hands stopped in mid air as he heard the slight groan come from the gambler, after a few moments he continued what he was doing. Nathan pulled the shirt open and checked for any bruising that might have occurred during the fall but he found none. He felt the gambler's forehead for a fever and then checked his pulse.
"He seems okay physically, his pulse is weaker than it should be but that would be because he's hardly eaten in the last few days and he's still not back to his full strength yet. There's no swelling or bruising anywhere, so he hasn't twisted any limbs or bruised his ribs and I can't find anything that would tell me he hit his head when he fell." Nathan told them as he watched the grimace of pain show on Ezra's face. "I'll have to ask him what's wrong when he wakes up."
Ezra rolled away from Nathan, turning his back on him as though he had heard what he said and was already refusing his help. Nathan leant over him and began doing some of the buttons of his shirt back up, he watched the features that were no longer peaceful, a permanent grimace was now on Ezra's face.
"Why don't you guys go and get some rest." Nathan didn't look up at them as he spoke. "I'll watch him for a while, see if I can figure out why he's in pain."
"I'll stay with you." Chris told him as he watched Ezra's back, seeing the shoulder blades pushing against the shirt, he didn't realise how much weight his friend had lost.
"Did you get any sleep last night Chris?" Nathan finally turned his eyes away from Ezra and looked into the worried blue eyes of their leader. Nathan knew by the expression that came over his face. "You go and get some rest, I don't want to have to look after you as well, I've already got my hands full with Ezra."
"You'll let me know when he wakes up." Chris asked, he didn't want to leave him, not now.
Nathan nodded his head in agreement as he looked back down at Ezra, he had rolled back over onto his back. Nathan got up and moved to the chair that still faced the gambler's bed, he sat down and made himself comfortable, he thought that he was going to be there for a while. "Go away Chris and let someone else worry about him for a change." Nathan said a little harshly.
"He's right Chris, let's leave him be for a while." Vin gently took his arm and led him out of the room.
"What did he mean by that comment?" Chris asked Vin as he was dragged out of the room.
"He doesn't mean anything by it Chris." Vin told him as he shut the door cutting off the rest of the conversation.
***
Nathan had been watching Ezra for a few hours when the nightmare began. The tossing was slight at first but became more violent as the nightmare grew in intensity, his whimpering became shouts of despair, the tears fell from behind the closed eyelids, wetting the gambler's face just as the sweat soaked his shirt and caused his hair to cling to his scalp. Nathan wanted to wake him but he hesitated, the nightmare wasn't the same as before it was different, he listened to Ezra's mutterings and shouts but was unable to understand what he was saying. He assumed that the nightmare held no fear for Ezra. He seemed to be only suffering from some emotional turmoil from his past. Nathan knew that it wasn't his Uncle, it was something else, he just couldn't work out what it was and he knew that Ezra wasn't going to tell him so he waited, hoping that Ezra would give him some sort of clue so he could work out what was now plaguing his dreams.
He was about to move to the bed to wake him when Ezra sat up with a jerk, the scream escaping from his throat, it was cut short when Ezra put his face in his hands. Nathan could see his shoulders shaking, his body was wracked by the tears that were trying to escape through his hands. Nathan moved a little more quickly to the bed and placed his hand on Ezra's shoulder causing another scream to escape from him as he jerked away from the touch.
"It's okay Ezra, it's Nathan." He could see the confusion that the green eyes held. "Ezra?"
"Get away from me Nathan!" Ezra spat at him as he pushed himself even further away from the healer, his eyes darting around the room, looking for someone he knew was no longer there, someone who would never be there again. He ran his hands through his hair and jumped up off the bed.
"You want me to get someone else for you, Chris maybe?" Nathan calmly asked him as he watched him begin to pace the length of his bed, his arms crossing and uncrossing in front of his chest.
"What the hell for, I don't need him, I don't need any of you." Ezra turned his back on him and left his room, the door was slammed against the wall again, it stayed there, it had had enough for one day.
Ezra didn't know where he was going, he just needed to get away from everything, the dream he had scared him, he didn't want to go through all of that again and he wasn't going to, no one was going to force this out of him. He stopped at the top of the stairs and closed his eyes, took a deep breath and pushed the memory, emotion to the back of his mind, the wall was rebuilt to hide the memory, and that was where it was going to stay.
He walked down the steps and through the saloon, ignoring the men who gave him questioning glances as he passed their table. He pushed his way through the swinging doors out into the sunlight, the air causing goose bumps to form on his flesh as it connected with the sweat that covered him. He didn't stop there, he walked down the boardwalk and then into the alley. Ezra stopped and looked around the alley, he was confused, he had no idea what he was doing here. He turned around to go back when he saw three of his friends standing in front of the alley, their faces held the confusion that he felt. He knew what they were going to do, he turned to go in the other direction and saw another two of his friends blocking his escape.
Ezra looked for Josiah, he knew that he would help him but he wasn't with them, he frowned as the anger began to grow, they weren't going to let Josiah protect him. "Where's Josiah?" Ezra asked them innocently, he held his anger back until he needed it.
"What?" Chris nearly fell where he stood, he couldn't believe what Ezra had just said, it was as though he had no memory of what had happened earlier. "Aw hell." he muttered at the realisation that Ezra had put up his wall again.
***
Chris was sitting at the table trying to understand what Vin had explained to him, he had been keeping the others away from Ezra, Buck and Josiah had been the only ones he had allowed to really talk to him, the rest of his friends hadn't had the chance. It was also brought to his attention that like Ezra, he hadn't been eating or sleeping and that he had to take care of himself or he was going to end up sick and then what help would he be to Ezra, he wouldn't be there when he did needed him.
He was trying to eat his lunch when he looked up to see Ezra standing at the top of the stairs, his eyes were closed and his face held a look of concentration. For a heart wrenching moment he actually thought that he was going to throw himself down the stairs but the eyes opened again and he walked down the stairs and then straight out of the saloon without even looking at them. Chris knew that he had just woken from one of his nightmares, Ezra's face was damp with a moisture that he knew were tears, he always reacted the same way when he woke up, he wondered if Nathan helped him through the aftermath of the dream. His hair was soaked with sweat, his white shirt clung to his body, he could see the muscle tone through the damp fabric that Ezra had built up in his chest and stomach but knew it wouldn't last if the gambler didn't start eating again, it would soon turn to skin and bone.
Chris turned his eyes back to the stairs to find Nathan already following Ezra, he saw the nod that wanted them to do the same, he pushed his chair away and walked out after them. He saw Nathan's expression and knew that Ezra was in trouble, he turned to see him go into the alley that ran along the saloon. He indicated to Buck and JD to go around the other way to block his way out, he nodded to Vin and Nathan to follow him. They stepped into the alley and watched as Ezra turned to them, they saw the anger as it quickly flashed across his face but it was soon replaced by confusion when he saw Buck and JD at the other end of the alley. Chris's heart then dropped into his stomach when Ezra asked where Josiah was.
"He's at the church." Buck explained to him as he stepped forward, he stopped when Ezra stepped back from him.
"Why isn't he here?" Ezra asked suspiciously, his eyes flicking from the men in front of him to those who were trying to sneak up behind him.
"You told him to stay away remember." Chris explained.
Ezra bowed his head, his forehead creasing as he tried to break through the confusion that clouded his mind. He finally remembered what he had done and why, his head nodding in understanding as he looked back up at Chris.
"Didn't I tell you to go away too."
"You said you didn't want my help." Chris admitted, he looked sideways at Nathan who shrugged in return, he didn't know what was going on either.
"Then go away."
"No." Chris took a couple of tentative steps forward only to see Ezra step away from him.
Buck moved forward while Chris had Ezra distracted and the backward movement from Ezra brought him even closer, he knew that something was wrong and he wanted to get close to him just in case, he didn't realise that what he was planning on doing may cost Ezra his life.
"Go away Mr Larabee." Ezra said calmly but his voice held a cold threatening tone that stopped Chris in his tracks.
"Ezra." Nathan moved slowly passed Chris, he wanted a closer look at the confused gambler, something was wrong and he wanted to find out what it was. "Do you mind if I come closer, I would like to talk to you."
Buck took the opportunity to take a few more steps, Nathan wanted to use his eyes to tell him to wait but he knew that if he looked at him then Ezra would notice and then possibly react in a way he didn't want him to. He waited for an answer from Ezra when he didn't get one, he took another step and then stopped as Ezra began to pace the width of the alley as he had done in his room before he left to come out here. He noticed that he was behaving in an agitated manner, he was running his hands through his hair and then crossing them in front of him, then pulling at his shirt. Nathan frowned, he moved closer but wasn't in time to stop Buck from getting to him first.
"Ezra." Buck whispered in his ear, he was able to get that close to him.
Ezra jumped at the quiet noise and then felt a hand on his arm. He pushed it away and then pushed at the person who was now standing directly in front of him, his eyes glanced down at the gun that was slung to Buck's hip. H
e pulled his gaze back up again and waited for his opportunity to finish what he had wanted to do in the saloon a month ago, he was going to stop the emotions that he couldn't control.
"Ezra?" Buck spoke quietly again, as he held onto his friend and looked into his eyes, he frowned at what he saw.
"Nathan, one of his pupils is larger than the other."
It clicked in Nathan's mind then, the way in which Ezra was acting, it explained it. "He's got a concussion, he must have hit his head when he fell." He held a hand up towards Buck. "Be very careful Buck, the concussion will make him confused and angry and that may cause him to do something he normally wouldn't do." Nathan stepped forward. "I want you to move away from him Buck, slowly and carefully."
Ezra had his head tipped to the side, he was listening to what Nathan was saying, his eyes slowly moved back to the man in front of him, he saw that Buck's eyes were turned towards the healer.
"BUCK!" Chris yelled to him as he saw Ezra's hand go for his gun, he pulled it out of the holster with lightening speed and then aimed it towards Buck. Everyone and everything else froze.
"Go away Buck." Ezra growled at him.
"Ezra, just take it easy, we only want to talk to you that's all." Buck put his hands up in a calming manner, he heard the gun being cocked.
"I said go away." Ezra repeated as he became more agitated.
"Ezra you know we only want to help you, why won't . . . "
"Back off Buck!" Chris yelled at him.
Buck didn't want to go, he had to stay close enough to grab him in case he tried to do something with the gun, his heart leap as he remembered what Ezra had said that morning. 'I'm sick of it and at the moment I would do anything to stop it.' No, he wasn't going to go anywhere.
He stood where he was and didn't flinch when the sound of the gun going off exploded in his ear, he felt the breath of the bullet as it passed his face, the gun was then aimed at his forehead.
"Go away Buck." Ezra repeated for the third time, his voice was now full of the anger that he felt towards them and himself but he wouldn't go away.
"I'm not going anywhere Ezra, I'm going to stay right here with you." Buck stated firmly, he knew Ezra wasn't going to shoot him.
Ezra stepped backwards until his back hit the wall of the saloon. He turned his eyes quickly to the left and then right to make sure that no one else was coming closer. He looked back at Buck and blinked his eyes a couple of times to clear his blurred vision.
"Did you see that Chris, his vision is becoming blurred." Nathan explained to Chris when he was able to get his voice back, he was stunned and he knew everyone else would be as well, they were shocked when Ezra actually pulled the trigger. "He's going to get sick shortly and then we should be able to get the gun from him."
Chris had moved to stand next to Nathan, he was watching Buck and Ezra carefully. "Let's just hope he doesn't doing anything before then."
"Will you stop pushing me!" Ezra yelled at Buck.
"I'm not pushing Ezra, I'm just going to stay here with you, we don't have to talk." Buck slowly hunched down on his heels, he stayed that way ready to pounce on the gambler when he had the chance.
Ezra did the same, except his sat on his legs, he was beginning to feel dizzy and sick, he didn't know why. His eyes kept moving from Buck to the other men who were standing a few feet away from him, he continued to blink as his vision became less focused. Without realising it, he moved the barrel of the gun to the side of his face and used it to rub his cheek.
"Ezra?" Nathan called to him.
"Yes Nathan." Ezra still wasn't aware of what he was doing, he was becoming confused again.
"Have you got a headache." He watched as Ezra nodded. "Do you feel sick?" Another nod to indicate that he did. Nathan looked sideways at Chris. "Why don't you give Buck his gun back and then I can get you something that will make you feel better." Nathan carefully took another step towards Ezra and then stopped when he looked up at him.
"No!" Ezra's anger returned, he stared at Buck but saw two of him, he blinked again and tapped the side of his head with the gun hoping that it would clear his vision.
"You've got a concussion Ezra. Will you let me help you, please." Nathan tried.
"And how did I get a concussion?" Ezra asked him.
"You must have hit your head when you fell." He saw the look of confusion. "Remember, this morning you fell, you told me that you didn't hit your head but you must have." He took another step closer. "You don't have to get knocked out to get one Ezra." Another step. "After a matter of hours you suffer the same symptoms, blurred vision, vomiting and then unconsciousness." Another step, he could sense Chris following him. "There's also mood swings, you become confused and angry." He stopped when Ezra's eyes moved to the gun before him, the confused green eyes then turned back to him.
"Get him the hell away from me!" Ezra yelled at him. "I don't want him here!"
"Who Ezra?" Chris asked him, he noticed that Ezra wasn't looking directly at them, he turned and saw Josiah standing behind them.
"I heard the gunshot." Josiah explained to them.
Buck took the chance that he was waiting for and leant forward but Ezra was ready for him, he placed the gun to his temple and cocked the gun so quickly that Buck was shocked, he was beginning to think that he wasn't going to be quick enough to stop him. He sat back down, his hands in front of him. "Take it easy Ezra, it's okay." He felt the tension leave his body when Ezra uncocked the gun and lowered it from his head, this told him that the gun was only a threat, that he wasn't going to shoot himself but he still had to be quicker just in case.
Josiah came forward and looked sideways at Chris and Nathan, he needed an explanation but knew there wasn't time. He stepped passed them and moved closer to Ezra. He was now close enough to see his eyes, he saw the confusion and anger that they held. "Ezra." Josiah spoke firmly.
"Get away from me you son of a bitch!" Ezra yelled again. "I don't want . . . " He stopped what he was saying as he felt his stomach roll, he bowed his head for a moment to wait it out and then saw Buck move towards him again. He quickly moved the gun towards his head, they weren't going to stop him this time, he had to make them understand that he was serious, he pulled the trigger before Buck could stop him.
Buck continued to move forward to catch Ezra's falling body into his arms, allowing his own tears at the gambler's death to flow from his eyes but there wasn't a body to catch, instead he came face to face with the trembling barrel of his own gun. Buck's wet eyes moved to the face that was behind it, the green eyes were now full of pain as well as anger and confusion, his paling face held a look of determination that scared Buck but he was also relieved that Ezra was still alive, he frowned when he saw the blood flowing from the side of Ezra's head.
"Go away Buck." Ezra spoke quietly through a pain-filled haze, his vision was even more blurred now. He hadn't intended to put the gun so close, he just wanted to make sure they knew he was serious, he thought that he was going to miss but he misjudged his aim. He could feel the blood as it flowed from the head wound that he had caused.
"SHIT EZRA!" Chris yelled at him. "What in the hell did you do that for, you didn't need to do that!" He was angry and scared, angry at himself for letting it go this far, scared that Ezra had actually pulled the trigger even if he had missed on purpose. 'Damn him, why does he have to be such a stubborn bastard.' he thought to himself and was glad that he hadn't spoken that thought aloud.
"Yes I did." Ezra replied more calmly as he pushed the pain to the back of his mind, he had to concentrate or they would stop him, then he would have to continue to deal with the emotions he just wanted to stop. "Maybe now Buck will go away."
"Buck get the hell away from him!" Chris growled at him, he was scared and he didn't care who knew it. He watched as Buck stood up slowly then step back towards him.
Vin and JD moved in closer from the other side, they could see the blood that flowed from the side of Ezra's head, they knew how close he had come to killing himself.
"Thank god he missed." Nathan muttered.
"He didn't." Buck informed them, he didn't have to look at them to know they were confused. "Why don't you show them Ezra."
Ezra used his left hand to wipe the right side of his forehead, he then held the blood covered fingers up to them so they could see just how serious he was. The sight of his own blood caused the nausea to overcome him once more, he leaned his head back against the wall behind him and lifted the gun towards his head again, making sure that they didn't use the opportunity to try and take it off him but the gun wavered in his hand as it shook. Ezra fought to keep the bile from rising in his throat.
"Oh no." Chris groaned at the sight, he knew that if they gave Ezra the chance to pull the trigger again that he would succeed in what he wanted to do and that was to die. He wasn't going to let that happen, even if he had to take the bullet for him. Nathan's quiet voice brought him out of his thoughts.
"Feel like you’re going to be sick Ezra?" Nathan asked him as he stepped closer to take a closer look at his friend
"No." Ezra muttered as he swallowed the bile.
"Ezra bring your head forward, you'll choke if you throw up with your head back." Nathan was grateful when Ezra actually listened to him and did what he was told, he could see that he was struggling to keep his head up and knew it wouldn't be much longer before he did throw up and that's when they were going to take the gun from him. He looked across at Chris and nodded.
Chris was watching Ezra carefully, he saw Nathan nod out of the corner of his eye and he moved towards the slumped gambler, he nudged Buck on his way past and together they took a step closer to him. Ezra could see them coming closer and he tried to gather the strength he needed to hold the gun up but it fell to his side as he felt the bile rise in his throat, he fell to his left as his stomach violently deposited the breakfast that he had that morning into the dirt by his side.
Everyone moved as one towards Ezra, Vin took the gun allowing his hand to fall limply to his side, he quickly picked Ezra's hand up and held it in his own. Buck grabbed his shoulders and supported him as he continued to throw up, it was only gut wrenching dry heaves now, he didn't have enough food in his stomach to keep going. Chris put his right hand against Ezra's damp head and used his left to wipe the damp hair from his forehead, he made sure he didn't go near the gunshot wound. Nathan put his hand on Ezra's leg and waited for him to finish. Josiah and JD stood back and watched, they wanted to do something but there wasn't enough room for all them.
When his stomach finally finished Ezra tried to push them away but his lack of strength prevented him from doing this, he couldn't help but slump back against Chris's chest, his head falling back onto the gunslinger's shoulder. Ezra couldn't stop someone from placing his hands against his chest and wrapping their arms around him, he felt someone else's hand on his forehead, then as they lifted his eyelids, he turned his head away from them but another hand held his head still.
"He's got a fever and his pupils are still uneven." Nathan told them after he quickly examined Ezra. "Take him up the back stairs to his room."
"Just leave me alone." Ezra whispered hoarsely, he tried to get up but the arms that held him pulled him back against their chest, he could feel the heartbeat of the person holding him, at that moment he found no solace in the comfort that the person was trying to give him. Ezra groaned when he felt the darkness surround his mind and take him into its waiting arms.
"Vin give me hand." Chris was about to pick Ezra up when he heard him groan and then slump further into his arms, his head falling forward onto his chest. "Nathan?"
Nathan used his hand to lift Ezra's head back up. "He's unconscious Chris, take him up to his room. I'll go and get a few things to fix him up." Nathan stood up again. "JD, you can come and give me a hand." He waited a moment and watched Vin and Buck help Chris to pick Ezra up, he walked away with JD following him while Chris and the others took Ezra back to his room.
***
Chris leaned forward in the chair, his hands clasped together above his knees, his eyes watching the floor in front of him, they lifted up to look at the still unconscious figure in the bed but there was still no movement to show that he was waking up again. Ezra had woken a few times but wasn't lucid enough to focus on his surroundings and fell back into unconsciousness in a matter of seconds. It had continued on like this since they had brought him up to his room five hours ago.
Nathan had cleaned and stitched the head wound that Ezra had inflicted upon himself, and then cleaned the blood from his face and hair. He explained to them that Ezra's emotions were made worse by the concussion, it had caused him to become more angry and confused than he was, that he didn't think Ezra would have done what he did if he hadn't hit his head that morning and received a concussion. He also told them that Ezra probably wouldn't remember what happened and if he didn't then it would be best not to tell him.
Chris lifted his eyes again and watched as JD wiped Ezra's face with a damp cloth, it made him remember the conversation that he had had with Vin that morning, he hadn't even realised that he had kept the others away from Ezra. He knew that JD hadn't spent much time with Ezra over the last two weeks but it hadn't been his fault, JD hadn't even complained when he refused his offers to sit with Ezra so he could get some rest. He wasn't going to do that again, JD had spent most of the afternoon taking care of Ezra and he could tell that JD was grateful for the opportunity, they all were.
"Nathan!" JD called him once more as he took Ezra's protesting arm and gently pulled it back down.
Nathan came forward and sat on the bed, he placed a hand against Ezra's face, feeling the coolness of his skin. "His fever has broken." He watched as Ezra's eyelids fluttered and opened, they closed again. "Ezra." The eyes opened again but they were unfocused. "Ezra, it's Nathan, you with me Ezra." The green eyes turned to the sound but it was another few minutes before they focused on the voice's owner.
"Nathan?" Ezra croaked and licked at the dryness of his lips.
"Yeah. How you feeling Ezra?" Nathan wiped the hair away from his forehead while he waited for an answer. Ezra seemed to concentrate for a moment before answering.
"My head hurts like hell and I feel sick." He frowned and then his eyes widened. "I did it, didn't I Nathan. I actually tried to shoot myself."
"Not on purpose Ezra, you got a concussion when you fell down this morning and that had a lot to do with what you did." Nathan tried to explain to him.
"No Nathan, the idea was there, it's been there for a while now." Ezra closed his eyes, turned his head back towards JD, and allowed himself to fall into the darkness of sleep.
Chris dropped his eyes to the floor again, hiding the fear and anger that he felt at that last statement, he was going to talk to Ezra when he woke up again and force some sense into him, he wasn't going to leave him alone until he had his word that he wasn't going to do something so stupid again
***
When Ezra woke again two hours later, the lamps in his room had been lit to stop the oncoming darkness, it had tried to enter the room as it did every evening but it had not been allowed to this time, it waited outside the window for it's turn. Buck was holding Ezra's hand when he felt him try to pull it away from him, he quickly grabbed it again and squeezed it, he saw the grimace on Ezra's face and smiled.
"I'm not letting go Ezra so stop trying." Buck told him.
Ezra tried again but Buck was true to his word, he wasn't going to let go, he turned his head away, he didn't want to look at him or any of the others, he was embarrassed by what he had done, what he tried to do. He tried to roll over but hands pulled him back.
"Ezra I want you to drink some water, you haven't had any for a while." Nathan told him as he pulled him back towards him. He lifted Ezra's head and helped him to drink the water, he didn't fail to notice that he wouldn't open his eyes.
"Are you still feeling sick Ezra?"
"No."
"What about your head. Has the pain eased at all?"
"Yes."
"Can you open your eyes for me Ezra. I want to check your vision."
When Ezra finally opened his eyes Nathan could see the shame that they held, his own heart sunk but he didn't let his feelings show. He held up one finger. "How many do you see?"
"One." Ezra muttered as he quickly closed his eyes again.
"Is your vision blurry at all?" Nathan continued to ask the questions, more to get him talking than anything else.
"No."
"How do you feel otherwise Ezra?" He began to stroke Ezra's face in a comforting way and Ezra opened his eyes and looked straight back at him.
"I feel terrible Nathan and if none of you want anything to do with me anymore I'll understand." Ezra's eyes didn't waver, he was looking for confirmation of what he thought in Nathan's eyes but he didn't see any.
"Where not going anywhere Ezra." Buck told him as he squeezed his hand again.
"Nathan, Buck. Could you give me a minute with him please." Chris asked them as he tried to hold the anger and fear that he had been feeling since Ezra pointed Buck's gun to his head and pulled the trigger but he knew he wouldn't be able to hold it in for long. Nathan and Buck stood at the back of the room with the others.
"Ezra look at me!" Chris growled at him. Ezra had closed his eyes and turned his head away when Chris sat down on the bed. "Ezra! I'm not going to ask you again!"
Ezra reluctantly opened his eyes and turned his head back to Chris, he was shocked by what he saw. Chris's eyes were full of fear and anger.
"I want you to promise me that you won't do anything thing like that again Ezra." Chris spoke as calmly as he could but he didn't receive an answer. "Ezra!" The tone became threatening.
"I promise." Ezra muttered as he turned his head away again.
Chris leant forward, grabbed Ezra’s jaw, and pulled his face back towards him, he didn't realise how hard he was squeezing his fingers into Ezra's flesh, he didn't see the pain that filled his eyes. "That's not good enough. I want you promise Ezra. I want your word." Chris leaned even closer to him. "You scared the hell out of every one of us Ezra, do you hear me. I nearly died when you pulled that trigger and I don't want to go through that again. Your family, do you realise what your death would do to us! DO YOU!" Chris was beginning to yell now and he squeezed Ezra's jaw harder trying to get his thoughts into the stubborn mind that lay before him. "I want you to swear on Sarah's and Adam's grave that you won't put me through that again . . ."
"CHRIS!" Buck shouted at him as he tried to release Ezra's jaw from his grip. "Chris let him go!"
The other men stood back, they knew exactly how Chris felt and they wanted to hear Ezra promise that he wouldn't do it again, Buck was the only one who stepped forward to stop Chris.
Chris blinked his eyes and looked down into Ezra's face, he could see the fear and pain that he had caused him and he took his hand away, his eyes watered at the sight of the finger marks that he caused, he knew would turn into bruises.
"I'm sorry Ezra." He rubbed his eyes and got up off the bed.
"Chris." Ezra winced at the pain in his jaw and waited for Chris to turn around. "I won't do it again. I promise. I'm sorry."
"Just make sure you keep your promise Ezra, I'll never forgive you if you break it." Chris didn't say anymore as he walked out of the room.
Nathan moved forward and sat down on the bed, he carefully checked Ezra's jaw to make sure it was alright. "You're gonna have some nice bruises there Ezra." He smiled down at him. "Chris spoke for all of us Ezra. We don't want you doing that again." He patted his leg. "Why don't you get some sleep, we'll come back later and I'll bring you something to eat." Nathan got up and left the room as well.
Ezra's eyes moved to Buck and waited for his speech. "Never again Ezra." Buck placed his hand against Ezra's face and saw him wince at the touch but he knew it was because his jaw was sore from Chris's grip. "Never again Ezra." He got up and grabbed the guns that his friends had left behind and followed Nathan and Chris out of the room.
Ezra didn't fail to notice that they weren't wearing their guns, his gaze turned to Vin who sat down on the bed. "You want to be alone or would you like one of us to stay a while."
"Alone Vin. I need to think about some things and sort out my thoughts."
"Sure Ezra, I'll come back later. Want me to sneak a drink past Nathan." He smiled at Ezra's response, he was also grateful that his mind was now going to be pre-occupied with thoughts of how to get a whisky bottle pass Nathan.
Ezra looked at JD, he was the last person he wanted to speak to, he looked passed him and saw Josiah standing in the corner. No Josiah was the last person.
"Ezra. What did you go and do that for? Is it all really that bad?" JD asked him quietly.
"Yes it is JD. Maybe I'll tell you about it one day but not now." Ezra muttered as he looked away from him.
"Maybe we can have a game of cards later, I've got plenty of money to lose." JD offered.
"I'd like that JD. Thanks." Ezra looked back at him and watched the smile cross JD's face before he left the room. He didn't want to play cards but if it made JD feel better then he would.
Ezra was now left alone with Josiah, he didn't know where to look, he knew he was still angry at him so he decided to wait to hear what he was going to say but Josiah didn't say anything, he sadly looked at Ezra and then quietly left the room shutting the door behind him.
Ezra closed his eyes and sighed angrily. "You’re just like my father Josiah, you’re exactly like that Bastard."
***
Chris quietly stepped into the falsely lit room and made his way to the bed, Ezra was lying on his stomach with his head facing the chair that had been placed closely to the bed so they could watch him sleep. He sat down and was surprised to hear Ezra's voice.
"Chris?" Ezra muttered as he forced his eyes open.
"Did I wake you?" Chris asked him.
"No, I woke up a few minutes ago." The nightmare was still clear in his mind but his father's face had been a blur, the years had taken his image from his memory.
Chris took note of the damp hair and the blanket that was gathered around him. "Another nightmare?"
"Yes but I don't want to talk about it."
"That's okay Ezra, I wanted to do the talking anyway. I'm sorry about before Ezra, I was angry and scared about what you did. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that, I should have been more understanding." Chris leaned forward and gently touched the small bruises on Ezra's face.
"I didn't really give you a choice Chris." Ezra closed his eyes again. "I was being my usual stubborn self."
"No, there's no excuse Ezra." Chris removed his hand from Ezra's face.
"Yes there is, it's called concern." Ezra smiled slightly.
"Are you going to let us help you through this Ezra?" Chris asked him.
"I'm going to have to Chris, you took my only other option away from me." Ezra spoke quietly as he drifted off to sleep but the words spoke volumes to Chris. Ezra still thought about taking his life but wouldn't do it because he had given his word.
The End
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
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