azombiewrites (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azombiewrites) wrote2010-07-01 06:04 pm
azombiewrites) wrote2010-07-01 06:04 pm
The Magnificent Seven Fic - 'Innocence Lost' - 3/3
Title: Innocence Lost
Rating: PG
Warnings: Strong Language.
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
AU: ATF
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the guys.
Summary: Ezra goes undercover within a prison and befriends a young man who is a victim of prison rape.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Spoilers: None
Status: Complete
Total Word Count: 25,918
Sammat spent a lot of time with Ezra over the next few days. His friends could see a slight improvement when it came to his emotional state. The speech that was once slow was now back to normal. His green eyes were clearing, the haunted look was leaving, it was a slow process but he was moving forward. Sammat had informed them that Ezra still had a long way to go, it would still take a few more weeks of regular sessions then he wanted to see him at least once a month. Travis had agreed, the ATF would pay the expenses for Ezra to return once a month. Anything to get the undercover agent back.
Ezra sat alone in the patient's recreation room. The others were close but they were giving him the privacy he needed. They could be with him twenty-four hours a day for the rest of his life. Maybe every night for the rest of his life but not the days. The nightmares were still there, they always will be but they would lesson and become rare.
The sun shone through the window, the warmth causing a slight sheen of sweat to form on his forehead. But he wasn't willing to move out of the light. It felt right to him, normal and that's what he wanted. Normal. It helped him. His friends, family now, had been good for him. They were there when he needed them, they left him alone when he needed solace. He couldn't understand why he had been afraid of them, why he would think they would be angry at him for what happened. He'd been stupid. But John had told him that it was natural to react that way and that he was lucky to have such good friends that stood by him. Not a lot of people had that in life.
Ezra would never doubt his friends again. Never.
He didn't turn when he heard footsteps coming towards him, he knew who it was by the sound that was being made by the cowboy boots. A chair scraped against the floor and Ezra winced at the irritating sound. The man was never quite.
"How you doin' Ezra?" Chris asked him as he struggled to pull the heavy chair closer to his friend.
"Don't really know Chris." Ezra answered honestly.
"Physically?"
"If you mean can I have a crap without pain, then yes I'm feeling better." Ezra looked away from the window.
"Yep that's what I mean." Chris nodded in sympathy. He had no idea what the pain had been like. He wanted to know but Ezra wouldn't tell him. Chris wanted to know everything that Ezra was going through. Not for selfish reasons but because it would help him to help Ezra.
"Where's everyone else?"
Chris looked over his shoulder to see Vin peeking around the corner. "Out there, you ready for company yet?"
"No, just need some peace and quiet for a while."
"I'll shut up then shall I."
Ezra smiled, he couldn't help it. Chris was making him feel better, he couldn't explain why. Perhaps it was because he knew Chris had once gone through a traumatic event. It wasn't the same but the feelings were similar.
"Thanks Chris."
"That's okay Ezra."
"For being here, all of you, for being here." he looked back out of the window when he heard the siren, the ambulance came speeding into his view then slowed down. The siren stopped abruptly. Ezra sighed when he thought about the occupant that must have died in the vehicle. "I thought you would have run a mile when you found out. I didn't trust you to understand. But you did, I should have known better. I won't make that mistake again Chris."
"It's understandable not to trust anyone under those circumstances Ezra." Chris nodded, he understood with all his heart. He hadn't trusted anyone, not even Buck, after his family was murdered. "You were scared, you still are and will be for a while."
"Scared, that's a joke. I didn't even feel that scared when I stayed with relatives. There were two in particular that use to enjoy beating me. Nothing serious but enough to cause me to take a few days off school so no one would question the bruises." he looked sideways at Chris. "I'd never been so scared in my life Chris, when I knew what was going to happen I froze, I was terrified, I couldn't fight back anymore, and I let them do that to me."
"First of all Ezra, it's okay to be scared, you have every right to be. And secondly, they had you pinned down in a certain way so you were incapable of fighting back. It's not that you let them Ezra, you couldn't stop them. None of us would have been able to stop them."
"But it wasn't any of you, it was me."
"I'm sorry Ezra, you know if we could change places I would in a heartbeat."
"I know Chris."
They fell silent. Chris looked over his shoulder to see Vin talking to the Judge. He didn't like the look on Vin's face, he kept turning to look at Ezra. What the hell was going on now? He was about to find out, Vin was walking towards him.
Vin walked slowly, he didn't want to do this. He had broken the news to the guys about what had happened and now he was bringing more bad news for Ezra. The Southerner wasn't going to take it well, they he knew and understood. Why would he? The young man had become a friend in a hellhole that didn't hold any true friendships, only alliances.
Chris stayed silent while Vin moved to the window and sat on the ledge. The Texan was facing Ezra, the expression on his face said it all. The news was bad and Ezra wasn't going to like it.
"Ezra." Vin waited until he had Ezra's attention. "The Judge just informed me . . . " he stopped when he saw the look in Ezra's eyes, he couldn't do this. Vin looked at Chris who was frowning in confusion. No, he didn't have a choice, he couldn't take Chris out of the room and tell him so he could then break it to Ezra.
"Kyle Lawden died this morning, he got a gun from somebody in the prison, shot and killed Jacob Hauton then turned the gun on himself. I'm sorry Ezra."
Ezra nodded, he knew Vin was sorry, they all would be.
"Ezra,"
"I'm okay, just need some time alone." Ezra assured them.
"You sure?" Chris asked him.
"Yeah, . . . I'm . . ." but he wasn't. He couldn't stop the large sob that escaped him. Damn it, the boy was so young, he didn't deserve that kind of life, or the kind of death he had given himself. His shoulders heaved then slowed as he fought to control himself. A hand was placed on his shoulder and he pushed it off. Anger was beginning to replace the tears. If he had done his job, he would have caught the man responsible and Kyle would still be alive.
"Ezra, it's okay." Chris told him as he tried to put his arm back again.
"No it's not okay!" Ezra shoved Chris away.
He stood up quickly pushing the chair he had been sitting on away. His feet began to walk backwards when he saw Chris and Vin coming towards him.
"Ezra . . . "
"Get away from me . . . get the hell away from me!" he picked up the chair he had pushed away and threw it without thinking.
Chris and Vin saw what was about to happen and managed to get out of the way just as the chair flew past them close enough for them to feel it's angered breath.
But Ezra's anger grew, it was aimed at himself, at the men who had raped him, at Kyle for taking the easy way out, at his friends who didn't understand what he was feeling. He began to pick up anything that was within reach and throw it at the two men who were trying to help him.
Chris and Vin could only duck and weave as they tried to protect themselves from the flying objects that for some unknown reason to them were being thrown at them.
"Come on Ezra, take it easy, there's no reason to throw things at us." Vin tried to use his hands in a gesture of surrender to calm the man down. The only useful things the hands did were to protect him from a magazine holder. He swore loud enough to be heard by the angry man but it didn't stop Ezra from continuing what he was doing.
"Ezra stop it!" Chris ordered him.
"Get out!" Ezra retorted.
"Ezra I know your angry . . . "
"What the fuck do you know!" Ezra yelled as he searched for something to throw. "Nothing! Fucking nothing is what you know."
"No I don't Ezra, I don't know how you feel, what it felt like . . . "
"Felt like?! Is that what you want to know?! Is that what you want me to tell you?!"
Three men burst into the room, two orderlies and one doctor. The noise had been heard and reported to the nurses’ station. Ezra saw them immediately and his first reaction was to run, under normal circumstances he would stand and fight, but things weren't normal at the moment. He had nowhere to go, only a corner to flee into. He collapsed to the ground and covered his head with his hands.
Chris saw the reaction and ran to intercept the three men. Vin was right by his side and the two of them struggled to stop the muscled men from reaching their friend.
"Leave him be!" Chris yelled at them.
Vin was thrown to the side. They didn't care about the two men trying to stop them. Their main concern was the agitated patient, they needed to get him quiet before he upset the other patients on the floor. One orderly struggled with Chris. Vin got back to his feet and ran towards Ezra. There was no need. Buck and Josiah and appeared out of nowhere and were protecting Ezra with their bodies. They could hear the fearful whimpers of their friend and did their best to ignore him. If they were distracted then they would be removed and the goons would then get to Ezra. And that wasn't what they wanted.
Chris found himself pinned to the ground by the heavy orderly, there was nothing more he could do for Ezra, his head was turned the wrong way so he couldn't even see what was happening. The weight suddenly left his body and he jumped up to continue the fight only to find Nathan and JD warning him off. He ignored them and moved quickly to Ezra. Nathan and JD joined the human wall that was protecting the Southerner. No one was getting past them.
"Ezra." Chris knew it was going to be hard to get through to his friend.
Ezra was pushing himself backwards as though he was hoping the wall would swallow him up. It wouldn't. Fear was written all over his face, no, it was more like terror and Chris hadn't seen anything like it on the handsome countenance since he'd known Ezra. Chris moved closer, their protectors were now behind him. Making sure that he wasn't too close, Chris sat down, one leg was underneath him, the other bent in case he had to move quickly. He may need to protect himself or Ezra quickly.
"Ezra, talk to me."
The frightened man shook his head.
"Was he a friend?" he knew he was but he had to try something else, ask him something, anything to get him talking.
"He was just a kid Chris . . . JD's age . . . if I did my job instead . . . "
"It wasn't your fault Ezra, you didn't put him in there, you didn't rape him almost every night, and you didn't give him the gun."
"I should have done something . . . I should . . . "
"I had the same thought Ezra," the green eyes looked up at him in confusion, "when I spoke to him a few of days ago, my first thought was to talk to the Judge, try and get him out of there. I haven't spoken to him yet, I should have done it sooner. The world is full of should have's and if I's, but sometimes there is nothing we can do to prevent something from happening Ezra. You can't take responsibility for something that you couldn't stop."
"He was just a kid, if he had a different life, he could have been JD."
"I know Ezra, but not everyone gets the chances that JD had and does."
"No, they don't." Ezra looked down and saw the position he was still struggling to get into. He could feel the wall pressing against his back. The green eyes looked upwards and saw the group of men that were surrounding him. He couldn't help but smile, he had friends, good friends that would always take care of him. "I must look like an idiot."
"Well, yeah, you do a bit." Chris smiled back at him.
"Did I hit anyone?"
"No, you have a lousy throwing arm."
"Chris," Ezra took a breath then spoke again, "it was my intention to miss, I was afraid that with your bad reflexes, you would have jumped in front of a moving object."
"Whatever makes you feel better Ezra." Chris reached out to help Ezra up. A strong grip was returned and he pulled the Southerner to his feet. He held on as the trembling legs took their time to steady themselves.
Ezra didn't reply. 'Whatever made him feel better'. He knew what would but would the others allow him to do it.
"Let's get you back to bed before these imbeciles do their job."
"That's no way to talk about your men Mr Larabee."
"You feeling okay now Ezra?" Vin asked as the two men walked passed them.
"No." was the simple statement.
Vin nodded anyway. The man may not be feeling any better but at least he was no longer throwing things at him.
___________________________________________________________
This time the silence was different. It wasn't through depression, or anger but because of thought. The undercover agent was thinking, planning something and Chris knew he wasn't going to like it. He had an idea of what was going on inside Ezra's mind and he wanted to put a stop to it. To slap some sense into him but he wouldn't dare raise a fist to him, not under any circumstances. Obviously, there were times that he wanted to, but he didn't, wouldn't. He always found other ways to deal with the sometimes-irritating man.
Vin stood by his side, he also knew that something was going on. They were just waiting for Ezra to say it. He was going to say no as soon as the Southerner opened his mouth. It wasn't going to happen. Not now and not later. Someone else could do it. He would even do it. Anything to stop Ezra from doing what he wanted.
Sammat had left Ezra only a few minutes ago. Chris wanted to know what he had said. Yes or no. If he said yes then there was going to be hell to pay. How did he know what was best for Ezra. He didn't, he wasn't a friend, and he didn't know what Ezra had been through most of his life.
Chris and Vin watched from the doorway of the hospital room. Ezra was packing the few things that he had with him, things that they had brought in for him. The doctor had given him permission to leave. He had healed enough physically. Even the physical disturbance he had created a few days ago hadn't done any extra damage to his ribs. If there was one thing about Ezra Standish, it was that he healed quickly. His body was use to physical trauma, his mind also. It was the emotional trauma that he wasn't use to, it took longer to heal.
Ezra turned to face the two men, his carry bag was held in his right hand. He was ready, if he didn't do it now he never would.
"I want to go . . . "
"No!" Chris and Vin spoke together. They knew what Ezra was going to say and they both and the same answer to the question they didn't want to hear.
"But I haven't finished what I was going to say."
"We knew what you wanted to say and the answer is still no."
"I have to do it Chris . . . "
"No!" the two men said together again.
"Can I at least finish what I want to say?"
"No!"
"Jesus Chris, I thought you would help me get back the control that I lost!" Ezra growled at him.
"That's not going to do it Ezra."
"John said it would."
"Sammat's an asshole."
"He may be an asshole but he understands, he's been through it, you haven't. He knows I need to do this, if I don't I'm not going to be any good to you. I'll be scared for the rest of my life."
"But I can't protect you in there Ezra."
"That's the idea Chris."
"I can't let you go back Ezra, I won't."
"You don't have a choice Chris, John is going to talk to the Judge, I'm sure he'll allow me to go back in."
"What if something happens Ezra?" Vin asked him. "How do you think we'll feel knowing that we let you back in there and something else happened."
"This isn't about you Vin, or Chris, or any of the others. This is about me. I need to get control of my life back. I don't want to stay scared, I can't live like this. I need my job, I need you guys, without them I'm nothing. I have to do it."
"Who's idea was it? Yours or his?"
"It's my idea Chris, Sammat isn't that smart, just understanding." Ezra smiled.
"I don't like, I don't agree with it, I don't want you going back there. But if the Judge allows it, I won't have a choice will I?"
"No."
Chris nodded. He didn't understand, didn't want to. He was afraid for his friend. Ezra would be alone in there. Alone with his fears. What if something did happen. He prayed that it wouldn't.
"Let's get you back to the hotel. Go over it."
Ezra moved forward and stopped next to Chris. "Thanks."
"Don't thank me Ezra, I hate the idea." Chris pushed him out of the room and sighed at Vin. What could they do. Again, they could do nothing.
___________________________________________________________
The door cell slammed shut, the lights went out. But Ezra knew he wasn't alone. There were other men in the cell with him and he knew what they wanted. He ran to the door that prevented his escape and began to scream for help. There was no help coming, not even his friends. They didn't want him to come back here, they knew this would happen, why didn't he? A hand grabbed his shoulder and he screamed even louder.
Ezra jerked awake. For a moment, he didn't know where he was, then the familiar snoring of Buck Wilmington assured him that he was okay. He sat up and flung the damp sheets off his trembling body. His eyes searched the room for what he knew would be there, six men in different positions. Some sleeping and others watching him.
"You okay?" Chris moved to the bed and sat down.
"Yeah, a dream." Ezra answered then rubbed his face with the palms of his hands. "Just a dream."
"Want to talk about it?"
"It was going to happen again, there was more of them this time." Ezra told him.
"That's what I'm afraid of happening." Chris admitted. "I don't want you going back into that prison Ezra. None of us do."
"I don't want to either Chris but I have to."
"You don't have to Ezra."
"That's what you don't understand Chris, I have to do it."
"Because of Kyle?"
"No," Ezra began to play with the sheets, "for me Chris, for me."
Chris nodded. "Go back to sleep Ezra, you're going to have a long day tomorrow."
Ezra lay back down on his side and closed his eyes, he wasn't going to go back to sleep. Neither was Chris, in fact the leader wasn't going to be able to sleep until it was over and he knew his agent was safe and back with his team in Denver.
___________________________________________________________
Chris' mind was in turmoil, it was also full of fear. He had watched as Ezra had been returned to the prison. He had walked through the door in chains with four guards surrounding him. He was able to see the fear in Ezra's body language. If only he could have gone in his place. The haunted look had returned to the green eyes that morning and Chris wanted to do anything and everything that he could to stop the undercover agent from going back. But he didn't want to go against Ezra's wishes, it's what the man wanted, he only wished that Ezra would come out of it unharmed, emotionally and physically.
The vehicle he now sat in was parked far enough away so that it wouldn't be noticed but close enough for him to be there within seconds if he received an unwanted phone call. He glanced to his side, Vin sat there reading the morning newspaper, a half drunk cup of coffee sat on the dashboard. The flask was nearly empty but he knew the others would arrive soon with more supplies.
Ezra had now been in there for nearly five hours and as each minute passed, Chris was grateful that his mobile hadn't rung. He began to fidget, move things then put them back again. If he could pace he would. The sound of a rustling newspaper caught his attention, he knew it was Vin's way of telling him to keep still. He ignored him and began to slap his hands against his thighs then look at his watch again. This time the rustling was louder, an agitated sound that warned him of something more violent that was forthcoming. He still ignored the warning. Whistle, that's what he'd do. Only a few simple notes had been issued from his lips when a closed fist hit him hard on his upper arm.
"Shut up, sit still, or get out!" Vin told him.
"And who made you boss?"
"You did when you said I could come with you. Now shut the hell up, I'm trying to read the paper!"
"O . . . kay!"
Read the paper my ass, you're just as worried as I am.
"So what if I am, I have a right to be, now leave it alone."
Chris jumped in surprise, he knew the Texan often read his mind but not like this. Sometimes it was uncanny. The man was weird. He decided to shut up and stay still but it was hard, very hard and he didn't know how many more hours he would be sitting here. He hoped that it wasn't for long.
___________________________________________________________
Ezra lay on the bottom bunk and stared up at the bed above him. The fear he felt gripped his heart within a tight fist. He watched for any type of movement that told him the man above him was moving, that he was going to jump off the bed and come for him. A scream of no made him sit up quickly and stare through the bars to the outer area, it was happening to someone else and the only thing he thought was that he was grateful it wasn't happening to him. He regretted that he had made the decision to do this. Why couldn't Chris have been more forceful and physically restrain him from returning to this hellhole.
So far, he had been safe. Most of the day was spent working in the library where the prisoners were much older. He had received knowing looks all day, they knew what had happened to him. Some winked at him and licked their lowers lips, others grabbed their crotch and shook it in front of him. But most of the expressions he had received were sympathetic. Ezra silently wondered how long he was going to have to stay here before someone approached him about protection. He'd already spent more time in here than he wanted to. It was still a few hours until the morning and another day of hell and he spent the remainder of those hours in total fear of what might happen again.
One of the men who had raped him was now dead and the other two did not know his true identity. When Hanley was told, he was returning they were transferred to another cellblock. The two guards that had allowed it to happen were fired on the day. Travis had arranged for them to be charged with accessory to rape, he didn't think it would stick but he knew it would put the fear of God into them knowing that they may end up in the same position as Ezra had been and was again.
The new day finally dawned, it had seemed like days to Ezra instead of a few hours. The doors would open soon and he was going to have to shower with these men. Fuck! Why did he come back? The hour passed agonisingly slow for Ezra Standish and his mind took the opportunity to replay in his mind what had happened. If Chris were here right now, he would grab onto him and never let go. He was terrified, scared shitless. If it happened again, he wouldn't survive, he wouldn't allow himself to.
The cell doors were opened and the familiar sound of a baton banging the bars came closer to his cell. It stopped when Jeffery Thomas reached his cell.
"Well, if it ain't the pretty boy. Thought you weren't coming back, I'm sure there will be some people here that would be happy to see you."
Ezra cringed in terror and Thomas saw the fear in his eyes. He winked at the prisoner then moved on.
The undercover agent frowned, there was a knowing look behind the wink, something comforting or so he thought. Maybe Thomas knew who he was but he wasn't going to confront him about it just in case.
Ezra stepped out of the cell and joined the line as it made its way to the showers. Once there he stripped like everyone else, he didn't have a choice. As he washed himself, he could notice some of the others watching him. He felt shame and disgust towards his body. No, it wasn't his fault, it was theirs. That's what Sammat had told him. He wasn't asking them to look or admire or touch. He wasn't encouraging it. He purposely took a little longer to shower, he had to, he needed to get over his fear and this was the place to do it. No one came near him, he was grateful but it didn't mean it wouldn't happen tomorrow.
Breakfast was the same, a few men sat with him but they left him alone. They didn't acknowledge him or talk to him. It was as though they were afraid of catching something. They wouldn't, his tests had come back negative, which the doctor had said was a small miracle. The man had expected at least some sort of sexual disease to be found. Ezra had almost hit him but a stab of fear at doing so had stopped him. He had never been afraid to confront someone physically, it had been the first time it had happened. It had made him feel sick to the stomach.
The morning he spent in the library was quiet but he hadn't failed to notice that Thomas was one of the guards on duty. Ezra knew it wasn't right, the man usually guarded the workshop. Ezra was becoming worried, this man was after him, he had noticed the way he had looked at him from day one and if anyone was going to hurt him, Thomas would be able to do it without being interrupted. He made sure that he stayed close to the other prisoners, they may be old but hopefully they would do something to help him.
Ezra was packing the last of the books away when he was confronted. Thomas stood between the bookshelves stopping Ezra from escaping. Ezra's heart stopped, at least it felt as though it had stopped. The sudden noise of it beating within his skull told him he was still alive. He wished only for a quick death.
"Heard you had a hard time with Hauton." he smiled at the fear the prisoner before him held in his eyes.
"Lawden took care of him for you. Seems you didn't have the guts to do it yourself."
Ezra didn't say anything, he couldn't. The fear that was running through him caused his throat to constrict to the point that it was even difficult to breath.
Thomas removed a small gun from under his shirt. "Thought you might want a bit of protection, that's if you have the guts to use it."
The undercover agent looked at the gun first then at the face in front of him. This was the man who had given Kyle the weapon to end his life. The fear was suddenly replaced by anger and he charged the guard who had killed by giving prisoners a weapon to use. The innocent father who had killed himself also came to the forefront of his mind.
___________________________________________________________
Vin was sleeping, and 'was' is the correct term. He'd been on stakeouts before with Chris but he'd never been so irritating. Could he blame him? No and yes. He knew Chris was worried sick about Ezra, they all were, but, he, it's just, he's being so damn irritating. His sleep had been restless, and when dawn finally arrived, he didn't want to wake up. That's how bad it had been. He pulled the thick blanket up higher and turned away from the questioning glance he knew was being aimed at him. What did he want this time?
"Think he's okay in there?" Chris knew Vin wasn't asleep, neither of them had been able to sleep.
"Hope so." Vin answered without opening his eyes.
"Think he's going to be okay in there?"
"Hope so."
"Think he's going to come out of it okay?"
"Hope so."
"Got anything else to say?"
"Hope so."
Vin wasn't any help but having him here with him was a sort of comfort. The others had constantly come and gone. They wouldn't phone, somehow they had know they would scare the shit out of Chris and Vin if either of their mobiles began to ring.
"Think I should ring Henly and check on him?"
"If it would make your feel any better but I doubt Henly's in yet."
"Oh, okay." Chris nodded. "I'll call him when he gets in."
Vin gave up, he wasn't going to get any sleep now. The man next to him wasn't going to allow him to get any. He pushed the blanket away, actually tossed it at his friend. "I hate it too Chris but it's what he wants. We have to let him finish it."
"But I don't want it!"
"He doesn't care."
"Never does, about himself that is."
"That's Ezra for you, always thinks of others first."
"Just wish he would think about himself for a change." Chris poured some coffee and handed the cup to Vin.
"Chris," Vin turned to face him, "this time Ezra is thinking about himself."
___________________________________________________________
Thomas was too shocked to react, he thought the man was afraid of his own shadow. He raised the gun but the smaller body slammed into him causing him to take a few steps backwards. But his bulk stopped him from falling. He used a powerful blow with the butt of the gun to remove his attacker.
Ezra fell to the floor but didn't stay there for very long. He stood up and glared at the man before him. He was going to take him down, even if he had to die doing it. Ezra forced his body to relax, he needed to be calm. His smaller frame wasn't going to beat Thomas physically, he would have to out think him. This was something Ezra had to do most of his life. Bullies had always been taller or heavier than him but he found a way around that.
He faked a punch to the left and when Thomas moved to duck the blow Ezra kicked out with his left foot. It landed heavily into the guard's stomach. He bent over gasping for breath. The Southerner kicked out again, this time the heel of his boot slammed against the unprotected jaw of the gun supplier. Thomas was knocked off his feet.
Ezra waited without realising that Thomas was faking as well. A foot kicked out and knocked Ezra's feet out from under him. He fell to the floor. Before he could get up again a strong hand gripped his throat and pulled him to his feet. Ezra struggled against the hold. Thomas moved quickly towards the wall taking Ezra with him. Ezra was slammed up against the wall, the breath was forced unwillingly from his lungs. He panicked, he couldn't help it, and the fear of what might happen terrified him.
"It was a pity Lawden died, I always got a good price for turning my back for that one."
Ezra threw his head forward, he knew it wouldn't be a strong blow but hopefully it would weaken the hold on his throat. It did. He forced his arms upwards knocking Thomas' hands away. He threw a right uppercut that barely made any difference. He repeated the move. This time the lip, he hit split, the blood ran from it down the chin and onto the uniformed shirt.
Thomas hit out with his own fist and it connected. Ezra's head snapped back and hit the wall. He struggled to stand on his feet. Another fist struck his jaw and he collapsed into a heap.
"Think maybe I should teach you a lesson, what some more of what Hauton gave you?" he kicked Ezra's side. "Well, you want some more of this . . . "
Ezra kicked out, this time he heard cartilage give way when his boot connected with Thomas' knee. The howl of pain told him he had succeed in defeating his opponent. The man wouldn't be able to fight well enough with a damaged knee. Or so Ezra thought.
Thomas bent down and struck Ezra across the face with his baton. Ezra yelled at himself, how stupid could he be to have forgotten that weapon. Stars danced in front of his eyes and he felt the blow against his shoulder. He had to get up or he was going to be defeated and he knew what that would mean. His right fist caught the stick before it could strike again. When Thomas tried to pull it away from him, Ezra used the momentum to help pull himself to his feet. He kicked the injured knee a second time, it allowed him to pull the weapon from Thomas' hands. Then he used it. After three forceful blows to the skull, Thomas fell to the floor and stayed there. The Southerner stood over him, his chest heaving as he struggled to breath. The weapon fell from his hands. He stepped over the guard and picked up the gun that had fallen from the victim's hand. Victim, he was no longer the victim, not anymore.
Ezra walked away until he reached a corner. He slid to the floor and stared at the unconscious man before him. If he had done this earlier, Kyle would still be alive. A feeling of strength filled him but the fear was still there. Sammat had told him it would be there for a long time but it wouldn't be strong enough to stop him from doing his job. Not once he accepted what had happened. He had gained some control of his life back. This was now over for him but not for the other men in this prison.
___________________________________________________________
Vin was ready to hit him, he'd never done it before, said he never would but this was different. This was infuriating, Larabee was literally driving him nuts. His fist was clenched and ready to strike the first blow. First was right, he knew Chris would retaliate, why wouldn't he. He would just have to beat him before Chris beat the crap out of him.
A mobile began to ring. Each man jumped, swore and checked their phones. Chris answered his.
"Larabee!" he held his breath then released it. "What already? Damn that man can work quick when he wants to." he listened for a few more seconds while trying to fight Vin off. "He okay?" a few more seconds passed and he smiled at the threatening clenched fist that appeared in front of his face. "We'll be there in a couple of minutes. Leave him be until we get there. He's ours to take care of." he hung up and looked out the window.
"Well!" Vin practically yelled him.
Chris sighed, he was going to take his time, teach the sharp shooter a lesson, it was Vin's fault, and the damn man could be so irritating at times. Chris didn't know why he allowed him to come, if the phone hadn't rung, he would have hit him.
"Ezra's fine. One of the guards approached him and offered him a gun. Ezra lost it, beat the crap out of him."
"Shit!" Vin groaned.
"Let's go get him shall we and take him home."
"What are you waiting for? My permission. Shit, you're a pain in the ass, anyone tell you that?"
"What do you mean me? You’re the one that's a pain in the ass Tanner, and a big one at that, sometimes I feel like I've got a gigantic splinter in my butt . . . hold on a sec, that's Ezra. Jesus, I got two of you. No wonder I'm in such a bad mood all the time."
"You going to complain all day or are you going to drive?"
"Shut the fuck up!"
___________________________________________________________
Chris and Vin stepped into the library. They expected to find a mess but none was forthcoming. The fight had taken place in a corner at the back of the room. The warden led them towards their friend. They found Ezra sitting in a corner holding onto a gun. Chris felt the fear run through him and he almost panicked. A nudge from Vin got him moving. Once again, he sat down in front of Ezra, this time cross-legged.
"You got him then Ezra."
Ezra looked up at the sound of Chris' voice. He smiled, but the movement didn't stretch enough to show his dimples. He may have caught the bad guy but he wasn't happy. He nodded.
"You want to give me that?"
Ezra handed the gun over to his boss without an argument.
"I was scared Chris, didn't think I could do it for a minute there, then he mentioned Kyle. Guess I got a bit angry."
"A bit. The guy's got a broken knee and a cracked skull."
"If I let him beat me he would have . . . " Ezra drew his knees up to his chest.
"It's okay Ezra. Me, I would have killed him."
"I wanted to." Ezra said seriously.
"But you didn't." Chris told him. "You're not like him Ezra."
"No . . . " he shook his head.
"Let's get you out of here Ezra, there's no need for you to stay any longer. The local police will wrap it up, come and take a statement from you tomorrow. You can do your report when you get home."
Ezra nodded and allowed Chris and Vin to help him get to his feet. They led him out of the library and through the various doors until they were outside. Chris held onto Ezra's arm tightly, he could feel the tremors that were starting. His friend was probably going to suffer from shock, a delayed reaction. He would have to get Nathan to check him over. Then again, maybe not, Nathan might decide that it was better for Ezra to stay in bed for a couple of days. Chris didn't want that. He would allow Ezra to talk to Sammat and then they were leaving. Ezra wasn't going to stay in Tucson any longer than he had to. When they reached the car Vin got into the driver's seat and Chris followed Ezra into the back.
The man was now visibly shaking. Chris reached forward and accepted the blanket that Vin was handing to him. He tucked it around Ezra's shoulders and under his chin. He was going to lose it, Chris could see it in Ezra's eyes. Good, it was what he needed.
Ezra searched the car for something to occupy his mind. He was losing control, he knew it. The rubbish in the car was something that he could use.
"You been living here long?"
"Only since you went back in, wanted to stay close to you." Chris explained to him.
"Uh huh, not what I would have . . . chosen . . . "
Chris listened as Ezra's voice broke. He wrapped his arm around the Southerner's shoulders and pulled him close as the tears began to fall.
"It's over Ezra."
Vin twisted in his seat, he reached out and squeezed Ezra's knee in a touch of comfort. He couldn't see the anguished features of his friend, Chris had buried Ezra's head with his free arm. Ezra's shoulders shook in a
show of emotion.
"It's over Ezra." Chris repeated to him and pulled him even closer, he held on tightly knowing that it was what Ezra needed. "Vin," Chris nodded to him.
Vin returned the nod, he started the car and drove out of the car park and away from the prison.
___________________________________________________________
His bare feet enjoyed the feel of the long grass that surrounded them, the toes wiggled and played with the long pieces of green foliage. The boots he had been wearing lay by his side. The men who had accompanied him now stood by the car. They understood that he wanted and needed some time alone. Chris had allowed them to leave the hotel early so he could do this. When his time was up, he would be taken home. It's what he wanted, he couldn't and didn't want to stay here. But it had been arranged without his permission for him to come back once a month and talk to John Sammat. Ezra thought it was something that he could have done over the phone but the man had insisted that it be in person.
Sleep had eluded him that night and he was paying for it. His eyelids were heavy, their need to close and cover the green orbs was strong. Too often, he was assaulted by a fit of yawning. He wanted to sleep, for a month if he could but his nightmares wouldn't allow it. Neither would Chris, his boss had insisted that he spend the next few weeks at his ranch. Chris didn't want him living alone, Ezra had silently agreed. The thought of being alone, especially at night scared him. It was going to take time to adjust, to accept and deal with what had happened, to deal with being raped.
Ezra knew he still had at least twenty minutes, he lay down on his back, the grass causing his neck it itch. He ignored it and lay his hands on his stomach. The smell of fresh flowers wafted into his nasal passages, he had brought them with him and placed it at the gravesite of Kyle Lawden. The young man hadn't had any relatives, no one had been there to see him buried. They had put him the ground quickly, not knowing that there was one person who had wanted to be there. But he was here now, that was the important thing. Ezra had spoken to Kyle for almost an hour and now he was content to lay beside him.
Someone sat down beside him, he didn't have to look, and he knew who it was. Chris had been there for him, so had the others but for some reason Chris understood. He knew about some of the emotions he had felt. Knew what to say to him and how to say it. The others had stayed back to allow Chris to do what was needed, but they had comforted him in their own way. Each man different in their way, Ezra had been grateful. They made him smile, laugh, eat and sleep. Some even aggravated him just to get some of the anger out, Chris was very good at that. They kept him from finding solitude by hiding in a corner and shutting them out. He wouldn't have been able to carry on with his life without these men.
"I don't know how to thank you guys." Ezra stared at the clear blue sky above him.
"No need Ezra, you came through and your still with us, that's thanks enough as far as we're concern." Chris sat cross-legged and picked at the grass in front of him. His eyes stared at the cross that had been placed at the head of the grave. There was no one to purchase one. Chris knew that Ezra would want to so they had all pitched in and one had been ordered. Kyle Lawden wasn't going to be left in a grave that was marked only by a wooden cross.
"You and the others got me through it Chris, not me, I'm still a mess."
"And you will be for a while Ezra, you know that, but you also know that in time you'll be back to your normal self. It's something that's going to stay with you though, there will be days when it's going to come back and hit you in the face . . . "
"You mean the next time a woman wants to have sex with me." Ezra smiled but inside the thought scared him. Would a woman ever want him knowing that he had been forcefully taken by a man, by three men. Would he even be able to do it.
"Yeah, the right woman will understand Ezra."
"Maybe."
"Don't even know if I could do it, would even want to."
"That'll come with time Ezra."
"You always know what to say don't you?" Ezra finally looked up at him.
"It doesn't matter what sort of traumatic event that occurs Ezra, usually the resulting emotions are either the same or very similar. There's guilt, shame, anger, and it also takes time to deal with and get over it. I still don't know if I could ever love another woman or even have another child for that matter. I'm scared that all I'll see is Sarah and Adam and not the new family. Would I eventually resent them because they were there and not my first wife and son. We all tend to think the same thing Ezra, just in different ways and for different reasons."
"Wish my mother had told me that when I was younger, life would have been a lot easier." he sat up but looked away from his friend. "I can imagine what she would say if she were to find out."
Chris also knew and if were there when she opened her mouth he would close it with his fist.
"She won't find out from us." Chris told him.
"Nor me."
"You ready to go home?"
"Yeah."
"Come on then," Chris stood up and reached down to help Ezra to his feet. He had to wait a couple of minutes, Ezra was saying his last goodbye to a young that hadn't deserved the life that he had gotten. He easily pulled Ezra to his feet and together they walked back to their friends and began the journey home.
The End
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
Master Fan Fiction List
Rating: PG
Warnings: Strong Language.
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
AU: ATF
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest of the guys.
Summary: Ezra goes undercover within a prison and befriends a young man who is a victim of prison rape.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Spoilers: None
Status: Complete
Total Word Count: 25,918
Sammat spent a lot of time with Ezra over the next few days. His friends could see a slight improvement when it came to his emotional state. The speech that was once slow was now back to normal. His green eyes were clearing, the haunted look was leaving, it was a slow process but he was moving forward. Sammat had informed them that Ezra still had a long way to go, it would still take a few more weeks of regular sessions then he wanted to see him at least once a month. Travis had agreed, the ATF would pay the expenses for Ezra to return once a month. Anything to get the undercover agent back.
Ezra sat alone in the patient's recreation room. The others were close but they were giving him the privacy he needed. They could be with him twenty-four hours a day for the rest of his life. Maybe every night for the rest of his life but not the days. The nightmares were still there, they always will be but they would lesson and become rare.
The sun shone through the window, the warmth causing a slight sheen of sweat to form on his forehead. But he wasn't willing to move out of the light. It felt right to him, normal and that's what he wanted. Normal. It helped him. His friends, family now, had been good for him. They were there when he needed them, they left him alone when he needed solace. He couldn't understand why he had been afraid of them, why he would think they would be angry at him for what happened. He'd been stupid. But John had told him that it was natural to react that way and that he was lucky to have such good friends that stood by him. Not a lot of people had that in life.
Ezra would never doubt his friends again. Never.
He didn't turn when he heard footsteps coming towards him, he knew who it was by the sound that was being made by the cowboy boots. A chair scraped against the floor and Ezra winced at the irritating sound. The man was never quite.
"How you doin' Ezra?" Chris asked him as he struggled to pull the heavy chair closer to his friend.
"Don't really know Chris." Ezra answered honestly.
"Physically?"
"If you mean can I have a crap without pain, then yes I'm feeling better." Ezra looked away from the window.
"Yep that's what I mean." Chris nodded in sympathy. He had no idea what the pain had been like. He wanted to know but Ezra wouldn't tell him. Chris wanted to know everything that Ezra was going through. Not for selfish reasons but because it would help him to help Ezra.
"Where's everyone else?"
Chris looked over his shoulder to see Vin peeking around the corner. "Out there, you ready for company yet?"
"No, just need some peace and quiet for a while."
"I'll shut up then shall I."
Ezra smiled, he couldn't help it. Chris was making him feel better, he couldn't explain why. Perhaps it was because he knew Chris had once gone through a traumatic event. It wasn't the same but the feelings were similar.
"Thanks Chris."
"That's okay Ezra."
"For being here, all of you, for being here." he looked back out of the window when he heard the siren, the ambulance came speeding into his view then slowed down. The siren stopped abruptly. Ezra sighed when he thought about the occupant that must have died in the vehicle. "I thought you would have run a mile when you found out. I didn't trust you to understand. But you did, I should have known better. I won't make that mistake again Chris."
"It's understandable not to trust anyone under those circumstances Ezra." Chris nodded, he understood with all his heart. He hadn't trusted anyone, not even Buck, after his family was murdered. "You were scared, you still are and will be for a while."
"Scared, that's a joke. I didn't even feel that scared when I stayed with relatives. There were two in particular that use to enjoy beating me. Nothing serious but enough to cause me to take a few days off school so no one would question the bruises." he looked sideways at Chris. "I'd never been so scared in my life Chris, when I knew what was going to happen I froze, I was terrified, I couldn't fight back anymore, and I let them do that to me."
"First of all Ezra, it's okay to be scared, you have every right to be. And secondly, they had you pinned down in a certain way so you were incapable of fighting back. It's not that you let them Ezra, you couldn't stop them. None of us would have been able to stop them."
"But it wasn't any of you, it was me."
"I'm sorry Ezra, you know if we could change places I would in a heartbeat."
"I know Chris."
They fell silent. Chris looked over his shoulder to see Vin talking to the Judge. He didn't like the look on Vin's face, he kept turning to look at Ezra. What the hell was going on now? He was about to find out, Vin was walking towards him.
Vin walked slowly, he didn't want to do this. He had broken the news to the guys about what had happened and now he was bringing more bad news for Ezra. The Southerner wasn't going to take it well, they he knew and understood. Why would he? The young man had become a friend in a hellhole that didn't hold any true friendships, only alliances.
Chris stayed silent while Vin moved to the window and sat on the ledge. The Texan was facing Ezra, the expression on his face said it all. The news was bad and Ezra wasn't going to like it.
"Ezra." Vin waited until he had Ezra's attention. "The Judge just informed me . . . " he stopped when he saw the look in Ezra's eyes, he couldn't do this. Vin looked at Chris who was frowning in confusion. No, he didn't have a choice, he couldn't take Chris out of the room and tell him so he could then break it to Ezra.
"Kyle Lawden died this morning, he got a gun from somebody in the prison, shot and killed Jacob Hauton then turned the gun on himself. I'm sorry Ezra."
Ezra nodded, he knew Vin was sorry, they all would be.
"Ezra,"
"I'm okay, just need some time alone." Ezra assured them.
"You sure?" Chris asked him.
"Yeah, . . . I'm . . ." but he wasn't. He couldn't stop the large sob that escaped him. Damn it, the boy was so young, he didn't deserve that kind of life, or the kind of death he had given himself. His shoulders heaved then slowed as he fought to control himself. A hand was placed on his shoulder and he pushed it off. Anger was beginning to replace the tears. If he had done his job, he would have caught the man responsible and Kyle would still be alive.
"Ezra, it's okay." Chris told him as he tried to put his arm back again.
"No it's not okay!" Ezra shoved Chris away.
He stood up quickly pushing the chair he had been sitting on away. His feet began to walk backwards when he saw Chris and Vin coming towards him.
"Ezra . . . "
"Get away from me . . . get the hell away from me!" he picked up the chair he had pushed away and threw it without thinking.
Chris and Vin saw what was about to happen and managed to get out of the way just as the chair flew past them close enough for them to feel it's angered breath.
But Ezra's anger grew, it was aimed at himself, at the men who had raped him, at Kyle for taking the easy way out, at his friends who didn't understand what he was feeling. He began to pick up anything that was within reach and throw it at the two men who were trying to help him.
Chris and Vin could only duck and weave as they tried to protect themselves from the flying objects that for some unknown reason to them were being thrown at them.
"Come on Ezra, take it easy, there's no reason to throw things at us." Vin tried to use his hands in a gesture of surrender to calm the man down. The only useful things the hands did were to protect him from a magazine holder. He swore loud enough to be heard by the angry man but it didn't stop Ezra from continuing what he was doing.
"Ezra stop it!" Chris ordered him.
"Get out!" Ezra retorted.
"Ezra I know your angry . . . "
"What the fuck do you know!" Ezra yelled as he searched for something to throw. "Nothing! Fucking nothing is what you know."
"No I don't Ezra, I don't know how you feel, what it felt like . . . "
"Felt like?! Is that what you want to know?! Is that what you want me to tell you?!"
Three men burst into the room, two orderlies and one doctor. The noise had been heard and reported to the nurses’ station. Ezra saw them immediately and his first reaction was to run, under normal circumstances he would stand and fight, but things weren't normal at the moment. He had nowhere to go, only a corner to flee into. He collapsed to the ground and covered his head with his hands.
Chris saw the reaction and ran to intercept the three men. Vin was right by his side and the two of them struggled to stop the muscled men from reaching their friend.
"Leave him be!" Chris yelled at them.
Vin was thrown to the side. They didn't care about the two men trying to stop them. Their main concern was the agitated patient, they needed to get him quiet before he upset the other patients on the floor. One orderly struggled with Chris. Vin got back to his feet and ran towards Ezra. There was no need. Buck and Josiah and appeared out of nowhere and were protecting Ezra with their bodies. They could hear the fearful whimpers of their friend and did their best to ignore him. If they were distracted then they would be removed and the goons would then get to Ezra. And that wasn't what they wanted.
Chris found himself pinned to the ground by the heavy orderly, there was nothing more he could do for Ezra, his head was turned the wrong way so he couldn't even see what was happening. The weight suddenly left his body and he jumped up to continue the fight only to find Nathan and JD warning him off. He ignored them and moved quickly to Ezra. Nathan and JD joined the human wall that was protecting the Southerner. No one was getting past them.
"Ezra." Chris knew it was going to be hard to get through to his friend.
Ezra was pushing himself backwards as though he was hoping the wall would swallow him up. It wouldn't. Fear was written all over his face, no, it was more like terror and Chris hadn't seen anything like it on the handsome countenance since he'd known Ezra. Chris moved closer, their protectors were now behind him. Making sure that he wasn't too close, Chris sat down, one leg was underneath him, the other bent in case he had to move quickly. He may need to protect himself or Ezra quickly.
"Ezra, talk to me."
The frightened man shook his head.
"Was he a friend?" he knew he was but he had to try something else, ask him something, anything to get him talking.
"He was just a kid Chris . . . JD's age . . . if I did my job instead . . . "
"It wasn't your fault Ezra, you didn't put him in there, you didn't rape him almost every night, and you didn't give him the gun."
"I should have done something . . . I should . . . "
"I had the same thought Ezra," the green eyes looked up at him in confusion, "when I spoke to him a few of days ago, my first thought was to talk to the Judge, try and get him out of there. I haven't spoken to him yet, I should have done it sooner. The world is full of should have's and if I's, but sometimes there is nothing we can do to prevent something from happening Ezra. You can't take responsibility for something that you couldn't stop."
"He was just a kid, if he had a different life, he could have been JD."
"I know Ezra, but not everyone gets the chances that JD had and does."
"No, they don't." Ezra looked down and saw the position he was still struggling to get into. He could feel the wall pressing against his back. The green eyes looked upwards and saw the group of men that were surrounding him. He couldn't help but smile, he had friends, good friends that would always take care of him. "I must look like an idiot."
"Well, yeah, you do a bit." Chris smiled back at him.
"Did I hit anyone?"
"No, you have a lousy throwing arm."
"Chris," Ezra took a breath then spoke again, "it was my intention to miss, I was afraid that with your bad reflexes, you would have jumped in front of a moving object."
"Whatever makes you feel better Ezra." Chris reached out to help Ezra up. A strong grip was returned and he pulled the Southerner to his feet. He held on as the trembling legs took their time to steady themselves.
Ezra didn't reply. 'Whatever made him feel better'. He knew what would but would the others allow him to do it.
"Let's get you back to bed before these imbeciles do their job."
"That's no way to talk about your men Mr Larabee."
"You feeling okay now Ezra?" Vin asked as the two men walked passed them.
"No." was the simple statement.
Vin nodded anyway. The man may not be feeling any better but at least he was no longer throwing things at him.
___________________________________________________________
This time the silence was different. It wasn't through depression, or anger but because of thought. The undercover agent was thinking, planning something and Chris knew he wasn't going to like it. He had an idea of what was going on inside Ezra's mind and he wanted to put a stop to it. To slap some sense into him but he wouldn't dare raise a fist to him, not under any circumstances. Obviously, there were times that he wanted to, but he didn't, wouldn't. He always found other ways to deal with the sometimes-irritating man.
Vin stood by his side, he also knew that something was going on. They were just waiting for Ezra to say it. He was going to say no as soon as the Southerner opened his mouth. It wasn't going to happen. Not now and not later. Someone else could do it. He would even do it. Anything to stop Ezra from doing what he wanted.
Sammat had left Ezra only a few minutes ago. Chris wanted to know what he had said. Yes or no. If he said yes then there was going to be hell to pay. How did he know what was best for Ezra. He didn't, he wasn't a friend, and he didn't know what Ezra had been through most of his life.
Chris and Vin watched from the doorway of the hospital room. Ezra was packing the few things that he had with him, things that they had brought in for him. The doctor had given him permission to leave. He had healed enough physically. Even the physical disturbance he had created a few days ago hadn't done any extra damage to his ribs. If there was one thing about Ezra Standish, it was that he healed quickly. His body was use to physical trauma, his mind also. It was the emotional trauma that he wasn't use to, it took longer to heal.
Ezra turned to face the two men, his carry bag was held in his right hand. He was ready, if he didn't do it now he never would.
"I want to go . . . "
"No!" Chris and Vin spoke together. They knew what Ezra was going to say and they both and the same answer to the question they didn't want to hear.
"But I haven't finished what I was going to say."
"We knew what you wanted to say and the answer is still no."
"I have to do it Chris . . . "
"No!" the two men said together again.
"Can I at least finish what I want to say?"
"No!"
"Jesus Chris, I thought you would help me get back the control that I lost!" Ezra growled at him.
"That's not going to do it Ezra."
"John said it would."
"Sammat's an asshole."
"He may be an asshole but he understands, he's been through it, you haven't. He knows I need to do this, if I don't I'm not going to be any good to you. I'll be scared for the rest of my life."
"But I can't protect you in there Ezra."
"That's the idea Chris."
"I can't let you go back Ezra, I won't."
"You don't have a choice Chris, John is going to talk to the Judge, I'm sure he'll allow me to go back in."
"What if something happens Ezra?" Vin asked him. "How do you think we'll feel knowing that we let you back in there and something else happened."
"This isn't about you Vin, or Chris, or any of the others. This is about me. I need to get control of my life back. I don't want to stay scared, I can't live like this. I need my job, I need you guys, without them I'm nothing. I have to do it."
"Who's idea was it? Yours or his?"
"It's my idea Chris, Sammat isn't that smart, just understanding." Ezra smiled.
"I don't like, I don't agree with it, I don't want you going back there. But if the Judge allows it, I won't have a choice will I?"
"No."
Chris nodded. He didn't understand, didn't want to. He was afraid for his friend. Ezra would be alone in there. Alone with his fears. What if something did happen. He prayed that it wouldn't.
"Let's get you back to the hotel. Go over it."
Ezra moved forward and stopped next to Chris. "Thanks."
"Don't thank me Ezra, I hate the idea." Chris pushed him out of the room and sighed at Vin. What could they do. Again, they could do nothing.
___________________________________________________________
The door cell slammed shut, the lights went out. But Ezra knew he wasn't alone. There were other men in the cell with him and he knew what they wanted. He ran to the door that prevented his escape and began to scream for help. There was no help coming, not even his friends. They didn't want him to come back here, they knew this would happen, why didn't he? A hand grabbed his shoulder and he screamed even louder.
Ezra jerked awake. For a moment, he didn't know where he was, then the familiar snoring of Buck Wilmington assured him that he was okay. He sat up and flung the damp sheets off his trembling body. His eyes searched the room for what he knew would be there, six men in different positions. Some sleeping and others watching him.
"You okay?" Chris moved to the bed and sat down.
"Yeah, a dream." Ezra answered then rubbed his face with the palms of his hands. "Just a dream."
"Want to talk about it?"
"It was going to happen again, there was more of them this time." Ezra told him.
"That's what I'm afraid of happening." Chris admitted. "I don't want you going back into that prison Ezra. None of us do."
"I don't want to either Chris but I have to."
"You don't have to Ezra."
"That's what you don't understand Chris, I have to do it."
"Because of Kyle?"
"No," Ezra began to play with the sheets, "for me Chris, for me."
Chris nodded. "Go back to sleep Ezra, you're going to have a long day tomorrow."
Ezra lay back down on his side and closed his eyes, he wasn't going to go back to sleep. Neither was Chris, in fact the leader wasn't going to be able to sleep until it was over and he knew his agent was safe and back with his team in Denver.
___________________________________________________________
Chris' mind was in turmoil, it was also full of fear. He had watched as Ezra had been returned to the prison. He had walked through the door in chains with four guards surrounding him. He was able to see the fear in Ezra's body language. If only he could have gone in his place. The haunted look had returned to the green eyes that morning and Chris wanted to do anything and everything that he could to stop the undercover agent from going back. But he didn't want to go against Ezra's wishes, it's what the man wanted, he only wished that Ezra would come out of it unharmed, emotionally and physically.
The vehicle he now sat in was parked far enough away so that it wouldn't be noticed but close enough for him to be there within seconds if he received an unwanted phone call. He glanced to his side, Vin sat there reading the morning newspaper, a half drunk cup of coffee sat on the dashboard. The flask was nearly empty but he knew the others would arrive soon with more supplies.
Ezra had now been in there for nearly five hours and as each minute passed, Chris was grateful that his mobile hadn't rung. He began to fidget, move things then put them back again. If he could pace he would. The sound of a rustling newspaper caught his attention, he knew it was Vin's way of telling him to keep still. He ignored him and began to slap his hands against his thighs then look at his watch again. This time the rustling was louder, an agitated sound that warned him of something more violent that was forthcoming. He still ignored the warning. Whistle, that's what he'd do. Only a few simple notes had been issued from his lips when a closed fist hit him hard on his upper arm.
"Shut up, sit still, or get out!" Vin told him.
"And who made you boss?"
"You did when you said I could come with you. Now shut the hell up, I'm trying to read the paper!"
"O . . . kay!"
Read the paper my ass, you're just as worried as I am.
"So what if I am, I have a right to be, now leave it alone."
Chris jumped in surprise, he knew the Texan often read his mind but not like this. Sometimes it was uncanny. The man was weird. He decided to shut up and stay still but it was hard, very hard and he didn't know how many more hours he would be sitting here. He hoped that it wasn't for long.
___________________________________________________________
Ezra lay on the bottom bunk and stared up at the bed above him. The fear he felt gripped his heart within a tight fist. He watched for any type of movement that told him the man above him was moving, that he was going to jump off the bed and come for him. A scream of no made him sit up quickly and stare through the bars to the outer area, it was happening to someone else and the only thing he thought was that he was grateful it wasn't happening to him. He regretted that he had made the decision to do this. Why couldn't Chris have been more forceful and physically restrain him from returning to this hellhole.
So far, he had been safe. Most of the day was spent working in the library where the prisoners were much older. He had received knowing looks all day, they knew what had happened to him. Some winked at him and licked their lowers lips, others grabbed their crotch and shook it in front of him. But most of the expressions he had received were sympathetic. Ezra silently wondered how long he was going to have to stay here before someone approached him about protection. He'd already spent more time in here than he wanted to. It was still a few hours until the morning and another day of hell and he spent the remainder of those hours in total fear of what might happen again.
One of the men who had raped him was now dead and the other two did not know his true identity. When Hanley was told, he was returning they were transferred to another cellblock. The two guards that had allowed it to happen were fired on the day. Travis had arranged for them to be charged with accessory to rape, he didn't think it would stick but he knew it would put the fear of God into them knowing that they may end up in the same position as Ezra had been and was again.
The new day finally dawned, it had seemed like days to Ezra instead of a few hours. The doors would open soon and he was going to have to shower with these men. Fuck! Why did he come back? The hour passed agonisingly slow for Ezra Standish and his mind took the opportunity to replay in his mind what had happened. If Chris were here right now, he would grab onto him and never let go. He was terrified, scared shitless. If it happened again, he wouldn't survive, he wouldn't allow himself to.
The cell doors were opened and the familiar sound of a baton banging the bars came closer to his cell. It stopped when Jeffery Thomas reached his cell.
"Well, if it ain't the pretty boy. Thought you weren't coming back, I'm sure there will be some people here that would be happy to see you."
Ezra cringed in terror and Thomas saw the fear in his eyes. He winked at the prisoner then moved on.
The undercover agent frowned, there was a knowing look behind the wink, something comforting or so he thought. Maybe Thomas knew who he was but he wasn't going to confront him about it just in case.
Ezra stepped out of the cell and joined the line as it made its way to the showers. Once there he stripped like everyone else, he didn't have a choice. As he washed himself, he could notice some of the others watching him. He felt shame and disgust towards his body. No, it wasn't his fault, it was theirs. That's what Sammat had told him. He wasn't asking them to look or admire or touch. He wasn't encouraging it. He purposely took a little longer to shower, he had to, he needed to get over his fear and this was the place to do it. No one came near him, he was grateful but it didn't mean it wouldn't happen tomorrow.
Breakfast was the same, a few men sat with him but they left him alone. They didn't acknowledge him or talk to him. It was as though they were afraid of catching something. They wouldn't, his tests had come back negative, which the doctor had said was a small miracle. The man had expected at least some sort of sexual disease to be found. Ezra had almost hit him but a stab of fear at doing so had stopped him. He had never been afraid to confront someone physically, it had been the first time it had happened. It had made him feel sick to the stomach.
The morning he spent in the library was quiet but he hadn't failed to notice that Thomas was one of the guards on duty. Ezra knew it wasn't right, the man usually guarded the workshop. Ezra was becoming worried, this man was after him, he had noticed the way he had looked at him from day one and if anyone was going to hurt him, Thomas would be able to do it without being interrupted. He made sure that he stayed close to the other prisoners, they may be old but hopefully they would do something to help him.
Ezra was packing the last of the books away when he was confronted. Thomas stood between the bookshelves stopping Ezra from escaping. Ezra's heart stopped, at least it felt as though it had stopped. The sudden noise of it beating within his skull told him he was still alive. He wished only for a quick death.
"Heard you had a hard time with Hauton." he smiled at the fear the prisoner before him held in his eyes.
"Lawden took care of him for you. Seems you didn't have the guts to do it yourself."
Ezra didn't say anything, he couldn't. The fear that was running through him caused his throat to constrict to the point that it was even difficult to breath.
Thomas removed a small gun from under his shirt. "Thought you might want a bit of protection, that's if you have the guts to use it."
The undercover agent looked at the gun first then at the face in front of him. This was the man who had given Kyle the weapon to end his life. The fear was suddenly replaced by anger and he charged the guard who had killed by giving prisoners a weapon to use. The innocent father who had killed himself also came to the forefront of his mind.
___________________________________________________________
Vin was sleeping, and 'was' is the correct term. He'd been on stakeouts before with Chris but he'd never been so irritating. Could he blame him? No and yes. He knew Chris was worried sick about Ezra, they all were, but, he, it's just, he's being so damn irritating. His sleep had been restless, and when dawn finally arrived, he didn't want to wake up. That's how bad it had been. He pulled the thick blanket up higher and turned away from the questioning glance he knew was being aimed at him. What did he want this time?
"Think he's okay in there?" Chris knew Vin wasn't asleep, neither of them had been able to sleep.
"Hope so." Vin answered without opening his eyes.
"Think he's going to be okay in there?"
"Hope so."
"Think he's going to come out of it okay?"
"Hope so."
"Got anything else to say?"
"Hope so."
Vin wasn't any help but having him here with him was a sort of comfort. The others had constantly come and gone. They wouldn't phone, somehow they had know they would scare the shit out of Chris and Vin if either of their mobiles began to ring.
"Think I should ring Henly and check on him?"
"If it would make your feel any better but I doubt Henly's in yet."
"Oh, okay." Chris nodded. "I'll call him when he gets in."
Vin gave up, he wasn't going to get any sleep now. The man next to him wasn't going to allow him to get any. He pushed the blanket away, actually tossed it at his friend. "I hate it too Chris but it's what he wants. We have to let him finish it."
"But I don't want it!"
"He doesn't care."
"Never does, about himself that is."
"That's Ezra for you, always thinks of others first."
"Just wish he would think about himself for a change." Chris poured some coffee and handed the cup to Vin.
"Chris," Vin turned to face him, "this time Ezra is thinking about himself."
___________________________________________________________
Thomas was too shocked to react, he thought the man was afraid of his own shadow. He raised the gun but the smaller body slammed into him causing him to take a few steps backwards. But his bulk stopped him from falling. He used a powerful blow with the butt of the gun to remove his attacker.
Ezra fell to the floor but didn't stay there for very long. He stood up and glared at the man before him. He was going to take him down, even if he had to die doing it. Ezra forced his body to relax, he needed to be calm. His smaller frame wasn't going to beat Thomas physically, he would have to out think him. This was something Ezra had to do most of his life. Bullies had always been taller or heavier than him but he found a way around that.
He faked a punch to the left and when Thomas moved to duck the blow Ezra kicked out with his left foot. It landed heavily into the guard's stomach. He bent over gasping for breath. The Southerner kicked out again, this time the heel of his boot slammed against the unprotected jaw of the gun supplier. Thomas was knocked off his feet.
Ezra waited without realising that Thomas was faking as well. A foot kicked out and knocked Ezra's feet out from under him. He fell to the floor. Before he could get up again a strong hand gripped his throat and pulled him to his feet. Ezra struggled against the hold. Thomas moved quickly towards the wall taking Ezra with him. Ezra was slammed up against the wall, the breath was forced unwillingly from his lungs. He panicked, he couldn't help it, and the fear of what might happen terrified him.
"It was a pity Lawden died, I always got a good price for turning my back for that one."
Ezra threw his head forward, he knew it wouldn't be a strong blow but hopefully it would weaken the hold on his throat. It did. He forced his arms upwards knocking Thomas' hands away. He threw a right uppercut that barely made any difference. He repeated the move. This time the lip, he hit split, the blood ran from it down the chin and onto the uniformed shirt.
Thomas hit out with his own fist and it connected. Ezra's head snapped back and hit the wall. He struggled to stand on his feet. Another fist struck his jaw and he collapsed into a heap.
"Think maybe I should teach you a lesson, what some more of what Hauton gave you?" he kicked Ezra's side. "Well, you want some more of this . . . "
Ezra kicked out, this time he heard cartilage give way when his boot connected with Thomas' knee. The howl of pain told him he had succeed in defeating his opponent. The man wouldn't be able to fight well enough with a damaged knee. Or so Ezra thought.
Thomas bent down and struck Ezra across the face with his baton. Ezra yelled at himself, how stupid could he be to have forgotten that weapon. Stars danced in front of his eyes and he felt the blow against his shoulder. He had to get up or he was going to be defeated and he knew what that would mean. His right fist caught the stick before it could strike again. When Thomas tried to pull it away from him, Ezra used the momentum to help pull himself to his feet. He kicked the injured knee a second time, it allowed him to pull the weapon from Thomas' hands. Then he used it. After three forceful blows to the skull, Thomas fell to the floor and stayed there. The Southerner stood over him, his chest heaving as he struggled to breath. The weapon fell from his hands. He stepped over the guard and picked up the gun that had fallen from the victim's hand. Victim, he was no longer the victim, not anymore.
Ezra walked away until he reached a corner. He slid to the floor and stared at the unconscious man before him. If he had done this earlier, Kyle would still be alive. A feeling of strength filled him but the fear was still there. Sammat had told him it would be there for a long time but it wouldn't be strong enough to stop him from doing his job. Not once he accepted what had happened. He had gained some control of his life back. This was now over for him but not for the other men in this prison.
___________________________________________________________
Vin was ready to hit him, he'd never done it before, said he never would but this was different. This was infuriating, Larabee was literally driving him nuts. His fist was clenched and ready to strike the first blow. First was right, he knew Chris would retaliate, why wouldn't he. He would just have to beat him before Chris beat the crap out of him.
A mobile began to ring. Each man jumped, swore and checked their phones. Chris answered his.
"Larabee!" he held his breath then released it. "What already? Damn that man can work quick when he wants to." he listened for a few more seconds while trying to fight Vin off. "He okay?" a few more seconds passed and he smiled at the threatening clenched fist that appeared in front of his face. "We'll be there in a couple of minutes. Leave him be until we get there. He's ours to take care of." he hung up and looked out the window.
"Well!" Vin practically yelled him.
Chris sighed, he was going to take his time, teach the sharp shooter a lesson, it was Vin's fault, and the damn man could be so irritating at times. Chris didn't know why he allowed him to come, if the phone hadn't rung, he would have hit him.
"Ezra's fine. One of the guards approached him and offered him a gun. Ezra lost it, beat the crap out of him."
"Shit!" Vin groaned.
"Let's go get him shall we and take him home."
"What are you waiting for? My permission. Shit, you're a pain in the ass, anyone tell you that?"
"What do you mean me? You’re the one that's a pain in the ass Tanner, and a big one at that, sometimes I feel like I've got a gigantic splinter in my butt . . . hold on a sec, that's Ezra. Jesus, I got two of you. No wonder I'm in such a bad mood all the time."
"You going to complain all day or are you going to drive?"
"Shut the fuck up!"
___________________________________________________________
Chris and Vin stepped into the library. They expected to find a mess but none was forthcoming. The fight had taken place in a corner at the back of the room. The warden led them towards their friend. They found Ezra sitting in a corner holding onto a gun. Chris felt the fear run through him and he almost panicked. A nudge from Vin got him moving. Once again, he sat down in front of Ezra, this time cross-legged.
"You got him then Ezra."
Ezra looked up at the sound of Chris' voice. He smiled, but the movement didn't stretch enough to show his dimples. He may have caught the bad guy but he wasn't happy. He nodded.
"You want to give me that?"
Ezra handed the gun over to his boss without an argument.
"I was scared Chris, didn't think I could do it for a minute there, then he mentioned Kyle. Guess I got a bit angry."
"A bit. The guy's got a broken knee and a cracked skull."
"If I let him beat me he would have . . . " Ezra drew his knees up to his chest.
"It's okay Ezra. Me, I would have killed him."
"I wanted to." Ezra said seriously.
"But you didn't." Chris told him. "You're not like him Ezra."
"No . . . " he shook his head.
"Let's get you out of here Ezra, there's no need for you to stay any longer. The local police will wrap it up, come and take a statement from you tomorrow. You can do your report when you get home."
Ezra nodded and allowed Chris and Vin to help him get to his feet. They led him out of the library and through the various doors until they were outside. Chris held onto Ezra's arm tightly, he could feel the tremors that were starting. His friend was probably going to suffer from shock, a delayed reaction. He would have to get Nathan to check him over. Then again, maybe not, Nathan might decide that it was better for Ezra to stay in bed for a couple of days. Chris didn't want that. He would allow Ezra to talk to Sammat and then they were leaving. Ezra wasn't going to stay in Tucson any longer than he had to. When they reached the car Vin got into the driver's seat and Chris followed Ezra into the back.
The man was now visibly shaking. Chris reached forward and accepted the blanket that Vin was handing to him. He tucked it around Ezra's shoulders and under his chin. He was going to lose it, Chris could see it in Ezra's eyes. Good, it was what he needed.
Ezra searched the car for something to occupy his mind. He was losing control, he knew it. The rubbish in the car was something that he could use.
"You been living here long?"
"Only since you went back in, wanted to stay close to you." Chris explained to him.
"Uh huh, not what I would have . . . chosen . . . "
Chris listened as Ezra's voice broke. He wrapped his arm around the Southerner's shoulders and pulled him close as the tears began to fall.
"It's over Ezra."
Vin twisted in his seat, he reached out and squeezed Ezra's knee in a touch of comfort. He couldn't see the anguished features of his friend, Chris had buried Ezra's head with his free arm. Ezra's shoulders shook in a
show of emotion.
"It's over Ezra." Chris repeated to him and pulled him even closer, he held on tightly knowing that it was what Ezra needed. "Vin," Chris nodded to him.
Vin returned the nod, he started the car and drove out of the car park and away from the prison.
___________________________________________________________
His bare feet enjoyed the feel of the long grass that surrounded them, the toes wiggled and played with the long pieces of green foliage. The boots he had been wearing lay by his side. The men who had accompanied him now stood by the car. They understood that he wanted and needed some time alone. Chris had allowed them to leave the hotel early so he could do this. When his time was up, he would be taken home. It's what he wanted, he couldn't and didn't want to stay here. But it had been arranged without his permission for him to come back once a month and talk to John Sammat. Ezra thought it was something that he could have done over the phone but the man had insisted that it be in person.
Sleep had eluded him that night and he was paying for it. His eyelids were heavy, their need to close and cover the green orbs was strong. Too often, he was assaulted by a fit of yawning. He wanted to sleep, for a month if he could but his nightmares wouldn't allow it. Neither would Chris, his boss had insisted that he spend the next few weeks at his ranch. Chris didn't want him living alone, Ezra had silently agreed. The thought of being alone, especially at night scared him. It was going to take time to adjust, to accept and deal with what had happened, to deal with being raped.
Ezra knew he still had at least twenty minutes, he lay down on his back, the grass causing his neck it itch. He ignored it and lay his hands on his stomach. The smell of fresh flowers wafted into his nasal passages, he had brought them with him and placed it at the gravesite of Kyle Lawden. The young man hadn't had any relatives, no one had been there to see him buried. They had put him the ground quickly, not knowing that there was one person who had wanted to be there. But he was here now, that was the important thing. Ezra had spoken to Kyle for almost an hour and now he was content to lay beside him.
Someone sat down beside him, he didn't have to look, and he knew who it was. Chris had been there for him, so had the others but for some reason Chris understood. He knew about some of the emotions he had felt. Knew what to say to him and how to say it. The others had stayed back to allow Chris to do what was needed, but they had comforted him in their own way. Each man different in their way, Ezra had been grateful. They made him smile, laugh, eat and sleep. Some even aggravated him just to get some of the anger out, Chris was very good at that. They kept him from finding solitude by hiding in a corner and shutting them out. He wouldn't have been able to carry on with his life without these men.
"I don't know how to thank you guys." Ezra stared at the clear blue sky above him.
"No need Ezra, you came through and your still with us, that's thanks enough as far as we're concern." Chris sat cross-legged and picked at the grass in front of him. His eyes stared at the cross that had been placed at the head of the grave. There was no one to purchase one. Chris knew that Ezra would want to so they had all pitched in and one had been ordered. Kyle Lawden wasn't going to be left in a grave that was marked only by a wooden cross.
"You and the others got me through it Chris, not me, I'm still a mess."
"And you will be for a while Ezra, you know that, but you also know that in time you'll be back to your normal self. It's something that's going to stay with you though, there will be days when it's going to come back and hit you in the face . . . "
"You mean the next time a woman wants to have sex with me." Ezra smiled but inside the thought scared him. Would a woman ever want him knowing that he had been forcefully taken by a man, by three men. Would he even be able to do it.
"Yeah, the right woman will understand Ezra."
"Maybe."
"Don't even know if I could do it, would even want to."
"That'll come with time Ezra."
"You always know what to say don't you?" Ezra finally looked up at him.
"It doesn't matter what sort of traumatic event that occurs Ezra, usually the resulting emotions are either the same or very similar. There's guilt, shame, anger, and it also takes time to deal with and get over it. I still don't know if I could ever love another woman or even have another child for that matter. I'm scared that all I'll see is Sarah and Adam and not the new family. Would I eventually resent them because they were there and not my first wife and son. We all tend to think the same thing Ezra, just in different ways and for different reasons."
"Wish my mother had told me that when I was younger, life would have been a lot easier." he sat up but looked away from his friend. "I can imagine what she would say if she were to find out."
Chris also knew and if were there when she opened her mouth he would close it with his fist.
"She won't find out from us." Chris told him.
"Nor me."
"You ready to go home?"
"Yeah."
"Come on then," Chris stood up and reached down to help Ezra to his feet. He had to wait a couple of minutes, Ezra was saying his last goodbye to a young that hadn't deserved the life that he had gotten. He easily pulled Ezra to his feet and together they walked back to their friends and began the journey home.
The End
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
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