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azombiewritesTitle: The Betrayal
Rating: PG
Warnings: Strong Language, violence and drug use.
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
AU: ATF
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest.
Summary: Team Seven believe that Ezra Standish has betrayed them.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Notes: Lenny Hoskins is my creation. I don't have any medical knowledge- forgive any mistakes.
Spoilers: None
Status: Complete
Total Word Count: 96,713
Five hours later a black van arrived to take delivery of three corpses, and two prisoners one of which was injured. The blood had been removed from the kitchen floor. Five men were now gathered on the three couches in the living room, they all looked up when Nathan came back out of the spare bedroom with a plate of untouched food. The heads turned back and looked into the coffee cups that their hands held.
"Ezra wouldn't eat it." Nathan muttered. He took the plate into the kitchen and returned with a cup of coffee. He sat down next to Josiah.
"He'll be fine tomorrow, he just needs some time to get over what happened." Chris told him.
"Did you see the fear in his eyes when he thought Lenny was dead?" Nathan spoke to the room.
"Terror Nathan. He was terrified." Chris answered. "We have to take better care of him."
"I'll give him some more time then go back in and try and get him to go to bed." Nathan didn't think he would succeed though.
"We nearly lost both of them didn't we?" JD voiced his fear.
"Nearly JD, that's the key word." Buck told him.
"Would you have let Lenny die Chris?" JD asked him.
"No JD." Chris looked towards the spare room's door. "After seeing that look in Ezra's eyes I knew he would have died along with him, but not physically. I promised him I wouldn't hurt him again and allowing Lenny to die to protect Ezra would have done just that. I'm not going to hurt him again."
________________________________________
Nathan tried to open the door without disturbing the two occupants in the room, he made a gap big enough to fit his head in and to allow the light from the main room to filter into the smaller spare room so he could check on them. He knew Lenny would still be sleeping and he was hoping that Ezra was. But the light that illuminated the bed and the chair next to it, revealed green eyes that stared back at him. Nathan's anger grew, he understood what Ezra was feeling but he also needed to take care of himself, he still had a lot of healing to do and the last thing he needed was to become exhausted through lack of sleep.
"Ezra what the hell do you think you’re doing, I told you to get some sleep!" Nathan whispered harshly towards the younger man.
Ezra ignored the angry tone and turned back to his previous position, his saddened green eyes watching his old friend, hoping for some sort of movement that would continue to assure him that Lenny was fine.
Nathan knelt down next to the chair, he looked up into Ezra's determined face, his arms were also crossed against his chest, he knew that he wasn't going to listen to anything he was about to say. "Ezra, why don't you get some rest, I'll wake you when Lenny wakes up."
"No, I'm not leaving him." Ezra didn't take his eyes off the unmoving form that was covered by a thick blanket.
"I told you he's going to be fine Ezra." Nathan tried to convince the younger man but he wasn't succeeding. If he wasn't so angry at the rest of them, he would have gotten Chris to force him to go to bed.
"When I thought he was dead, it was the worse feeling I've ever had, I never felt anything like that before, and I don't want to go through that again." Ezra lowered his head to take in Nathan's concerned expression. "But I'm going to have to aren't I, he's not going to live forever. What would I do without him? I don't have anyone else."
"That's why he's trying to help us deal with what happened Ezra. He doesn't want you to be alone anymore, and with six of us you won't be." Nathan rested his arm on his friend's shoulder.
"But how can I trust any of you after what you did to me." He turned away, he didn't want Nathan to see the anger in his eyes. "How do I know that you won't do it again?"
"You have to learn to trust us Ezra." Nathan got up and sat on the side of the bed so he could watch Ezra.
"I was learning to trust you and look where it got me. Too many people have hurt me Nathan, I can't let you do it again."
"We won't do it again Ezra." Chris spoke from the doorway. He poked his head into the opening that Nathan hadn't closed, the false light causing the bruises on his jaw to blend into the darkness. He listened to the conversation and understood Ezra's fear and mistrust and didn't blame him for it. They had caused the anger, fear and mistrust, and now they had to repair the relationship they damaged. "Ezra I want to talk to you but I know you don't want to be left alone with me, can Nathan stay or would you rather I waited for Lenny?"
"I'd rather you didn't talk to me at all." Ezra saw the disappointed look on Chris's face, the feelings weren't aimed at him but at the man himself, he was failing in his endeavour to apologise for what he had to done to Ezra.
"Okay Ezra, if that's what you want. I'll try again tomorrow." Chris began to leave the room but the soft southern voice stopped him.
"You're not going to stop trying are you, so you may as well get it over with." Ezra looked towards Nathan. "Would you stay please."
"Sure Ezra." Nathan stood up and moved to Ezra's side so Chris could sit on the bed and face the man he wanted to talk to.
Chris waited a few moments trying to get his thoughts together, he hadn't done so well the last time he had spoken to Ezra and he had the bruises to prove it. He hadn't been this nervous in a long time, if he failed, again he wasn't going to get another chance.
"Well?" Ezra pushed him.
"I was angry at myself Ezra and instead of blaming myself I blamed you and took that anger out on you. It was the wrong thing to do and I'm sorry." He lifted his eyes so he was looking into Ezra's, he could also see Nathan's confused look. "Nathan and Josiah knew there was something wrong, they'd known for a while before it happened but I didn't. I was angry at myself for not seeing it or being able to put a stop to it and help you before things got out of hand." He looked down at Ezra's hands, his right had such a firm grip on the left that his knuckles were turning white. "And when we were told you resigned, like I said before, I thought you ran out on us again, I thought you threw your second chance back in my face but more importantly I was angry at myself for letting it happen. JD wanted to help you but I gave an order that none one was to help you, I didn't want someone to succeed where I had failed and that was to help you Ezra."
"You blamed yourself for what happened?" Nathan asked him.
"Yes. When Vin and I went to your apartment, I was angry. And then I saw the state you were in. Why didn't I notice before? why didn't I see the weight loss? the bags under your eyes? I didn't see any of it Ezra. I told myself that I didn't see it because I didn't care but that wasn't true. I was angry because I did care." Chris looked down at his own hands. "At the warehouse, I couldn't even begin to apologise for what I did to you Ezra. I don't even know why I did it. All I know is that I was angry and I took it out on you."
"What I told you about Sarah and Adam was true, about not being able to prevent their deaths, I thought you were dying and I wasn't able to prevent it, I felt guilty all over again and I blamed that on you too." He looked back up. "None of it was your fault Ezra but I blamed you when I should have blamed myself, I took the anger that I felt towards myself out on you when I should have taken in out on myself, I refused to help you when I should have given you all the help you needed. I'm sorry Ezra, it was my fault, not yours, I'm sorry for what I did."
"Chris." Nathan got his attention.
"When I told you that Ezra was working undercover, you believed me, there wasn't any doubt in your mind. Why don't you tell Ezra why." He saw the frown. "Tell him why you believed he was working undercover."
Chris took another moment to think. "I wanted to believe that Ezra wasn't going through all of that. It meant that I didn't have to be angry anymore and blame Ezra for something that was my fault, it meant that I didn't have to feel guilty because there was nothing for me to see, that I didn't notice something was wrong because there wasn't anything to notice. I was being selfish Ezra, it was a relief to me, it was what I wanted and needed, a way out, an excuse for what I did but then I realised what it meant to you. All the things that I had done because I didn't want to take the responsibility for what happened."
"You were angry at yourself because you blamed yourself for what you thought was happening to me?" Ezra asked him. He was trying to understand what Chris was saying to him.
"Yes. I also realised something else Ezra and that was I did care about what happened to you, I knew it all along but wouldn't admit it to myself and that made me even more angry." He remembered the feeling that he had but couldn't understand it until after Nathan had informed them that Ezra was undercover. "I only admitted it after what Nathan told us but it was too late then, if I hadn't allowed my anger to get the better of me I could have stopped and thought about it, I would have understood what I was feeling." Chris stood up. "I'm sorry Ezra, I truly am but I don't know what to say or do to convince you of how sorry I am." He walked away from the stunned expressions that
followed his exit.
"Aw hell Nathan, I don't know what to do."
"Did you understand what he was trying to tell you?" Nathan asked as he moved to the bed, he wasn't even sure himself.
"He doesn't blame me for any of it, only himself." Ezra released the grip he held on his left hand, he stretched the fingers on his left, easing the tension out of the hand. "Nathan I need some time to think."
"What you need is to sleep Ezra." Nathan informed him but didn't push the issue. He left the man alone to work out what he was going to do, he knew that Chris was going to be the hardest person for him to forgive but once he had done that, the others would be easier.
"Well?" Lenny asked him.
Ezra nearly fell out of his seat at the sound of Lenny's voice, he didn't know whether to be angry or happy but he could not control the feeling of the latter. "Lenny!" He moved from the chair to the bed. "How long have you been awake?" He slapped his arm.
"Since Chris started talking, I didn't want to disturb you." Lenny explained while he tried to push himself up into a sitting position. "So are you going to answer my question."
"Well what?" Ezra smiled at him.
"Ezra!" Lenny warned him.
"I don't know." Ezra spoke quietly, his eyes downcast.
"He said he cared." Lenny reminded him, he himself still wanted to beat the crap out of the man for what he did to Ezra, but it wasn't his forgiveness that Chris was after, it was Ezra's and Lenny was going to help Ezra to forgive him.
"Ezra what do I do when you put yourself in unnecessary danger."
"You get angry." Ezra muttered, he knew where his friend was going with the conversation.
"And why do I get angry?" He raised his eyebrows at him.
"Because you care."
"Do you think that maybe Chris is the same, does he get angry when you do that sort of thing?" Lenny asked him.
"It's not the same, you'd never hit me Lenny, you wouldn't show your anger like he did."
"No I wouldn't Ezra and I don't think Chris would again, it's something that he would now never do." Lenny assured him. "From what I could understand, he became angry because of what he thought you were doing to yourself, the same way I would when you risk your life when you don't need to and at himself for not seeing or preventing what was happening. He made the mistake of taking that anger out on you."
"How can I believe that Lenny? how can I trust them not to do it again." Ezra turned to his friend, he didn't hide the torment he was going through.
"The only way you could know is by giving Chris and the others another chance Ezra." Lenny reached forward and took his hand. "You have to give them the chance to prove that they care. That they do trust you and consider you to be a friend. You can't deny yourself the friendship that I'm sure they'll give you Ezra."
"I don't know if I want to risk it." He looked into his friend's eyes for the reassurance and understanding he knew would be there.
"You risked me Ezra, you took a chance on me." He squeezed Ezra's hand. "Give them the chance Ezra."
"I'll wait and see what the others have to say first."
Lenny watched as Ezra tried to stifle a yawn, he looked at the drooping eyelids. "Go and get some sleep Ezra, you look like you could use it."
"I've got nowhere to sleep Lenny, you’re in the only bed I'll sleep in." Ezra tried to smile at him.
"Jesus Ezra . . .I'm sorry, I forgot . . . here." Lenny shifted over in the bed and pulled the covers aside, the bed was large enough for two and it wouldn't be the first time they had to share a bed.
Ezra pulled his shoes off and laid down next to Lenny, his back facing the older man. Lenny pulled the covers back over them. Ezra closed his eyes against the emotions that were struggling to sort themselves out, he didn't know what to do. He was still confused by what Chris had said. The idea that the man actually did care eased some of the anger he was feeling, but Ezra still wasn't sure, if he cared he wouldn't have done it in the first place. That's what he kept telling himself but he wondered if it was because he was using it as an excuse to keep them away, he didn't want to get hurt again and if he gave them another chance they could hurt him. But Chris had given him a second chance, hadn't he, he didn't ask him why he ran out on them, he understood and allowed him to prove himself to them.
"I'll give them a second chance Lenny, just like Chris gave me one." Ezra muttered, his voiced slurred as he drifted off to sleep.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven
Master Fan Fiction List
Rating: PG
Warnings: Strong Language, violence and drug use.
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
AU: ATF
Main Characters: Ezra, and the rest.
Summary: Team Seven believe that Ezra Standish has betrayed them.
Disclaimers: The guys are owned by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, and The Mirisch Corp.
Notes: Lenny Hoskins is my creation. I don't have any medical knowledge- forgive any mistakes.
Spoilers: None
Status: Complete
Total Word Count: 96,713
Five hours later a black van arrived to take delivery of three corpses, and two prisoners one of which was injured. The blood had been removed from the kitchen floor. Five men were now gathered on the three couches in the living room, they all looked up when Nathan came back out of the spare bedroom with a plate of untouched food. The heads turned back and looked into the coffee cups that their hands held.
"Ezra wouldn't eat it." Nathan muttered. He took the plate into the kitchen and returned with a cup of coffee. He sat down next to Josiah.
"He'll be fine tomorrow, he just needs some time to get over what happened." Chris told him.
"Did you see the fear in his eyes when he thought Lenny was dead?" Nathan spoke to the room.
"Terror Nathan. He was terrified." Chris answered. "We have to take better care of him."
"I'll give him some more time then go back in and try and get him to go to bed." Nathan didn't think he would succeed though.
"We nearly lost both of them didn't we?" JD voiced his fear.
"Nearly JD, that's the key word." Buck told him.
"Would you have let Lenny die Chris?" JD asked him.
"No JD." Chris looked towards the spare room's door. "After seeing that look in Ezra's eyes I knew he would have died along with him, but not physically. I promised him I wouldn't hurt him again and allowing Lenny to die to protect Ezra would have done just that. I'm not going to hurt him again."
________________________________________
Nathan tried to open the door without disturbing the two occupants in the room, he made a gap big enough to fit his head in and to allow the light from the main room to filter into the smaller spare room so he could check on them. He knew Lenny would still be sleeping and he was hoping that Ezra was. But the light that illuminated the bed and the chair next to it, revealed green eyes that stared back at him. Nathan's anger grew, he understood what Ezra was feeling but he also needed to take care of himself, he still had a lot of healing to do and the last thing he needed was to become exhausted through lack of sleep.
"Ezra what the hell do you think you’re doing, I told you to get some sleep!" Nathan whispered harshly towards the younger man.
Ezra ignored the angry tone and turned back to his previous position, his saddened green eyes watching his old friend, hoping for some sort of movement that would continue to assure him that Lenny was fine.
Nathan knelt down next to the chair, he looked up into Ezra's determined face, his arms were also crossed against his chest, he knew that he wasn't going to listen to anything he was about to say. "Ezra, why don't you get some rest, I'll wake you when Lenny wakes up."
"No, I'm not leaving him." Ezra didn't take his eyes off the unmoving form that was covered by a thick blanket.
"I told you he's going to be fine Ezra." Nathan tried to convince the younger man but he wasn't succeeding. If he wasn't so angry at the rest of them, he would have gotten Chris to force him to go to bed.
"When I thought he was dead, it was the worse feeling I've ever had, I never felt anything like that before, and I don't want to go through that again." Ezra lowered his head to take in Nathan's concerned expression. "But I'm going to have to aren't I, he's not going to live forever. What would I do without him? I don't have anyone else."
"That's why he's trying to help us deal with what happened Ezra. He doesn't want you to be alone anymore, and with six of us you won't be." Nathan rested his arm on his friend's shoulder.
"But how can I trust any of you after what you did to me." He turned away, he didn't want Nathan to see the anger in his eyes. "How do I know that you won't do it again?"
"You have to learn to trust us Ezra." Nathan got up and sat on the side of the bed so he could watch Ezra.
"I was learning to trust you and look where it got me. Too many people have hurt me Nathan, I can't let you do it again."
"We won't do it again Ezra." Chris spoke from the doorway. He poked his head into the opening that Nathan hadn't closed, the false light causing the bruises on his jaw to blend into the darkness. He listened to the conversation and understood Ezra's fear and mistrust and didn't blame him for it. They had caused the anger, fear and mistrust, and now they had to repair the relationship they damaged. "Ezra I want to talk to you but I know you don't want to be left alone with me, can Nathan stay or would you rather I waited for Lenny?"
"I'd rather you didn't talk to me at all." Ezra saw the disappointed look on Chris's face, the feelings weren't aimed at him but at the man himself, he was failing in his endeavour to apologise for what he had to done to Ezra.
"Okay Ezra, if that's what you want. I'll try again tomorrow." Chris began to leave the room but the soft southern voice stopped him.
"You're not going to stop trying are you, so you may as well get it over with." Ezra looked towards Nathan. "Would you stay please."
"Sure Ezra." Nathan stood up and moved to Ezra's side so Chris could sit on the bed and face the man he wanted to talk to.
Chris waited a few moments trying to get his thoughts together, he hadn't done so well the last time he had spoken to Ezra and he had the bruises to prove it. He hadn't been this nervous in a long time, if he failed, again he wasn't going to get another chance.
"Well?" Ezra pushed him.
"I was angry at myself Ezra and instead of blaming myself I blamed you and took that anger out on you. It was the wrong thing to do and I'm sorry." He lifted his eyes so he was looking into Ezra's, he could also see Nathan's confused look. "Nathan and Josiah knew there was something wrong, they'd known for a while before it happened but I didn't. I was angry at myself for not seeing it or being able to put a stop to it and help you before things got out of hand." He looked down at Ezra's hands, his right had such a firm grip on the left that his knuckles were turning white. "And when we were told you resigned, like I said before, I thought you ran out on us again, I thought you threw your second chance back in my face but more importantly I was angry at myself for letting it happen. JD wanted to help you but I gave an order that none one was to help you, I didn't want someone to succeed where I had failed and that was to help you Ezra."
"You blamed yourself for what happened?" Nathan asked him.
"Yes. When Vin and I went to your apartment, I was angry. And then I saw the state you were in. Why didn't I notice before? why didn't I see the weight loss? the bags under your eyes? I didn't see any of it Ezra. I told myself that I didn't see it because I didn't care but that wasn't true. I was angry because I did care." Chris looked down at his own hands. "At the warehouse, I couldn't even begin to apologise for what I did to you Ezra. I don't even know why I did it. All I know is that I was angry and I took it out on you."
"What I told you about Sarah and Adam was true, about not being able to prevent their deaths, I thought you were dying and I wasn't able to prevent it, I felt guilty all over again and I blamed that on you too." He looked back up. "None of it was your fault Ezra but I blamed you when I should have blamed myself, I took the anger that I felt towards myself out on you when I should have taken in out on myself, I refused to help you when I should have given you all the help you needed. I'm sorry Ezra, it was my fault, not yours, I'm sorry for what I did."
"Chris." Nathan got his attention.
"When I told you that Ezra was working undercover, you believed me, there wasn't any doubt in your mind. Why don't you tell Ezra why." He saw the frown. "Tell him why you believed he was working undercover."
Chris took another moment to think. "I wanted to believe that Ezra wasn't going through all of that. It meant that I didn't have to be angry anymore and blame Ezra for something that was my fault, it meant that I didn't have to feel guilty because there was nothing for me to see, that I didn't notice something was wrong because there wasn't anything to notice. I was being selfish Ezra, it was a relief to me, it was what I wanted and needed, a way out, an excuse for what I did but then I realised what it meant to you. All the things that I had done because I didn't want to take the responsibility for what happened."
"You were angry at yourself because you blamed yourself for what you thought was happening to me?" Ezra asked him. He was trying to understand what Chris was saying to him.
"Yes. I also realised something else Ezra and that was I did care about what happened to you, I knew it all along but wouldn't admit it to myself and that made me even more angry." He remembered the feeling that he had but couldn't understand it until after Nathan had informed them that Ezra was undercover. "I only admitted it after what Nathan told us but it was too late then, if I hadn't allowed my anger to get the better of me I could have stopped and thought about it, I would have understood what I was feeling." Chris stood up. "I'm sorry Ezra, I truly am but I don't know what to say or do to convince you of how sorry I am." He walked away from the stunned expressions that
followed his exit.
"Aw hell Nathan, I don't know what to do."
"Did you understand what he was trying to tell you?" Nathan asked as he moved to the bed, he wasn't even sure himself.
"He doesn't blame me for any of it, only himself." Ezra released the grip he held on his left hand, he stretched the fingers on his left, easing the tension out of the hand. "Nathan I need some time to think."
"What you need is to sleep Ezra." Nathan informed him but didn't push the issue. He left the man alone to work out what he was going to do, he knew that Chris was going to be the hardest person for him to forgive but once he had done that, the others would be easier.
"Well?" Lenny asked him.
Ezra nearly fell out of his seat at the sound of Lenny's voice, he didn't know whether to be angry or happy but he could not control the feeling of the latter. "Lenny!" He moved from the chair to the bed. "How long have you been awake?" He slapped his arm.
"Since Chris started talking, I didn't want to disturb you." Lenny explained while he tried to push himself up into a sitting position. "So are you going to answer my question."
"Well what?" Ezra smiled at him.
"Ezra!" Lenny warned him.
"I don't know." Ezra spoke quietly, his eyes downcast.
"He said he cared." Lenny reminded him, he himself still wanted to beat the crap out of the man for what he did to Ezra, but it wasn't his forgiveness that Chris was after, it was Ezra's and Lenny was going to help Ezra to forgive him.
"Ezra what do I do when you put yourself in unnecessary danger."
"You get angry." Ezra muttered, he knew where his friend was going with the conversation.
"And why do I get angry?" He raised his eyebrows at him.
"Because you care."
"Do you think that maybe Chris is the same, does he get angry when you do that sort of thing?" Lenny asked him.
"It's not the same, you'd never hit me Lenny, you wouldn't show your anger like he did."
"No I wouldn't Ezra and I don't think Chris would again, it's something that he would now never do." Lenny assured him. "From what I could understand, he became angry because of what he thought you were doing to yourself, the same way I would when you risk your life when you don't need to and at himself for not seeing or preventing what was happening. He made the mistake of taking that anger out on you."
"How can I believe that Lenny? how can I trust them not to do it again." Ezra turned to his friend, he didn't hide the torment he was going through.
"The only way you could know is by giving Chris and the others another chance Ezra." Lenny reached forward and took his hand. "You have to give them the chance to prove that they care. That they do trust you and consider you to be a friend. You can't deny yourself the friendship that I'm sure they'll give you Ezra."
"I don't know if I want to risk it." He looked into his friend's eyes for the reassurance and understanding he knew would be there.
"You risked me Ezra, you took a chance on me." He squeezed Ezra's hand. "Give them the chance Ezra."
"I'll wait and see what the others have to say first."
Lenny watched as Ezra tried to stifle a yawn, he looked at the drooping eyelids. "Go and get some sleep Ezra, you look like you could use it."
"I've got nowhere to sleep Lenny, you’re in the only bed I'll sleep in." Ezra tried to smile at him.
"Jesus Ezra . . .I'm sorry, I forgot . . . here." Lenny shifted over in the bed and pulled the covers aside, the bed was large enough for two and it wouldn't be the first time they had to share a bed.
Ezra pulled his shoes off and laid down next to Lenny, his back facing the older man. Lenny pulled the covers back over them. Ezra closed his eyes against the emotions that were struggling to sort themselves out, he didn't know what to do. He was still confused by what Chris had said. The idea that the man actually did care eased some of the anger he was feeling, but Ezra still wasn't sure, if he cared he wouldn't have done it in the first place. That's what he kept telling himself but he wondered if it was because he was using it as an excuse to keep them away, he didn't want to get hurt again and if he gave them another chance they could hurt him. But Chris had given him a second chance, hadn't he, he didn't ask him why he ran out on them, he understood and allowed him to prove himself to them.
"I'll give them a second chance Lenny, just like Chris gave me one." Ezra muttered, his voiced slurred as he drifted off to sleep.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven
Master Fan Fiction List